10 Minutes of Jimmy Carr Roasting Religions! | Jimmy Carr

the next video is uh, it's a lot, it's a lot, it contains some pretty strong stuff, um, the comedy is very similar to a, sexual preferences, um, some people like to be very gentle, some people like it rough and , as long as they consent, I'm fine, uh. this, this comedy, this is the hard part, this is BDSM, so if that's not for you, if you don't even get those references, don't watch this video properly, which I would like to know. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to tell. What is this show really about? I have had an extraordinary 12 months.

I had an experience that changed my life. I was a very cynical man and uh I didn't really have any religion in my life and Let spirituality come in the last 12 months and it's been extraordinary so tonight what I'd really like to do is try. I'm joking: there is no God when you grow up, unless of course you are Muslim, in which case there is definitely a God. I'm not an idiot, seriously, I don't care about upsetting the Church of England, what are they going to do? I'm sure there are Christians in the audience who are now wondering if I can get that car from Jimmy.

I'll forgive you, damn it, creationist, right-wing Christian creationists believe every word Genesis says. I don't even think Phil Collins is a good drummer. I saw a documentary recently on Channel 4 that was about faith and someone came out right in it. Of course, Scientology is a made-up religion, I thought counterintuitively, so one of my favorite things is to get Christians to talk about Scientology because Christians will become Scientologists, they're crazy, they believe in aliens and then you can tell the Christian what do you do? ? Believe it again, it's a benevolent zombie coming back to save you. Isn't that good luck?

That's probably going to happen. Has anyone been to the Belfast Belfry? Amazing Town is a very friendly place. The amazing thing about Belfast is that they can tell what religion you are. your name I went there with my friend Rabbi Lionel, they knew all the gay priests. No, I'm for those of you who don't know the collective noun for gay priests. It's easy to remember, don't you see CU? Gay priests were in the news because if you're a gay priest you can now marry another gay priest and they weren't allowed to do that for a long time because it was going to be confusing during the ceremony because they would say are you taking this man or is he accepting you? who is the mummy?

It seems a little uncomfortable. I'd like to meet a gay priest, although usually CU priests do that kind of thing like Nomine partree filio fish, whatever. I imagine a gay priest will be a little more. a little more rasat Taz Jesus Christ you look incredible yes, I'm going to kneel before you why did he go out with 12 sailors fisherman whatever I'm leaving let's go to dinner there are no girls the church wanted to move forward with the bishops but the bishops can only move diagonally the Homosexual priests can move wherever they want because they are Queens Al together or not in the Applause, otherwise we will have to throw them a fish thank you very much.

I do not believe in God. I'm actually an atheist, well, not even an atheist, but I don't believe it. I'm not even an atheist. I am what you might call an anti-theist. I think religion is a bad idea. I think it's a tool used by the powers that be to control the weak-minded in our society, but it can't be used on a form, so I just write Church of England. Actually, I am a non-Catholic Catholic. There are quite a few Catholics there. Yes, I am an absolute Catholic. I knew my days were over in the Catholic church when I found myself at Communion thinking I like wine.

I love the wafer. Any chance of some cheese, don't get me wrong, although I still respect the Pope I like to think of the Pope as the king of farts he's the best he's the leader of the circle he's the boss of Gary Glitter as the boss of the Catholic Church Pope Benedict is the head of all Catholic priests in the world he is effectively the King of Farts I read about a Catholic priest who exposed himself and was expelled they don't help themselves they do it well they do it that's part of the problem this scandal could bring the Catholic Church to its knees you have to finish that in your own head somewhat ironically, personally, I don't think the Pope should worry because the sex scandal will be solved soon when Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior, returns from the invented The other thing I've noticed with books is how anything with a spiritual element always looks brilliantly at the Bible which remains a bestseller even though they give it away in hotels.

I guess you could say I haven't found Jesus, but I think Jesus should try to find me. He is omnipotent. I'm onelli. As? It's hard to make an effort Christ or Christ make an effort that works either way I'm cynical about religion, but I'm not cynical. I believe in other things. I'm willing to believe in aliens, for example, I mean, if aliens don't. It doesn't exist so who was it that kidnapped me at the age of 13 and transported me to a room full of strange flashing lights and subjected me to a terrifying investigative search? Oh, that's right, he was the guy who ran the youth center nightclub, yeah, which I was discouraged from religion because I was raised Catholic.

Any other Catholic is a strange thing. Isn't it like a Catholic school? If you go to a Catholic school, sex education is very strange. Sex education does not want children to be told about the sex they want. just to show you that the catholic church is weird, the only type of contraception they seem to approve of is small children. When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend and I used to think that he went everywhere with me and that I could talk to him and he could listen to me and he could grant me wishes and stuff and then I grew up and stopped going to church.

Well, that seems to have divided the room a little bit, there are two different groups, there are people who thought it was funny and then there is a larger group. group that will go to heaven while we talk about the topic of religion. I imagine there are quite a few people here who go to mass or wherever Protestants go to hell. I imagine you've already seen the new Mel Gibson movie. The Passion of Christ has bothered many Christians, they are very upset, they are up in arms about it. He's made a movie about the life of Christ, but he's added this silly Hollywood ending where the hero comes back at the end. she loves little baby Jesus or she loves little baby Jesus or she doesn't.

This is quite sad. I was sexually abused as a child. I'm worried that my personality in the story will lead me to abuse others. Have you thought about a Catholic career? Church, any Catholic, stop touching children. I was raised Catholic. What used to bother me about church when I was little was standing, sitting, and kneeling. I wish the priest could choose a position and my churches are depressing, I mean. Why build them all in cemeteries? My local church is raising money for a giant thermometer. I tell you what, let's talk about religion, that couldn't bother anyone, if Jesus is the way and to be a Christian is to be in Christ, then right?

Not all Christians are like Jesus says he loves me, but I am concerned about the age difference. Now you will notice a deference regarding our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I've let it bother me. I have a Muslim friend. who is really religious feels the tension in the room I have I have a Muslim friend who is really religious, he knows the Koran backwards which is useful because that is how it is read, a surprisingly well-informed and harmless joke about the Islamic Faj and that's because I'm not an idiot, what are Christians going to do? Forgive me, good luck with that talking about Christians.

Any Catholic, yes, has some Catholics. Catholics are a strange bunch. Look at the rosary, basically anal beads. Hello, I'm Jimmy Car and that. Was that an old clip of mine that happened back in the day, uh, when I was funny, I'm still funny, now come see me live on tour, join me IRL, yeah kids.