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Why I Left

Why I Left
oh hi in a minute oh this is weird all right what do I begin with this huh first thing hi how you doing hope you're doing good it's been a minute it's actually really been 2 months since I uploaded a video this I have no plans for this video I have nothing written down apart from ie to shave this because now it just looks like I've cheeto dust on my face regardless I haven't told people on Twitter I'm till Instagram I've told people on Twitter and Instagram and
why i left
everything if you follow me on there you understand kind of what's going on briefly if you don't follow me on there I'll leave the link in the description because there's a lot of things I say over there that I don't really say on here because I want this to be like a show you know and I want to be able to be personal like this video sometimes and then be extremely personal over there and post memes or whatever the hell if you've been around for a while you may have
already caught on where I am again because that wall used to be the orange and black acoustic foam wall this wall in her back I get I get a torch for tagging hate I'm alright I'm back in LA I moved back about two weeks ago I wanted to try and come back earlier I did but there's been a bunch of stuff in and around this house that needed done this house got it was on or it was rented out for a year whenever I was in Washington and people just threw parties here and there was like holes
in the walls and things like that so it's been a bit of a mess but I'll get on to kind of like the main topic of why I took a break in the first place so long story short there's a bunch of things all kind of leading up to each other but you guys know I was on tour from September to December I was away for like five or six days and then I'd be back for like two or three days sometimes it wouldn't be back at all I'd be a fly to LA or like the awards show or things in the
middle that I needed to do so what ended up happening is I was away for you know weeks at time and then it would come back and because I was doing daily at the time I snapped because I had to come back and try and record like a week or twos worth of videos in two days you know I mean if you notice that this is the first year in like five years that I than a bastard male on video and the reason for that is I just didn't feel like the videos were good enough it's a hard thing to admit
I've gone through a lot of self-reflection and self-realization in the last few months it's kind of the big reason to why I wanted to take the break I realized I just dipped I'm pop ologies about that those have been around for a while like I said before it's I struggle a lot with mental health issues you know it's not some to just kind of brush aside it's something you take seriously otherwise it's gonna catch up with you and that's exactly what happened so I was
on tour I was rushing videos out I was just putting up anything I could I wasn't proud of the videos I was putting up I was just take this yeah and then I came back from tour and then Sammy and I Sammy and I broke up um I'm not gonna get into too much Sammy has the dogs I love people be like hold give Craig's the dog good Craig the dogs back it was a mutual decision for Sammy to take the dogs so please don't bug her about anymore are we still friends yeah you know this is it was
a you know as a clean break in the sense that we don't hate each other it's not like we're blocking each other talking or whatever the reasons happening is the dogs is because we got you II you he's a very small anxious being as you guys know and we got a Ryan because you we needed a friend whenever I was recording videos and Sammy was streaming so the idea of breaking those two dogs apart was not it was nothing those other I keep the dogs or Sammy keep the dogs for me like for
why i left
tor for example I travel a lot Sammy is at home you know she's a full-time streamer so she'll be able to take care of the dogs better than I could if I'm flying all over the place I don't want to have to put them in and out of dog hotels etc also as well so I Ryan is Minnesotan you he's from Ohio Orion's from Minnesota so a Ryan's sister is with Sammy's grandmother so I thought it was cool the fact that you know Orion gets to go back and be friends with a sister
again you know I thought I thought that was cool and I thought you know I want to be able to make sure that the dogs have the best life they can so you made the decision does it hurt of course it does I love those dogs to pieces Sammis gave me the option to come through to Minnesota and see them whenever I want which is that which is awesome yeah it's it's it's finished it's been it's been a bad one so with the tour with just my mental health being all over the place I
wasn't proud of the videos I was putting up I broke up with Sammy and then Sammy is now living back in Minnesota and then I moved back to LA that's kind of the gist of it I I'm gonna try and keep this as short as I can because you guys like always just drag it on again but it's also the first time I see you guys in like two months I missed you you know it's just whenever you're away like I deleted Twitter off my phone for a while Instagram off my thumb I just I
disappeared I wasn't on the internet I didn't do anything Internet related I turned off my emails I turned off everything and considering my job like for you guys like YouTube Twitter Instagram and everything like that that is your escape from reality it's just get from work school whatever it is but whenever someone else's escape is your career do you I can't really go on Twitter and just relax you know any like I'm always thinking of like dumb stuff like a post in there
how I present myself whatever so I just liked it I didn't go on you two apart from watching some videos from the youtubers that I watch I just dipped and it took me like I said when it came back a lot sooner but I lay I took a long time to bring all the stuff in I to get this place fixed up everything so we're back it feels good am I gonna be back right away with daily videos probably not just cuz it's gonna take a while to kind of get everything back into play but I hope you can
bear with me I have a lot of exciting things for this year you know I'm like excited about the future I am you know life happens you realize as you grow older you know you grow apart from people like as you get older things change I realized that my mental health was just kind of all over the place I wasn't feeling like myself for the last year I'll be honest with you it's been it's been a weird year for me and I just didn't I didn't like the person that I was I think
that's that's the hardest thing to admit wiped everything off my calendar and I told myself oh she's gonna work on me I went to Mexico for the first time with my managers just to kind of get away from it all it was fantastic it was the best thing I've done it was the first proper vacation in three years I mean I went to Hawaii once but that was obviously after mochi passed away so it was I wouldn't in the class as a vacation or a holiday just because it was we went there to
why i left
try and just escape reality a little bit but it was still hard you know and I've been doing this for coming up to nine years in May this channel will be nine years old and I've been making videos constantly for nine years so the fact that you know I took them two months off there was days where I got up and I would sit down at my desk and I'm like no I can't I can't do this this is not it I'm back to losing weight again I'm already recording my weight loss video
I've got a bunch of stuff already planned I'm excited for this year oh I can't tell you I can't but just trust me this year's gonna be amazing I'm switching things up a little bit I've got a few videos to come out like the meme stream I recorded a little bits and pieces so if you see the old background orbit for example the dogs are gonna be in the manger that's the last time they'll probably be in a video which hurts but it's fine you know we move on
together okay we're basically a family at this point right we move on together if you see someone the common section of those videos like oh I thought he was in the other place it's because it's because that was just pre-recorded videos that I just I did I should have made apologize for chipping by the way like what Matt help sorrows oh we're I apologize for dipping like I did I just I wasn't happy I didn't want to force content up any more I didn't want to just I
didn't want to put myself out there YouTube is a portfolio for people to come in new people are coming in they're like oh I like this guy and they watch other videos they subscribe but for me it was just get video up get video let's go on tour you know relationship issues and everything in between so I just took myself the time to deal with the breakup to deal with the move and to deal with everything in between and I've worked on my mental health I'm a happier person now
just as far as my mental health is concerned I feel I feel better so thank you for bearing with me in one of the most difficult times I've had and when I came back there was like there's like hundreds of thousands of you guys just saying like welcome back it's so good to have you that one times I would check my Twitter you guys are saying like I miss you I miss your content it's weird not having you on my feed every day it made me feel appreciated and when you take a step back
from reality and you see that there's so many of you guys out there who appreciate what I do it it makes me happy so thank you for sticking around and being with me I want to continue to work on myself I'm gonna be better I'm gonna be happy I'm back in LA so that means a million more opportunities and yeah this is weird I'm so sorry if this look like a weird video or it's slow-paced or whatever it's just me being real with you it's not normal you know normally
I'm like wow I wanted to be real with you guys um so thank you I if you want follow me on my social medias Twitter and Instagram and everything down below because that's a tik-tok I've been doing Tech Talks for example I did the fast part of Godzilla you guys know his rap God I to the fast part of Godzilla so I'll leave that link in the description too but uh I just came up the day with what I'm doing um I want to do these update videos more often so I get to be more personal
with you guys and this is gonna change apologies if it the background or whatever the hell I'm just throwing things together it's up let's get back at it so weird okay I love you guys I really do thank you for thank you for the kind messages thank you for your support thank you for everything I'm so excited for this year I'm gonna get you guys involved in some videos this year so keep a look out of that shop lad is gonna be back up and running up and talked with designers
right now like some crazy like high profile designers who want to be a part of shop lad to that place is about a take off shop lad link in the description Koller so much music is coming along we're doing Europe for the demonetized tour it's great I don't mind saying it do I know the dates yet no do are we doing Australia yes Anthony and I have got the bug from tour tours the one of the best things I've ever done and I'm so excited to bring it to Europe I'm so excited to
bring it to Australia I can't say anything right now because we literally don't know anything about it but I'll keep you guys posted as we do I love your face you're cute as hell and I'll see you all for a video very very soon okay crazy all right that's all appreciate you guys love you