Psychological Safety in the Salon with Andrew Carruthers & Stephanie Russell

me to be sure. Victoria keeps posting hmm and I'm still with you. I'm very interested in all this, it's great, so I have a question. If we don't want to go down that path, you just say: I'd rather go in a different direction. but I'm curious is it worth it? It's worth addressing how we know if we're not

psychological

ly safe. I was actually hoping it would get there because sometimes the way to identify if we are is to actually identify when we're not okay and that's why I have um and I'm going to go to my notes here because I don't want to miss anything, but I have three um, yellow light. , red light, green light, um, so yeah, so you want to know if you're a

psychological

ly safe person and This Andrew, this hit me in the heart for a second.

Now I will say be compassionate with yourselves, so if you identify with a yellow or red light, I want you to understand that I did too at times and that this is a spectrum for what it can be. a light brown green. I'll explain what this all means in a minute, but I just want to set this up, but I can be a green light person in a minute and then something in my environment can make me feel a certain way so that I am now a yellow light person and maybe even a red light person on certain days, so someone isn't necessarily categorized all the time as one or the other and there are ways out of that, but we need to know what they are.

They are the first, so did you just do it? You just demonstrated a bit of psychologically safe setup. I did it well. I was responding. I have the feeling that she makes us feel safe in recognizing whether we are in a green, yellow or red. I love that beautifully done, thank you, thank you, yeah, and that's it, so I'm actually glad you brought that up too because when we work with guests or when we work with our

salon

teams. sometimes this configuration is how we create, sometimes not always the configuration, it's always the configuration Andrew and how we create the security um, but I'll get into it because I know we have limited time and honestly, this is very juicy, okay, so the first part is um, I'll tell you a green light person, so this is just a description, so a green person is someone who is curious, someone who is open, empathetic, warm, kind, sincere, caring, interesting and, as you know, as beauty professionals, I can guarantee you, Andrew, that anyone here.

If that's where they're from and all of us human beings, um, unless you're a psychopath, which is less than one percent of the population, we all have this in us to be green lights, so you know you're psychologically safe. You're a green light for psychological

safety

when you're those things so I'd love to know if anyone feels like you know it's them uh and if it's them today I should say so because again this is going to change and then the next one is the yellow light and that's the rush, you know, kind of focused on myself and not in the way that it's more about focusing on yourself, I have so many things going on today that I can't even do it. they don't have capacity for anything else um they're uh they're busy that would be a word like if uh if you're someone I love you very much if you're someone who constantly uses the word busy you're you're when you're saying those words you're psychologically yellow you're psychologically safe in the yellow zone um again I love you so much now won't be observant you know there's so much going on they can't really see around them uh has empathy so when you're yellow, like yellow people, they have empathy, they might not have time to be. empathetic, and they are interested, they may not have time to be interested, and so when I read this, I identified a lot as yellow.

I thought, oh, Steph, stiff neck, my dad calls me Steph Nick, um, I thought you've got some work to do girl, uh, and then the next step is the red light and the red light. it's not being aware it's being self-centered more so distant um strong points of view this for me was a big aha moment because um I taught a psychologically safe classroom class and when I said I'll read the rest I'm getting ahead of myself uh now you have a point of view narrow view internally focused on consciousness and it comes from pain and I asked them to describe what each one is and I would love for the audience to do this themselves too, like just try to think of a person who could be a green light, a light yellow or a red light and they called the red light Donald trumpet donalda trumpet is what they call the workplace and I was like, yeah, but it was great because in the end they had so much compassion for donnella because we I looked at why Daniela could be like that, right, and a lot of psychological

safety

actually comes from compassion and that's why I wanted to bring it into the classroom world because I'm like Andrew, we're already there, we have so much compassion, but the unfortunate thing is that we often feel compassion fatigue and so So, you know, and burnout in our industry, when we're constantly, we're in the yellow zone and when we're that busy stylist, then, you know, we tend to be more yellow zone and so we're floundering psychologically insecure.

I hope that clarifies a little bit that no, that's really amazing and I have a couple of questions because I definitely recognize the yellow zone quite a bit, which I think a lot of rooms on Earth would probably find themselves in that yellow zone, very often because there is compassion , there is empathy, there is a level of curiosity, but they just don't have time to do anything. about it and that's why I love, I really love that distinction that you're in a yellow zone here, yeah, like you're not on a red light, but you're also not on a green light right now because if you don't have time to move on with your curiosity, you don't have time to be present with your empathy, it won't, it won't actually create that safe space even though that's your intention exactly exactly.

I have a really specific question about that. It might have come up for a couple of others too, especially since they do a lot of training around communication. One of the red light traits was strong opinions, so is there a way to still have strong opinions but still be a green light person? Yes, oh Andrew. Beautiful question, I have a feeling you know the answer, but I love that you brought it up. um, yeah, not really, yeah, it's curiosity, so you can take a firm stance, the danger goes to extremes, Andrew, and you know that definitely.

I don't want this to be a political stance or anything because that's not what happened with everything that's been going on with the pandemic, we had the left and the right, so when you have extremes on both sides, it becomes a lot. It's harder to meet in the middle, the further you are from the Middle, the gray area, the longer the time, the harder it will be to get there, so we can't meet in the middle, so then think about how far it is, try. To focus, uh, think about how far it is if someone is completely to the left and someone is completely to the right, think about how far it takes to meet each other, you have to reach that point.

What are the chances of that happening? The further away we are, the further we will be at the extremes and the more closed we will be, so that leads to psychological insecurity, but not only because that is not just psychological and safe for someone else, you know. In the end, who cares about you? It's not really about who cares, but if you can really be psychologically safe with yourself, then you automatically care about other people and so you want to be that for yourself, so even if you care. Because I'll tell you now, Andrew, and I don't think there's anyone here.

When I say who cares, I'm talking to someone who has read. Because if they are in it they don't care, they can't have the capacity. worry about anything but themselves and that's why I'm talking to you right now, if anyone here can identify that I'm in a red zone right now. I love you, it's just a point in your life but it is possible to get out of it and curious about your answer your question very directly is how do you start to be curious and open yes, yes, yes. I love that because I think my curiosity came about because when I heard the red light.

You know, in strong opinions it's like, well, I have pretty strong opinions about some things, but I feel pretty psychologically safe around people, um for the most part, and there's definitely some controls there, me too and I and I like it. that distinction no. It doesn't mean I can't have strong opinions, but to be psychologically safe with another person I have to intervene with some sense of curiosity because if I'm just there to tell you what I think you need to know, there's no psychological problem. security there, it's just me trying to control or manipulate, that's exactly it.

I'm really glad you brought that up, um, because it's very hard to look inward and say I'm manipulative, right, but at the moment when we're trying to convince someone, which is so there's proof that you can do this no. it has nothing to do with psychological safety as such, but in a way it does um there is a test that you can do from positive psychology um.com I can link it later I can put it in this one in the comments um and you can go and you can do an evaluation of a saboteur and one of the saboteurs is a controller and when I read what a controller was and that was my number one Saboteur at the time uh and I read it and I said oh wow wow because it was manipulation it came from a place part of the anxiety because I felt anxious, so I would do my best to be sure, Andrew, that's why I love this topic so much because I recognize a lot of the solutions I needed within it, right? and then I would control everything because I just needed to be sure and the way to do it.

I'll make sure to do this. I'll be sure to tell someone to do it just to be sure he micromanaged it just to be sure they did it. In fact I was a manager at a

salon

Andrew if I had my time back I would honestly do things very differently and although it was good it wasn't great you're right and it wasn't great because it wasn't psychologically great. sure that's why due to the fact that I was micromanaging I didn't trust anyone enough I didn't feel confident that they did it and I never gave them the opportunity to do it as well um Katie behind the scenes who is posting under Sam through a professional found the assessment of The Saboteur so if you're curious about the assessment of The Saboteur you can that link is now in the comments for you um Shirley I asked RedZone and it's a defensive reaction yeah that's exactly what it really is um That's it, in the end, that's actually it, defense mechanisms are one of the pieces of awareness when we can start to recognize when we are defensive, we can avoid going from the yellow light to the red light or even realize when We are starting to enter. yellow if we are just trying to protect ourselves, think about the word defense which literally means to establish a defense around ourselves and in this case we are establishing a psychological defense mechanism or we are establishing an emotional mechanism. defense mechanism or you know, I love energy, an energetic defense mechanism, whatever language that speaks to you, but that's exactly what we're doing and it's legitimately just to keep us safe, that's all and I think the good thing about this type of red light. yellow light green light concept because I started to wonder, well, how do we move?

You know, if we're in red, probably getting to Green right or right away might be too much, but it's like we can look to yellow. okay and say "it's okay", can I find some empathy? Maybe I don't necessarily need to take full action and become Mr. Curious right now because that's not the place I'm not in, but can I find some empathy here? Can I find a little touch of curiosity, you know, and to move in a certain direction, so I think it's a great system because I think a lot of times, especially in that red zone, we're probably a little bit activated, we're in a defensive mechanism and it's It's hard to get out of that, yeah, like when Wendy just said, I love to exactly assess your situation and I think this tool is great to be able to assess your situation.

Yes, it is so simple that it is easy to use, very accessible, now that is another thing. when we have a lot of different people looking here and what I love about this whole concept is that it reaches out to everyone, there's no one that you know that doesn't affect you, so if you're a salon owner and you're looking at this or planning to. being a salon owner looking at this, one of the things you can do, take an example from that is, you know, is to really simplify your communication, have open communication with people because one of the ways that we accidentally make who around us have more Yellow light tendencies or red light tendencies is when they feel like communication they don't know what's going to happen next, no one is openly communicating with them, they have no idea and I think that tends to be the first step, um . where people can go a little bit off and it's because they're not open and it could be because maybe they feel a little yellow light,It takes a little vulnerability to have open communication, but if you're not ready to be vulnerable yet, that's okay, keep it simple, so don't overcomplicate your communication, make sure you give simple directives and if that's where you need to start, that's it. awesome, that's cool, so it was cool because that was going to be where I had an accident. are some of the practical tips that you know to forget about ourselves in the right direction, so one would be to simplify, yes, yes, just simplify your communication, the other.and be direct, be as direct as you can, because many Sometimes by avoiding having a conversation, especially what may be considered a difficult conversation, we actually let things fester, but what ends up being acrimony, what does acrimony mean? and we.

I know what it means for an injury because, um, psychological damage actually means psychological trauma and although there can be different levels of trauma, sure, but some trauma compounds and what ends up happening is we have frequency, duration and intensity. , and so yeah We're often dealing little trauma hits by not being open and direct in our communication um or uh let's say maybe we have a yellow light leaning towards maybe orange like in the middle, right, um and then we have a reaction intense to something. So we haven't built trust yet because our interactions have often made people question and made people wonder what's going on, not explicit enough, so they're on the coast and now we've added that to it today.

I'm a little intense, so coming at you intensely, well, I can't stand that today, but if there's a level of trust with your team, if you've had more open communication, if you've communicated frequently, if you've communicated . simply and explicitly, then the team members say, "Okay, I can take this today." something is actually really interesting, so there was a CEO now. I don't think this will ever happen. I just thought, wow, I don't think that happens in the salon industry. I hope not, anyway, but there was a CEO in France in 2019 I think he was in prison because 35 employees died by suicide and he was found guilty, so it's one of those things where we underestimate the impact of a culture and any relationship really, yeah, well, I think.

It's also good to check: the frequency, the intensity, the duration, yes, because the truth is that it is in the communication and I think you set it up very well for those who might have joined us when we start to see this. things, we also have to do it with compassion for ourselves because we all do this as if there is not a single person out there, maybe the Dalai Lama, but other than that, most of us are going to have moments where we are going to say something that I didn't realize that pain or pain caused that little moment of pain, but if it happens frequently, okay, we have to check if the intensity is really strong, okay, you have to check a little here if it is happening, you know, if you're in this for a long period of time, we have to check it, but there's also some forgiveness in this, sure, yeah, we have to know, we're not always going to be green light communicators, exactly Andrew, I know I would.

I don't want to set it up, I'm sorry, I have a tickle in my throat right now, um, but I wouldn't want to set it up so that people don't feel that way, so that people feel like all is lost if they recognize any. of these things and it's just that not everything is fixable and actually, it's beautiful to see when we really come out and we're like, you know, I haven't always been psychologically safe and I'm willing to learn and grow right there. I just built the foundation for trust and that's that little bit of vulnerability and that you know, that awareness and basically saying I'm sorry and I want to do better, that's all it takes, I mean, even with parenting when They talk about security. relationships and parenting really, to have a beautiful relationship and a secure relationship with your child, you really just have to be 30 of that, that's what the statistics show if you're 30 and you're willing to admit your guilt if you're 30 um. vulnerable and if you are there to help with the attachment in the relationship with your child then that is enough to create a secure relationship and therefore it is not about perfection at all Andrew, it is about regaining the will , openness, curiosity in to help these relationships and recognize that we have a great impact on other people and especially when we are in this industry before.

I really want to make sure I make this point clear before we finish because I feel very strongly about it and all. I don't know if any of us as beauty professionals really recognize our impact while he was researching this. There are actually articles about it, like Psychology Today, which has one about how people share with their specific stylist, but with any beauty professional. how much more they share than their therapists, I mean, gosh, sometimes we even call ourselves therapists, so yeah, I think it's the most fun, but that means we have an impact on people, so if I can really take the It's our responsibility to be a psychologically safe individual, then I can have a big impact on those in my chair and I highly recommend that anyone here who likes this topic and wants to be, go and do your psychological health, that is, your health Mental first. it helps because if you're a mental health first responder you'll be surprised how much you'll use those skills uh and I don't teach that, but I set it up in Newfoundland and we started doing it with hairdressers here, um, which is really cool, but wherever it is, there are programs available in your city, in your area, for sure and it's very helpful for Andrew to have that skill set and I think because we have such a beautiful influence, um, I think. which is something that can really change can change the world and that may sound big but I think it's true oh, I totally agree with you.

I totally agree with you. I agree 100 and Shirley said underpaid therapist and when she said oh Lord yes because it is so true. um, I was actually one of the first people to find out about one of my clients, um, her husband's suicide, yeah, she hadn't felt comfortable talking to her friends about it, her family, I was the first person. with whom he spoke about this and I was very grateful. At that point I had started my coach training, yes, I had the training to know how to remain neutral when receiving information like that and I imagine that some of you who are watching have had some of these moments where it's almost like nonsense, OK?

Wow, they just gave me something really huge, what do I do with this? And you know, because sometimes our first reaction is not necessarily the safest psychological thing, which could be coddling or you know you know there's more sympathy than sympathy, so I think My point is I totally agree. In fact, I think part of our cosmetology education should be how to be safe behind the chair with these levels of conversations that are presented to us because many times we don't even have a choice. like oh hey Andrew guess what yeah and it's funny because so compassion fatigue what we don't do because we're not in the medical industry and it's usually used for nurses and doctors and whatever it's called Secondary trauma is trauma. that is shared with us and then we take it on as our own and I recognized that when I was going through all this information.

I knew I had accomplished something here for the salon industry because of this because of the overall. psychological safety issues when I read compassionate I said oh my gosh how many or oh my gosh how many times have I had someone in my chair sharing something with me and then at the end of my day I'm so emotional? I'm exhausted and then I go home and come up short with my husband and then an argument starts. You know I'm not saying that that happened, but you know this is what happened and so, but in these ways and I mean.

I'm making light of it a little bit, but it's true, so then it spreads and then what is Andrew really? I really want to leave this with people. That's why we're not bad people and I would love for us to do it. stop judging our behavior and start being curious about our behavior and also the behavior of others, because the moment we can stop blaming or shaming the behavior in ourselves and others because we are having a bad day, we have bad time like who doesn't, then the whole world will be psychologically safer and, again, I know I'm talking big but very passionately about this because I believe it's true and therefore if I can really say that it's Well, you know, I had a bad day.

I know why I'm going to give you an example this weekend, so I'm in this job, like I'm doing this job all the time. I know you are too. Andrew likes nervous system regulation. There are so many topics that I can. It talks about how to really get into psychological safety and be psychologically safe, but on Saturday my dog ​​just had surgery and he slipped and hurt himself again. Fortunately it was temporary, but my nervous system went from zero to a hundred and then That night we had people over and my friend was talking to me about it and I didn't realize how deregulated my nervous system was.

She was in the pure yellow zone leaning towards the red zone and I actually lost my cool with her and at one point I felt embarrassed because you know I had this story in my head like I was a coach. I should know better. You know I am a psychological safety facilitator. I should know better why, how, why I exploded and then I had a moment of compassion for myself and I said Stephanie because you've had a really hard day, that's all and luckily my friendship can survive me losing my temper for a moment and she accepted the apology and that was it so this isn't about perfection it's about giving compassion okay yeah beautiful and thank you so much for that story because one of the things I've always appreciated about you, even to through your social media, it's your vulnerability, your willingness to say hey, look, I'm a coach, that's right.

I studied and I still dropped the ball today, so I think those kinds of stories help us all feel like, oh, okay, yeah, I mean, look at Stephanie, she studies this stuff, she teaches this stuff despite who lost his cool with his friend, okay, great. I don't have to beat myself up so much about this kind of stuff, so thank you for that. Honesty, as we start to wrap this up, how are you going to bring this to the salon industry? Because I know that is your great passion now. I'm actually taking this and bringing it specifically to this lending industry, so I started a program called psychologically safe salons and I'm accepting applications for it, like taking phone calls.

It takes a certain will to do it. "The work is right, so there is work involved, as you know Andrew, when you take on any coaching client, but I go to the salon so you can do psychologically safe salons. You'll get a certificate at the end, and basically we'll get a certificate." I will do a two day training where I will first share with leaders how they can be psychologically safe leaders and even little things that people don't recognize that actually exist at least in Canada and I'm pretty sure in the US. It's your responsibility too.

As an employer to do it, most people have no idea that legally if you hire people you have to follow these steps, so I do it with them and then I do it with the whole team. Make it a beautiful interactive day and a half because on half days with the leaders we do a day and a half program where I take them through a bunch of activities that lead them to take a deep dive into how we reduce harm number one. and then the fun part, how we increase well-being, and I'm really passionate about that because it's all the stuff you know, the self-care stuff that I think we've heard so much about this that we've almost passed it by.

It's almost like we're having it, um, we almost ignore it now because it's so much in our faces, but it's something that we actually need more of because that's how we get the green light, that is, if they have the care and compassion that we have. We have for ourselves so it's a pretty fun day to have a super informative process, something like what you said we should have had in school and I'm very proud, I'm very proud to bring this to the salon industry so that Can they Contact me to get in touch if you are curious?

Great and the best way to do it through wavesociety.ca. They can do it or um there's an email as soon as you contact me um or They can text me so either way through Instagram or Facebook if you have me there yeah you can do that I'll take your call no matter where you know I'm great, yes, amazing, I love it, thank you very much. This is absolutely enlightening so you know how psychological safety can benefit. I think all of us on many levels, not just in our workplace, butI definitely see the impact it can have, especially within the classroom, where the whole issue is leadership.

Stylist and then also from The Stylist to the actual client, this is going to be really epic, really huge for our industry, so thank you for bringing this to us, thank you for inviting me to talk about it, as you can see, I love it, I really rest. from your evening YouTube goodbye everyone thank you