EVERY COUPLE EVER

then he lifted the car off my body and the rest was history, so how did you meet? We were actually high school sweethearts. Wow, no offense, but I didn't think high school relationships would last. I guess we made it work well. With me it's work, why do you always have to be like this? because you've always been essential, but the family is fine, great, so it's great. I'll come again. I told you who I am. I'll tell you a hundred times. no one knows what a boutonniere is oh you don't know what a boner is because you don't care about my feelings

ever

y

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I'm not welcome on that dock anymore mm-hmm makes sense Oh Caleb will come later oh great Wait no he doesn't He will bring his girlfriend.

Yes. I told myself she could come. Because? Because they're always on top of each other and it's a little strange. I guess you're right, but they're just in the honeymoon phase. Yes, but then why leave the house? What's the point if you're going to be kissing and ignoring

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yone the whole time? Well, I can't just uninvite her so you have to deal with it, yeah, okay, okay, oh. So what game do you want to play? A pandemic or tickets, right? You know what we do, a pandemic. I'm so glad you're the only person I'll have sex with until one of us dies.

Hey, us too, hmm. I mean like a label because I hate labels, yeah me too, but we're exclusive, oh my god, of course we do, and where the mutual support system is great and you're my emergency contact, you're mine, and the coffee In this talk, yes, me too. It feels good that I like to define things that I just summarized as a word for who we are ooh, you mean a label? because I don't like labels yeah let's do it it's like using a spatula are you stopping what I've been dating the guy for three years? and I'm still worried that he'll never call me again, oh my god, okay, so what's single life really like?

Zack and I got back together. I'll be back hey babe, oh shit, I talked so funny while they were apart, dude. She poured a milkshake into it and called it a cheese stick. I don't even know what a cheese dick is. What are we going to do? We'll just be supportive and the next time they break up we'll keep our mouths shut. Yes, I'm not going to say it. anything, just think about nice things, yes, Zacks, an app that I never liked. I love you, smug buku buku, we can never date anyone else, yeah, when one of us isn't looking, we take small bites of the other person's food and also make songs about their dog Bailey Bailey's party Bailey is getting weird , OK?

Do any of you want to refill it? Oh, nothing, yeah, and by the way, you're not that weird. What you just described is what happens in literally every relationship. It's true, isn't it really? weird I guess, so yeah, this doesn't feel like a bachelor at all, yeah, what do you want to do for dinner? Oh well, we can go to that Thai place. No, I could eat tacos. You know, I hate tacos, pizza, not sushi, no, what do you want? make for breakfast, but just because we got engaged doesn't mean we have to get married Where's the thing the tall guy is wearing?

It's Ricky's full stole, yeah, sorry, I'll do that. I know what that was all about. Oh. Emma's old camera is on the shelf but the stairs broke and I said I would fix it or replace it about a month ago and I have it and she wants to know if you want to join us for Applebee's later. Wow, your shorthand is crazy. I could have gotten some of that, but definitely not Applebee's, that's because we talked about it today, so I guess I'm not that impressed then and uh no, we all needed Applebee's alone. I'm not looking for my soulmate, but I'm definitely looking for my Netflix and coming up with, you know, something bad.

I had the way I love your shirt, oh that's mine. My wardrobe basically doubled when we started dating. One of the advantages of being gay. I'm sure it doesn't make up for everything. the homophobic comments, the threat of violence, not being accepted by your own family and constantly having to fight for your own rights and everything else, hey, at least you have the t-shirts, yeah, at least we have the t-shirts. I'm meeting our parents tonight, help me. Oh. Should I take a survey, yeah baby? You look great, not bad, thanks babe, but wait babe, would that look too much like my other shirt, babe, Whitshire bed?

I really don't know if they are baby, oh baby, I know the shirt, baby, no, baby. You're good baby, thanks man, of course, bed, my two fears are the dark and commitment, our dog is our son, you ready to go, yeah, oh damn, oh you know, I'm not going to change this time because I changed last time, yes, literally. I don't have any other clean clothes, so I guess we'll just have to be one of those

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s who wear matching suits, okay, but if anyone says something, we'll make it absolutely clear that we're not doing this. because we think it's cute, oh that's so cute, you guys are wearing matching clothes, so cute, no it's not cute, he did it, the bum needs to wash his clothes, no, she's stubborn, he needs a breed taken out of a trash can once, wait, why did I tell you that?

I don't want to tell anyone about it and for the record, it was a taco made with compost, that's no better. I know I just wanted to be honest. You know, he really wants me to go home. Bam Bam, oh my god, the pig movie, baby, yeah, baby. The big city team always laughed at you, smooth, don't embarrass us at our local Red Robin, shut up, sorry man, just pizza, yeah, what's cheese dick? It means it's a cheese, wait a second it was the cheese dick, so your mom. You'll call me upset about this today - yes, she is what I call cute, yes, listen, at least you, I didn't marry your second cousin mm-hmm, technically we are related by marriage but also by blood, yes, we need more games, no, we need it.

I don't even have a fucking monopoly, we don't have a monopoly, our gaming conferences have a monopoly on Star Wars Monopoly from Game of Thrones.