Gutfeld: This would give Trump martyr status

yeah, happy Tuesday, everyone delicious, okay, okay, okay, so during a meeting with the prime minister of Iraq, President Biden's crib sheet was caught on camera, which included instructions to pause. Here's another one that simply said: If you get lost, go to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, then here's another one and another one that Ira works for, not 7-Eleven, and that he also saw was

this

other card that said: "don't get lost "farts, it might be poop anyway" the US Olympic uniform for track and field athletes apparently raises concerns about being too revealing. Female athletes have complained that the suits are so sheer you could see their penises They love traffic tickets in San Francisco have nearly plummeted, credit their revolutionary new speed bumps Senator Elizabeth Warren criticized to Turbo Tax for overcharging taxpayers for simple tax returns, recommended that citizens pay taxes like she does with $24 in bills and trinkets on

this

day in 1922 markom Annie Oakley set a woman's record by shooting 100 targets of clay followed coincidentally also on this day Annie's husband stopped by with a sassy conversation, a sassy conversation, very good, a new survey finds the most stressful time The time of day is 8:15 a.m. m., you

would

be stressed too if I woke you up to this.

OJ Simpson is still dead, but his body is about to be cremated, although he denied it in the new book about whether I cremated the white Ford myself. Bronco Used It, His Infamous Chase May Be Up For Sale Soon, Seller Says It's Been Driven Except On Weekends And After Killing People, The First Golden Bachelor And His Wife Announced Their Divorce After Just Three Months Of Marriage , they claim they just want different things. She likes the berry-flavored fiber supplement Metamucil He prefers the laxative powder mirax to gently relieve constipation according to new research South African women have the world's largest buttocks with an average hip size, limitations are exhausted Somehow none of that matters in New York City where guys who hit random kids get a pat on the back and a key to the city, but when it comes to payments to porn stars, you better keep records.

More detailed than a CVS receipt, but first, what about the hush money? I'm not supposed to talk about sleeping with a porn star if it were me, I

would

n't keep quiet about it, my friends would say yes, we know that Greg, so Stormmy tied you up and whipped you unconscious with a pickle racket, are you? how many times have you done it? Let's tell each other that I sleep with adult film stars. I couldn't keep it a secret and neither could they, but they should shut up. That is the deal. When you charge for sex, you break that time-honored promise and dirty what is otherwise a noble profession that gave us matahari Heidi fce and Eleanor Roosevelt.

I might be wrong about that if Trump isn't happy, since they know my son graduated high school and it looks like the judge won't let me through graduation. from my son who has worked very, very hard and is a great student and is very proud of the fact that he did so well and was waiting for years to graduate with his mother and father there and it seems that the judge is not going to let me escape of this scam is a scam Tri out I haven't seen him this angry since I turned down his offer to be the spokesperson for the Trump Stakes, what can I say?

I'm a dedicated vegan and the closest I get today to putting meat on. in my mouth is when I do downward facing dog in my naked yoga class, of course, in his zeal for destroying Trump. The Democrats are doing him a favor again for one thing. High school graduations are boring, you sit there for hours in a hot, sweaty auditorium and hear a bunch of strange kids' names only to see 20 seconds of the only important thing being getting your diploma. If you're lucky, the child in the wheelchair might be able to do a wheelie. What's happening?

And it's not that it's hard to get a high school. degree everyone has one except Greta Thunberg it's a high school diploma for God's sake it's like a prescription for Aderall at that age everyone gets one plus it's stressful being around all those older people how many times can I repeat call me when you're 18 but Maybe I'm just resentful because no one cared when I graduated from cosmetology school. I was the valedictorian of my class and received the Vidal Sassoon award for outstanding achievement in hair treatment. I came up with the first pubic hair straightener for inmates.

It was called straight hair omg but if

trump

wants to go to his son's graduation he should graduations are like losing your virginity it only happens a few times and trying to stop it is the biggest favor the democrats can do him they will

give

him

martyr

status

, he is already like Jesus and that he is the only one who could resurrect Joe Biden from the dead, imagine if Trump forgets one day of the stupid trial to see his son graduate and the police show up and arrest him, he wants Bad optics, it will look worse than ever.

Jesse wore tights to sexual harassment training, I'm sure the librarians in every newsroom will cheer John Stewart on, he'll joke about it on The Daily Show or TDS as I like to call it, how did he do that gig anyway? Like Chris Christie's personal trainer, this guy only works one. one day a week and those clucking hands on The View will high-five each other so hard that Joy will break both wrists and have to eat hay and oats bent over a trough, but the rest of America, the real voters to which everyone has to go. their kids' graduations or hope that one day they'll see Injustice and they'll go crazy, so if you're watching President Trump, just go to the graduation, you know, I bet some Brit will steal that line if you're watching President Trump . go to prom every parent in America whether they like you or you will go yeah I would have done that too because this case is completely ridiculous why wouldn't you think that what you are doing here will almost guarantee that Donald Trump wins?

The next election the only thing that could absolutely guarantee it is if he is found guilty and thrown in a prison cell because at that point Trump wins by a landslide, yes for once a Brit is right about something, well it's easy when you compete with Prince. Harry the Teletubbies and Mr Bean, but once again Turley said that everything in this case had better be, in my opinion, legally absurd. You know this case is basically a state misdemeanor that had exhausted the limitations of the statute. They took a Mis misdemeanor, a dead misdemeanor, and started it. in effectively prosecuting a federal crime, but the federal crime here under election law was rejected by the Department of Justice.

They didn't feel this should be charged. He has big eyebrows. Anyway, he's right. It's fair. They can't beat Trump politically. Until now he has defied all the laws of politics, so they have decided to defy all the laws. Alvin Bragg is like OJ, except he's slower, fatter and more alive. They are bending the law like a balloon animal with scoliosis to prevent a second Trump term and he may very well end up causing this on day one. More than half of the jurors were rejected after saying they could not be impartial. No, the city is bluer than the Smurfs' balls after sitting on a flock of ice, so it's not inside the court that matters.

The evidence is key, it's what's outside the courtroom where the pressure to crush Trump matters most. Democrats hate Trump so much that they are willing to destroy the legal system and now they are about to cement his own worst nightmare in another. Trump and this time he will be older, wiser and hopefully less horny. Let's welcome tonight's guest. His cuss jar is an outnumbered co-host of e compano's aquarium. He draws large crowds and sometimes paints them. Writer and comedian Joe Deito. She's like Jean Simmons. wears tons of makeup and can't sing the New York Times bestselling author and Fox New contributor.

The cat too and his doctor uses a surfboard as a tongue depressor, the New York Times bestselling comedy author and for Emily As a lawyer, I have to ask you this. question that was confusing you are the attorney um they could have easily changed the location and not have this problem with the jury but they decided not to and the jury is showing that this is a contaminated site how can this continue well? The judge doubled down on saying that this is the most comprehensive questionnaire he has ever seen, so fear not, he said at the end that we will, in fact, assemble an impartial jury, but in his opinion it is being shown along the way that it is not There are a lot of people here. that can be impartial.

I hold this because I live here too, not because they are anti-Trump but because they see the absolute legal absurdity that this is any normal person can see that this is an absolute farce and to add a postscript to Jonathan Turley's. The point above is not only the federal climate in which he has prescribed, but also what jurisdiction a Manhattan state has over a federal law. Yes, it doesn't make sense. I have to say this also about the high school graduation that is punishing Baron. because the person is a father, of course, he wants his son to graduate, of course, that is very important, but the most important thing for the student is to see his family in the audience.

I have been to a million programming, a million hearings and all the judges always. oh, you have a dentist appointment, okay, tell me you operate based on that in part to cover your ass at the Appeal level, so the fact that he is doubling down and treating him is already convicted and imprisoned, where You say no, I'm sorry. your mother's funeral, but no, I'm not going to let you leave, he's doing that now, this is all being set up if a conviction happens, God forbid, it will be absolutely overturned on appeal, there's no question, Joe , you know it's interesting, Bill Clinton, not only. went to Chelsea's graduation during her whole mess spoke at the ceremony and then hit three teachers this is hypocrisy in its delicacy, yes, but it's also multi-tasking in its end, yes, well, as a lawyer, yes, I think that Trump has

give

n it to us.

The best way to free yourself from any social obligation is to simply say: I would love to go to that baptism, but unfortunately I have this lawsuit with a porn star who is blackmailing me and keeps telling everyone that we had sex, I think everyone. This makes Trump look like a good father. You know, you compare it to the last one. Hunter Biden had to go to court to admit that he was someone's father, but here's Trump saying: I want to go to my kids' graduation and you don't. Don't mess with Baron Trump, I don't know if you've seen him lately, he's a big kid, he's the Trumpi kid of all time, because you know how Trump says everything is huge, tremendous, his son is 11 feet tall , yeah, so I can't.

Wait until the 2044 election when due to the current growth rate Baron will be about 30 feet tall yeah so I want to see him against Hunter Biden that's the Trump offer I want. I want my brain to be soaked in a biochemical Vada, so I'll do it. I'll be here when Baron Trump is president and I'll be behind the scenes pulling all the strings, what a contrast. You can beat up a woman on the street and get out in 3 hours, but you know you can't. seeing your son graduate, I think I might have softened it too much, but you get the idea, yeah, I think the really noticeable contrast is kind of like what you alluded to Joe, which is what we're talking about here and it's the charges here, I don't really agree with Emily with the word you used, I agree, uh, it doesn't really hold up to the way they're trying to do this with the ETC misemer, but it does follow from these hush payments that because he had sexual relations with a porn star supposedly to cover up that and because of what they are doing here and they are pressuring him to the point and if they don't let him go to graduation, there is a potential here if he goes anyway he gets arrested.

There is a chance here that the headlines about this trial will come out to portray him as a true family man and I just feel like they do this, even making him seem like a victim in general is difficult, I mean he is very rich. He's very successful, his wife is super sexy and they've managed to make a man like that look like a victim, which seems impossible to take what this trial was, what is the core of this trial and turn it into headlines like what daddy the year is just that it's the things that they keep giving him, it's really remarkable to me, yeah, and you know, the judge says he hasn't decided not to let him, he hasn't decided he can't go, but Trump was wise to just feel . that opening and just use it well, plus I'm not like the president, I'm not going to let any man tell me that, well, I'll think about it, yeah, kiss my ass, I'm going to do what you have to do, uh, and I think He will pay the bail.

I just guess the funny part for me about this is how they talk about how Trump was paying money to keep him quiet and howTrump wasn't doing that, he probably didn't even know it, which is why "I have lawyers for that and he had a horrible one in Cohen and Cohen already went to jail for this so it's like they're trying to say this like he's looking at his bank statement, he went to cut the check, no, we." You're not paying her as a friend, make sure she gets into this, no, he's a businessman who runs Empires, literally, it was probably oh, we're going to take, don't worry, B, we're going to take care of it, That's as far as it goes.

So the person they should really go after is the lawyers because it's Michael Cohen who is the witness who is literally the one who signed the deed made the papers made the cut moves Corners did everything himself because he is a lawyer who passed away the bar association , so you assumed that when he became your lawyer he had integrity and knew what he was doing, so it seems more to me that Trump should be a witness against Cohen yeah, you know what it is, I said this yesterday at five, but I'll say it again, it's like the hospital suing the patient for the doctor's negligence, it makes absolutely no sense, you know, it landed better yesterday.

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