Relationship Management: “Before You Say ‘I Do’”

in marriage he honors marriage he celebrates marriage he uses marriage all I'm saying is I'm talking about the priority sequence if God had to choose you being complete or married he would choose you being complete wow I want to go into that a little bit because let's get into the Why if he had to choose between being whole or married, would he choose to be whole because married, being married would keep you half, so you would only be able to express half of his intention regarding you? Do you see it and some are why? it's so long why you why yes the desire is legitimate great why it's taking so long maybe it's taking because you're in the process of becoming whole and that's not cheap and you're not stingy so don't let this watch this This False biological clock makes you cheapen the value of who you are.

Your integrity is worth the time it takes to get there and it will be worth it. There's something under the sound of my voice. Without a doubt, you probably had to make some difficult decisions. I probably had to let some some almost that the cats or the dogs left come on I'm almost sorry I feel the I feel something in that you had to let something out almost you oh you almost had it almost you were almost the one you almost had it and I even stretched a little bit just in case and some of you had to finally be real because you know yourselves and you finally had to be real and say almost no good, isn't it that Brandy song?

Almost, what is it like? Go Almost doesn't count, that's Brandy, shout out to Brandy, it's The Girl, like well, I'm The Guy, but anyway, it's almost not good enough when you know who you are and you're happy with God, right? I'm almost unmoved by Jesus, okay, which brings me to the next one about to get better. These are the things you should be able to say before you say "Yes." You have to say recapping "I know myself" And because I know myself, I can give I myself can tell you exactly what you're getting, don't sell me anything and when I have you, I realize, come on, and it wasn't even that you cheated on me, I just didn't know you, now I'm trapped. anyway I know myself too I am complete I am complete because not because I am perfect not because I am not evolving not because there are areas that God and I are still working on but fundamentally I am complete enough to say that I am okay with God and with me and so be it that's what I'm talking about that's work but you can do it you can do it I know I made it but I promise you you can do it sacrifice yes a real

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with the Lord yes real disciplines in God yes, setting things up yes easy no but achievable absolutely absolutely three you have to be able to say this before you say yes I want to give I want to give this to someone let me explain it I want to give operative Word, give this to someone, in other words, I'm not going into this marriage to get it, oh, we're about to have fun because most people think that when you go to the sea and start talking about most people, you know exactly what you want.

Do you want to know outside of marriage? Do you know what you want in marriage? and you say, well, I just want someone who really understands me and someone who I know really knows and usually, for the most part, I'm generalizing, but usually you're describing what you want them to be for you. I know myself very well and because I know myself, this is what I want them to be for you because you know I need this, I need this and some people, you have your list and honestly, you should You have a list, but in the list you have to make sure that The list has a back and has at least the same number of things or more that relate to what you are going to be for them.

Oh, you're not ready, you're not ready. For Sarah and I got married, I had a list, but and I don't know how God did it, but God, but God, while I was writing the list, he said to me and who are you going to be for her and I started writing who was I going to be for she why what is that about because it brings marriage to the truth if you get married get into your sister you are not ready I need this I need that I don't need to know myself enough to be complete enough to understand My courage enough to say this is what that I'm going to be for them and, frankly, I was going to say if I had to pick one, yeah, I think if I had to pick one, I'd pick what I'm giving.

I really would. I think you should define. I pray that you never have to choose and you don't have to choose. That's hypothetical, so don't worry because I think you should know what you want, but be equally committed to knowing what you're going for. to provide what you're going to give I almost want to read you my list I'm going to read I'm not going to read you what my list was and she was everything that was on my list which is crazy but I'm going to read you what I said. It was going to be that fair.

I wasn't planning on doing it, but I will. I will do that. I still have that list. Say the future Mrs. Roberts, will it be goodbye when I tell you? That girl checked all the boxes for a second here I have to find it because I wasn't planning on doing it so bear with me just for a second there is who I will be for her attractive appearance and no one can control I mean you can You don't necessarily know that you can, no It doesn't matter who you are, you can be attractive in some way, yeah, you don't have to be Denzel, you know what I mean, you don't have to be Michael B.

Jordan, you don't have to be Brad or anyone, you know, but be the most attractive. Sorry digression, successful attractive digression. everything is on my list my list is longer than hers one two three four five six seven eight nine 10 11 12 13 her list is 13 mine was 1 2 3 4 5 6 7even 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 15 who was I going to be for her my list about who was going to be longer than her list look how selfless and attractive who I will be I will be for her I will be attractive I will be successful I will be a rich provider I will be wise I will be compassionate I will be an encouraging SL protector oh that's 16 put two in one look that I will be a spiritual covering I I will be a life partner I will be a husband of faith I will be considerate I will be your best friend I will be your baby daddy if appropriate because you did not know I will be look at this a facilitator of your dream and or Vision I will always be affirming I will stay motivated and be accountable I look at all the thoughts that came in and again this was before I said I look at all the thoughts not about what I'm going to get but what I'm going to give I don't think you're ready to say Yes until you have a solid list of all the things you are going to give to the child of God.

That person on the other side of your desire is the child of God and God wants the best, fill the Holy Spirit in this God wants the best for the person that God is preparing for you, that's why you must be complete because you don't, no You are praying for a broken spouse, so that's my reason. service to be the best version of me hello so I can match what I'm praying even if it takes time we're tracking well number four so I like to recap I must be able to say I know myself I must be able to say I'm complete I must be able to say I want to give I want to give this to someone I want to give this to someone not just get I want to give this to someone number four I have to be able to say this I have a vision for my life, in other words, if you don't have a vision for your life, you're not ready right now.

I didn't say a vision of your life for your entire life because how can you have that but a meaning? where you are going I have a vision for my life habach 2:2 of course I am going to use that then the Lord answered me and said write the vision and leave it clear on tables so that anyone can read it well how can I marriage is a vehicle like I can get in the car if I don't know where I'm going, how can I qualify for you to be my life partner? If I don't have the vision defined for me, how am I going to qualify whether or not you are the one and I don't know where I'm going?

Hello, why do you have to have sense has to align with the right purpose let me tell you something vision and purpose will be one of the healthiest qualifiers for your spouse than just about anything else, look, look at everything that has to happen inside of you for yourself first, I have to know where I'm going, think about when you get a when, when you order an Uber, look what happened when you order an elevator or Uber, any ride. share what you use, there has been an agreement, you entered the app and said I go from here to there, that's an agreement, they make out and usually that destination is verified again, man, open that door, you say that you go to 4126.

We call it okay, yes, okay, there is an agreement, an agreement was made beforehand and then that agreement was confirmed before you got in the car, you have to have a vision, you don't have to have all the details, but you have to know where you go so that there can be, I'm getting into the next one, but so that there can be some kind of divine confirmation, it's so much more than them looking good and smelling good and being good and happy and treating you well it makes me sick when I ask someone why. he's ready to get married he just treats me so good she treats me so good so what yeah say it now that's like yeah oh man I'm on my soapbox now I mean literally literally I just like that they're supposed to treat you right, that's not a wonderful attribute, but look at this, the standards are so low that this person is potentially my suitor simply because they treat me well, I don't even know if that.

It was on my list where are we going yeah I care about you you look good you smell good you talk good and treat me good treat me good but where are we going? I can't build a marriage with cologne and you sure can't build one with looks. Because all that is going to change, hey, but the purpose shares values, we are going in the same direction, moving in the same direction, can you imagine that Sarah and I called, she was not preaching when we met, she was not, God had in it, of course? but she wasn't doing that, she was blogging, from time to time she did some things.

Here he introduced her father, but like Sarah Jake Roberts, you see, she wasn't there, she was in it, so what if she was with some fool who smells? Well, maybe she had some money, but she was broken and therefore insecure, so when she wanted to take a step, come on, don't play with me, when she wanted to take a step in the fullness of her calling, the insecurity kicks in. and he's talking about wives. your husband and go sit somewhere where you don't know what's in you if I was broken it wouldn't work if she was broken it wouldn't work either because I'm going to do what I do and she can't be intimidated and I can't be intimidated we have to be complete, it wouldn't have worked in any way if we weren't complete and if we didn't have an idea of ​​where we were going, are you following?

I'm going to get to this last one, when we're going to get into some Q&A, oh God, look at the filming time, sorry, okay, okay, last one, we'll recap, these are the things you have to be able to say. I know myself. I am complete. I want to give in this

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to someone I have a vision for my life five I have a word from God that you are the one who saves the best for last the one God has chosen for you God will highlight and confirm and I'm not talking about playing the drums or do you want Let it be so bad that you say God, if I get on the highway and I see two white cars when I get to work, that's a sign from the holy spirit because it's white and two cars. come together, that's not what I'm talking about and let me tell you something in all honesty, the only way you can be sure it's God is to sacrifice it by listening to God, that's a completely different teaching, but I can tell you by listening to God, at the end of the day, it all comes down to you really wanting to hear God, no matter what God says, don't get into the prayer, please, please, say he's the one.

Jesus, please, please, please, say she's the one, please, Jesus, please, oh, please, Jesus, please. I beg you, say that he is the one you keep saying enough that you go listen, oh Jesus, you answered me, there is no job like that, it works more like that, don't my will be done, your will be done, God, I like it this person and this person is absolutely. incredible god but I only want what you have for me and in fact I am fasting and I am going to go and tell that person I need some time I am going to tell that person I am going to follow a 21 day fast and that We can't talk for 21 days I may not even give you the details this is what I'm going to do because God I want to hear from you and God if I don't hear from you I won't move don't play with me because there's no news it's not good news he doesn't speak no it's no yes the only thing it is yes is yes you have to have a word from God I'm going to stop because we I have about 18 minutes for questions want you to line up there Kristen or Trist okay hello Pastor Tor Thank you very much for helping us tonight.

I really appreciate you being so open about this word that you have quickly received from God. I just want to say that I actually watched your video from 9 years ago this morning. Oh wow, it's so ironic that I saw that and now I'm here again, so I definitely feel a Divine Purpose being in this space. I have a two in one question. I usually prepare my questions beforehand, so I'll start with that one so it doesn't take too much time. Well, my parents were married for 23 years and then they divorced. So my first question would be what do you do?

I recommend C married couples overcome their challenges, which are sure to come with any marriage and it's great. Ilove that before you answer if it's okay. I would also like to raise this that just occurred to me, so I do believe. that I do know because I know that I have had a Divine word from God um and I have also prayed to him in the sense that look, if not for me, I need him to make it as clear as possible and then, literally, inside Over a 48 hour period I see all these signs that it's clear to you what I'm showing you but I haven't done it yet.

I haven't really felt like I've received the confirmation that I want to receive. Sorry sir, then you get confirmation about the person. Yes, but you haven't received it. just that last part I just didn't fully understand Sorry, I feel like I've received confirmation about the situation in the person, but I don't feel like I've received confirmation the way I want to hear it. if in the way you want to hear it yes, oh that's interesting in the way you prefer to hear it or you have a history of hearing God in a particular way and therefore you want God to speak to you in the way that He has spoken to you before is that what makes a particular way of hearing from him your desire I think is my failure to recognize how God is speaking to me now I think it has to do with that um I'm in a space where it's a spiritual confirmation and not a physical or verbal confirmation.

Okay, okay, so you have verbal physical, you don't have spiritual. I have spiritual, but I don't have physical or verbal. Oh, okay, so I mean the spiritual one. the confirmation is because God is a spirit, so he will speak to your spirits, these things are discerned spiritually, what Paul writes about in Corinthians, um, that's it, but in the midst of all that, you have some checks to overcome, since whether it's tests of yourself or tests of the spirit you have to be convinced and stop and I'm going to get to the first part of your question you have to be convinced through confirmation and you're still not there for some reason and you're blaming him, he has confirmed it, but not in the way I want, but you have to respect control, always respect control, especially when it comes to something that is so important, so I would, I would, I would, I would, I would postpone it um. and that's an ironic thing that I'm doing now because I did a podcast, my podcast, I talked about positive procrastination, the idea that there was procrastination is positive when you need time with that idea to get more information, so I would do that.

I would not move until I am positively sure not just through a word, but through several things that lie. You have to put it back before the Lord again. I wouldn't move until I had it until my entire being was okay with the fact that this. It's what God is saying in relation to tools or challenges or just things that you know you're going to face. I think one thing I would say and this is something easy to remember, never give up before you grow. Marriage is one of the only relationships that forces you to grow, it demands growth, because of the proximity, it brings things up with each other.

There is a passage, he says, a friend, an associate, I'll tell you what in Hebrew. an associate loves at all times, but a brother or a close person with whom you are closely connected is born for adversity, but that word for adversity has to do with Jewish thought, you, you, fought, if you love someone, you fight , fights. the person you love your sparring partner is not trying to hurt you he is trying to make you better so in marriage and I say a lot of things but I know in marriage you train or fight to get better and much more.

Sometimes what happens is when things get tough, the couple gives up before they grow, so I would say um and I would also say that the Bible says to live with each other according to understanding, so I would always be praying to try to understand my spouse. particularly as they grow and evolve and change, so I would say don't give up before you grow up and always be praying for God to give you understanding about a person, there is a way to be in relationship with that person at all times. right, I'll be praying for you yeah, thank you, okay, I heard a lot in this whole conversation, well, this whole presentation, um, I guess, okay, so what I heard is like the whole time you were talking and based on all the communications. questions that we were getting, I was hearing how to pour out a blessing, you won't have enough room to receive, what is your wholeness, is what I'm hearing, um um, a lot of questions like it's all coming together and I'm receiving.

To my question, putting it all together like he asked and he's probably in his 30s, I mean how do you know you're complete and then we have someone who's been married for 30 years and he's still growing so it's like I hear you like God. out your retention is a blessing that you don't have enough room to receive and you have a vision sharing it with others things like that how do you practice because you and S have been married for a while and you still have the list that you created before you got married so what regime I say that you practice being single to also master being alone in a Latin sense and develop your holes, all in one, while accepting those holes and then? wanting to share that with someone else without tainting your holes or your vision made all of that make sense to you well you preached a little um um I want to address wholeness when I say wholeness we are all on a journey towards wholeness so we are whole we are complete in Christ, but then we have to come out of that fullness every day and we go from level to level, from glory to glory, regardless of the level of Holiness that I am talking about. about whether you're good to yourself, you and God, that's the level of wholeness we have to get to because if I'm not good to just me and God, I'm not saying you don't want someone, but I do. saying at the end of the day my relationship with God I'm trusting God for my life Point blank That's the basis of the wholeness or integrity that I think a person must have to be ready to say yes, um, you said a lot of things, uh , but it's good, no, that's good, that's, I mean, that means this conversation is moving you, um, what I can't remember, what I'm asking is what single relationship practices do you do?

I need, okay, I'm sorry, so I mean, I talked about that a little bit, but it's about my relationship with the Lord, it's like, um, it's spending time with him, it's being real, um, with God, so When I got divorced for the first time I was On the first single I didn't like being alone, so what I would do is run away from myself. I would run away because there is a reason some people don't like themselves. You may have self-love, but you don't have self. -like true, I actually like myself, I can go and be around, I can go and fly to Cali or fly anywhere right now by myself and have fun, so you know, not only do I love myself, but I really like myself and so when I did it for the first time.

I got divorced. I didn't want to be alone because I didn't want to face it. I think he probably had some shame, probably some guilt, all that kind of stuff. You know, I had some things like that and that's how I did it. I don't want to face it, so I think one discipline is trusting God's love and your ability to make progress enough to go into that room and really do the work, as if you were really running away from what you had to do in the first place. last instance. anyway and I was running I was running all those quotes for me all those quotes in quotes that I didn't call all of that was me running away from these conversations that God and I needed to have because for some reason I was afraid of those conversations but when I got into those conversations all I got was affirmation God, I love you, you know son, I love you, I have plans for you, I've been with you since you were a kid, you're mine, all that kind of stuff, so I would do it. saying do the hard work without being afraid to really just lean on you and God um I think that was a big thing for me and I healed myself in the context of that and uh and that was all I needed yeah, but we did it. to get out, we're all getting out, yeah, hey, hey, family, I feel like we're family, I don't read all your books and Sarah, so I feel like I know you, but my question is are you complete within yourself? which can lead to you becoming set in your ways, um, like she said, how do you start to let someone into your wholeness when you start to feel like no, I'm good to everyone, God and I, we're here, it's okay. , so I never said, you say I?

I'm good to everyone, right, uh, because it's okay, but this is a wonderful question. I'm so glad you did it because there is a false version of being complete and the false version of being complete is: I don't need anyone. I'm alone, I'm okay, I'm alone and really, sometimes, that's the fear of rejection, I mean, sometimes it's that you've been hurt a lot and look at this, the Bible says that the um delayed something, delayed. makes the heart sick, what is it? hope deferred hope deferred all you preachers up here hope deferred makes the heart sick so when I've been waiting for a long time and I start to see this Throw away my trust trust but I don't I really want to, I'm too religious to admit that I've thrown away my trust , so I say I don't need anyone, just me and Jesus will be fine, but deep down it's not like that, so that's just, I'm not saying it's like that. where you come from or that's how a person can get there, but it's a place that a person can get to, so I think when you're complete you're actually open because when you're complete you're not afraid of anything, you trust God's plan. and if God allows something wonderful to come into your life, you're open because you know you'll qualify for it, so you don't have to be afraid of not protecting it or whatever. and you are so one with God that you will smell a rat, they have to match your Holy Spirit, come on, they have to match your anointing, they have to match your spirit, this is how I would respond: okay, you're welcome, okay brother .

Sir brother, I don't have any questions. I just wanted to share a scripture, but I also wanted to confirm what my sister said before. I saw his wife on the future wife podcast today, yes, and I only hear her version. this, I was literally praying, it was like man, I hope I can get them both on the podcast one day to share, but God brought it all together tonight, it's powerful, I haven't seen it yet, I want to see it, man, it's amazing. she also spoke very highly of you oh wow um but uh my brother who asked about you, you know, know yourself, one of my favorite scriptures that, uh, the Lord has kept in my heart in this season, is Colossians chapter 3, verses 1-4. don't play with me hey play with me Spirit come on say yes then you were resurrected with Christ seek the things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God set your mind on the things above not on those above the earth because you died and your life It is hidden within with Christ in God when Christ, who is our life, appears then you, your true self will also appear with him in glory, and this is not something that just happens after death, this is heaven on Earth. that we experience now I think many of us know our worldly selves I think many of us know our church selves, we don't really know ourselves as children of God, come on man, let me tell you something that is powerful and for God. to give you that Revelation God is speaking to you because it is a deep Revelation that God does not give to anyone what is your name Frederick what Frederick Douglas Bailey I will not forget God bless you thank you for sharing that we I have time for one more.

I think what's probably best for you to do is log out or we can. Can we continue like this for a bit? Okay, we'll continue like this. We will continue like this. We are supposed to log off at 9. : people online we are GNA keep going let's continue with this last question I'm going to pray for the room Hello, how are you? I'm a big family, okay, I just have one question. I've always been like this. like one foot in one foot out of relationships, okay, just out of fear of commitment, seeing my mother and other women in my life, get lost and that's why I've always been afraid, so it's a fair assessment to think that I still You could, as a spouse, have space and it would be fair to have space for yourself.

Know? Is it fair to ask that and still be in a committed relationship? Yes absolutely. So in the balance of my book I can't remember the chapter, but I can tell you the concept um, I talk about the difference between being selfish and being full of yourself the difference between being selfish and being full of yourself is selfish is selfish are you self-absorbed is you're self-aware and I mean, that's the Bible love your neighbor as you love yourself, so the Bible literally instructs us to have a very, very healthy relationship with ourselves and that is It actually becomes the reference point by which we determine how we are in relation to others.

We understand that we are, even though we are in a union, we are also individuals and we will never stop being that and we respect each other, we respect each other as individuals and that is why it is important to not only have a vision for your life. but having a vision of what marriage is like, so when I do premarital accounts I don't do much, but I do some. I want to knowWhat is your vision for marriage, what is marriage like, and that is why I believe that each person should have space in particular, if you have children, all kinds of things, you need a break, you know you need it, how do I do it?

One of the things that keeps me whole and one with God is my time away from my family is not that crazy and it hurts to leave and sometimes I feel guilty. You know I'll run away soon. I'm tired. You know what I mean? I have to go to the presence of God and you feel guilty. but you can't feel guilty about getting what you need so you can come back and offer your family a better version of yourself. You understand what I'm saying now, if you go out and you're not getting better, that's a problem, but the reason Sarah lets me go is because she knows that, oh, my husband comes back, he'll be more compassionate, he'll be, he'll be more capable, you know, but no, no, don't be afraid. of losing yourself I understand it and it happens to some people um but you just have to set your limits and this is what it takes you have to know how to know yourself you have to know what it takes to be you and if Yes what It takes space to be you periodically, so you have to be it and you communicate that to your Suitor.

You know, as they talk again, getting to know themselves. I need, I need to ride my motorcycle, at some point I need to do that. fly to California sometimes and just spend it, you know, three days looking at the ocean, you know what I mean, that's very, very important in a relationship and you don't have to sacrifice it and I'm fine, I have to go, uh, I love them in line, people. um very quickly um please take the survey we want to know how to improve this is very important the classes and the topics that we have raised um you all contributed so please take the survey we want to know how we did what we did can improve uh just take a second it's there too if you didn't have the opportunity to sew to donate to sew in this ministry maybe even to sew in this message you know our pmts are here our PMT is here he has an envelope, they are also giving instructions.

I think so, right behind me on the screen. If you're watching through a live stream, stitch this. My vision is every time you have a word here as a target word. I always do what Abraham did. I always put seeds in the ground of that word God that you told me. I literally built an altar there and so you can do it this way. This is great. I just want to pray for you online. Those who are here uh I just want to take a minute and pray for you father thank you very much for our time together uh Lord we thank you for your word it will not return to its emptiness I thank you for each person here we are all in various situations and circumstances, but we only pray that something was said that would make each of us better in some way.

We thank you for your love. I thank you for each and every gift. Blessed individual present online. May we come out of this better. In the name of Jesus. Amen. amen