What a sex worker can teach us about human connection | Nicole Emma | TEDxSaltLakeCity

Some people think that you can live without intimacy offline. I think that's complete bullshit. A few years ago, a client emailed me and told me that a miracle happened today since my wife passed away. I have felt very alone. AMA, I have been hugged so much in more than two. years old I'm not handsome I'm not rich I don't know how to talk to women but you hugged me you rubbed my back you listened to me vent about my pain this could just be a job for you but today you saved my life now I'm not a psychiatrist I'm not a doctor I don't work for one crisis hotline I am a sex

worker

and as a sex

worker

I see a side of people that most of you don't so we We are on the same page, the term sex work refers to sexual encounters between consenting adults or some type pay now, before your imagination goes crazy, wait, think about this, on average, studies have shown that sex only lasts five point four minutes, so if you are paying for an hour or three, why are they really paying?

They are paying for a place to be themselves, a place to talk about challenges without being criticized or judged, a place to try new things without losing everything they have built and, frankly, sex is a very strong need for them and to It often consumes them because sex is how men feel loved and worthy. You see, we are all designed to connect and find our tribe. This is how

human

s work. In fact, have you ever met someone who was deeply rooted? and connected and yet committed suicide probably not only in 2016 there were almost 45,000 suicides in the United States.

I also want to point out that almost 80% of them were men, that's four times the number of women, why does that happen? Why so many more men? As a woman, I can identify the person in my life who was instrumental in helping me get through the difficult times of my divorce, when I lost a brother, the times I just needed a friend, we all need just one person in our lives to see who are. They really are below everything else and he loves us anyway and many times men don't have that to show it. I would like men here today to think of a time when you may have heard one of the following phrases, man, toughen up, don't be a Real Men Don't Cry How old were you the first time you heard that?

Under 10 Under five What was happening at that time? You were afraid? You were sad? You got hurt? Did you receive the support you think you needed? cry or you learned to keep it inside from a very young age our children receive messages that having feelings and eating helps is bad this happens at school in sports on television and sometimes in their own families they come to believe that they value their manhood is in their muscles, his money or his charm, think about that, you can't choose your body, there is only so much you can do with it, money can be very hard to come by if it ever does and you can disappear very quickly.

So, if you only have three ways to prove your worth and you can't control the first two, it's no wonder they turn to sex to feel better, no wonder they become desperate and aggressive when they feel alone or unworthy, for example.

what

they often create this mask or persona if you will keep yourself protected from shame or criticism usually from other men a mask of

what

a brave tough logical stoic man is supposed to be with no emotions and said sex is the only time when men can take off that mask it's easy to understand why men often feel like they need to be sexually connected to be able to express themselves emotionally, on the other hand women often feel like we need to be emotionally connected to properly express ourselves sexually and this dynamic, this mismatch that happens many times when leaving, makes the man feel alone or rejected and then poof, they are in bed with a sex worker, but what if he is too poor, too scared or too ashamed to hire someone like me ?

Former NFL player Joe Ermine once said that guys who can't cry shoot bullets because our men don't have tools or outlets for alienation, rejection, or loneliness. We see violent outbursts around us just implode. Domestic violence. Abuse. We largely miss the fact that the way we

teach

our sons to be men is directly related to the violence we are seeing. Surely violence has many causes. The genetic. Situational conditioning. We can't cure genetics, but we can't prevent everything bad. situations, but we can and must address conditioning and it starts with the way we talk to our boys, we must stop telling them to be men or stop crying, we must stop excusing teasing and bullying as boys being boys, we must allow mistakes and learning emotions and empathy we need them to see that healthy masculinity is about facing your fears, overcoming challenges and living with compassion, if you notice before I didn't mention what kind of sex worker I am and there are many it's because it doesn't matter , I do whatever.

It is needed to help people heal, whether it is a pretty woman experience or nude therapy. My job includes comforting a man who misses his children on the other side of the country,

teach

ing someone about female anatomy, and reminding someone what it feels like to be touched. deprived for so long of helping someone disabled feel normal just for a minute, don't get me wrong, this job isn't glamorous and it certainly isn't easy, there's always that guy who wants to call all the time, you know, I'll meet someone. well, right, or someone who wants to do something really original, that's fine, but there is a greater good here, these people deserve to feel important and connected, and if they could find that somewhere else, they would have it, we are all people who need help, for which we pay. help all the time we pay tax lawyers we pay for car repairs we pay for child care cleaning there is a huge stigma around sex no matter how much we seek the healing of our minds and our bodies, we should be free to seek the healing of our hearts and well, our parts too, just like you would hire a mental health professional.

I'm a sexual health professional, but it's not about sex, it's about intimacy and

connection

, thank you.