What's Licking Us? (GAME)

Today we let animals lick our faces. Let's talk about that. (music plays) Good morning mythical! Mythical beasts, we're spending way too much money making a Chick-fil-A sandwich today when we make another fancy fast food delivery. And we'll try discontinued cereals and decide which ones should be discontinued. But first, can we know which animals lick us? It's time to... Rhett and I will take turns turning into human lollipops by putting our heads in the lollipop hole and then animals of unknown sizes and genders will be brought in to lick our faces. We have four life lines. We have... - God. - We can do all those things to these animals.

Oh! But you can only do them once! If someone uses that life jacket, they will not be able to use it again. We each get two of those. Of course, the loser has to lick a lick of salt. They are those things that horses lick. I'll go first. Okay, they put plugs in my nose and some kind of bait in my face. So, I don't know, apparently this animal will want to lick

what

's smeared on my left cheek. Let's bring this animal. - Mm-hmm. MMM. - Well. Okay, I don't want you to get any soundtracks, but okay, here we go. - (man c

licking

his tongue) - Aha.

Well. I hear some clicks. (smacking lips) Uh, the animal doesn't seem to be in control. He makes me a little nervous. Oh. Oh! That's hard. Ooh, that's... Ooh, girl, boy,

what

ever you are. Ooh, that's a big face that was on my-- (laughs) - I'm scared. - Well. I think that's all he wants to do. That thing's tongue is huge! And rough like... like the roughest sandpaper. Can you guess? I had never touched the tongue of something so harsh. Except in seventh grade. Um... I'm going to guess it's a cow? Alright, Link, take off the blindfold. Oh shit!

It is a cow. - It's Ashley! - Hello. Oh, stay still there. I said her name and she dropped something from her butt. - Ready to get licked? - Yes. - My face is provoked. - Well. Bring on the unknown gender. Oh. Uh oh. - Holy! - (pig snorting) Oh. (pig squealing) Oh no! No! Oh no, stick your head back in there. You may be getting some clues. I don't know. - (pig growls) - (Rhett groans) Link: Come on. Don't be shy, Rhett. I've heard of these things that get rid of bodies before. Don't be afraid, Rhett.

Oh my God! No! No! - I'm sorry. - I'll tell you this way: I know what it is, man! It's a pig! My God! - Of course it's a pig! - Okay you're right. - María gave you some clues. - Hey, pig! But I'll give you the point. Alright, Link, we have another animal for you. This is a traumatizing position. - Let's bring it. - Oh my God! - (Rhett humming) - Okay. Give me a lick. (sighs) Ah. Oh. Oh! Oh! Here we go. Now those lips were hairy. Do you have an idea? Maybe you want to use one of your life preservers?

As crazy as it sounds, I think I'm going to lick it. - Well. - Oh God, why did I...? - Alright. - Why did I say that out loud? Okay, Link, stick out your tongue. (laughs) Ah! - What was that? - Hmm. Get a little more. Get a little more. (laughs) Oh my God. Who I am? Did that give you any clues? I'm back in seventh grade again. Oh man, this thing sounds huge and is very hairy. What was that? It was more the thing. It's like kissing you now. - I don't know. - Which I would have thought you would have really enjoyed. - Did you think I would enjoy it? - Yes. - Is this a dog? - Is that your assumption?

No, it's too hairy and it had too many lips. I'm going to... I was thinking about a camel. Uh... is that a camel? Link, take off the blindfold. - Oh! - It's a miniature horse! - Is! - Thunder. It's a camel. This is what I call a camel. You have to lick your favorite animal. Hello! It's a miniature horse! Hello! We became French. Well, Rhett, are you ready for another lick? Not really, but I'm here for whatever. (singing) Bring it. Bring it. Bring it. (humming) Okay. Looking hungry. Why is there so much noise? Lick it. (man smacking his lips) (Rhett gasping) This tongue moves very fast.

What the hell...? Is he an alien? Not a bad assumption. Do you want to use a life jacket? Oh yeah. Okay, I want... I want to smell it. Alright, I'll pull the plugs for you here. - Well. - No, those are my... those are my... those are my eyes. Well. Here we go. I just removed the plug. - Smell this. - Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh man. That's... that's a sheep or a goat. - Oh-- - I need your final answer. How do I mentally separate the sheep from the goats? Caramba! The tongue moved very quickly.

Who has a faster tongue, the sheep or the goat? Sheep. I go with sheep. Take off your mask, Rhett. Yeah! No, that's a goat! This is an angora goat. Oh look, but it looks a lot like a sheep. I mean, that's a pretty sheepish goat if I've ever seen one. That's the sheepiest goat I've ever seen. It doesn't make sense to you. Okay, Link, we don't have anything on your face this round because we're told this animal only likes to lick faces. Let's bring it. Alright. Oh. Oh. (gasps) What? It is small. What's that? What's that?

Oh, my ear! I just had a wet dick. Are you scared or do you think it's cute? He is so cute! - I'm a little scared. Well. - He is so cute. It's okay, it's nice. Good. - Oh, going crazy. - Do you want to use a life jacket? Because I think that's pretty much what it's going to be. - It's cute? - Lovely! Because I don't want to kiss him if he's not cute. - I won't kiss... - I don't think you'll regret kissing this. Did they bring my wife here? Yes, your wife is simply

licking

you with her little tongue.

I'm going to kiss. Did she feel like Christy? She felt like a damn reptile! Was that a fucking...? Did you just make me kiss a fucking reptile? Because I'm going to kill you... - I didn't force you to do anything. - ...yes that's a reptile. She feels cold-blooded. There was no fur, there was no skin, there was just... It was like cold skin, man. There was no skin. Well, what's your fucking assumption then, man? Oh my God. You have to be specific. But he had a big tongue. Let him kiss me again. Do not kiss me.

Let him...let him lick me. Let him lick me. Okay whatever. Oh my God! (sighs) Is it an iguana? Is it an iguana? Link, why don't you take a look? (gasps) What the fuck? What's that? It's a red tegu. - Are...? - Specifically Sweet Cheeks. Are you serious I put my lips on that? But you know what? I mean, it's a big lizard... - It's not cute! - I feel like I should give you the point for iguana. - It's like... - I'll give you half a point. Half point? I made out with that! - Okay, full point. - Alright!

Do you want to kiss him some more? Because he really liked it. He's been smiling the whole time. The smile is very cute. He says, “Yeah, I kissed a human.” I can't believe he did that. Yes, I licked and kissed a human. That's what I did today. Okay, Rhett, all I've been told is not to scream. Oh no. Whatever you do, don't scream. You don't want to irritate him. - God what? - Good. That? Oh shoot. (monkey squeak) - (Rhett gasps) - Lick a little, lick. Get some licking. A little lookout and then a bit of licking. (Rhett gasps) (Rhett moans) Little bite, bite.

Oh! What...what did you feel? It was very nice. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever experienced. What is it? It was so soft and flexible. Oh. Oh my God. He is making strange noises. (monkey chattering) Link: Oh yeah, I'll be back for more. (gasping) Alright, we need your guess, Rhett. I'm in the lead. You can link it to the correct assumption. Now, Rhett, while you're deliberating I'll just say that you can't use the pet lifesaver in this case, because petting simply can't be appropriate. Can't petting be appropriate? Yes, it is very important that you pet this thing properly and you can't do it blindfolded, so you don't have any life preservers.

Oh my God! I think I know what it is. What are you thinking that makes you think you know what it is? It has to be a porcupine because that way it would be... someone would have to hold it and I wouldn't be able to pet it. I'm saying porcupine. I think I just got kissed by a porcupine. Okay, take off the... take off the blindfold. - He's a damn monkey! - Yes. - What kind of monkey is this? - Capuchin monkey. This is a capuchin monkey. And he's smarter than both of us combined. - Oh my God! - Check it out. (sighs) Get up, Rhett.

Look! It's a capuchin monkey on a popsicle! My dreams are coming true! Can? Can? Can? Can? Can... Can the monkey... - Oh! - Oh my God. Now, Rhett, I won. Then you have to lick the salt. There you go. Delicious. Oh yeah, it's a monkey with a paddle on my shoulders. Salty! (groans) Keep watching to see us make a ridiculously expensive version of the original Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich and fancy fast food. More salt. Hey! Hello! It's a pleasure to meet... Oh! Oh! Are you going to bite my finger? We have a podcast called "Ear Biscuits" and you can listen to the latest episode wherever you get your podcasts.

Do it!