Chris Rock ROASTING People

now you gotta watch when you sit down y'all can't sit down 50 Dench I'll roll you can't sit down jay-z their knives y'all gotta be careful cuz you got the Olsen twins there so then you gotta put our Kelly on high. There, if you bite enough money, I'll read your mind, you'll read their minds, I'll read their minds in the audience, you've never met these

people

, there's a lot going on in his head, he's thinking, uh, I don't even let him in. the blacks. my house I can't believe I let one in my mind the funniest guy this guy isn't the hardest working I know, I mean next to Michael Strahan Michael goes down the stairs dumpsters like to rest a little I really like to fight for jobs I hate the feeling of suddenly being like, oh well, you know Kristen can have it because she will, just because she can, I'm, you know what I mean, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, you need a job, okay, they're all better than me, although the parts for a Mexican yes, Jana got angry Jana said she wouldn't come Jada is going to boycott acid Jacob boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties I wasn't invited the boy on the show plays you he was a young man he plays for me like a young man plays for me When I was a kid, no, you know, he's a good kid, actors, weird, how I found him.

He was traveling through Neverland Ranch, right. Trey has hearing aids, so now everyone else is trying to get hearing aids. Too bad, sync, headphones. Rick Ross even has headphones on while he drags. out beats Rick Ross has diabetes, we cross over, we'll be the first rapper to die with breast cancer, they said no, he just watches Smollett's jokes, what the hell was he thinking from now on? I'll never know, just your Jesse from now on, I don't even understand the You know, the way you guys are respect, so you won't get respect from me, guys, right?

Jennifer Lopez, here tonight. Jennifer Lopez, that's right, that's right, she came with two limos. How fast? Jennifer, oh yeah girl, you don't think your ass is enough. see Jennifer on TV thinking about mom and dad in a rental car Thank you Oscar, thank you that's my butt, see only the actors, the star of the show Jennifer, only the Commodores, Lionel Richie's butts, they both have, You have beautiful children, including daughters. How do you think they are going to be like the father of the bride? Nothing great right now she is his. How God is doing it.

You sound like an old man at my age. The warranty begins to run out. Yes, I don't know. Things go wrong and

people

say well, honey, are you feeling okay? Otherwise, no, I feel terrible, well, more or less, I don't know if I would hold up in court. You know, rich man, you can go home. The wife is not a manager. I don't feel so good why I'm driving back to Connecticut, yeah, with a bad woman, I'll stay here, let's talk in the cave, baby, well, don't tell me about you. I know the last time you were here, you're about to leave. on a world tour or just finished a world tour, how do you do that?

How about a tour? Dave, do you ever get sick when you're on the

rock

, you get sick, Dave, and if my wife's mad at me, I just add shows, yeah. There's not much she can say backstage she fired all the pretty girls, you've got a bunch of fat old men, it's horrible, so the vibe is just sexy. I'd say some of those guys who started look pretty good when people act like they're not mad. they lost, but I remember one year when our Halle Berry won the Oscar. Nicole Kidman had a smile so wide that she shouldn't want any actor's Oscar for her great performance on the show.

I let him see his. I don't understand that there is growth. Up dad, oh yeah, Gotti's show doesn't give a damn about a TV show. The network executive said, yeah, the killer guy, these kids should have a TV show. What sponsors advertise in flashy programs. Yes, Nabisco is proud to present this next murder. Provides send Wiens oj go have. a show and the last thing I need is to lose another job with Kevin Hart, okay I don't need that cab, the cab over there can make movies fast every month. Oh, stars don't make movies that fast, you have to know all the movies.

I've seen some of them, you know, some of them, a lot of clunkers, whatever you like, well there's some good ones, yeah, yeah, what are you trying to get me the same man? Any watch, any one ended up in my movies, that goes without saying, but anything, hey, you didn't move, I died, I know, I know I did, we went straight to audio, my favorite show in the house is Bobby Brown, yeah, because it's because you see it hey Whitney's messed up too and they just stick with it a reality show they let the camera just roll yeah they don't cut anything you know one day I saw them just doing a they ran out of crack and started to dance crack so that crack would start raining from the sky, fun for I will be doing a show in New York, New York, New York, the house of the crack priest.

That's right, we have crack priests in New York. We talked about the priest. He was recently caught smoking crack while he was writing the sermon. The sermon sounds like created crack. Why would you do it? I want to be black, why would you do that? I don't call, say my real name, you dirty little bastard, that's true, yeah we got a Black Rocky this year, yeah, some people call him Creed, I call him Black Rocket and that's big, that's awesome. statement that I mean because

rock

ing takes place in a world where white athletes are just as good as black athletes, so the Iraqis are a science fiction movie, the biggest news this year of all the black news It was Donald Sterling, the first black man he met.

For Christmas, the idea of ​​both daughters being girls, Dave, and doing girly things, Dave, he also does a lot of tea parties and girly things that I have to pretend I enjoy, but you enjoy it too, really, you know? ? with the boy you still have. Yes, I do that Philippi, I will do everything right after the show because you are easier, yes, no, I still have the boy. Did you see anything from today's press conference with Tiger? Oh my God, this Tiger thing, did you know that? I wake up, I'm groggy, and I see it, so I didn't see it.

I don't know exactly what he was looking at. I see this biracial man behind a podium apologizing for sex and I'm like, "Oh, God, the Kardashians." I don't have Obama