Evolution of the Hipster

MARIO: I have a riddle for you. FAFA: Okay. MARIO: He smells like a penniless homeless man, BUT...he's so rich...could they buy ALL the homeless people? FAFA: Oh, a

hipster

! MARIO: Yes, it's true! Hipsters! They are everywhere! And where did they come from? It's like they came out of nowhere overnight! FAFA: Well, actually that's not true. Hipsters have been around forever. In fact, they have become the

hipster

that bothers everyone today. MARIO: I don't even know what hipster is! FAFA: Well, that's difficult. The whole point of hipsters is that they refuse to conform to anything.

That should make it difficult to identify them, but surprisingly they all dress and act exactly the same. MARIO: Oh, I thought they were all just annoying rich kids who ate out of dumpsters. FAFA: Identify a hipster by sight: the hipster is embarrassingly ironic. They wear winter clothes in summer, shorts in winter, and grandpa hats when they are clearly too young to wear grandpa hats. Attitude: If someone acts like he's better than you when he smells worse than you, chances are he's a hipster. By income: Well, here's a scenario. Someone with a fancy hybrid buys macaroni and cheese... ...with pocket change!

MARIO: Or take your hybrid to a dumpster and eat macaroni and cheese! FAFA: So where does the hipster come from? NARRATOR: EVOLUTION OF THE HIPSTER! FAFA: Let's start at the beginning: the caveman. The caveman is stupid, has a beard and smells very bad. The

evolution

of the hipster has begun! GORILLA: (indignant growl) MARIO: (laughs) Stinky! FAFA: With Hipster Caveman's inherent desire to not conform to the herd, he evolves into the Greek philosopher, better known as... Socrates! He still stinks and has a beard. But now he's smart, he writes poetry, and he tells everyone that he's right about some things and they're wrong.

MARIO: I don't know what a Socrates is. FAFA: In the end, people did not understand what Socrates was talking about and they killed him. MARIO: What?! FAFA: In 1950, the caveman hipster Socrates became... ...the beatnik! They took the concept of being misunderstood, poetic, and preachy to a whole new level. They met in dark basements, wore ironic black turtlenecks... MARIO: ...and played bongos, wore berets, and read poetry to each other! ANNOYING poetry that didn't make any sense! Like this. GORILLA: (ironic poetry) MARIO: That guy is an idiot. FAFA: he is a beatnik! That he begat Bob Dylan, who begat the hippie.

MARIO: Oh, I already know this one! Hippies are stinking stoners who say "hemp is good" and "meat is murder, man"! FAFA: Here are some hipster trends of hippies: Beard, smelly, thinks no one but other hippies understands them. But eventually, the hippie shaved his beard, got a job, and became the yuppie. This was almost a complete change for the hipster, but an important part of his

evolution

! Differences: Clean, no beard, had a job, smelled good. Hipster trends: They thought they were better than other people, they drove BMWs. And finally the hipster was complete! A terrifying genetic hybrid.

Beard of the caveman, arrogance of Socrates, irony of the beatnik, wealth of the yuppy, stench of the hippy. MARIO: That... is... HORRIBLE! FAFA: Here are some things hipsters have ruined for the rest of us. Sunglasses. Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Bikes. Incredible mustaches. Winter hats. Tattoos. Chuck Taylor. MARIO: And my shirt! I saw one the other day wearing a yellow t-shirt with a big "M" on it! He said it meant "significant"! He said he couldn't understand it! I get it, okay? It's just my initial! They're taking my name away! They're taking my name away! (screaming in panic) NARRATOR: (reads words as they appear on screen) (cynical music)