Italian Restaurant - SNL

SO THANKS FOR TRYING THE FOOD. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK? Mmm. VERY GOOD. FANTASTIC. IT'S GOING TO BE EVEN BETTER WITH THIS NEW MENU. YES, I'M 50% ITALIAN, SO I KNOW HOW PASTA SHOULD TASTE. AND TERRAZANO'S DOES IT WELL. WELL, I'M SO GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY BECAUSE WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE DELICIOUS PASTA DISHES YOU ARE LOOKING FOR RIGHT NOW ARE NOT REALLY FROM AN AUTHENTIC ITALIAN RESTAURANT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? BABY, WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHICH ARE ACTUALLY PIZZA HUT'S NEW PASTA SELECTION. NO. ITALIAN FAMILY. NO. PASTA MENU. IS THIS PIZZA HUT? ACTUALLY? YOU HAD US.

THAT WAS GOOD. NO, STOP. DUD, YOU BETTER PUSH THE BRAKES. I AM A LITTLE CONFUSED. I WAS SITTING HERE EATING TERRAZANO PASTA WITH MY BEAUTIFUL FIANCE E. AND NOW A BUNCH OF CLOWNS ARE COMING OUT WITH PIZZA HUT, AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT'S WHAT WE ACTUALLY ATE? I AM A LITTLE CONFUSED. REALLY, BECAUSE YOU DID IT EXACTLY WELL, LORD. THE PASTA YOU ATE IS REALLY FROM PIZZA HUT. I HAVE TO SAY YOU'RE BLOWING MY MIND RIGHT NOW. I'M GOING TO ORDER THIS SPRING ALL THE TIME. CORRECT, FROM TERRAZANO'S, MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT. BUT REMEMBER, IT'S ACTUALLY PIZZA HUT, AND YOU STILL LIKE THEM.

So, you know, isn't it fun? SON OF A BITCH. EASY. WAIT, WAIT. DID YOU DECEIVE US? WAS THIS ENTIRE NIGHT LIKE ONE BIG LONG TRICK? WHO ELSE KNEW ABOUT THIS? HEY? DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS BRAND? WHAT IS YOUR ROLE IN THIS? WHAT, NO, I'M LIKE YOU, I'M NOT NOT ABOUT THIS. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. I'M NOT A PIZZA HUT GIRL. I AM A TERRACE GIRL. GUYS TERRAZANO'S IS NOT A REAL RESTAURANT. IT NEVER EXISTED BEFORE TODAY, OKAY? THIS IS A WAREHOUSE WITH THREE TABLES. WELL, WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET THEM MAKE US DUMB.

NOT IN FRONT OF OUR FIANCEES, MARK RIGHT. I wish I hadn't told you my name. THE POINT IS: YOU ENJOYED THE FOOD, RIGHT? I should beat you to death. GUYS, YOU BOTH SIGNED A AUTHORIZATION. HIS FIANCE ASKED WHERE THE CAMERA WAS, LOOKED DIRECTLY AT IT AND SAID YUM YUM GOOD. THAT'S BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS TERRACENE. DO YOU LOVE THIS? DO YOU PLANT CAMERAS AROUND AND WATCH WOMEN EAT GARBAGE? THE CHEF, BABY, HE WILL KNOW. AND CHEF LUIGI MARINARA? IT IS REAL? I'M A REAL CHEF, BUT MY REAL NAME IS CLAUD, AND I DIDN'T COOK THIS FOOD FOR YOU.

YOU MUST BE SHOWN. YOU LITERALLY MUST BE SHOWN OFF. YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYES. YOU LOOKED MY FIANCEE IN THE EYES. WHERE WE COME FROM, THAT MEANS SOMETHING. DID YOU KNOW? YOU JUST LOST TWO CUSTOMERS. IS THIS WINE STILL REAL? YOU ASK FOR A DETETIC COK. SO WHY AM I BUZZED? YOU ARE SCARING MY GIRL. LET ME TELL YOU, I SEE RED WHEN MY GIRL GETS SCARED. I should beat the death out of you. YOU'RE JUST A LOSER WHO COULD NEVER EAT AT TERRAZANO'S, AND YOU MADE THE LITTLE MISSION OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE TO DESTROY PEOPLE WHO COULD.

WELL LOOK - YOU SIGNED A COMMUNICATION. YOU SEEMED TO ENJOY THE FOOD. BUT WE WILL NOT USE ANY OF THE AMG FEET IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. WELL? I PROMISE. I'M SORRY THIS WAS SO ANNOYING YOU. OH, STOP YELLING AT ME. YOU CAN'T YELL AT ME. MY DAD WAS A REALLY DISCONNECTED GUY. I WAS VERY DISCONNECTED, BUT I WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ME, NOT AT TERRAZANO'S. I KNOW BABIES, I KNOW. IF THIS WAS NOT TERRAZANO, I WOULD HIT YOU TO KILL. THERE IS NO TERRACE.