Craig Ferguson 23 minutes of Pure Flirting with Guests

I'm doing, but yeah, I'm finishing my and when you sing do you find it sexually exciting? for you because it's for me, yeah, sometimes it's good, especially when, if there's any kind of percussion, it's a call to your balls, well, you, you, uh, enjoy a Newton's Cradle from time to time. I love it, that's it. that sounds like cogne rhyming slang Newton's Cradle I like Ryman's slang I was trying to think what the others are apples and pears and ladders problems and conflicts problems and conflicts wife Richard the third Richard the third shit yeah, oh, very well, it could be me I thought Richard II was the third, after going to the bathroom.

I've got Richard coming or it could be who that lovely bird Dicky is. Look, yes, how is it possible that girls are called birds like in the United States they are called chicks and in England? They called me Birds, but why did that happen? Is it because I wish I had received advance notice that there would be questions that may or may not contribute to me becoming a US citizen? This is one of the questions. like bubble gum, uh, I don't know, there's something because the guys at I Place CU used to say I like birds, the two-legged variety, the two-legged variety, I think all birds have two legs, there's not a bird with four legs that you like, oh. look that seagull has four legs oh look two-legged variety yeah, two-legged you know what when I did um when I did the Bond movie?

I don't remember what I did Golden I 100 years ago and it was before I don't know, it was before everything was politically correct and I remember one of the ads I used to pat myself every day and say "that's a lovely little bird, that's a little bird lovely, what and I used to say, that's not my bird, that's not a bird, that's my butt, right, but he always called my butt a bird, so I wonder if it's just some kind of quasi Q. Are you sure he worked on the movie or showed up every day to pat you on the butt?

Because he would, he would do that actually, it was Pierce Broen Pierce Broen no, he wasn't, oh, he wouldn't do that, he wasn't, it was just at the time it was apparently okay what are you talking about that was only 10 years ago apparently back then you were allowed to do no you can't touch anyone's butt now I touched my wife's butt the other one day she called the police and she's suing me she says it's because you read 50 Shades of Gray I didn't touch it, oh how cute, she said banana and it didn't smell right, we ran out of time.

Hey, listen, thank God, one more question, go ahead, oh, isn't she lovely? She is lovely. God bless her now, yeah, what, oh God. You're going to do something, no, don't do anything dirty to the queen. I'm not going to do anything dirty to the queen. What are you going to put on that plate? A police officer. Look, it's a plate. her in this photograph. I don't think she has a skirt, frankly, I think she's like Phil, can you see my and can you say my will? They're not safe words, banana, look, that's it, you won't understand your leadership now.

They won't let me be English now, much less be American. Oh, of course, you can be English. They have a sense of humor. They know all the time that we don't want to disrespect her majesty the queen God bless her I bought several mugs for him in Li de la C that's how they make all their money you know Crockery no God bless her she is what she is 120 120 now is she, yes, well, onor, R, says, well, that's it, uh, we're done, anything else you want to add, I think it went brilliantly, I think it went very, very well.

I like your hair, thank you love, I'm glad you fixed it. You have very good hair, though, don't you? Yes I do, yes you never lost it. I pick it up from other parts of my body and, oh, I'm shaved up here, so in your house, do you have cardboard floors or carpets? Cardboard floors. Good night all. maybe you're too picky is that what's good um no, I think the recent guys that I've dated I think when you see their behavior you realize that I'm not that picky because they turn into jerks and you're like oh I guess that I like jerks, yeah what I find is that they are amazing on the first date, on the second date and on the third date it's like they're just not nice or cool and a lot of them want me to do it. like not working anymore, which I would actually do on the third date, they want you to not work anymore, the first date with this, this guy went on a date not long ago, he wanted me, um, he told me on the first day that he's ready to I have kids like now, that's a little needy, yeah, yeah, and my uterus just collapsed and leaked, it's the uterus, not the uterus, no, it's not my joke, it's not my joke, it's not my joke.

I saw it in it since it's not mine, but I like it. but it may not be your joke, but it's something that seems like a very powerful statement for you, I'm so sorry, no, I don't mean not a little bit, I mean a little bit. Okay, so he wants to have babies on the first day, maybe well, he just said he's ready to be in a relationship and all that right away and I think the frustrating thing is that when you go out, sometimes guys think that just because You're the girl and just because I have a date with or kiss you or have sex with you I suddenly want to be with you forever because I just fainted inside the boys think CU they think oh you're the girl and I'm the boy and I The thing is, sometimes you're the girl and I'm the boy.

This is how things are. Sometimes I really don't want it. Sometimes I just need you to do it. Sometimes you just want them to stay quiet. Be it so. Stop talking. Be pretty I love you so much You did it to me too You made me needy Oh I think what happens is that certain men will say what the fuck how I behave here um well what they end up doing is trying to make me feel bad about myself instead of that, like you know, trying to put you down, so in the end they say oh, I need you to make me feel better and I just say, oh mm, I won't play that game, yeah, well, no, I won't, yeah, we. we hang out in boys clubs and you know you guys aren't that complicated, we don't think about guys being more, guys being more complicated, sorry, I was pointing out that guys are more manipulative than people. think and and and I think This I think every guy is eager to have a girlfriend because they really love having the girl that's there and having the best friend and guys are more needy and they start playing these games and just like I'm the one. that throws my clubs on the ground and leaves, it's like I don't want to play