Dining Etiquette: how to master the basic table manners

Hello, I am Jamila Musayeva, international social

etiquette

consultant and author of the book "Etiquette: The Least You Need to Know". In today's video, I'll tell you what the least you need to know about

dining

etiquette

. Before we begin,   let's address two questions. Number one, what are

table

manners

? Table

manners

are

basic

ally your behavior around the

table

, so the way you hold cutlery, how you eat, and even the type of conversation you have are all part of table manners. The second question people often ask me is why do we need table manners, especially in today's world where our restaurants are places for casual

dining

and we often have casual dining experiences?

The truth is that you should have good table manners for your own good. You will feel more comfortable at the table and make others feel comfortable with your good manners. So whatever the occasion, whatever the degree of formality of the dinner, make sure you put your best foot forward. Let's talk about the seating arrangement. Where should you sit if you are a guest and are invited by a host or, for example, your date? You would then wait for him or her to gesture towards the seat and then take your seat. If you are the host, do the same.

You will point to the seat intended for your guests and he or she will take a seat. So the general rule is that guests always get the best seats, meaning they will be facing the main area or entrance, so they will have the best view. If you have several guests, one of them will be your guest of honor and you should reserve the best seat for them. Now that we've sat down, we need to remember a couple of things. Number one, don't get left behind. You don't feel like that. Roll your shoulders back, straighten your back and sit up straight.

Number two, don't lean your back against the back of the chair. Imagine that you have a kitten behind your back, so you don't put pressure on it. Leave some space between the back of the chair and your own back. Number three, don't put your elbows on the table when eating. However, it is acceptable to place your elbows on the table whenever you take a break between meals to have a conversation. Number four: According to American dining etiquette, you're supposed to leave your hands in your lap whenever you don't have cutlery. In French dining etiquette, you are always supposed to rest your wrist on the table so that your hands remain visible to your tablemates at all times.

This comes from an old and outdated notion that you could have a gun in your hand and hide it in your lap under the table. The question I get asked a lot is what should I do with my phone or my bag? The general rule is that anything that does not itself belong to the dining experience should be kept off the table. This applies to your phone and your bag. You should silence your phone before sitting down and put it in your pocket or bag. If it is a large bag, you can place it on a special chair designed for that bag, or you can order a bag holder, which looks like a hook, and from there you can hang your bag.

Alternatively, you can also place your bag on a nearby empty chair. It is acceptable to place the bag behind your back, but only in very rare cases. If you have a small bag that looks like a clutch, you can place it on your lap and cover it with a napkin. Whatever you do, don't place your bag at ground level. In some cultures and traditions, it is considered disrespectful to place a bag on the ground and shows that the money carried in the bag is not respected. Therefore, always keep it off the ground. Let's now look at our dining table.

Where should I start? This is the scene for my dinner table. I have a napkin, a plate, soup spoons, a salad fork and knife, a main dish fork and knife, a dessert fork, a dessert spoon and a dessert box. The dessert box should be much smaller than this, but this is what I'm going to serve and use next. I also have a bread plate where I go to eat my bread and I have a basting knife. The interesting thing about this knife is that, unlike traditional knives, it has a dull blade and is used to scoop out butter and spread it, rather than cutting it.

Next I have my glasses. So, so as not to confuse which one is whose, I'm going to make the letters B and D with my fingers. Where B points, that's where my bread plate and butter knife are, and where D points, that's where the glasses are. To avoid confusing it with your dinner companions, use this trick. Now that you are seated, you unfold the napkin. If you are the host, you do this first to show your guests. You can do it two ways: one with the fold lines facing out like this, or the other way around when you have the fold lines facing in towards you.

I actually prefer this way because I can

basic

ally take my fingers and leave the stains inside, so from the outside my napkin looks perfectly clean. Once you place the napkin on your lap, you can use it to gently wipe your fingers and also rub your lips with it if necessary. If you are going to the bathroom and will be back, you would place a napkin on the chair to indicate that you will be back. If you are leaving the table permanently and not returning, then you would place the napkin on the left side of the plate and fold it gently.

It is not necessary to give it the original shape and you can simply get up from the table. If you drop your napkin, you can pick it up if that's okay, or you can also tell the waiter that you want a new one. Glasses are also often confused about which glass is for what. Don't worry because usually the waiter or Leo's son will fill your glass. But it's good to know what's for what. Let's look at this arrangement here. Generally, the tallest glasses should be behind the shortest ones, or the glasses are usually arranged in order of height from tallest to shortest.

Look at my arrangement. I can see that I have a glass of water, a glass of white wine and a glass of champagne. So let's start with a glass of water. It usually doesn't have a stem like you see in this case, and you hold the water cup by the bottom of the container like this. It is a fairly recognizable glass. It's a glass of champagne. It is longer and thinner. The shape ensures that the champagne bubbles remain intact while you enjoy your drink. Also, be sure to hold this glass by the stem so that your fingers do not touch the container and do not heat up the drink while you drink it.

This is a white wine glass. Unlike the red wine glass, which is shorter and larger, this glass is longer and thinner. The white wine glass is shorter and larger because red wines have much broader taste notes and need more room to breathe. With the red wine glass, hold both by the bottom of the bowl. So imagine this: a glass of red wine, you're going to hold it like this. In the case of the white wine glass, you should hold it by the stem so as not to heat the drink while you drink it. So let's start with our food.

Before you begin, watch how your host begins. If he or she starts eating, then it is time to enjoy his or her food. If you are in a large group of people, you will wait for everyone's food to be served and then start eating. The bread plate is used to enjoy a piece of bread, and I use a butter knife to scoop up the butter and spread it on your piece of bread, and then I'll enjoy one bite at a time. The first food I'm going to enjoy is soup. I'm going to use the soup spoon, dip it into the center of the bowl, bring it to the opposite edge of the bowl, slide it gently, and then bring the spoon to my mouth to make sure I don't spill something on my lap.

For my second course, I'm going to have a salad. I'm going to use a salad knife. I will show you two ways of eating, and one is American, which I am going to show you currently. So you cut one bite of mozzarella and tomato at a time. Then you placed your knife, switched your work to the other hand, and ate it like that. The other way is the European or continental way of dining, where I would simply use the fork and knife and in the same way I used them to cut the tomato and the mozzarella.

And then what is going to happen? I'm going to leave the knife in my hand and eat it like this. Here I have my main dish which is chicken breast with parmesan. I'm going to use the fork and knife from the main dish to cut the chicken breast piece by piece. When you are finished with your meal, place the fork and knife in a 12 to 6 o'clock position with the tines facing up or down, as is typical in French table etiquette, or you can also place it in a 10 o'clock position. :00 to   4:00 o'clock like this, with a fork facing the tines down or up.

Up to you. Once you've finished your main course, it's time to enjoy dessert. This is a perfect time to get up from the table and use the bathroom if you wish. Here I have a fork and a dessert spoon. I'll slide them into the effective spots on both sides. I'm going to use a fork as a stand and a cutting spoon as a knife. So, I'm going to hold the dessert with a fork and cut it with the spoon, then I'm going to use the fork to push the remaining particles that I want onto my spoon and I'm going to use a spoon to eat my dessert.

Once you've finished dinner, it's time to tell the waiter that you're waiting for your bill. You can do this by maintaining eye contact with a waiter or by raising your hands to elbow height. Once you've paid the bill, it's time to go. You should take your napkin, fold it not too neatly, place it on the left side of your plate, and leave. If you are the host, you should signal to your guests that it is time to leave. If you are a guest, you should watch the host do it and leave. As a final note, if you were invited to a dinner party, be sure to send a thank you message to the host the next day.

If you really loved the dinner experience, you might also consider sending flowers with a beautiful handwritten thank you note. I guarantee that a beautiful handwritten thank you note will go a long way. Thank you very much for watching this video and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed filming it for you. See you next time. Bye bye. you