Shoot From The Hip - HUGE | FULL COMEDY SPECIAL

tit! Damn, that's a horrible thing to see. It was weird! It was very weird! Did you see Cher's boob? It's a perfectly nice tit but it was a strange day. - Saw Cher's boob. - Oh man, I'm so sorry, buddy. Yes. I don't have much more to say. I think I covered it, I saw Cher's boob. So what kind of... what kind of... what kind of person was this that stopped you on the street, okay? It was... did you see Cher's boob? I saw Ch- I saw Cher's boob, she was someone who, uh, I didn't get any of that, man. - Look, I...

I... - No way. I don't like losing my temper. I'm sorry. And if you continue with all this, do you see that chair? Yes. I'm going to hit you with that. Oh no. I'm going to hit you with that. It's going to be really shocking. With that chair. Chair... shocking. Hit chair. That? Chair blow. CHARITY! Cher's boob?!? So, did a... stop you? A charity stopped me. - And he's... - He was like... a person who... who runs the charity. What... what kind of charity, what did they do? Oh, they were selling weapons. Weapons?!? That doesn't sound like a charity.

No, they were selling... What kind of people were they trying to help? Oh, they were trying to help people with their... just with their hands up, they just had a... Oh, I'd love a Twiglet, thank you. Yes Yes Yes. Yeah, they were just the... the charity... Yeah, who were they helping? - The charity was helping... - Yes? Here we go, let me get it right. - The charity was helping... - Do you remember this? Yes, yes, I was doing the second part of the first part. The charity was helping bunnies. Oh! "Wooooh" Do these, uh, rabbits have some kind of profession?

Uh... They're ninjas. Aaaah! Very good, friend, very good, friend. Sorry, could we say THAT you understand? You don't know Cher. Have you seen Cher's boob! Just keep going! Alright, I get it, those people are everywhere, yeah. Yes. You- but you got here, I mean- God, we'll be here for a long time. How did you get to work today? Oh, that was actually very simple. - I got here- - Really? I promise you, very simple. I arrived here as I always arrive to work. I always get to work the way I get to work: by car. - A car? - Not that- uh, or a train, - A train?

A kind of mobile where you say 'Weh'. A very small type of compartment. I'm really sorry to interrupt, I realize you're talking, but I just wanted to, uh, tell you that I've moved all the pigs... I've moved all the pigs. next to the mound outside, so we can slaughter them and make the delicious meat. Uh, you know, so they're out, they're very close to, uh, the hill, right now. Ah, I would dare say that they are close to the hill, you know? And... and, you know, I prefer not to think of them as pigs because it bothers me.

I consider them ham. So, as a general update, I say that near... the hill... is... the ham. I understand! Thanks for informing me. Nearby, hill, is, ham. - So... let's listen, - the way I'm going to work, - Yeah? I have to go deep inside myself. Oh yeah? Because the way to get to work is with the motive of nihilism. "Woooh" Well, you say mobile, but it's not a car, it's a... it's a... It's a concept. I've seen you park it, what kind of object is this nihilistic thing? - What kind of object is this nihilistic thing?

Um... F- uh- Like a teapot! It's like a teapot or a cup. Look, friend. Oh shit, dude. You have to speed up this conversation, okay? Oh, it's... it's nihilism, but it runs on fumes. Look, I... - Or gasoline! ... Oil! - Really... I'm going to turn up the heat on this situation and get angry again. Yes, I know I know! The gas! Heat! Gas! Oil! Where do you use those things? In a car? What object? Oh, in- Sorry, I'm getting hungry. In coffee? Tea? Oh, like a frying pan? Oh, the stove! What's another word for that? The oven!

What's another word for that? The AGA! Let's go very simple. What do you do about it? What do you do with those things? Burner! Burner! No, what do you do with those things? What is that activity you do? Cooking! Yes, what's it called too? TO...? Cook- kitchen stove. A kitchen area, a stove to cook? A coo- EEER EEEER Oh no! Say that word again! - EEER - No! No, he is the first! Kitchen! Cook! And then say that EEER! Cook... Cook! Get back here! You said AGA before cooking. Well well. Good. And I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad you're here, I really enjoyed the person in the audience saying "They're so white." Good. I had a strange day. Yes. I just want to make sure, because your... your client is about to arrive. Yes. Your only client. Yes. What is your job and who do you do it for? What I do, okay? What I do is be a teacher. You are a teacher. First of all, my goodness, what do you teach? I teach... What do you teach? Acting! Interim? Happiness! What do you teach? What I teach? I teach writing classes. What-what kind of writing?

What is a fancy word? Damn! Creative writing? Damn! What's up this time, Josh? Cher's tits again. No! They are the green ones. It's a vegetable that I need to go with... with the ham, I'm very upset because... Listen, a lot, we just put it online and... Like everything's gone, everything's been on. sale for zero pounds. You know, spinach, beets, and kale. All kale is free and it makes me so angry! Kale is -GRRRR--free! Kale is what? Kale is free. Kale is -GRRRR- FREE! So you are a teacher. You are... You are a teacher, you teach writing, an elegant type of writing.

Think about what he said. I t- What kind of writing? I teach- (Cah-) Girfree. Put the- put- THE KALE! Put that word at the beginning. - What, kale before gfree? - Yes Yes. Kale-gfree. CALLIGRAPHY! If you can. You teach calligraphy. But you're not... you're one of the best in the world and you teach a very important person. - An important person. Who is that? I teach... the person I teach this to... is... Willy Wonka! No no no no. The guy from the Milky Bar. No no no. Ellen Degeneres. No. Oh, wait, I'm getting... I'm getting a letter.

Ah, that's a nice bird. - Oh. - Very pretty. - Damn Hagrid? - Fly, fly my falcon! Man, that's a good hawk. Shit. NICHE! Too niche? Too niche. Alright. Oh, was that like a Harry Potter thing? No, no, don't worry about that. Don't know. Don't worry about that. Listen, the person I teach is a religious person. No. No, they are not. I know they aren't, but some people think they are. I'm not going back to the damn kettle! A kitchen, I already have it! Whom...? No, I mean, they're not religious, but I get it, because of their first name...

Yeah. Their last name, e

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ly because you might think they're religious. Yes, J-Jesus. Oh! I'm feeling another emotion! As you well know, I don't like cheeses. And I tried to replace all kale in my diet. You know where this is going. I tried replacing all the kale in my diet with a variety of cheeses. And it made me quite sick. And I tried cheddar and emmental, and then I had... and then I had brie. I tried drinking the Brie. Brie Larson! Shut up, I'm halfway there! I tried to have a Brie and... Blargh! Sad! That's how I feel.

Did Brie make you sad? I tried to have the Brie and -blargh- sad. Well, I-I-I will pray for you, brother, I will pray for you. This is all I have, so good luck. Brie made him sad. Sad, the Brie made him sad. Brie cheese. She made him sad bread. Lace? Although, to be honest, she listened to every syllable she said, instead of eliminating any, thus ruining the pun. Brie and, blargh, sad. Can I... can I tell you a story? Friend, yes. My little boy was trying to get himself dressed for school this morning. My little Neddy.

Or like his...as his father insists on calling him, Ed. And he just couldn't do it. He tied them all together. Oh, just... God bless Ed. Brian fucking blessed! Guys, thank you so much for coming and watching... No, sorry. We basically have to get out of this scenario in a quarter of an hour, otherwise we will owe people a lot of money. We only rented it for a while. Luke, anything? Yeah, we just want to say thank you to all the cameramen that are filming tonight and doing things behind the scenes. Our technicians, Jeremy and Jake, thank you very much!

And to everyone at Stratford Theatre, thank you! THANK YOU! LET'S GET DRUNK! WOW! Hey, what do I think? I thought he was... I thought he was really strong. I thought it was a really good show and I'm really happy. I was really nervous before, huh, but I'm... I'm really happy, I feel like we all... we all did a good job and everything was fine. Normally, sometimes I say 'ah, that part was a bit bad', but I thought it was all good. Yes, everything was between good and excellent, and ranged between them, which was lovely. I love that we all had really bright moments.

Like mm, everything done beauti

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y there. Um, I love the guessing game too, that was... We always let AJ guess because he's the one who has the most trouble with it. And that is a joy. People always say, 'oh no, is it stressful if you can't guess?' But no, no. We love it.