Ross's Game Dungeon: TrackMania² Canyon

People talk before billionaires say they have more money than they could spend. Well, when he was a kid he thought that was nonsense; He had all kinds of ideas. Now, as I've gotten older, I've developed a better understanding of concepts like responsibility, shame, and just understanding that we have finite resources, so the more you have, the more you influence the direction of humanity. So, as an adult, if I were a billionaire... Well, I guess I could still spend it all. In fact, I'm pretty sure that in order to try to give us a fighting chance, I'd change the flow of the story a bit.

So I wouldn't still be a billionaire. There would simply be too much to accomplish. But now I see that I couldn't spend almost all of that on MYSELF. Wasting THAT level of resources would have too high a collective cost. That is, assuming we are not in a simulation. Then I could. But you know what? Scientists checked this and couldn't find any evidence of it, so you can rest easy tonight knowing that you are real. But anyway, all that is said by the adult. What if a six or seven year old was a multi-millionaire, with no guidance whatsoever and simply acting on impulse?

Well then yes! This is exactly the kind of thing that occurs to me. I wouldn't just buy a race track. That's boring. I would do the ULTIMATE race track, where you do flips, jumps and

canyon

s like it's a geological pinball. It would be great! Everything about these tracks is consistent with a billionaire's dream project. Someone loaded was thinking like me, when I was six, and we are seeing the fruits of his vision. It would probably take a billionaire to pull it off, too. This is in or around the Grand Canyon, so you would have to pay a bunch of lobbyists to get the government to sell it to you.

Then, of course, there are the construction costs. I'm pretty sure these lights run on hydroelectric power and use buried lines, so the costs of this would add up, but if you're a multi-millionaire, you can move mountains. Literally. Plus, we can take shortcuts. We don't have to worry about safety regulations because this is all for unmanned vehicles. We only need a ton of concrete, supports and labor. But hey, who's to say that much of the work couldn't be automated as well? This could have been built by robots FOR robots. And hey, notice how we treat cars with complete disdain?

On some courses you NEED to smash the cars to get the best times. Some end the finish line with a head-on collision or simply throw the cars off a cliff. Why should we care? This is for billionaires. We have thousands of cars. We'll probably never know WHY a billionaire built a gigantic Eighth Wonder of the World racetrack, but I think it's as simple as he wanted. You may have heard the stereotype that some guys have a midlife crisis and buy a sports car to feel young again or fulfill that fantasy. Well, if you're a billionaire, why stop there?

Don't just buy a sports car, buy a sports car WORLD! And of course, the other half of this is that shortly after the construction of this wonder, the apocalypse occurred. So all we have left are automated cars running on tracks. There are no crowds, no cameras, no witnesses, no signs of any human activity. And you know what? Music also supports this. I don't like the music in this

game

. Oh sure, it's paced appropriately for a racing

game

, but the whole thing has that slightly dark and depressing tone. Yes, that does NOT put you in the mood for a fun or exciting race.

I silence him. But you know what? I can't say it's not appropriate if we're talking about the apocalypse, and all of humanity is extinct, and we're barely witnessing the last remnant of our imprint on this world. I'm sure many of you have heard of Easter Island, where we don't know exactly what happened, but the society that used to live there no longer exists, and all we have left are these impressive statues of giant heads. Well, one major theory is that they spent too much time and resources making these statues and deforested the island, causing part of the ecosystem to collapse and leading them to starve.

If you've played "Minecraft" in Island Survival mode and you're not good at it, it's basically the same thing, just on a larger scale. But not long ago, I was seeing articles about how that's not the case; their society did not collapse. But I read some of these and all I got was that there were signs that the natives were cooperating with each other. I don't see that being mutually exclusive from annihilating themselves. The thing is, a billionaire spending countless resources on some vanity project at the same time civilization is ending is not a fantasy scenario. It may have some historical equivalents.

Except for those painted acceleration stripes, I don't see anything implausible in this scenario. In fact, the more I play, I can't get the idea out of my head. I think TrackMania Canyon is still within the realm of science fiction here. There are a million stories about the apocalypse, but some are more believable than others. I mean, come on. If we talk about apocalyptic races in the desert, we must recognize the series "Mad Max". But Mad Max is a little more on the fantasy side. I mean, it's possible. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you can't have a Mad Max reality.

In fact, while TrackMania here requires billions, with enough planning, you can pull off a Mad Max experience on a middle-class income. Less if you have the right connections. But the thing is, there is SUCH a small window in which something like this can happen. Do you know what's missing the most from the Mad Max movies? Food. Water. Oh sure, we see him eating a can of dog food, but what about everyone else? Now in the new one, at least we see the EXISTENCE of water, so that's something. But they are rationing it big time. I mean, they show, how much?

At least 10,000 people and they are all desperate for water? That's not going to last long. Sure, they show hydroponic gardens and some greenery on the tables, but we're going to need a lot more than that. Also, you can't tell me those guys don't eat meat, so that'll probably triple the requirements. In "Thunderdome" we have pigs. Well, what are you eating? How do you get that food? You can't keep feeding them people forever. So, traveling punk rock bands taking over the desert? Plausible. Do they continue like this for more than a couple of weeks without a reliable source of water and an agricultural pipeline?

Fancy. The desert is no place to be in the apocalypse, guys. But that's not a concern for our robot cars here. All they need is more track to drive on. You've probably already realized that after each race, if your time is good enough, you can get a bronze, silver or gold medal. This is a nice little bonus, but these medals are important because you need them to unlock clues. Again, I can't show you this because there's no backward progress, but imagine these tracks being blocked until you get a medal in what preceded them. Actually, I lied.

I CAN show you this, because I'm stuck on the black clues. I need to get a gold medal on every track before this. And I almost did. Look: 56 of 60. But it's possible that it takes me as long to master those last four tracks as all the others. TrackMania brings out the knives in the later levels. Oh yeah, I should have seen that coming. Oops. Oops... Oops... The tracks get merciless. Although to their credit, I feel like they handled the highway loops pretty accurately. If you see? There is one. "Sonic the Hedgehog" makes it look easy, but the reality is that you need a lot of speed and careful handling to overcome one of these.

They simply don't teach these things in driver's education. See look. I can't even achieve this reliably. I think this game takes place in the west, but in mountainous regions like Tennessee or West Virginia, they like to put speed traps in front of them as a way to increase local revenue, and it's just not safe. Especially for truckers. You only need speed on winding roads. That's all about it. Getting back to the game, the difficulty required to access the black clues is insane. Okay, now I'm not the best player in the world, but we can know where I am in the world.

See? Here we go. I'm in the top 19% or so and I can't do it. I can't get to those black tracks. Oh, and remember how I said there is bronze, silver and gold? Well, actually there is a secret green medal. I don't know. Emerald? Apparently this means you beat the track designer's time. I managed to get ONE of these. So I guess that means this is the easiest track to do it on. But I like the concept of completely hidden prizes like this. But what I'm trying to say here is that this game is balanced for psychopaths.

I'm not proud of my score. In fact, I feel cheated because I played trying to power him up as much as I did. It puts you in this maddening repetitive loop, where you're literally trying to shave milliseconds off your time, and the slightest mistake means you might as well start over. Oh look. I'm already a millisecond behind. Better to start again. Some people enjoy this kind of thing. I hate this! I hate this garbage! But they let me trick me into doing any of that anyway. I saw a video not long ago about this guy trying to beat the world record for level 1 of "DOOM", and... well...

Hear it for yourself. ["It took 50,000 attempts over the course of over a year to achieve it, ["and it represents what I love most about speedrunning: THAT is who TrackMania is designed for. People like THAT. The very concept of doing EXACTLY the same thing AS many times in a game seems like some kind of existential horror to me. Sure, you might have your world record, but at what cost? ["For me, there is nothing sweeter than spending hundreds of hours. Okay... well... I can think of many sweeter things, but... uh... Do you enjoy your game? Look, when I see a game that requires me to do the EXACT SAME THING over and over again, starts to wake me up, because my brain starts sending me a signal like, "Hey, this isn't fun anymore. "If you want to memorize something over and over again, "such." Maybe you should learn a REAL skill, "like a different language, or how to play the guitar, or karate, "or just anything with long-term value." Now, that's not to say I don't like challenges, but for me, a good challenge is a little unpredictable, so you have to rely more on your skill than your memorization.

And hey, remember how I said this game has layers? Many tracks have these one-in-a-thousand-possibility shortcuts to reduce that time even further. So yeah, better align the physics engine just right for that one! Go to hell! about how they initially tried to make reality a living paradise for people, but their brains kept trying to wake up. No. That's not how it works. Paradise keeps me playing THIS here, THIS is what wakes me up. , the good news is that TrackMania also has a built-in escape route. I'll never legitimately watch these tracks, but I can download copies of them and play them anyway!

Yeah! Better yet, I can also download THOUSANDS OF OTHER TRACKS! Yes, the mod has been largely embraced by the developer and includes a map editor and endless custom tracks that people create. Here is the real meat of the game. Although I recommend going to the website to get them, as doing so through the game itself is like surfing the internet early '90s Prodigy style. This adds a LOT of replay value to the game and I honestly prefer many of these maps to The originals. In fact, I should have filmed the episode with just these and left everyone confused.

And I'd be remiss not to at least mention that TrackMania has a long tradition of merging demos from different players so you can watch the cars flow through the level like a torrent of water. I see this and feel that this is the purpose of computers in general. The history of computer development was moving towards this right here. We did it. And that WILL END things, but WAIT! There is more! Remember what I said about there being a scandal? Well here it is! I've been showing you the OLD version of TrackMania Canyon. Now why would I do that?

Well, I like it better, in general. Now, I'm not sure of the dates, but I think I stopped playing this around 2016, but I found myself coming back to this game every summer. I mean, this game NAILS how hot and sunny it is in the desert. I heard how you can bake cookies on the dashboard of your car out west. They seem a little doughy to me, but I imagine it will get warmer in the next few years, so this set is perfect for that type of climate. It's going to age well. The afternoons are BEAUTIFUL. I love them.

I could drive for hours with lighting like this. And it's even better than real life because I don't go blind from the sun here. So when I started the game a year later... Well, a new HUD. Whatever. But something felt wrong. I remembered that this game was so beautiful. It still looks pretty much the same but not anymore.Ten laps. That's pure garbage. I mean, the map looks good, but two laps would have been nice. But ten laps? No. I think she'd rather take piano lessons or something. It would be a better use of my time.

And it doesn't matter anyway, because even if I got a gold medal on this track, I'd still have to beat those others, which would clearly be a nightmare if I didn't finish them, and this is on you. from the top 10%! But if you're still not convinced that this game is ridiculous, here's a bonus. I mentioned earlier how you can search for additional content online. Well, at that time, there was a user-made expansion pack called "Endless Valley" that I believe was supported by Nadeo. It had an official scoring system like normal tracks. Most custom maps don't have that.

And of course, I only progressed so far before I got locked out of the rest of the clues, but here's the thing: this was years ago and my memory IS fuzzy about this, although so far, it seems more stable than this game. , but I remember him telling me that I was the highest rank for that expansion in the WORLD, #1. Now, of course, that's because most players didn't try this expansion, so I was a big fish in a small pond, but still. Apparently I was the reigning champion and couldn't even unlock all the tracks. Is that an amazing balance or what?

No wonder it was approved; That's what Nadeo wants to see. Of course, NOW, due to all the updates, my score was completely wiped. Which is fine, I don't really care about that, but they updated this game HARD. Oh sure, some of the tracks still work, but check this one out. Hey. This one is complicated. Yes, it's going to be hard to beat this track. I see why it's called "Endless Valley." I didn't used to do this. Nadeo broke this expansion and god knows how many other issues with his updates. You know, I appreciate how they're embracing user-created content, but this is just irresponsible.

It's one thing to ruin the graphics, but they also ruin the content. Have a compatibility mode or something. That, or someone make a crack for this game so I can run my old files and prove I'm not making this whole thing up. I don't blame you if I think I am; I'm making a lot of claims here. But hey! Top 10%, Dad, Dad, Dad! Okay, I found out about this at the last minute. I was browsing through comments and apparently their latest update not only broke the maps but removed the split screen mode. WOW! That's downright HOSTILE to players!

This guy is right too. I can't find the option now. Yes. This might be the first time. When was the last time you saw local multiplayer removed from a game you already own? Man, that could be material for a lawsuit. Well, you can still play it in the old version. Here is the proof. This is me recording it right now. I found a video about a mod that claims to do it, but I haven't tried it, and with these types of games you never know if it works now, but it won't work a year from now after the next update, or what.

Anyway, the company removed the split screen. That's clear. You can only get it by pirating the old copy or maybe pirating the new one. I know I shouldn't be surprised by this sort of thing at this point, but it still surprises me that a company would remove things they were previously sold on a whim. If they can do that, then what's the point of even having consumer laws? Sorry, this wasn't planned at all. I had no idea they were doing this when I made this episode. Well, too late! I'm not redoing this! The video is almost over!

This was supposed to be positive! It's a bright and sunny corridor! What the hell?! Well, that was kind of a bombshell for me, but what I was going to say is that TrackMania Valley also promotes my theory that the apocalypse has happened. Although we now know that what happened did not affect all animal life since we see birds present. At least it was restricted to mammals, if not just humans. We also get a few more clues about the nature of the apocalypse. Canyon didn't give us that because it was a private course in the middle of the desert.

There's hardly anyone around anyway. He felt relatively isolated. But not here. There were people here. I'm pretty sure this happens in rural France. See? Forest. However, what really takes away are the abandoned farms and towns without a soul in sight. Yes, you can hear the church bells... ...but come on, many of them are now automated. There are no parked cars or parishioners. This tells us a lot about what we are up against. This was no ordinary collapse. Look, if this were a viral outbreak, there would be bodies or skeletons, but there's none of that here. If this were an event involving radiation or some imminent threat that hasn't happened yet, well, there would be empty cars, trash, signs of looting, etc.

Bowel movements are sloppy, even if you have warning. People panic or just rush and many things are left behind. No. What happened here was very orderly. Now, of course, it's POSSIBLE that a billionaire bought the land and moved people out after building his taxiway, but we still don't have any planes over our heads. And yes, yes, Stadium is an obstacle, but let's be realistic. Something happened here. Look at those flags. This was an international event but there are NO spectators. Why is there no one to cheer on your team? Because they're all gone, that's why! And hey, I'm going out on a limb, but I bet there isn't a living soul in Lagoon.

Just more empty robot cars. It's the apocalypse, guys. I don't have an answer for what happened to the world of TrackMania, although if I had to guess, I'd lean towards the aliens. Not only did they kidnap us, but they also took a lot of our stuff, including our parked cars, trash, pets, probably anything that wasn't nailed down or stored. So the good news is that humanity may not actually be dead. We're just floating through space right now in the aliens' recreated environment inside a massive ship, and TrackMania simply shows what the billionaire racing enthusiasts left behind.

I keep wanting to come back to these games because some magic has been created here between endless, surreal races, beautiful environments, and the apocalypse. However, I'd still be happy playing this if it weren't the apocalypse. Okay, time for the awards. Best realistic surreal runner. There's something unnatural about TrackMania, and yet it feels realistic in places. It has a unique vibe that I don't get from other racing games. Games as a service Gray zone. This applies more to TrackMania Valley since I will be able to run the old version of Canyon until the end of time thanks to the pirates.

But man, it's weird to see a game that you kind of own and have control over, but it has all these traps waiting to sabotage it. In fact, while we were making this video, at one point the game simply decided that it was no longer okay for me to play in offline mode. It came out of nowhere. I do not know what is happening. Well, I still have the old Valley files. Maybe one day we can unlock them. And finally, the chart conspiracy is real. For me, this game is all about atmosphere. So Nadeo messing with that leaves me with very mixed feelings about the series.

The moral of this story is that if you're going to update your game's graphics, make sure you update them and don't do this mixed bag nonsense. And that's the episode! Stay tuned for the REAL follow-up episode. Have a great rest of your summer and enjoy the apocalypse. Okay, okay, this time... Go! Okay... Oh! Get up there! Get up there! GET THERE! GET--!