YMS: Frozen (Part 1)

shower." But not before also comparing it to Jaws. What's below: "It does with bathtubs what Psycho did with showers." One-hour photo: "What Psychopath did for showers will probably be used for snapshots "What?! "What Jaws did for sharks and Psycho did for showers, The Visit will do for grandparents." End this now! Remember that scene in The Visit where the kids were swimming in the water and the grandparents were right under them because they can breathe underwater and then use their huge jaws and sharp teeth to eat the kids? I remember that scene was the only good scene in the movie, if we're being completely honest.

Man, the movie. Frozen is like Jaws if you really think about it. Man, I don't even see what the problem is with Jaws because it seems like every year a movie comes out that's exactly the same Now the lights start to go out UH oh. You have to realize your situation at some point. They argue with each other for a while and then we get to see how atrocious this girl's acting skills are. "We have to get off these chairs! We can't just stand in this chair! Why isn't the damn chair moving, Dan?" "You acting like a psychopath won't make the chair move, okay?" "Please don't yell at me." It's a good thing they included that sad music, otherwise I'm not sure the average audience member would know not to laugh. "What other people?

There was no one in front of us." "It's a fucking Sunday and they won't open again until Friday!" "We'll be stuck here all week!" Do you know what I really hate? I really hate this whole movie that illuminates the fake darkness. You know, where they shine a bright light on the actors and then lower the brightness in post-production? Sure, there are plenty of cases where it can be done well to the point of being unnoticed, but with this film in

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icular, it's embarrassingly distracting, to say the least. You just showed all the lights going off, right?

So where do these obvious shadows come from? At one point they show a shot of the moon covered by clouds, and you think that what they show would mean that the bright light would stop, but no, it doesn't. They don't even try. Now, suddenly, out of nowhere, a gigantic snowstorm begins. Are you absolutely sure this isn't a comedy? Because I have quite a comedy atmosphere here. Seriously, if they didn't have this forced sad music, I'm not sure people would know that it's not supposed to be funny. "Help! Someone help us! Someone! Help!" Now this guy shows up and our main characters think the day is saved.

Hey, this is horror icon Kane Hodder. But of course, it was just a strange coincidence that he was there to begin with. "Where are you?" "I headed to Pinewood to pick up Barnes." "No, man. Barnes just landed and the mountain is clear. He goes back to base and we can get out of here." "Understood." They throw some things at him and he almost notices, but no, he's gone and they're screwed. Be sure to remind the audience that they don't have their phones in case he missed it earlier. "Oh, let me run back to my locker. I'll check my phone real quick." The funny thing is that this is one of the few movies where the "oh no, my cell phone doesn't have any service" trope would have actually made a lot of sense.

It would be perfectly reasonable for them to not have cell phone service up on the mountain. So why did this movie insist on making a separate excuse that makes even less sense? Hey, let's leave all our phones in the locker for no reason. I mean it'll be an extra effort if I ever want to use it at some point while I'm here, but haha, fuck it, let's do it. I mean, you already hinted that you get service at the bottom of the hill anyway, and considering how absolutely desperate this movie is to fill time, wouldn't it have been appropriate to include a couple scenes of them trying to get their phone to work? ?

Now this movie is too smart. I don't understand.