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How to Set Boundaries in English Communication | English Lesson

Mar 28, 2024
Imagine this scenario. You're at work and it's already been a busy week. In fact, you're stretched thin with tasks due tomorrow and then at the end of the day you get an email from your boss asking you to take on one more important responsibility. How would you describe the way you might feel in that particular situation? Or what's up with this? You're at a family event enjoying a lively conversation with everyone else and then someone starts gossiping or speaking negatively about a family member. You no longer feel comfortable participating in the conversation. Both situations require the ability to establish

boundaries

and relationships to maintain emotional and mental health.
how to set boundaries in english communication english lesson
The challenge is how are those

boundaries

communicated in English? When you don't know the precise language for setting boundaries, you may feel helpless. I can tell you that boundary setting has been a hot topic of conversation within my Confident Women Community and here's why. The ability to set boundaries allows us to have healthier relationships and more effective

communication

. That means setting boundaries is an essential skill both professionally and personally. In this Confident English

lesson

today, we will explore what boundaries are and why they are important. This includes a variety of types of boundaries, including physical boundaries, verbal boundaries, emotional boundaries, and more.
how to set boundaries in english communication english lesson

More Interesting Facts About,

how to set boundaries in english communication english lesson...

More importantly, you will have practical tips that you can use to set boundaries and get specific words and phrases that we use in English to do this, so that you can communicate how you feel and what you consider acceptable. By the end of this

lesson

, you will be able to communicate your boundaries in English on a personal and professional level for healthier, more effective relationships. But first, if you don't already know, I'm Annemarie from Speak Confident English. Everything I do here is designed to help you gain the confidence you want for your life and work in English.
how to set boundaries in english communication english lesson
One way to do this is with my weekly Confident English lessons, where I share my best strategies for developing fluency and confidence, advanced level vocabulary lessons, and

communication

skills training, like in this lesson today. So while you're here, be sure to subscribe to my Speak Confident English YouTube channel so you never miss one of these Confident English lessons. To start, let's briefly go over what setting a boundary means and why it's so important. Setting a boundary means dictating the amount of time, money, emotional resources, and energy you can or are willing to give to others. When we communicate what those boundaries are, we set clear expectations for others and that leads to healthier relationships at home, in the workplace, and in the community.
how to set boundaries in english communication english lesson
Those boundaries also protect us from harm and stress. They promote well-being and also help us maintain a better work-life balance. When we first begin the process of establishing what our boundaries are, we must take into account our personal values, wants, and needs. It is also important to remember that there are multiple types of boundaries, including physical, emotional, time and mental, sexual, spiritual, religious, and financial or material boundaries. Now, one thing I want to be careful about is confusing a boundary with this idea of ​​being rigid or being unwilling to compromise, not being willing to compromise. A better way to think about boundaries is that they are dynamic and reflect where you currently are in your personal growth, values, needs, etc.
All of that can change throughout your life or even in a short period of time. In fact, as your comfort zone expands or even shrinks, your boundaries will change too. With that in mind, I want to share with you four easy steps you can take to help you set and maintain boundaries in English. First, analyze the problem. Second, define your boundaries. Circle the third, communicate clearly, and finally reinforce your boundaries. I want to take the time to explore each one in depth and look at the specific language we use in English to set boundaries with others.
So step number one is to analyze the problem. We can't communicate boundaries effectively until we know what the real problem is. Let me go back to the scenario I described at the beginning of the lesson. You're at work, you're already overwhelmed with tasks, and then your boss asks you to take on one more. At that point, he may immediately feel exasperated, angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. In fact, the emotion may be so strong that you can't even communicate it. You feel paralyzed or helpless when it comes to communicating what is wrong. To help you gain control and clarity, there are some questions you can ask and by asking them, by taking the time to reflect on them, you can identify what the real problem is and begin to determine alternatives, as well as what the limit is.
What you need to communicate to others. Questions you can discuss include what is the problem? What just happened in that situation that led you to feel like something was wrong or done inappropriately? The second question, why is this a problem? Why is this unacceptable to you? What value, belief, desire or need does it surpass? Question number three, what is stopping you from accepting this person's comment or request? And question four, what do you need or what do you want to solve this problem? Let me share with you what some possible answers to those questions might be for someone in that situation who just received an extra task at work.
An answer to question number one, what could be the problem? I already have several tasks to complete and I can't take on one more. Why is this a problem? Because I've already taken on a lot of extra tasks, and taking on one more could mean these other priorities will take a backseat. The third question was: what could prevent you from accepting someone else's comment or request? And one answer in this particular scenario could be limited time and capacity. You may feel that there is not enough time or mental resources available to complete this additional task. And finally, the last question, what do you want or need to solve this problem?
One answer might be: I need this task to be delegated to someone else, and maybe you need your manager to understand that you are already at the limit of your capacity. Now, your answers to those questions are only for you. They are helping you get clear about what the problem is so you can communicate your boundaries clearly. But before we do that, we need to move on to step two: defining the boundary circle. Creating or defining your boundary circle is a journaling exercise that can help you visualize what is acceptable and unacceptable to you. And if this is something that interests you, I want to explain step by step how you can define your boundary circle.
To do this you will need a sheet of paper and a pen or pencil, and first you will start by drawing a circle on your sheet of paper. Inside the circle you will write everything you may need to feel safe, supported, seen and heard by others. These may be others in your personal life or in your professional life. Outside the circle, you will write anything that you find intolerable, uncomfortable, or that could deplete your resources. Let me give you an example using a real life scenario. Let's say you have a close family member who constantly ignores your dietary needs or preferences.
In fact, they may completely ignore your dietary needs at family gatherings and, as a result, your options are extremely limited. There may be times when you can't even enjoy eating with other people. As you try to define your boundaries, circle some of the things you could include inside the circle, such as being non-judgmental and being willing to ask about their dietary needs and how they can be met. Clear communication and open dialogue and acceptance. Those are the things you could include inside the circle to help you feel safe, supported, seen and heard by a family member outside the circle.
The unacceptable, the intolerable may be jokes about your dietary needs or pressure to eat other foods. Those outside the circle words can also include judgment, unwillingness to understand, and underhanded or inappropriate comments. Once you have completed those first two steps, gaining clarity on what the specific problem is and gaining clarity on the values, beliefs, needs or desires that have been overridden, then we can move on to step three, communicating clearly. What this means is that it's time for you to communicate your boundaries to others to set clear expectations, and here are four tips to help you do just that.
First, it is important to clearly establish what the limit is. Second, you can provide a clear reason. Third, be sure to use eye-centered language, and finally, create comfort or cultivate courage. You have to say no when you need to say no. Before looking at a couple of example scenarios, I want to share with you several phrases that we can use in English to clearly communicate these limits. Below are some examples you can consider. I'm not comfortable with X when I feel hurt when you make jokes followed by why and finally, please don't do Y. This is where we are communicating the boundary.
Please don't make jokes and finally, I would appreciate it if you did X because those four phrases are great ways to communicate your boundaries and they use that me-centered language. What that means is that instead of pointing fingers and blaming someone else, I focus on how I feel and what I expect or need from different situations. Now, I mentioned that when setting clear boundaries, we may also need to say no from time to time, and if you're not sure how to say no politely in English, here are some phrases you can use. Number one, thank you for thinking of me.
However, this is something I can't do right now because, and then provide a simple reason why it says no. It doesn't have to be too personal or deep, but there does have to be some simple reason to say no. A second way of saying no is no, I can't do X right now. Right now I am, and then you could include what you are currently focused on or doing, and a third option, I understand the urgency of your request. Unfortunately, I am at full capacity and cannot cope with this. With those example sentences in mind, I want to demonstrate how we would use them in two real-life scenarios.
For this first example scenario, I want you to imagine that you have a neighbor who loves to mow the lawn or work in the garden at the most inconvenient times. In fact, loud noise periodically interrupts your meetings and your reflection or work time to establish clear boundaries and have a healthier relationship with your neighbor. You could say this, I would appreciate it if you did not mow the lawn between 10:00 and 11:30 Monday to Friday, the noise of your lawnmower is quite loud and regularly disturbs my meetings. Is there any alternative solution we can consider? In that example, notice that I'm setting a clear boundary right away?
I'm providing a reason and I'm using IC-centric language. I also end with a polite request or a willingness to find some alternative or solution that works for both people involved. I want to share with you a second situation to highlight how we would use these phrases to set clear boundaries, and for this situation, I want you to imagine that you have a coworker who tends to push larger, time-consuming tasks on you. at the last minute to put an end to this current problem. It's important to communicate a boundary and here's how you can do it. Thanks for thinking of me.
However, this is something I cannot take on at this time due to my existing commitments. If you need my help for any future projects, be sure to let me know well in advance so I can help you accordingly. Again, in that example, I have clearly stated the limit. I provided a reason and used focused language. Once you've communicated your boundaries clearly, it's time to move on to step number four: reinforcing your boundaries. What this means is to hold your position after you have set a limit. In other words, you don't give in to pressure to change or be willing to break your limits.
Just one more time. This possibility of allowing a boundary to be crossed over and over again is potentially true after establishing a new boundary with someone. As a result, it's important to be prepared to reinforce your boundaries from the beginning, and when it comes to reinforcing your boundaries, there are five things you should keep in mind. Number one, be consistent. Number two, share observations. Number three, provide more clarity if necessary. Number four, it's also important to provide next steps, and number five, use an affirmative but polite tone. If you find that you need to reinforce your boundaries with someone because there is a continued attempt to cross those boundaries, it is important that youShare your observations and some context.
Let me give you some example sentences that we can use in English to do this effectively. The first is that I see It's important for me to get those requests in advance so I can help as needed and still achieve my existing priorities with that example statement, using the language I'm seeing X that indicates what I'm noticing or what my observations are. , and then I further communicate my boundaries and why they are important. A second phrase you could use might be: I know we've talked about this in the past and I want to make it clear that, once again, you reaffirm your boundaries and why they are important.
A third option, I'm noticing . If this continues I will have to do it and then you will indicate what I may need to do and what action I may need to take. These particular phrases can be awkward to communicate; However, maintaining a polite and firm tone can be helpful. What I mean by this is that the words we choose are firm. They are assertive, but we keep our voice very calm, very neutral. There is no sound of anger or frustration in our tone of voice. By maintaining that calm and neutral tone, we reduce any potential additional tension or friction in the situation.
I want to demonstrate this final step of reinforcing a boundary with two final example situations. In the first situation, I want you to imagine a friend constantly making jokes about someone's weight, and maybe in the past that person has made it clear that those jokes really hurt their feelings, and yet the jokes persist. They continue to reinforce a border. Here's what you might say: Hey, I know we've talked about this in the past and I notice the comments about my weight haven't stopped. I want to make it clear that this is not okay for me. I understand they're jokes, but they really hurt my feelings, and if this continues, I won't continue our friendship.
In that example, I maintain consistency by reiterating or reaffirming a boundary. As I have said in the past, I also indicate what observations I have and provide more clarity, and although the language is firm, I maintain a polite and neutral tone, trying to avoid any additional strong emotions so that I can communicate in a polite and assertive manner. And finally, I include next steps in case they are necessary. Let's take a look at one more example of how we might use this language to reinforce boundaries, and this time we'll focus on a professional circumstance. Perhaps you have a coworker who continues to be late for deadlines and meetings despite having set a clear boundary in the past, and this person has made it clear that there are no factors affecting their time management.
To follow up on a conversation and reiterate this time limit, here's what you might say: I'm noticing an ongoing pattern of showing up late to meetings and missing deadlines. I want to remind you that the dates and times of our meetings and our deadlines are crucial to the goals and success of our company. If this continues, I will have to act in the best interests of our team and please let me know if you need anything from me to help you manage time more effectively. With that, you have four practical steps to help you set clear relationship boundaries in English, and you have example sentences to help you along the way.
To end this lesson, I have a question for you. I'd love to hear what strategies and phrases you find most helpful as you contemplate how to set relationship boundaries in English. There may be a situation happening right now in your personal or professional life where you need to set a clear boundary. If you do and want to practice, you can certainly share what you would like to say in the comments below. I encourage you to try using some of the phrases I've shared here or even follow the examples I've shared as templates, and if you found this lesson helpful, I'd love to hear about it.
You can tell me in a very simple way. You can pass this lesson here on YouTube and while you're at it, don't forget to subscribe to the Speak Confident English channel so you never miss one of my Confident English lessons. Thank you very much for joining me and I hope to see you next time.

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