STORIES OF EVERYTHING W/ Craig Ferguson [100k SPECIAL]

clear. Please everyone welcome the remarkable Wendy Booker. Then the balls became smaller. Oh, we need to talk about balls. Oh, you brought him back. Oh, they still have their inevitably happy face. I know they have a hat. Do you know how much pressure there is to take someone's balls to the North Pole? Is that code that way? You put me under a lot of pressure. I noticed it well when you were here before the expedition. I thought, oh this is kind of dangerous and I thought maybe the kangaroo testicles would help you on your way and you took some pictures. many photographs of the last bet look nothing like the North Pole.

We went to the Virgin Islands after the North Pole to fly, so they put on sunglasses and enjoyed the trip. No, I realized that everywhere I went was like where the balls where the balls I need to make sure they're safe no, you know what it's like to be a guy, what's next, so you've been to the North Pole, South Pole, yes, real quick, you want to take the test, you'll have to do well I have to think about France I'm going to France because naked women dance without my testicles oh there's a place in France Randy where naked women dance and the boys and I go , girls, to the North Pole, no, I will draw your faces with a little joy.

I'll take me to France, I'll wear a little beret, oh, it's Paul in December, okay. have it back, but it's okay, because they really got lucky unless I said it's a lot of responsibility to take your parts, yeah. Oh, big responsibility, yeah, they've done wonders, so we're out of time, the whole damn thing, just get it. Get out of our faces $17.99 shiny ball on some tape make yourself a little studio 54 in your apartment yeah, like the old days in New York, that's what I mean, yeah, that's what I'm saying, tryna sell it, you know, trying. sell no no you don't think I didn't do a good enough job no you didn't do a good enough job it was a passive-aggressive piece of this you want a piece of this a piece of art yes, come here, I'll do it to you I'll slap you to the punch death, yeah, come here, you know what I wish on other late night talk show hosts and we weren't working today because this Memorial Day would break me or something?

Hey Jay Leno, yeah, what are you doing? It's a good thing you were here cooking up some meat, you know, let's not even get that shiny ball, yeah, I looked at it pretty good, there's a good deal, $17.99, you throw the tape in for free, I was Studio 54, it's like Jay Leno was a fly. In eight months I'll never be able to get rid of Kenya, well I wonder if there'll be another one late, hi Jimmy Fallon, oh that's cool Bali, are you looking at me? I was wondering if you knew I was on the phone, who was that simple phone? yeah, yeah, he called I don't know what you're calling for oh, you're so cool, it's so cool.

Can I get those ugly screws? Impressive, it's great. I was throwing out the tape for free. Brilliant brilliant. Well, I put it in my study. cool Wow meat amazing cool amazing whoa cool good for him he's good guy is there anyone else I don't know with the microphone? okay hi I'm George Lucas George Lucas creator of Star Wars I heard you talking about Modesto, that's where I'm really from Modesto and you can get some good weed there. The entire Star Wars saga is based on weed, yes it was definitely George Lugo, that's fantastic, oh yeah, in front of every pizza, it's time for tree mesh, brought to you by Gwyneth Paltrow's colon cleanse, consciously uncoupled. of intestinal toxins today hey, I wonder if dust would ever call me hello, why are you yelling snot?

Yes, I'm Miriam, isn't it? You know, the old woman who calls me and pretends to be other people is horrible. I told you. Oh, Toby, you. You are not the old sir. I'll find you. I'll hunt you like the Scottish hound. Are you. Hello, I'm Robert Downey Jr. How are you? Hey, it's good to be here just watching the show, it's pretty good stuff anyway, listen, could you talk to Betty for me? She take her to dinner maybe yes, she looks at what you are doing. Very nice, don't hang up on me, seriously. Don't do that, that's not so cool, okay, this is a no, we haven't read one, we haven't read one right, okay, you better get off, yeah, I think we only have a few seconds, yeah, and finally.

This is from Arnie and Port St. Lucie in Florida, have you ever been there? No Arnie Arnie no Port Said yes, Port St. Lucie, yes, no, I've never been there, that's the only place I've never been right. I've been there, I think it's in Florida, uh, Craig says, have you ever gone diving? I have, I like to go diving, uh. I am a certified diver and I like to go. I like to go diving at night because that's when you see the most interesting things. Know? What do you carry as a flashlight on your head or how do you see when you're down? there, why does it work?

I just feel my way, so you just say, oh, this must be, you know, a shark or this must be some type of fish, how do you know how do you determine that I can do that? Oh, here's some krill. I mean, how the hell does this work, man? Well, you just put on the gear, go down there, yeah, you know, keep going. Are we still talking about diving for legal reasons? Absolutely, yes, there you go, you know there are things about the audience applauding like that. They're going to make me take a commercial break, right?

That won't fool you. Now I have a fast organ. Yeah, sure, okay, go, I want to sing you a song, Jeff. Okay, it's a song I wrote for you. Oh, it's fine. Are you ready, yeah, okay, here we go Jeff Peterson, you're a bastard, you stole my wife and my wallet. I'm still working, you know it's not bad, yeah, you stole my wife in my wallet, she's there, but she's not all right, no, I like it. I like it, you like it, yeah, I mean, I really don't think you're a bastard. I just think it flows well, so I get your artistic license, okay?

How about I add a little chorus in the middle? I was thinking here, okay, you're ready, yeah, Jeff, you smell like a flamingo, Jeff, you smell my house. Mingo, you smell like you peed on your legs to keep the wood like that, yes that's what you have to do, they pee on their legs to keep it. Great, it keeps them fresh, but it means you know the smell is horrible. Oh that's OK. Well, I'd like an answer. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah, okay, you don't smell like Ingo, how do you say I smell like a flamingo, Craig type, nothing more than a dirty old fool.

I'm not fooling you, you dirty old fool. I know a song called "dirty looks", so you're ready, yeah, I lived in the fish market, name after him, no one knew he had long curly toenails and he was hurt. Oh