The Nun's Story - part1

Likewise, he who loses his life for me will find it. If you want to be perfect, go sell what you have and give it to the poor and come follow me. Each sister will understand that by entering the convent she has made the sacrifice of her life to God. May it go well for you. when you're ready father let's not wait for your hat to be raw I'm trying to put it on without a mirror to get used to it Marie I didn't want to say goodbye and I'd rather not see Louise she'll be so upset there's no chance I'll wait for her outside now Louise, I left some things upstairs for You and Marie divide the dresses but you keep the blue ones because blue is your color, take good care of Father, don't let him do it. too many trades in one day why do you have to leave anyway?

Pierre, come on, Gabby, I ordered the table for one, I wish you all as happy as I am, so Gabby, I can see you poor, I can see you chasing, but I can't. I see you, a girl with a strong character, obedient to those bells in the Congo, father, they will call me to work, I love you, you may never reach the Congo, you will certainly never be able to ask for it, you know, don't your personal desires cease? exist when you walk through that door maybe it would be easier if only father came in you are not an orphan nor are you going without your father's consent please remember this gabby remember if you ever decide that this is not right for you there is no feeling of failure when you return Home sister William Dr van der mal yes my name is Pasa you operated on me five years ago oh yes yes left lung wasn't that right? not the right can I introduce you to my daughter simone and my daughter gabrielle a great day dr vandemar sister I am sister margarita, teacher of postulants, welcome of course, you already know sister william from the hospital.

Sister william and i have shared many hours of anxiety. Sister william says gabriel will make a truly excellent nurse. I know you are largely responsible for that. I will miss it. her in my laboratory we will put it to good use in our real spirit, I think, but we call it stubbornness, you can do it too after a few weeks, we will enter shortly good afternoon doctor, good afternoon sister, I guess sister daisy is what they call a living ruler what is that they say if the sacred ruler of a convent was destroyed it could be recovered by studying the behavior of such a perfect man doctor the dowry I think he begot oh yes yes of course thank you doctor so goodbye father I will miss you you will do my best i want you to be proud of me i don't want to be proud of you i want you to be happy i am happy your number is 10.72 thank you sister you are blessed to have this number that belonged to sister mary pollycard she was a nursing sister in the congo when you have your things you will form two columns and face the door from now on your place in line is determined by your age in this community the first admitted is the oldest who is ivan davao, your hands must learn to stay still and out of sight, except when necessary for breastfeeding or praying.

I'm so glad you're here, Sister William, when you walk through that door. I will not be here during the six months that you are a postulant and the year is novice we cannot speak to each other except on work issues I did not know do not worry about your veils you will soon learn to dress without mirrors as you will learn tomorrow when we begin studying the holy rule that governs our life here in the community one of the first conditions is the rule of silence exterior and interior silence we observe the great silence from after chapel at night until after chapel in the morning now we will go to chapel at night prayers um then foreigner foreigner is christos foreigner dear children, you will have five days of instruction and preparation before the superior general formally admits you as postulants.

We constantly strive towards perfection through inner silence. The ultimate goal of this silence is to make constant conversation possible. with god therefore we do not speak loudly or engage in useless conversations we close the doors quietly whenever possible we use a kind of sign language this means can I have permission to speak? This means excuse me, shall we try? we do this to attract the sister's attention only the sleeve we never touch another sister of course we use signs especially during meals of course we never ask for things for ourselves each sister is alert to the needs of her sisters in the living dead children never We walk as if we had no place to go nor are we in a hurry when we walk through corridors and corridors we practice humility by walking close to the walls now tomorrow in the chapter house the superior general will formally admit you into the congregation and you will begin your semesters as postulants the reverend mother Emmanuel represents Christ among us and as such he is loved and obeyed by us who ask, my children, arise in the name of God, dear children, it is not easy to be a nun, it is not a life of refuge from the world, it is a life of sacrifice, in a certain way, it is a life against nature is an endless struggle for self-perfection some of you will have more problems than others poverty in obedience is extremely difficult each one of us here I can assure you that the sacrifices that are required of us are bearable only if we make them with love , just as in the world we can do impossible things with a radiant heart for a loved one, so it is with us we can endure greater sacrifices because the object of our love is our lord Jesus Christ in order to reach a closer union with our lord, you will be subjected to exercises and tests designed to eradicate your faults, curb your passions and prepare you to acquire virtues and grace if you question these exercises in humility these steps towards a closer union with our crucified lord you do not belong to us the christian life is It consists of an infinite number of small things.

You must try to live the holy rule not day by day but minute by minute in a state of constant alert against imperfections. The perfect nun is one who, for the love of God, is obedient in everything until death. Remember. dear children, you can very easily deceive us sisters but you will never be able to deceive yourself or god, the postulant will learn to strictly obey the bell which is the voice of god stops whatever she is doing instantly when she calls for other duties or devotions what's for lunch you know it doesn't matter? They won't let me eat it twice a day anyway for the rest of their lives. will examine your consciences and will write down in these notebooks each and every one of the imperfections against the holy rule, for example if you drink a glass of water between meals without asking permission if you leave a light on unnecessarily if you are late for work etc.

I accuse you I accuse myself of breaking the great silence I accuse myself of uncharitable thoughts about my sisters I accuse myself of having drunk a glass of water between meals without permission I accuse myself of lacking the modesty of my eyes I accuse myself of worldly desires I accuse myself of having spoken without need I died laughing during the great silence he abused me he accused me of daydreaming el sol dominus yesterday I visited one of our sisters who was in the hospital and your father was treating her she asked about you and about the congo and the bush station where you think she I would like to take care of you, I told her it was too early to think about it, of course, reverend mother, I will move on, I just want to become a good nurse and a good nun and do God's work.

Wherever they send me first, become a good nun, we select only the strongest sisters for our missions. Your nursing qualifications seem to make you a likely candidate, but you are still a long way from being mature in religious life. Maturity is the armor of our life. missionaries and this is not achieved in the day since tomorrow is the vesting day when you receive the novice habit today we must talk about detachment you have already detached yourself from family and friends now we have the difficult detachment from things and memories tonight when Go to your cells you will find parts of your new habit and on your tables the only belongings that you will be allowed from now on, a basket will be passed to you and you must put into it of your own free will any object you still have and that you can call.

Collect memories of your previous life. What do you ask, my daughters, do we ask for God's blessing and the favor of being received in this congregation? Are you firmly resolved to despise honors, riches, and all the vain pleasures of this world in order to prepare yourself? for a closer union with God you make this request of your own free will yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes may the lord who has started this bring it to perfection foreigner it is it it is come on my children get rid of the vanity of this world and receive for your bodies the habit of foreign humility I so so so yvonne de val will be known as sister mariet sebastian henriette de la croix will be known as sister marie bernadette simone passa will be known as sister marie christine cecile de planner will be known as sister marie joseph gabrielle van damme will be known as sister luke sister you are a beautiful nun you are blushing it happened to me too in my neighborhood we shouldn't blush I'm sure we shouldn't how can we avoid it? it must mean a bad self-awareness we should write it in our notebooks I don't know we should write that we talk to ourselves I always started your training as a postulant it has been mainly external now as novices to whom you will dedicate next year the actual training of a nun throughout that year none of you will leave the mother house we will pay special attention to the elimination of faults the control of passions and the acquisition of virtue so that you are born again in Christ we will have exercises to develop charity, tolerance and humility and trials To destroy self-love, two of these tests are kulper and penance.

From now on, in addition to writing in your notebooks once a week, you will proclaim before your sisters your external faults against the rule and yourself. You will be given a penance to perform in the refectory or chapel. The degree of humiliation will tell you how much pride is still alive in you. Only when your pride slowly crumbles. Will you be able to glimpse true humility for the first time if a sister has observed you in an external fault that you have not proclaimed it is her duty to proclaim you in charity so that you are aware of your errors and correct them I say my kulper for speaking without need for being late to the chapel for leaving a door slammed without penance what to do you have to say in charity I proclaim my sister for giving in to the temptation of vanity when looking at herself in a glass you will pray three Hail Marys and refactory for the sister who had the charity to proclaim you and three Hail Marys for every imperfection and pray to God to help you perfect yourself mother I will try to correct myself with the grace of God I say my kulper for breaking the rule of obedience by not stopping work when I heard the bell for having spilled milk twice in the refactory for having spoken without need during a great silence what do you have to say in charity I proclaim myself and sister lucas to seek mutual company you will ask god to help you overcome this attachment and you will kiss the feet of the nuns and you will ask for your bread in the refectory Mother, I will try to lead with the grace of God, dear sir, the more I try, the more imperfect I become.

It seems that I fail in charity, humility and obedience, my pride has not been burned when I manage to obey the rule in which I fail. at the same time because I am proud of being successful tomorrow you go on retreat before taking your first vows, right? The great silence doesn't matter to me. I'm not taking my vows. I'm leaving so I can talk without having to. say a policeman or do a penance why mother emmanuel said remember that you can deceive us but you cannot deceive yourself or god well, to continue would be to deceive god to be a hypocrite we all have our doubts my confessors but I know that I could never be one like You, as strong as you, I am the weakest of all of us, if you were, you would not take your vows now, I earned you another penance by speaking to you in the great silence, I am sorry, goodbye, pray for me, known as the sister Luke promised God in the presence of his grace and our reverent mother to obey the holy rule of this congregation and to persevere in the life of obedience, chastity and poverty during the period of three years.

Amen oh she sister lucas, this is the discipline for penance in private you will use it twice a week at night while he said the missouri remember that it is essentially a symbol of penance too much is as bad as too little do not forget that you are only an instrument In yourself you are nothing until they wake you up tomorrow you will go to the school of tropical medicine in Antwerp excuse me your father's daughter excellent excuse me where sister Pauline how long were you in the Congo seven years you worked a lot with lepers right? yes yes well that is the bacillus that causes leprosy, thank you doctor, I have also lost part of my quickness, my memory due to too much congo, too much quinine, if any of you think that the congo that you will find today in 1930 is anything similar to the congo that we discovered when we went there 20 years ago, you'll be wrong, there are bike lanes through the bush now, close that window, someone will know, you think it's hot, wait until you've had your share ofMalaria, don't be selfish, Sister Luke. help your sisters grew up looking through a microscope while most of you played with kaleidoscopes sister luke, could you help me with this? that is the basil, the cork that causes tuberculosis, I thought it was the leprous supercilium, the very similar ones, both rod-shaped, both acid-fast shaped both with a slight shadow almost like an enveloping capsule but if you look closely close by you will see that the leprosy is a little fatter and longer so come in I am in trouble reverend mother it is sister pauline my conscience is not at peace because of my hostilityfeelings towards her in the house mother we were told to overcome feelings like this trying to help the person for five months.

I have tried to help Sister Pauline in the courses, she needs help but she does not allow friendship and that is why I don't do it. I don't know what to do sister Pauline she already came to me the feeling you describe is mutual she thinks you are full of pride she doesn't believe you can ever achieve humility I am ashamed my mother for her and for me all of this sounds very It's childish when you say it. I think her dislike is based on fear. She is worried that she won't be able to pass the exam or, if she does, she will fall far below you in her grade.

This could easily mean that she would not be able to return to the Congo. you have been given a really great opportunity to make a sacrifice for god you asked what you could do if your sister luke could fail your exam to show humility my mother would be willing if the mother house knows about this and approves it would be humility with hooks as we say a humility that recovers something for the sacrifice in this case the satisfaction of knowing that the mother house knows courage needs witnesses if true humility instead goes unnoticed between God and the soul that you have heard our phrase do good and disappear how do we know When we are humble when we can accept a real humiliation like this failure?

How can I know that God wants this from me? Go ask him, but remember that you are considering an opportunity that may never come again. out of his eternal time god chooses his moment to offer the most perfect alliance with each individual soul good morning sister luke good morning doctor i promised that i would call your father immediately after the exam i will defer the first question to my eminent colleagues sister la to the board I would like to know from you in which parts of the city trypanosomes fly you can take your time with this question sister we have been working on them since the 1880s they will be found in perhaps you would like the question to be repeated in the seats they fly, the Tryponnosomas will be found in the intestinal mouthparts and salivary glands, in all places where they multiply.

We would like to hear a summary of the special clinical types of pernicious malaria, differentiated from chronic or latent malaria, cerebral aldrid, bilious remission fever. sewage fever and bronchopneumonic form I have good news our four sisters have passed their exams pauline will return to the congo sisters timothy and ellen will also go to the congo sister luke will leave tomorrow morning to join the nursing staff at our mental sanatorium near brussels maybe the reverend mother feels that you are not yet ready for the congo you must learn to accept with love everything that comes to you it is essential in religious life you passed in a class of 80. so everything you do is to be accepted as normal sister agnes sister luke good morning mother cristal our nurse practitioners stand in front of our shift our sisters perform unlimited tasks sometimes eight to ten hours these are the cells for our most dangerous patients we try to approach even our most dangerous cases with reasoning kind and persuasive sister bertolt this is sister lucas who will be with us for a while sister berthold sister lucas this one thinks she is the archangel gabriel so we call her that archangel of good afternoon she is schizophrenic and very dangerous she has perfectly sane periods when she talks intelligently about her farm a sister is forbidden to open the door to any of these cells unless there is another sister with her or a handy helper or not being able to communicate with someone like her hello hello archangel this is the room where we give the treatment of the violin cases we keep them for four to eight hours in bathrooms kept at a constant temperature the sound heard is her heels hitting the tubs sister marie is on duty she usually stays there for eight to ten hours In a moment, sister Luke, it's not one of my most pleasant duties to open and read other people's letters, but sometimes it allows me to help them when you see your father asking an angry question, why should you waste all these months of your time here?

After grueling courses in tropical medicine I must apologize for my father. Your father is a great man but I don't think he understands that the colonies are only for sisters perfected in religious life. He asked me what you could learn in this place when I am allowed to write to him. . I'll tell you what I can learn here. Obedience. Maybe that's what Mother Emanuel had in mind. This would be an excellent testing ground. I will try and try with you as your soul is in my care while you are here, thank you reverend mother, so yes, I am very thirsty.

Can I have a drink of water? Please, I'm terribly thirsty. The fish was so salty. My God, oh God, the angel off. Pride and disobedience. Always disobedience. Don't try to talk. I would. You've probably done the same thing. I also accused myself of pride in thinking that I could handle the archangel myself. I accused myself of using my personal judgment and not ringing the doorbell for help. I accuse myself of having a sense of heroism, mother, in the three days I have been lying in the infirmary. I have accused myself of almost every possible imperfection against the holy rule.

There are always such glaring faults in tropical medicine school. Mother Marcella offered me the opportunity to show true humility by failing an exam. I know that mother Marcella wants to say good but she was very wrong in making that suggestion, my girl, I do not underestimate for a moment the seriousness of your faults, but you must not destroy yourself with guilt and remorse, you must learn to bend a little or you will break long before you enter. to order i had my own rules of all or nothing i want to be a good nun or you will be a good nun sister luke i thought that one would come to some kind of resting place where obedience would be natural and fighting would be in the end there is no place of never rest but you must be patient with yourself the unhappy saints are lost from the beginning ask for God's help and guidance and I know that you will make your final vows I sister lucas promised god in the presence of your grace and our reverent mother to persevere in the life of obedience chastity and poverty until death amen I declare to you from today the bride of Jesus Christ son of almighty God barter felio said spiritual sanctus amen I declare to you from this day the bride Jesus Christ son of almighty God mother pray for me my daughter may God give you peace oh so don't be proud of me father this is really a flight it will be much easier in the congo remember that I am nothing there will be no worldly associations in the bush station in the jungle please god let me do something good for you