Ayda Shares Her Reaction To Husband Robbie William’s Documentary | Loose Women

oh god, I haven't seen it and that's a couple of times I've seen it. I find it very difficult to watch, so I can completely see and understand why you do it because you live this, you live those moments with him and you watch him. Again, it's obviously still very emotional for you, super upsetting. We were talking about this because I didn't see the

documentary

until the week before it came out, so I hadn't really seen any of the footage and you know, obviously, we. I've been together almost 18 years. I've heard all these stories, different stories, and they are stories, and they are painful stories, but for something to be a story that you have heard and for you to visualize it and then for yourself.

Watch it unfold in real time and see that you meet the person you love most in this world. See the trauma of him. It's like seeing the cuts. Seeing his pain and not being able to intervene and fix it. saving him to protect him is so disturbing, it's strange, it's obviously in the past, but you're watching it and you know you're watching someone experience deep pain and there's nothing you can do about it. and it becomes incredibly vivid when you see it unfold, it's so strange to see a story that you know from the past that is real and you know on so many levels it felt, I mean, I think after watching the

documentary

I felt like I had been emotionally run over by a bus, I just didn't do it, there was so much, there was so much to process and it gave me an even deeper understanding of his pain and his story, where he comes from and where his battles have been, you know, I'm incredibly proud of the man. which is today and I'm incredibly proud of his recovery and the way he's overcome some of this, but it's very hard for me to see you know when.

I saw those eyes in the potential clients when he looked up and you know, and everyone is there so excited and so happy and you know someone is hurting, it's so hard and he was so young too, you know, and I guess there's just no no roommate. It's there because addiction is a horrible thing, but you're supposed to enjoy every moment of it because you have this money, you have this crowd, but anyone can see the pain there and I was just trying to imagine if we think about why Mark, my

husband

, like you know, he's been sober for 20 years and I know a lot of the traumatic events in his life and I'm just trying to imagine if I really saw it like that, I don't know how. could stand and you will know as well as I do about rescue and within the world of addiction there is usually someone who will rescue that person and I don't know, it has been a difficult thing for you to accept because I at the beginning of Mark's recovery was told : You know you are a savior, you are both codependent.

I kept trying to change it, but in the end we both decided to like those roles quite a bit and it works, I mean, I did. I don't know I didn't have an A for that, it wasn't like I met Rob and it was like I was here to rescue you, you know, like I was here and a c, it was just me, you know, going back to the soulmate saying this . He's my person I'm going to protect him at all costs it wasn't a conscious choice of I'm the Savior he's the person I'm going to save it was just an organic evolution of our relationship and we're definitely codependent you know I didn't do it I didn't do it , I am happily codependent.

I know you can happily code strangely and codependency is not supposed to be a good thing and in toxic situations it's a very dangerous thing, but I actually really enjoy it. being Rob's person and you know, and he's my person and we're in the fold together, but this will resonate with so many people and not necessarily addiction, any caregiver of any kind watching the show right now will understand that kind of ruler. because you love this person, you want to do the best for them, but sometimes you need to be taken care of by the caregiver or the savior, they need a little help and love and that's basically what I was about to say.

Do you almost struggle with it? that you don't want to admit that you struggle with a well, I define it, I mean, this sounds like a therapy session, but I'm definitely like you know, but there's no one to help me, you know, only C, you know it is. It can be difficult because when you know that, I think especially with

women

we can feel that way with our children, not just with your partner, you know it's like I care completely about my children. I'm there, you know, I'll put myself last. on the list not because it's so amazing it's just what I do naturally I want everyone to be happy I'm a people pleaser I'm a you know that's my safe space um but sometimes yeah sometimes it's exhausting you want someone pick you up I look at my dog ​​pooping and I think it's your turn, you know, and she says, yeah, you know, I'm eight.

I'm eight. That's why I need a lot of help. of help, I'm very grateful for the fact that you know my ex-

husband

, um, Tim, the boy, and the boy's father was so brilliant with my mental illness and, um, and addictions, obviously, Lincoln and I are, I think that codependents, used to go. But I am financially independent. You're thinking that was a real weakness and I didn't really understand the meaning of that, but I think seeing Robbie there is really that trigger word going off and you know Twitter is going to do it. wow she's talking about herself but as someone who has performed on stage in front of people with abject anxiety other than nerves or bouts of depression and got over it and I always talk about my depression as a separate entity so a time I have Through this, I have to say, see, I did it with you, so I can do it without you and also you know, treat it as a separate entity, but looking at Matty just because I've never played for so many people looking at my son. when everyone says you're watching him play in front of 20,000 people and they say oh you must be so proud of course I'm proud, proud that you know my two sons, all my boys, but all I think about is is he okay? because He has a tendency to the dark side too and I look into his eyes as much as I can see to see if he's okay because you don't want to disappoint people so everyone, like Robbie Williams, appears as Matty. you know, he appears at any H, you know, he goes on stage, everyone screams and they are very happy and they think that you are very happy because you are in that position.

I think anyone could identify with that, with that love. who is struggling, it could be someone who has to go back and forth to work in an office today and has anxiety or depression and you know it's exhausting for the other person, it could be because you often have to put yourself second, but It can also be very rewarding, you know, if you've really gotten to know your person like you do, it's a beautiful thing to go back and forth even though it can be difficult, yeah, and I think it's a real measure of the person as well. , is it not the measure that you yourselves have the strength? and they say they get a lot in return, but they're still giving a lot and but it does, it can work, it's the answer, but it can be hard and sometimes I just need a moment for you and I think you need your friends and yours absolutely, of course yes, of course yes.