What Does a Spirit-Filled Marriage Look Like? Selected scriptures from Ephesians

I appreciate you being here and we're going to

look

in this session at

what

a

spirit

-

filled

marriage

look

s like and we're going to consider some

selected

passages from the Epistle to the Ephesians, so if you have your Bible, I encourage you. that you open it in the epistle to the

ephesians

and let us pray before beginning this important moment in the word of god and this very important topic about

marriage

, let us pray father, we come to you and ask for your help and your strength as we talk about marriage and sir

what

it should look like we know it's an image of christ in the church and yet father we realize that not all of the couples depicted that you are listening to look like christ in the church we know that some women are married with unbelievers. and that makes it very difficult, but Lord, we know that your word is enough and your grace is enough even for marriages that are difficult.

I pray Lord that you use this material and this time to further strengthen the women who are listening and watching. Lord, may your marriages be more of an image of Christ and the church of him. We could glorify him in our marriages and I pray that you will be honored in the name of Christ. Amen. Well, the Christian home should be a place where the lost world can look. and I see that Christ is represented but I am concerned that many times many respond to Christian marriages like a seven year old girl did when someone read her the Cinderella book and you know how Cinderella ends and they lived happily ever after to which she responded oh no, no, they got married.

It saddens my heart and I am sure it saddens many of you that the Christian family often resembles the family of the world. Sometimes you can't distinguish between a Christian family and one. non-Christian family and I say that because I'm not sure if you know this, but the divorce rate is almost the same in the Christian home as in the non-Christian home. Child abuse occurs in Christian homes. very little biblical upbringing. takes place in Christian homes, I know homes where the norm of the day is arguing and fighting between husbands, wives and ladies, we would have to admit that the Christian family is under attack and for those of us who profess Christ as lord and savior, we must live in our marriages what God says through the apostle Paul, especially in the epistle to the Ephesians, so when we come to this session we ask what a

spirit

-

filled

marriage looks like, fortunately we don't have to look at human resources. we can look at the word of god because he has a beautiful design for a marriage and what it should look like and that's why I want us to read

ephesians

5 21-33 and we will also go to other places, but I want to look at this passage that we will be covering a little bit in ephesians 5 21-33 paul writes submit to one another in the fear of god wife submit yourselves to your own husbands is to the lord because the husband is the head of the wife just as christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body, therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be subject to their own husbands in everything, let husbands love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself. for her, to sanctify her and cleanse her with the washing of water, with the word, to present her to himself as a glorious church, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless before him, so that the husbands love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself because no one ever hates his own flesh but sustains it and cares for it as the lord

does

the church because we are members of his body of his flesh and from his bones for this reason the man must leave his father and his mother and join himself to his wife and they also will be one flesh this is a great mystery but I speak about Christ and the church however, each of you in Particularly love your wife as he and the wife see that she respects her husband now I want to start by saying that there is no way that you as a wife or even your husband can live these verses if you are not first living ephesians chapter one through four the reason I say that it is very common that we come to this passage without considering verses one through four, chapters one through four are Paul's doctrine and then chapters five and six are the duty and, ladies, there is no way that We can have a spirit-filled marriage.

If we don't get our doctrine right first and then if we look at what Paul says here in Ephesians 1 through 4, we'll see that there are certain things that need to be in effect in your life personally before you. We can have a spirit-filled marriage if we do not consider the fact of the preciousness of the fact that Christ chose us before the foundation of the world so that we could be holy and blameless before him in love if we do not consider the fact that Christ chose us for good works and to live our lives in a certain way and that he is the Lord of our life, then a spirit-filled marriage will be a mystery to us, in fact, often when my husband and I are doing pre- Marriage Counseling A One of the things he often tells the couple is that if they walk in the spirit, their marriage will be fine and then he usually says that's the end of the counseling, but we do a little more than that and that's really it.

It's true, what

does

Paul say? If we walk in the spirit, we do not satisfy the desires of our flesh and, therefore, what we are going to do first of all is take a very quick look through Ephesians 1 to 4, considering 13 doctrines that should guide a full marriage. of the spirit and then we will see what comes next, the details of a spirit-filled marriage and there are four of them and we will look specifically at that chapter or that passage that I just read, ladies, keep in mind, the doctrine dictates the duty, the What you believe dictates how you will behave, right thinking is necessary for right living, so with that in mind, let's consider the 13 doctrines that must be implemented to guide a spirit-filled marriage, the first thing that must be implemented.

If you want a marriage filled with the spirit it is humility humility ladies as followers of the Lord Jesus Christ you and I have been chosen before the foundation of the world Ephesians 1 4 says this he chose us in him before the foundation of the world that we should be holy and blameless before him in love i want to encourage you to consider this truth very carefully it is absolutely amazing that god would choose anyone for salvation that should be humbling if you grasped this truth to the smallest degree then you would see that you should not even have an ounce of pride in your marriage relationship when you think about the fact that you have been saved from the damnation of hell.

There must be humility. There must be humility for there to be a spirit-filled marriage. Secondly, a spirit. Full marriage is characterized by holiness again, that same verse I just quoted, we have been chosen before him to be holy and blameless, this is a fundamental aspect of our faith, isn't it? We are called to be holy, even Peter says to be holy. holy why because it is written be holy because I am holy ladies the lord did not save us to satisfy the lusts of our flesh or to have a marriage that dishonors him and I think some useful questions to ask yourself when reflecting on the holiness of your own marriage could be this is how Jesus would have spoken this is how Jesus would have reacted to this situation these are the thoughts that Jesus would have if he were in this situation with this person ladies if we are going to be saints we must have our minds set on the things above, not in the things of this earth, holy living will result in a God-honoring marriage.

Third, the third thing that must be in place if you want a spirit-filled marriage is forgiveness, forgiveness, why because God has forgiven us? Paul says clearly. in ephesians 1 7 in him we have redemption through his blood even the forgiveness of sins, I will tell you over the years that I have counseled many women, many wives who are bitter, they do not forgive their husbands, ladies, this is a serious sinful attitude and I often remind wives that if they do not show mercy and forgiveness to their husband, do not expect God to show them mercy and forgiveness. James is very clear if you don't show mercy you won't be shown mercy.

James 2 13. Jesus also says when. you come to pray you better forgive why because you won't be forgiven if you stop and try to pray and you don't you don't have a forgiving spirit you won't be forgiven this is very important if you want a marriage that honors the lord it's like Peter came to Jesus and said to him, Lord, how many times should I forgive my brother? 7 times seven 49 times that's a lot and Jesus said no Peter how about 70 times seven? how about 490 times now ladies, do you know I've been? married 46 years in a few months and I can say you know I have probably sinned against the Lord 490 times the same true, but my husband has sinned against me 490 times the same offense I doubt it, I imagine if I could count them maybe but we shouldn't keep track of the things that were done wrong, right in light of that, we must also forgive, how can you and I be so unforgiving in a marriage when God has forgiven us all our sins to the best of our ability? the east is from the west that is why he has forgiven us fourthly a spirit-filled marriage is also characterized by generosity generosity why because god in his generosity has given us an inheritance in his glory ephesians 1 14 says who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the possession purchased to the praise of his glory ladies, do you know that God commanded his son to shed his precious blood in his name?

That's pretty generous, isn't it? They know that I know wives who are not willing to give their time. energy your bodies to serve your spouse but ladies we must remember that God generously gave his son for us and we have a generous inheritance in heaven a stingy person will undoubtedly have a very carnal marriage also a marriage full of the spirit is characterized by life supernatural number five supernatural life a genuine son of god has power that dwells in us invites reflection is a list of ephesians 1 look at ephesians 1 19 paul says this what is the extraordinary greatness of his power toward us to believe according to the operation of his great power in which he wrought Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at the right hand in the heavenly places, you know, over the years I have counseled many women who are married to difficult men, some You are unbelievers and I know that some of you have unbelieving husbands and know what you would never know that you live in a difficult marriage because your lives are full of joy and peace.

Now, ladies, these are not qualities that you yourself possess, but it is exactly what Paul is saying here: it is the power of the resurrected Christ living in that allows you to overcome any difficult husband or any difficult situation in your marriage. Now I want to be clear that this does not mean that a wife never confronts her husband and we will talk about that in a moment, but thanks to the resurrected one. power of christ we can speak the truth in love with respect and gentleness number six a spirit-filled marriage is characterized by peace for peace ephesians 2 14 says that he himself is our peace and has made us both one as if he had broken down the intervening wall of separation ladies marriage filled with the spirit that honors the lord is one in which a husband and wife can sit and rationally discuss their differences if you as a wife and your husband if you are fighting and arguing consistently throughout the day it is a clear manifestation you are not walking in the spirit but you are walking in the flesh in fact before I became a believer I had a terrible temper and I would often try to fight with my husband about certain things and he would refuse to talk to me and he would say susan I'm not going to talk to you until you calm down of course that only made me angrier he was walking in the spirit I was being controlled by my flesh number seven a spirit filled marriage is characterized by prayer a spirit- filled marriage is characterized by prayer.

There are two beautiful prayers in Paul's epistle to the Ephesians, one is found in chapter one and the other in chapter three, verse 14. If you look at that with me, for this reason I bow my knee before the father of our lord Jesus Christ , from whom the whole family in heaven and on earth is named, that he may grant you according to the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power by his spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in you. hearts by faith so that, rooted and grounded in love, you may understand with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge that you will be filled with all the fullness from god now to him who is able to do much and abundantly everything we ask of him think according to the power that works in us to him be glory in the church through christ jesus to all generations forever and ever ladies who have a marriage that is characterized by prayer does not This does not necessarily mean that you and your husband will sit and pray together every day if that works very well.

I know we tried at the beginning of our marriage and my husband not only wanted us to pray together every night, but When we had children, he wantedfor me to play the Bible while they were sleeping so they could memorize it, but you know, while they were sleeping when they were babies and I thought it was kind of weird, but looking back I probably should have done it, but I wasn't. I was a very submissive wife until 10 years after God saved me in my marriage, but anyway he wanted us to pray together, so we went to bed at night and he prayed and he said, "Well, I'll pray first and you'll be the one." second".

He said okay, so when I go to bed I go to sleep and uh, so we went to bed and he was praying from Dan to Beersheba and he said it's your turn. I would be like I was out. I was out for the night so it didn't work out for us to pray together but let me tell you that you as a wife need to have an active and stable prayer life. One of my mentors challenged me many years ago and said, Susan, you're praying for your husband and I told her I don't know and she said, well, you should pray for him and I said, "Oh, that's a novel idea, "I guess I should." More than 30 years ago she admonished me to do that and you know she hasn't done it.

There has been a day since then that I have not prayed for my husband. I pray for my husband every day. Ladies, a believing husband and wife should pray not only for their marriage, but they should pray for their own personal holiness and live in the light of pleasing the lord a marriage filled with the spirit will be a marriage filled with unceasing prayer number eight a marriage filled with the spirit will be characterized by unity unity paul says in ephesians 4 1 therefore, as a prisoner of the lord, I beg you to walk worthy of the calling to which you are called all humility gentleness patience bearing with one another in love striving to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace ladies unity is one of the most beautiful aspects not only of marriage but of the body of Christ do not fight for your way, we do not have to fight for ours, you can happily yield to your husband.

I know couples who argue about where they're going to eat, what restaurant they're going to, are we going to homeschool the kids? not homeschooling children how to invest money and the list of arguments goes on and on, ladies, we should strive for harmony instead of striving to get our way, we should happily give up our rights to our husbands, ladies , we must consider many of These things we fight and argue about do not matter in light of eternity. We must have our spouses do to our spouses as we would like them to do to us. In fact, it is a useful exercise to discern how you are doing in the area of ​​chasing.

The unit would be this. I challenge you to journal for a week about how often you demand your own way in your marriage and how often you choose to give in to your spouse's wishes. It could just be a revealer of your selfish heart number nine, on top of all these things. a spirit filled marriage is characterized by grace given by god grace given by god ephesians 4 7 to each of us grace was given according to the measure of christ's gift now there is much I could tell you about grace but enough to say is These ladies, the grace of God has been shown to you correctly and we should also show the same grace to our husband in his marriage.

These qualities, if not demonstrated regularly, could mean that one or both of you have never experienced salvation. grace of god number 10 a spirit-filled marriage is characterized by speaking the truth in love ephesians 4 15 paul reminds us that he says speak the truth in love so that you may grow in all things toward him who is the head who is christ ladies no There should be absolutely no reason for a spirit-filled couple to bite and devour each other to say carnal things to each other. I encourage you to tell your husband the truth, but make sure you do it at the right time and at the right time.

Pray for wisdom about when to broach a sensitive topic, in fact, it is unwise to talk about difficult things in your marriage when your spouse is hungry or tired and a woman is shaking her head or under pressure. It's not wise, in fact, years ago my husband asked. I very kindly never mention anything marriage related or anything emotional on the Lord's Day, because mentally he is preparing to preach usually at least twice in the day and I have tried hard to honor that request over the years to wait , it can wait. until Monday or Tuesday I don't have to mention it on the 11th Lord's Day a spirit-filled marriage discourages the ex man I won't read this entire passage but in Ephesians 4 22-32 it is a direct passage for all of us and it is very necessary in our marriage discard the ex man the one who is lust and the one who does not walk in holiness discard the lie speak the truth do not get angry instead of stealing work with your hands and from time to time paul goes with stripping and dressing ladies, you as a Christian wife You must actively put off lying, anger, theft, corrupt speech, grieving the spirit, bitterness, wrath, malice, these are the things Paul mentions here in Ephesians 4.

You must put on kindness, tenderness, forgiveness. now. I grant you that this is a lifelong pursuit in marriage, but ladies listen very carefully, if your marriage is not becoming more of a picture of Christ and the church with each passing year, then perhaps you need to reevaluate a little to both husbands and wives. be saturating your mind and your heart with the word of God ladies the Bible is clear that by hiding the word of God in our hearts we do not sin against him number 12 a marriage filled with the spirit is characterized by walking in love walking in love and by doing That's why we get rid of all sexual sin look at Ephesians 5 1.

Therefore be imitators of God like his beloved children walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as an offering in a sweet sacrifice fornication and cleanliness covetousness not so once named among you as worthy of saints nor filth nonsense speaking jokes that are not appropriate but rather giving thanks you know this no fornicator filthy greedy idolater has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God let no one deceive you with vanity words because These things, the wrath of God comes on the children of disobedience, so do not be partakers of them.

If one of the spouses is sinning sexually, they are not walking in love, but in lust. To commit adultery is not to love your spouse, and certainly it is not to love the person with whom you are committing adultery with right when a spouse commits sexual sins he or she is greedy right to indulge in lust resulting in sinful pleasures which undoubtedly brings lasting consequences according to proverbs 6 the wound never goes away in the end but not minimum number 13 a man and a woman who are filled with the holy spirit will have a marriage filled with the spirit your life should be characterized by being filled and controlled by the spirit and the result of this if you are is that you give thanks look at ephesians 5 18-20 do not get drunk with wine which is dispersion but be filled with the spirit speaking to one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and praising the Lord in your hearts always giving thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ ladies always give thanks for everything things means giving thanks for the good times in your marriage and the bad times.

My husband often says that you got married for better and for worse and he said unfortunately honey, you got the worst of it now I don't think that's true, but that's what he says, but it is to stay grateful in the good times in the bad times when you are healthy, in the times when you are not healthy, financial gains, financial losses, no matter what the situation is in your marriage, difficult in -laws difficult children we must still be grateful ladies Christian couples must understand that giving thanks in all things is the will of God according to first Thessalonians 5 18 I encourage you as a wife to constantly rehearse not only for yourself but for your husband, all the good things that god is doing in your life and even in your marriage, even if it is difficult now, let me tell you this with much love, if these doctrinal truths do not guide your marriage, then maybe before getting into the details that make it grow the spirit.

In a fulfilling marriage, you may need to return to some fundamental principles about what it means to be a child of God who is controlled by the spirit and lives by the spirit. Ladies, I know self-examination is painful but it certainly pays off, you might honestly ask yourself. I am humble? Am I holy? Am I indulgent? I'm generous? Am I living by the power of the indwelling spirit? Am I peaceful and prayerful walking in unity? Do I live by the grace of God? Speaking the truth with love leaving aside the old lady walking with love being controlled? by the spirit that results in giving thanks and ladies, if these things are not evident in your life, then you will find it very difficult to live according to Ephesians 5 what Paul says should be your role as a wife, so now that we have considered the doctrines that guide a spirit-filled marriage then let's look at the details that grow a spirit-filled marriage what a spirit-filled marriage looks like when both husband and wife live what they say they believe now I know and I want to be very sensitive to those who They live with unbelievers and those who live with spouses who are very difficult, in that case I encourage you to do your part, do your part, still live those doctrines, still live your role. regardless of what your husband is doing, even if he is an unbeliever and we don't have time in this session, but I have a booklet on this where I deal with a lot of difficulties and difficult marriages at the end of the book, what does a what does a full marriage look like? of the spirit but for this time we want to see the four details that make a spirit-filled marriage grow what a spirit-filled person looks like we are going to see this in verse 21 what a spirit-filled marriage looks like wife looks like 22-24 what what does a spirit-filled husband look like and then what does a spirit-filled marriage look like then what does a spirit-filled person look like the passage we read at the beginning what does paul say to submit to one another in the fear of God now, when you look that verse, you might say oh yeah, so my husband needs to submit to me, right?

We all submit to each other, well, the way he does, in fact, this is a heading where Paul is. saying that we submit to one another in the fear of God, in other words, wives submit to their husbands, husbands submit to their wives in the sense that they love her as Christ loved the church, he has already Given all these principles, children obey their parents to whom they submit. your parents but parents you do not provoke your children and then you submit to the lord in the sense that you are not provoking your children he has also spoken of servants and masters servants be submissive but masters be submissive in the sense that we are not Let's not treat them harshly, so ladies, when you look at it, it's very simple, we submit to each other in the fear of God because we are going to stand before him and give an account of our role, whatever it may be, whether we are a wife or a husband , son, father, we submit to each other as we submit to the lord ladies, if you and I are living a spirit-filled, God-fearing life, then it will unfold and we will be obedient to whatever the lord asks us to do. . a person filled with the spirit looks like this is the first treatment we detail we must be submissive to whatever god asks us to do in our specific role now if as a wife a woman you are humble holy forgiver live generously by the power of the spirit that dwells in us peaceful prayerful walk in unity live by the grace of god speak the truth in love postpone the old woman walk in love be controlled by the spirit give thanks then submission will come naturally to you if you have those 13 doctrines in place submission to your husband will come naturally now with that in mind I will say this if you are not clear about biblical masculinity and biblical femininity it would do you good to study the

scriptures

of what the bible says your role as a wife should be because I know In our feminist society and All of these movements that are happening in our culture today, unfortunately many Christian women have accepted unbiblical roles and understood their role as a woman, in the same way, if a husband has accepted the idea of ​​​​using the submission club.

To intimidate your wife by being harsh or threatening, you also need to study in the Scriptures what God says should be her role as her husband. Ladies, both husband and wife should be sitting under the shepherding of a faithful church that teaches the Bible and the concepts of biblical manhood. and femininity, otherwise, will be archaic and you don't know what Paul is talking about here, so having seen that a spirit-filled person is appropriately submissive in the various spheres of life, let us now look at the way in which femininity develops. submission. in the role of a wife and that will be found in verses 22 to 24.

So what does a spirit-filled wife look like? neatly below I like what jay adams says the husband is the president the wife is the vice president or the husband is a five star general and the wife is a four star general uh this is not theonly place where the

scriptures

are found speak with this colossians 3 18 says for the wife to submit herself and her own husbands as worthy in the lord and even if she is married to an unbeliever, peter is very clear in first peter chapter 3 verse 1 in the same way that you wives are in subjection. to your own husband, that if anyone does not obey the word, he may be one without a word and therefore, even if you are married to an unbeliever, you must be submissive now, I will say that this does not mean that you are a doormat, this does. does.

It doesn't mean that you can never express an opinion, but it does mean that you let your husband make the final decisions in your family. Now I know this is hard and guess what, it won't get easier because it's part of the curse, right? Remember the curse, remember in Genesis 3 when Adam and I or Eve chose to sin and then you know she gave it to her husband and he ate and remember when God comes in and asks what they are doing and they get curses. He had several curses, pain and motherhood, but he also has another curse and the ladies were also cursed for his sin.

God said that his desire will be to rule his husband, but he will rule you, so ladies, you must understand this. It is going to be a problem with you for the rest of your life, that is the good news. For today, it is going to be a problem, you will want to rule your husband, but he is going to rule over you, so we must understand this, we must understand the fight we are going to have, but ladies, we must understand. Let's let our husband run our home and we should do it with grace. We don't give him the silent treatment when he disagrees with us.

We need to learn to make kind appeals when we disagree with our husband. Unfortunately, I have seen women over the years make important decisions without consulting their husbands. I know women who even intentionally defy their husbands. Ladies, this is a terrible indictment of the role of the wife and brings shame to the name of Christ now. The Greek interpretation of this command also indicates that it is a voluntary submission, it is not a forcible submission where your husband hits the wife with the club of submission, so to speak, or he says you must submit to me and I know husbands who do what you will do.

Whatever I say when I say it, the idea here is that the wife voluntarily surrenders just as she would surrender to the lord because she loves and respects her husband and sees submission as a good thing for her now, ladies also notice here that submission is for your own husband you don't have to submit to anyone else's it's not as good unless he's your pastor but one is right enough so hopefully one who has an intimate relationship with those who can trust, the one who is living doctrinally what he believes and also does is for the lord, in other words, to please the lord, so ladies, if submission is a difficult concept for you, keep this in mind , I am doing this as for the lord, this is a way I can please the lord in my marriage.

And in my life I remember when my husband and I got married and I was 19 and I thought we were going to have one of those peach weddings with a white picket fence around their house and you know, I'd be in my little apron, you know, and everything. would be great and, you know, our marriage was far from a rosy king, more of a rocky road and he was lucky if he was going to live and because the main thing is that I was not a Christian and for the first 10 years of our marriage I was tearing down my house brick by brick and submission was one of the areas where I was not obedient and so I was not going to allow anyone to tell me what to do especially with my husband and fortunately 10 years into our marriage , the Lord saved me and then I started submitting to my husband and I saw the freedom of that and the joy of submitting to him and I actually find it very liberating of freedom and I'm very grateful for that.

Now Paul gives a reason why we should be submissive. He says that the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church and the savior of the body. So ladies, we submit because God designed. It is in that way that Christ is the head of the church the husband is the head of the body he is the ruler he is the authority he must guide his wife he must direct his wife the husband must keep his wife's interest in mine must make decisions that Include her, he should put her needs before his and the ladies' needs.

Any woman would delight in submitting to a man like that. Why wouldn't we do it now? This does not get you off the hook if your husband does not love you as Christ loved the church, that does not mean that you have the right not to submit to him because ladies are going to give an account before the Lord that day of how you have submitted to your husband. I remember one time my husband and I were eating with another couple and the man looked at me and said your submission to your husband is a beautiful thing and I thought that's a strange thing to say to someone but then when I met his wife I know why did she say that because she was not very submissive and she wore the pants in the family, but ladies, that day we are going to give an account before the Lord of how we have submitted to our husbands, in fact, my husband has said that submission from a wife to her husband is a big part of her sanctification and so we must keep that in mind.

Paul concludes his words on the responsibility of the wife and says that, therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be subject to their own husbands in everything. Ladies, just like the church, the body of Christ, we see Christ as our head, we see what he has said in his word, it is beneficial to us, that is why we obey, just as it is so that we honor our husband, knowing that he honors the Lord and benefits. Before continuing, I want to say one thing: there would be an exception to this command if a husband ever asked his wife to do something that directly violates the Scriptures, that is, a woman would politely reject the ladies. we should love the lord more than we love our husbands acts 5 29 it is very clear when peter and the apostles were beaten and imprisoned and peter said you know, they said they beat him and they said don't do this anymore, don't preach the gospel and he said that we will obey God over man or the Hebrew midwives remember in the Exodus when they were told to kill the babies when they came out of the womb to kill them. and they didn't, they didn't obey the king and they were blessed because God blessed them because he feared God more than they feared the king and there are some things that come up often, I know that husbands often ask wives to do things that are immoral and that's where a woman would graciously refuse and just say no, I'm not going to do that, I'm going to honor the lord, I'm not going to engage in sexual immorality, um, another situation.

What often comes up is that a husband will forbid his wife from going to church and that is where a woman would graciously refuse because of what Paul said in Hebrew where he says we should not stop meeting together as is the custom of some. but exhort one another and more as we see the day approaching but even in that she can still be submissive in the sense of saying you know we have church like here in our church we have church on Sunday morning Sunday night the Tuesday night Wednesday night and ladies' bible Study, honey, I'm going to go, but what service would you like me to go to so that she can still honor the Lord but also honor her husband?

So, another situation has arisen and, more recently, I am very distressed about it. As a biblical counselor I see more and more that husbands abuse their wives not only verbally but also physically. Ladies, we should not subject ourselves to that. What I advise a woman to do if a husband physically hits her, she should call the police. call the police and sometimes even when the verbal abuse gets out of control you need to call the governing authorities and also the leadership of your church that's why the elders are there to help you and those are just giving you some examples where a wife would not be submissive and God has established the laws of our land for our protection and that is why we need to use them when our husband is violating those things.

Now Wayne Grudem is very good at this. He offers some help in biblical submission. his book recovering biblical masculinity and femininity and offers us the following instructions as wives number one submission does not mean putting your husband in the place of Christ and the ladies this is very important I know women who idolize their marriage, they love their marriage more than to them love of god god never intended that number two submission does not mean giving up her independent thinking submission does not mean that a wife must give up her efforts to influence and guide her husband submission does not mean that a wife must give up her efforts to influence and guide her husband You must give in to all of your husband's demands Submission is not based on lower intelligence or competence Submission does not mean being fearful or timid Submission is not inconsistent with equality in Christ, so those are good things to keep in mind, so a wife filled with the spirit is a wife submissive to her own husband. with a willing attitude in everything unless she violates the word of God, so we went from what a spirit-filled wife is to what a spirit-filled husband is now and I know many of you will go home. and say you need to hear this, but ladies, keep your role in mind, okay, we don't want to preach our preaching to our husbands and nag, but this is the third detail on how to grow a spirit-filled marriage, what does it look like? a husband?

Well, look what Paul says. Husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church. Now ladies, in my humble opinion, as a woman, a man has a harder time obeying. Can you imagine having to love someone the way Christ loved the church? Christ, what did he do? Did He shed his blood for the church? He died for the church and then Paul comes in and says, you men love his wife the same way Christ loved the church. This would be a shock to them because in the Greco-Roman world women were considered. nothing but slaves or tools were not even to be seen in public they were never to be in a house where there was a man sitting at dinner they were to be somewhere else not even a husband could divorce his wife if she burned his food and then you know which was very different back then and then christ's command to come here and tell husbands to love their wives the way christ loved the church would be amazing, in fact even the jews would pray every day thanking .

God, they weren't Gentiles, slaves or women, so that tells you what they thought about women, but ladies, Christ comes in and when he says we changes even cultural things. I know that when my husband was in Burma several years ago preaching and he noticed that the missionaries would be walking and their wives walking behind them carrying their books, so my husband pulled the missionaries aside and said listen, he said you are Christian men, these are Christian women, you keep the books and your wife doesn't. walks behind you, she walks next to you and then he came in and was trying to share with them this passage, um, but the cultural ladies, Christianity comes in and can even change these cultural differences that are not biblical, so this It would be shocking to these men that Paul is commanding to love one's wife the way Christ loved the church and I find that interesting.

You know, the word of God never tells us women to love our husbands. Did you know that he tells the husband to love the wife? He tells the wife to respect. and submits and says in titus 2 that old women teach young women how to love their husbands but we are never commanded now you are saying well, I don't have to love my husband but you are wrong because we are commanded to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. ourselves and we are commanded to love our enemies and so sometimes your husband may feel like your enemy but you are still commanded to love him so you are not blameless sorry this is not the only place . the husband is commanded to love his wife proverbs or colossians 3 19 husbands love their wives and do not be bitter towards them but here in ephesians paul says that husbands are to love their wives the way christ loved the church and as I told myself this seems like a much more difficult command to obey than submitting to my husband.

Now I will say this. It is important that we keep in mind that this is how Christ loved the church. I want to be very careful that we understand the next two verses because some people, even in our day and even in our doctrinal preferences, have taken these scriptures, the next two scriptures to demonstrate that these are responsibilities that husbands have toward their wives, that's not what Paul is saying and I'll explain it in just a minute. In verses 26 and 27 he is giving a reason why Christ gave himself for the church, look at what he says to sanctify it and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word ladies Christ died for the church a husband cannot die for the church Christ died for the church paul says that christ cleanses his bride with the washing of the word which is what the baptism of the spirit takes place in thesalvation ladies a husband cannot do this for his wife this is an act of christ the spirit paul says in titus 3 5 not by works of righteousness that we have done but according to his mercy he saved us how by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the holy spirit now I have heard some people take this verse we even had a person in our previous church who told me to stop discipling his wife because he said my wife can't learn anything apart from me and some people take this and say that the husband is the only one who can wash his wife with the word and therefore no one can teach her but him and as I said, I had someone who actually thought that in our ancient ladies of the church this is a doctrinal error that prohibits women learn from elder pastors and even other women as titus 2 commands you to do, paul is not saying that a wife can only learn the word of her husband and that concept is not found anywhere else in scripture.

However, Paul goes on to speak of Christ's glorious love for the body, the church, and her desire and salvation. Look at the following verse to introduce it. for himself a glorious church that has no spot or wrinkle or anything like that but is holy and blameless again I want to be very clear Paul is talking about the church not about the bride Christ died for the church to present to her a glorious church a worthy church of honor because she is holy she is without spot she is without defect ladies Christ wants the bride to be pure like a virgin without spot or wrinkle without defect in fact we have already seen this well, that is one of the biblical doctrines that he chose us and he before the foundation of the world to be holy before him in love in fact there are similar images and revelations when talking about the marriage supper of the lamb revelation 19 7 says this let us be glad and rejoice and give glory because the wedding supper of the lamb has come and his wife was prepared to do harm, it was granted to him to dress in fine linen, clean and shining, for the fine linen are the righteous acts of the saints.

Well, Paul continues and says in verse 28, "Husbands should love their wives as their own." bodies He who loves his wife loves herself, ladies, just as Christ loves us and gave his body for us, so the husband must love his wife the same way he must love his wife. the same way she loves her body and this is a difficult task for her husband. but listen to Paul's logic in the next verse no one ever hated their own flesh but rather feeds it and appreciates it just as the lord does with the ladies of the church the truth is that we do not hate our bodies we feed them you love your body you Everyone loves your body, in fact, when you woke up this morning, what did you do?

You probably fed your body well, uh, dressed your body, I appreciate you doing that, but we think about our bodies all the time, what am I going to wear? some of your cold right now so you have a blanket around you if you're cold you put on a jacket if you're tired you go to bed if you get a wound you put on a bandage if you're sick you take medicine if we're dirty I hope you bathe we do not hate our bodies true we love our bodies and neither does the Lord hate his church he takes care of her he takes care of her in the same way that the husband should love and care for his wife simply as he loves himself, why notice the What does Paul say?

For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. Now this verse may seem a little mysterious to you at first, but it's simple when you stop to consider what Paul is saying, listen carefully. Christ carefully cares for his church, his body cares for her with tenderness, so the husband must care for his wife in the same way, Christ cares for us because we are members of his body, Paul already said it, so it is true, Christ does not disconnect from those of us who are truly members. of his body we are eternally connected to him he does not divorce us therefore the husband must consider that he and his wife are united as one as the next verse says for this reason the man will leave his father and mother and join to his wife and the two will be one flesh now this is from genesis 2 24 correct, therefore the man must leave his father and his mother and join himself to his wife and they will be one flesh ladies, it is very simple to see what Paul is saying that just as the body, the church is united with Christ, so a man and a woman are united in marriage and become one flesh, in fact, being united means being united and he is talking about intimacy, well, Paul goes on to say.

This is a great mystery but I am talking about Christ and the ladies of the church the mystery of the union between Christ and the church is amazing and deep so is the union between a man and a woman it is amazing it is deep so what does a spirit? It seems that the full husband loves his wife as he loves himself by appreciating her. Wayne Grudem also has some things to say to the husband that I think are worth saying. Number one. He says thoughtful leadership does not mean a harsh or domineering use of authority.

Leadership considered yes. does not imply equal sharing of leadership in the family considerate leadership does not imply less importance for a wife considerate leadership does not mean always giving in to the wife's wishes and, finally, considerate leadership is not optional for husbands, so now we have examined a spirit-filled leadership person a spirit-filled wife and a spirit-filled husband now we finish with the sum of all of verse 33 and answer the question what a spirit-filled marriage looks like here is the fourth and final detail without However, let each of you come in. In particular, love your wife as yourself and let the wife see that you respect her husband.

This is the bottom line ladies, husbands should love their wives and their wives or respect their husbands. Husbands should appreciate their wives as they appreciate their own bodies. Wives must respect honor and obey their husbands now before we close and we will do that in just a minute. I want to digress for a moment because I want to specifically address you as a wife on this topic of respect and the reason I'm doing this is because it's sorely lacking among Christian women and I'm going to use the acronym respect and I'm going to offer you some advice that I have learned in 46 years of marriage that I hope can be useful to you when we think about respecting our husbands, the first thing you should do, ladies, is respect your role, your role, your husband is your head, you are his wife, stop let him lead, you will be tempted to control, but the bottom line is to let your husband lead.

I have often said whatever. you want to do it honey and it's been so peaceful seeing how God sometimes changes things but let my husband lead number two respect his here's his job you might think it's weird it's not weird it doesn't matter if he's a political ditch digger a preacher respect your husband's work show interest in your husband's work whatever he does show interest respect his speech this is what you mean by this you want your husband to listen to you well I do it when he comes in and talks to my husband I want all his attention in the same way leave your phone or whatever distracts you you respect your husband's speech listen to him what he has to tell you is important even if it is not important to you You and I know this because my husband often comes to where I am studying or whatever, even discipleship and he wants to talk and I'm like, "Okay, yeah, uh-huh, yeah, but I want to respect his speech, respect his privacy, respect." your privacy ladies, we all need private time we all need time to refresh ourselves meditate I know some women who think they can't do anything without their husbands and demand that he be with them continuously ladies, we all need privacy right, um as a wife I respect the need for privacy of your husband now he will probably laugh at this, but respect his food, respect his food, if there is disrespectful behavior that makes me sad even in my own marriage at the beginning I was a wife and it is a wife who nags her husband continually about what he eat or what you don't eat.

I know for the first 10 years of my marriage I did, I grew up in a home where we ate very healthy and we never ate sugar, we never ate flour, you know, we lived. In this I guess it's very healthy and my husband grew up on meat and potatoes so I think I upset my husband. I'm surprised he wasn't in the corner of the roof of the house, but finally, when I was saved, I finally left him. go and you know it was one of the most liberating things to accept him just leave him alone and stop bothering him ladies we need to teach women to stop micromanaging their husbands in any area but I especially see this as a huge thing and cause There are a lot of problems in a marriage, you don't want your husband to tell you what to eat right, so don't tell him what to eat or what not to eat, respect his convictions, respect his convictions ladies, you may not be on the same page that your husband theologically some of you I know have unbelieving husbands, but you can still listen to him and reason with him.

My husband and I agree on most theological things, but there are some things we don't agree on, we have some things we don't agree on. I don't agree, but you know, my goal is to listen to my husband and try to understand why he believes what he believes in certain areas of Scripture, so respect his convictions, respect his time, this is the last one, respect your time. I know many women have every moment of their husband's day planned. I know women who think their husbands should work all day, come home and work all night, and women expect their husbands to do things that they, as wives, should do.

I think you need to respect your husband's time, so these four details come back to our spirit-filled marriage. These four details of how to grow a spirit-filled marriage are the development of the doctrine that guides a godly marriage, ladies, as I mentioned at the beginning. Running to Ephesians 5 without considering what needs to be in place before it is like putting a band-aid on a wound that still needs to be cleaned, that wound simply becomes infected and will most likely cause more problems, that's how it is with a marriage. that is not filled with the spirit, there must be two people whose hearts have been cleansed by the blood of christ who strive to be controlled by the spirit and the ladies Not only that, but a spirit-filled marriage will grow in all of these areas, The wife should be submitting more today than last year The husband should love his wife more today than a year ago A spirit-filled marriage grows in these areas it does not stagnate because the foundation is the holy spirit that dwells in our hearts.

Now, as I mentioned, I know there are many things we could talk about, and while I cover some of them in the booklet, if that might be helpful to you, in closing I want to ask you to examine yourself, not your husband. . asking a series of questions is my life characterized by humility holiness forgiveness generosity living by the power of the holy spirit who dwells in us prayer peace walking in unity living by the grace of god speaking the truth in love despising the old woman walking in love being controlled by the spirit and giving thanks these things describe me do they describe my marriage I am a wife doing my part to obey god even if my husband is not and I am doing it with a joyful heart it is my assigned submission to the others of my growing sanctification Would my husband prefer to live on our roof than in the house with me because I am constantly nagging him?

Do I want my marriage to be Christ-like in the church? I want my marriage to be an example to the lost world of Christ's love for his church. I want my marriage to be an example of the gospel. Wouldn't it be great if that same seven-year-old girl who was told the Cinderella story was watching her? marriage and express your desire to get married? someday and have a marriage like yours happily ever after, in fact, not only in this life but also in the life to come, let us pray, our father, we ask that you help us do our part to be a woman who lives the doctrines . which Paul lays out so clearly in Ephesians 1-4, but also father, as we do so, we live out our role to respect, submit and honor our husbands and the Lord, I would be remiss if I did not pray for those who have very difficult marriages. for those who are married to unbelievers and I know, Lord, it can be a challenge, but I pray that you, by your grace and by your spirit, will give them the means they need to fulfill what Paul commands us as women in this step to do and lord, I pray that the world will look inward and see that our marriages are different, lord, that we are trying and striving to be the wife that you want us to be, I pray that our marriages will be an example of Christ in the church so father, we thank you, we pray that you use this for your glory and your honor and to strengthen marriages, we ask this in the name of Christ, amen.