Daniel Tosh - “The Floor is Lava” - Full Special

games I don't like watching people make money my biggest fear in my life is that my next door neighbor will knock on my door one day hey Daniel, get out of here I just won the lottery oh, I'm leaving here forever wait, do you know? have you told anyone yet? No, you're the first one, I don't know if you can cremate someone in a gas fireplace, but I'll find out and these game shows are giving away millions of dollars, who wants to watch it? I would like a game show where millionaires have to play with their own money, yes, and they can't win money, they can only lose until one of them is completely bankrupt, yes, and the show is called haha, now you're poor.

I would watch that show every day, what? It's time, it's hot, I know you're poor, that's the dance you do when it rings. I guess you know, the worst television, MTV, I can't stand Music Television, they call it, they don't even play music, how is that legal? What would happen if everyone did that? Hey, thanks for calling New York Pizza. Yes, give me two large pepperoni pizzas. We do not sell pizza. No, we just have raccoon hats and eye patches. Call a bookstore if you're hungry. They haven't shown that to MTV. I can't stand cribs. Have you ever seen cribs?

Yes, that show should be called I Want to Feel Like a Failure. Little Bow Wow has an S series that is not good. I'll tell you what, if I ever get really famous. I promise you the best cribs. episode of all time oh you can trust me on this one. I'm going to hire Universal Studios to come to my house and build an extension of caves and corridors that lead from my bedroom to the bathroom like that every night when I wake up to go. Pee, the adventure begins, so I wake up just right. I'm scared and nervous and I have to leave and the camera crew is following me and I'm like, oh, and I hire Vin Diesel to hide and jump and scare me and fight with swords. me and he says: prepare to die and I say: calm down, actor.

I'm paying you to lose and he's like oh and then I kill him and there's a princess tied up and she's like thank you I've been here for See you later I know it's time to talk you gotta jingle let's run we start walking , the walls start to close in, yes, there are falling doors and rocks everywhere, we have to cross an old rope bridge, but halfway across the rope bridge, the one below catches fire and breaks and she falls , but I grabbed her with one arm, yes, I can feel her slipping, but she looks at me and says: I will never stop loving you, a close-up of my eyes and a close-up of her eyes and a close-up.

In my eyes I eat and then she falls. I wonder why get out of that. I have to pee like a racehorse back on the rope. I get to the bathroom. I take down my pajamas because I sit and pee like a girl. I'm in my house, it's my house, I feel more comfortable this way, don't judge me, the Bible says no, but as soon as I sit down, I make a hologram and my dad appears and says like Daniel, this is your father, make sure . You look behind the shower curtain before you're too late, a dragon comes out from behind the shower curtain, yeah, it's going to spray me with fire, but I ripped out the medicine cabinet or ching ching kill the dragon, then I go to the I bathe and come back. to bed, no one knows I added these extensions to my house, it's top secret, my maid runs in, Daniel, I say, oh Helga, it was nothing, now go back to your room and she says, then I turn around and look to the camera crew. and I go, the camera goes back to Vin Diesel's body, close to his face and then his eyes open up oh, did you get chills?

Yeah, let's see P Diddy on top of that crib. Thank you very much guys, thank you.