Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer Pick New Wives - 2 Bears Highlight

I'm deafening, can you start with that? I know that's what it will be like in ten years, yeah, I'll tell you. I won't know. I almost used the Face app and put it on. Here's a photo of me in ten years. just a picture of nothing because I'll be dead, how come everyone is Posey? I'm going to look at, how long do you think you have to live? But think about this. I can't imagine living past seventy. I mean, that's already correct. I'm turning seventy, I'm not going to see the cat, it's a pretty good career, it's a pretty good career, seventy, you don't want to get too old like you are now, right?

My wife's grandmother almost died in front of us at lunch, yes she started it. choking but choking on just saliva and I eat air and we thought I was going to die and then it was just his dentures very hard rice and my daughters were there we were all watching and then and then I thought you don't want to be there you don't want no no no You don't want to and they ask her for someone to live with her and then you don't want to, you don't want to be a burden to anyone and I wouldn't want to.

Girls shouldn't live their lives because dad partyed throughout his adulthood and you know that people will say: oh your dad used to drink and someone will say if he used it. I can drink and they'll get off their asses. Camozzi has me. I don't want to be a burden I don't want to I definitely want to die before my children Definitely yes, that's one of the saving graces is that if I don't get into a car accident, they say, sir, don't close your eyes. I'm going to go, you know what? I didn't have to see my children die.

Yes, that's one of my savings. I don't want Leeanne to die before me. Not now, things are going very badly for you with that guy. If you want to watch a show, yeah, have you ever seen that scene on swingers when that girl leaves him and he's in Jon Favreau's room and his wife banging and Vince Vaughn walks in with the salami and a glass or a cup of juice in orange, he's like buddy, you gotta get out of this, yeah, it'll be me and my daughters like someone knocks on the door, like, hey guys, it's been two months, you guys haven't left the house, we're like, yeah, We're not doing so well.

Here, the dogs, we're all eating their own, although it would be nice, you know, to get that second wife. Yeah, what do you think you'd get? Do you think that's a real smile you have? Let me rephrase the question. You, yeah, if you get another luxury card, you know which one you'd like. I got some, yeah, could you get some kind of sucker, not all this bark or Tommy, yeah, hardcore sucker, yeah, like hardcore sucker, that Dalmatian wife, that's what you cook, yeah. Uh-huh and she says this is that bad. I've had shoes worth like eight hundred dollars and you say that's great and then she just doesn't say anything else and then she says do you need a blowjob? and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then she sucks you off and then she's like, "I'm going shopping again" and then she just leaves and it's like, what's the model you want?

How do you want how do you want her to look blonde? blonde hair blonde hair young I want like but when I say young young for me like thirty like thirty would be perfect if you're old enough, right? she doesn't want to go to parties yes, but she's like I need I want I want to have a pool, yes, she's polite mmm, I mean, it's not essential, I wouldn't mind, like a foreigner, I like a four, yes, yes, like, I wouldn't mind the Russian, but it captivated me all night, oh yes, I do. a barracuda wife who is impressed by the commotion you're right it's just shiny things which bird shows me the remote control turns the thing on as usual Alexa yes I like it yes we have an oriental accent I'm fine it's pretty good it's somewhere part in Eastern Europe, I wish, I wish...

I said I had a premise that I was working on. um I don't want to cheat on my wife, but I do want to impress someone else, yeah, but because Leanne you can't impress her at all. like she was never impressed, well I got the girls upgraded on the flight home from Australia and then we had Leanne who wasn't and she was a girl. Australia they were going home so okay 300k and I said and called American Airlines and told her how much to pay for the last seat she goes, it's $1,500. I was like, oh, okay, we're definitely doing it and the extremes are like, why?

I'm going to waste 1500 dollars. I'll sit in economy class and go. No, the two girls are in first class for free. You sit in first class for $1,500 and she says she would prefer the $1,500 and I said no, you wouldn't. Believe me, I just want the girl who makes $1,500 to add more, yeah, you know, I want to impress like that. I just can't impress Leigh Ann, nothing impresses her and I'd love to know why she doesn't, she doesn't. nothing impresses her is that the things you want to impress her don't impress her she's impressed by something she's completely different no I don't think she's impressed by anything of mine I don't think there's any part of me that she like wow like really yes yes like even like you know how to do a theater like her it's like oh it's cool but it's not like I want someone to come in like coming like whoa you how many people are here and I'm like 1,200 and it's like 1,200 people know who you are, a lot of people feel that, yeah, but My wife is the only one, why don't you find another wife?

A little about what we're talking about. two fantasies one, God forbid, something happened and I have a new wife, that's not about what God forbid, God forbid, another, okay, about this, a group, she is crossing the street and a motorcycle hits her. Now I say motorcycle because I'm not going to do much damage, but me. I wanted to go into a coma, yes, so she goes into a coma, the doctors say, what do we do?, and I, let's reconstruct her, well, let's start with her tits, they were double D before, let's reconstruct them and just complete dota. explosive start, buddy, it's this way, hey, how many calories do we give it, cut that, here we go, buddy, this would be great for your career.

Do you realize that if she was in a coma, you could get away with absolutely anything and people are like, give it to the guy? a break, okay, his wife came home, she got hit by a motorcycle, Jesus Christ, and then you could say anything, anything, no one would get on your case, man, drive home, come back and kill Bill, that one ass, she's in bed, the nurses like he's a loving father he goes and checks on her twice a day I come out with a towel wiping myself Hi guys, clean the room seven by the way that's considered rape nothing yes no a little His wife is not Yes, she cannot give consent Would you like them to disconnect and Kenny your holes Do you want some chips No, I can't, this is the disciple?

I haven't laughed so much in a long time I thought: what do you like? Oh man, you look good. I can't say no to Cheetos pops, yeah, I can't say no to Cheetos pops, okay, let's try if we can rank them. What we are going to do is say that they are comedians and explain why they are comedians. Yes, it explains what comedian he is. It's like, for example, this is going to become racist. I really said when I

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ed this up. I was like, "Okay, Steve Trevino, okay, never mind, it's oh my God, hey, we're drinking water, yeah, I just started drinking water." I mean, it's a pretty good thing since we have a pool.

My shower was probably reduced by 7/8. What do you mean I just stopped showering? That's a good thing, so you, the pool is your shower, get in the pool, that's a shower, no. stop showering you too stop brushing your teeth I haven't brushed my teeth because I just don't think about it I don't get out of the shower to brush my teeth I brushed my teeth this morning psyche it was like he could say something here if he was so bad I floss a lot that way it's important how long you went without brushing your teeth okole and you're going to I thought you'd check your calendar like you write it down no no this is the most disgusting new version Something's wrong with you buddy wait Kali on my teeth I'm a nerd, she said last night they were for sex, she was like, hey, brush your teeth.

I was like why we rounded the lake by the way. I was at the lake. I wasn't showering. at the lake, I was like I get in the lake, I'm clean, that's my shower, ah, I always totally ride and that's a Florida thing, but you grew up in Florida, you don't believe that, no, do you want a beer, No? I have today I'm going to Queen tonight Queen yeah on the forum oh yeah me and the girls I'm trying to look like Queens I know hey what's the longest I've ever gone without brushing my teeth? We were talking about how I haven't showered in a while, but I ended our day today because I'm telling the shower pool LeAnn peléan hey, his bird is a good lover, well no, I didn't, but he was saying he's a lover terrible.

He didn't know it. Jesus weighs constantly, like when they when the girls. If you were little, it would be like you had to brush your teeth. Burt, you like that too. I floss a lot, though that's what counts. Have you ever heard his fantasy that you are in a coma? I bet you're a better lover. than you said you were, I don't know what I'm cool, if she bet, she would totally beat you up if they wrote a script where we shoot a porn movie.