How To Practice Stoicism in Daily Life

Practicing Stoicism I will end this book by sharing some of the knowledge I have gained in my

practice

of Stoicism, in particular I will offer advice on how people who wish to try Stoicism as their philosophy of

life

can get the maximum benefit from the trial with the minimum effort. and frustration I will also describe some of the surprises, as well as some of the pleasures that await aspiring Stoics. The first advice I would offer to those wishing to try Stoicism is to

practice

what I have called stealth Stoicism you would do well I think keeping it a secret that you are a practicing Stoic this would have been my own strategy if I had not taken it upon myself to become a master of Stoicism By practicing Stoicism you can stealthily reap its benefits while avoiding A significant cost is making fun of your friends, relatives, neighbors, and co-workers.

I should add that it is quite easy to practice Stoicism on the sly. For example, you can engage in negative visualization without anyone noticing if your practice of Stoicism is successful. Neighbors and co-workers may notice the difference in you (a change for the better), but they will probably be hard-pressed to explain the transformation if they come up to you perplexed and ask what your secret is. You might choose to reveal to them the sordid truth that you If you are a closet Stoic, my next advice to aspiring Stoics is not to try to master all the Stoic techniques at once, but to start with one technique and once you master it , move on to another and a good technique to start with.

What you think about is negative visualization in free moments of the day. Try to contemplate the loss of everything you value in

life

. Engaging in such contemplation can produce a dramatic transformation in your perspective on life. It can make you realize, if only for a while, how lucky you are. You are how much you have to be grateful for almost regardless of your circumstances, in my experience, negative visualization is to

daily

life like salt is to the kitchen, although it requires a minimum of time, energy and talent for a cook to add salt to the kitchen. food the taste of Almost any food you add it to will improve as a result in the same way, although practicing negative visualization requires a minimum of time, energy and talent.

Those who practice it will find that their ability to enjoy life improves significantly. negative visualization embracing the same life that you had recently complained about was not worth living. One thing I have discovered, though in my practice of Stoicism, is that it is easy to forget to engage in negative visualization and, as a result, stay for days. or even weeks without having visualized. I think I know why this happens. By engaging in negative visualization, we increase our satisfaction with our circumstances, but by gaining the feeling of contentment, the natural thing to do is simply enjoy life.

In fact, it is decidedly unnatural for someone who is content. With life spending time thinking about the bad things that can happen, the Stoics would however remind us that negative visualization in addition to making us appreciate what we have can help us avoid holding on to the things we appreciate, consequently, it is so important to participate in Negative visualization when times are good as they are when times are bad I tried practicing negative visualization every night before going to bed as part of the bedtime meditation described in Chapter 8, but the experiment failed. My problem is that I tend to fall asleep.

Remarkably quickly after my head hits the pillow there is just no time to visualize. Instead, I've grown accustomed to engaging in negative visualizations and generally evaluating my progress stoically as I drive to work. By doing this, I transform free time into Time Well Spent after mastering negative visualization. A novice Stoic should become proficient in applying the trichotomy of control described in Chapter 5. According to the Stoics, we should make a kind of classification in which we distinguish between things over which we have no control. We have total control and things over which we have some, but not complete, control, and having made this distinction we must focus our attention on the last two categories in particular, we waste time and cause ourselves unnecessary anxiety if we worry about things over which we have total control.

I have no control I have certainly discovered that applying the trichotomy of control, in addition to helping me manage my own anxieties, is an effective technique for allowing the anxieties of the non-stoics around me, anxieties that might otherwise disturb my peace of mind when family members and friends share with me. the sources of anxiety in their lives it often turns out that the things they are worried about are out of their control my response to such cases is to point this out to them what you can do about this situation nothing so why you worry is out of your hands so don't It makes sense to worry and if I'm in the mood I follow this last comment with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, nothing pointless is worth doing, it's interesting that although some of the people I've tried this with can charitably be described as prone to anxiety they almost always respond to the logic of the trichotomy of control their anxiety dissipates if only for a time as a novice stoic you will want, as part of becoming competent in the application of the trichotomy of control, to practice internalizing your goals.

Instead of aiming to win a tennis match, for example, make it a goal to prepare for the match as best you can and give your best effort in the match. By routinely internalizing your goals, you can reduce, but probably not eliminate, what would otherwise be a significant source of distress in your life. The feeling that you have failed to achieve some goal in your practice of Stoicism. You will also want, along with applying the trichotomy of control, to become a psychological fatalist about the past and present, but not about the future. Although you will be willing to think about the past and present to learn things that can help you better deal with future obstacles to peace of mind, you will refuse to spend time thinking about the past and present.

You will realize that since the past and present cannot be changed, there is no point in wishing them to be different. You will do your best to accept the past, whatever it is, and embrace the present, whatever it is, like other people. We have seen the enemy and our battle for tranquility. It was for this reason that the Stoics spent time developing strategies for dealing with this enemy and, in particular, strategies for dealing with insults from those with whom we associate. One of the most interesting developments in my practice of Stoicism has been my transformation from someone who I feared insults to a connoisseur of insults, on the one hand I have become a collector of insults by being insulted, I analyzed and categorized the insult, on the other hand I expect to be insulted to the extent that it is.

It gives me the opportunity to perfect my insult game. I know this sounds strange, but a consequence of practicing Stoicism is that one looks for opportunities to put Stoic techniques into practice. I will have more to say about this phenomenon below, one of the things that generate insults. The difficult thing to deal with is that they are usually surprises: you are chatting calmly with someone when Wham says something that, although it may not have been an insult, can easily be interpreted as such - recently, for example, I was talking to a colleague about a book he was writing, he said that in this book he was going to comment on some political material that I had published.

I was very glad that he knew of my work and was going to mention it, but then came the disparagement that I am trying to decide, he said, whether in my response to what he has written I should categorize him as evil or simply wrong to realize that such comments are from To expect from academics, we are a pathetically controversial group, we want others to not only be aware of our work but also admire it and, better yet, give in to the conclusions we have reached, the problem is that our colleagues seek the same admiration from us and deference something has to offer, and as a result, on campuses everywhere academics routinely engage in verbal fights, put-downs are commonplace.

Insults fly in my pre-stoic days. I would have felt the sting of this insult and probably would have been angry. I would have vigorously defended my work and done everything I could to unleash a counterinsult, but on this particular day I had fallen under the influence. of the Stoics I had the presence of mind to respond to this insult in a stoic and acceptable manner with self-deprecating humor why can't you portray me as evil and wrong? I asked: Self-deprecating humor has become my standard response to insults. When someone criticizes me, I respond that things are even worse than they suggest.

If, for example, someone suggests that I'm lazy, I respond that it's a miracle I can do anything. work if someone accuses me of having a big ego. Reply that most days it is noon before I realize that someone else inhabits the planet. Such responses may seem counterproductive since by offering them I am in a sense validating the insulter's criticism of me, but by offering such responses I make it clear to the insulter. that I am confident enough in who I am to be immune to their insults to me, they are a source of laughter, furthermore, by refusing to play the insult game by refusing to respond to an insult with a counter-insult, I make it clear that I consider myself to be On top of such behavior, my refusal to play the insult game will probably irritate the Psalter more than a counter-insult.

One of the worst things we can do when other people bother us is get angry. Anger, after all, will be a major obstacle to our peace of mind. The Stoics realized that anger goes against joy and can ruin our lives if we allow it while observing my emotions. I've been paying close attention to anger, and as a result, I've discovered a few things about it to begin with. Fully aware of the extent to which anger has a life of its own within me, it can lie dormant like a virus only to revive and make me miserable when I least expect it.

I could, for example, be in a yoga class trying to empty my head of thoughts. when out of nowhere I find myself filled with anger over some incident that took place years before, furthermore, I have come to the conclusion that Seneca was wrong in suggesting that there is no pleasure in experiencing anger, this is the problem with anger, it feels good to vent it and it feels bad to repress it when our anger is righteous anger when we are sure we are right and whoever we are angry with is wrong it feels wonderful to vent it and let the person who hurt us know about our anger anger in others In words, It looks like a mosquito bite.

It feels bad not to scratch the bite and it feels good to scratch it. The problem with mosquito bites, of course, is that after scratching one you usually wish you hadn't, so the itch comes back intensified and scratching. By biting yourself, you increase the chances of it becoming infected. The same can be said for anger, although it feels good to vent it, you will probably later regret doing it. It is one thing to vent anger or, better yet, to fake anger in order to modify it. Someone's behavior, people respond to anger. What I have discovered is that a significant part of the anger event cannot be explained in these terms.

When I drive my car, for example, I periodically get rightfully angry. I think about other drivers who drive incompetently. and sometimes I even yell at them, since my windows and theirs are up, the other drivers cannot hear me and therefore cannot respond to my anger by not doing again in the future whatever made me angry, this anger even if it's fair. It is completely useless to vent it. I accomplished nothing more than disturbing my own peace of mind in other cases, although I am righteously angry at someone, I cannot, due to my circumstances, express my anger directly to him, so instead I find myself thinking black thoughts about him again.

Feelings of anger are meaningless, they disturb me, but they have no impact on the person I am angry with. In fact, they serve to aggravate the damage it does to me. What a waste I have found because of the way practicing Stoicism has helped me reduce. The frequency with which I get angry at other drivers (I yell maybe 1/10 as often as I used to) has also helped me reduce the amount of black thoughts I have about people who hurt me a long time ago and when the thoughts Black people infect me. For me, they don't last as long as they used to because anger has these characteristics because it can remain latent within us and because expressing it feels good, our anger will be difficult to overcome and learning to overcome it is one of the biggest challenges for a Stoic. practitioners' faces, but one thing I havediscovered is that the more you think about and understand anger, the easier it is to control it.

As it happens, I read Seneca's essay on anger while waiting in a doctor's office, the doctor was woefully late and as a result, I was left sitting in the waiting room for almost an hour. I had every right to be angry, and in my pre-stoic day, I almost certainly would have been angry, but because I was thinking about anger during that hour, I found it impossible to achieve it. Angry I've also found that it's quite helpful to use humor as a defense against anger in particular. I have discovered that a wonderful way to avoid getting angry is to imagine myself as a character in an absurd play.

Things aren't supposed to make sense. People are not supposed to be competent and justice, when it happens, happens by accident instead of letting me get angry at events. I convince myself to laugh at them. In fact, I try to think of ways the imaginary absurdist playwright could have made things even more so. The absurd Seneca, I'm sure he was right when he pointed out laughter as the appropriate response to the things that make us cry. Seneca also observes that he who does not repress his laughter shows greater courage than he who does not repress his tears, since laughter gives expression to the softest of emotions and considers that there is nothing important, nothing serious or miserable in the whole of life.

In addition to advising us to imagine bad things happening to us, the Stoics, as we have seen, advised us to cause bad things to happen as a result of carrying out a program of voluntary discomfort. Seneca, for example, periodically advises us to live as if we were poor and Musso Gnaeus advises us to do things that cause us discomfort. Following this advice requires a greater degree of self-discipline than practicing other Stoic techniques. Voluntary discomfort programs are therefore best left to advanced Stoics. I have experimented with a voluntary discomfort program. I haven't tried going barefoot like Sonia suggested, but I have tried less radical behaviors, like dressing poorly for winter weather, not heating my car in the winter, and not having air conditioning in the summer.

I also started taking yoga classes. Yoga has improved my balance and flexibility reminded me of the importance of play and made me acutely aware of how little control I have over the contents of my mind, but in addition to conferring these and other benefits, yoga has become a wonderful source of voluntary discomfort while doing yoga. I do postures that are uncomfortable or that in some cases border on pain. For example, I bend my legs until they are on the verge of cramping and then back away a little. My yoga teacher, although she never talks about pain, but instead talks about poses that generate too many sensations, she has taught me how to breathe in the place that hurts, which of course is physiologically impossible if what I am experiencing is, say, a cramp in the leg and yet the technique undoubtedly functions as another source of discomfort and certainly of entertainment and my delight is also rowing shortly after I began practicing

stoicism

I learned to row in a racing shell And since then I started competing competitively.

We rowers are exposed to heat and humidity in the summer and cold wind and sometimes even snow in the spring and fall. By periodically splashing ourselves with water unceremoniously, we get blisters and then calluses. Reducing calluses is one of the favorite out-of-water activities of serious paddlers, as well as being a source of physical discomfort. Rowing is a wonderful source of emotional discomfort. Rowing in particular has given me a list of fears that I have to face. beat the races The projectiles I row are quite unstable, in fact, if given even the slightest chance, they will happily toss a rower into the water.

It took considerable effort to overcome my fear of flipping, successfully surviving three throws. From there, I moved on to work on other fears, including fear of paddling in the predawn darkness, fear of pushing off the dock while standing in the boat, and fear of being in the middle of a lake hundreds of feet from the boat. nearest shore in a small boat that has three times You Betrayed Me Every time you undertake an activity in which public failure is a possibility, you are likely to feel butterflies in your stomach. I mentioned earlier that since becoming a Stoic I have become a collector of insults.

I have also become a butterfly collector. I like to participate. in activities like competitive rowing that give me butterflies simply so I can practice dealing with these feelings. They are, after all, a major component of fear of failure, so by dealing with them I am working to overcome my fear of failure in In the hours before a race I experienced some truly magnificent butterflies. I do my best to take advantage of them. They make me focus on the race ahead once the race has started. I have the pleasure of seeing the butterflies leave. I have also headed to other places in my search for butterflies after I began practicing

stoicism

for example I decided to learn to play a musical instrument something I had never done before the instrument I chose was the banjo after several months of lessons my teacher He asked me if I wanted to participate in the recital his students give.

I initially declined the offer, it didn't seem like fun at all to risk public humiliation by trying to play the banjo in front of a group of strangers, but then it occurred to me that this was a wonderful opportunity to cause me psychological discomfort and confront and, hopefully, overcome. my fear of failing, I agreed to participate in the recital. It was the event that caused me the most stress in a long time. It's not that I'm afraid of crowds. I can enter a classroom of 60 students without anxiety, which I had never done before. I met myself and started giving lectures. , but this was different before my performance.

I experienced butterflies the size of small bats, not only that, but I also fell into an altered state of consciousness in which time was distorted and the laws of physics seemed to stop working, but in short, I survived the recital, the Butterflies that I experienced racing in a regatta or giving a banjo recital are, of course, a symptom of anxiety and it might seem contrary to Stoic principles to do everything possible to cause me anxiety, in fact, if a goal of Stoicism is to achieve tranquillity. Shouldn't I do everything I can to avoid activities that cause anxiety?

Shouldn't I, instead of collecting butterflies, run away from them? Not causing me anxiety, for example, by giving a banjo recital. There is a lot of future anxiety in my life now as I face a new challenge. I have a wonderful reasoning that I can use in comparison to the banjo recital. This new challenge is nothing. I survived that challenge, so I will surely survive this one by participating in the recital. In other words, I've immunized myself against a fair amount of future anxiety, although it's an immunization that will wear off as time goes by, and I need to become immune again with another dose of butterflies when I do things that cause me physical and mental discomfort.

I see myself or at least a part of me as an opponent in some kind of game. This opponent, my other self, so to speak, is on evolutionary autopilot. All he wants is to be comfortable and take advantage of any opportunity for pleasure that presents itself. My other self lacks self-discipline if left alone he will always take the path of least resistance in life and as a result will be little more than a naive pleasure seeker he is also a coward my other self is not my friend, on the contrary, In the words of Epictetus, it is better to consider it as an enemy lying in wait to score points in the contest with my other self.

I must establish my dominion over him. To do this, I must cause him discomfort that he could easily feel. avoid and must prevent him from experiencing pleasures he might otherwise have enjoyed when he is afraid to do something. I must force him to face his fears and overcome them. Why play this game against my other self in part to gain self-discipline and why is self-discipline worth possessing because those who possess it have the ability to determine what they do with their life those who lack self-discipline will have the path they take in life determined by someone or something else and as a result there is a very real The danger that we miss playing live against my other self also helps me develop character these days.

I notice that people smile when talking about developing character, but it is an activity that the Stoics would have wholeheartedly endorsed and recommended to anyone who wanted it. have a good life, another reason to play against my other self is that it is surprisingly fun to do so, it is quite fun to win a point in this game, for example, by successfully overcoming a fear that the Stoics warned about both Epictetus and us. What I saw in chapter 7 talks about the pleasure that comes from denying ourselves various pleasures along similar lines. Seneca reminds us that although it may be unpleasant to endure something, if we endure it successfully we will be pleased with ourselves.

When rowing competitively, it may seem as though I am trying to beat the other rowers, but in fact I am engaged in a much more competitive competition. Importantly, the one I have against my other self, he didn't want to learn to row, he didn't want to do training and preferred to spend the time beforehand. - dawn hours to sleep in a warm bed, he did not want to row to the start line of the race, in fact, on the way he repeatedly complained about how tired he felt and during the race he wanted to stop rowing and just let it The other rowers win if you stop rowing, he said in his most seductive voice, all this pain would come to an end, why not just stop rowing, think about how good it will feel, it's funny, but my competitors in a race They are at the same time my teammates in the race. most important competition against my other self when competing against each other we are all simultaneously competing against ourselves although not all of us are aware of doing so to compete against each other we must individually overcome our fears our laziness or lack of self-discipline and it is completely possible for someone to lose control. competition against the other rowers, in fact he came last but in the process of doing so he has triumphed in the petition against this other self.

The Stoics, as we have seen, recommend lifestyle simplification programs as voluntary lifestyle simplification is a process best left to advanced Stoics; as I have already explained, a novice Stoic will probably want to keep a low philosophical profile. If you start dressing disrespectfully, people will notice and in the same way people will notice if you keep driving the same old car or the same horrors. 'Giving up the car to take the bus or ride a bike will make people assume the worst imminent bankruptcy perhaps or even the early stages of mental illness and if you explain to them that you have overcome your desire to impress those who are not impressed by the tricks A person's externals will only make things worse as I began to experiment with a simplified lifestyle that took me a while to get used to when, for example, someone asked me where I had gotten the t-shirt I was wearing and I replied that I had bought it at a convenience store. second hand I felt a little embarrassed this incident made me appreciate the way Cato handles those feelings Kato, as we have seen, dressed differently as a sort of training exercise that he wanted to learn to only be embarrassed by what was really embarrassing For him he therefore went out of his way to do things that would trigger inappropriate feelings of shame in himself simply so he could practice overcoming those feelings.

Lately I've been trying to emulate Kato in this regard since I became a Stoic. My desires have changed dramatically. I do not want. Many of the things I once considered essential to a proper life I used to dress Natali, but lately my wardrobe has become what can best be described as utilitarian. I have a tie and a sports jacket that I can wear if necessary. Fortunately, they are rarely needed. I used to long for a new car, but when my 16 year old car died recently I replaced it with a 9 year old car, something a decade ago I couldn't have imagined doing the new car, by the way, it has two things that my old one . the car was missing a cup holder and a working radio, how glad there was a time when I would have understood why someone would want to have a Rolex watch, now that behavior baffles me.

I used to have less money than I knew what to do with this anymore. The case largely because I want very few of the things that money can buy. I read that many of my fellow Americans are in serious financial trouble and have an unfortunate tendency to use all the credit that is available to them and when that doesn't work out. They don't satisfy their craving for consumer goods to keep spending anyway; many of these individuals, one suspects, would be rich instead of broke and much happier too if they had developed their ability toEnjoy the simple pleasures of life.

I have become dysfunctional as a consumer when I go to a shopping mall, for example, I don't buy things, instead I look around and am amazed at all the things for sale that not only do I not need but I can't imagine wanting my The only entertainment in a mall is watching other mall-goers, I suspect that most of them come to the mall not because there is something specific they need to buy, but in the hope that doing so will trigger a desire for something. that they didn't have before going to the mall. I don't want it, it could be the desire for a cashmere sweater, a set of socket wrenches or the latest cell phone, why go to great lengths to provoke a desire?

Because if they provoke it, they can enjoy the emotion that occurs when they extinguish that desire by buying it. object, it's an avalanche, of course, that has little to do with your long-term happiness, any more than taking a dose of heroin has to do with the long-term happiness of a heroin addict. That said, I must add that the reason I have so few consumer desires is not because I consciously fight against their formation; On the contrary, such desires have simply stopped appearing in my head or, in any case, they do not appear as often as before;

In other words, my ability to form desires for consumer goods seems to diminish. I have atrophied what caused this state of affairs: the deep realization, through the practice of Stoicism, that acquiring the things those in my social circle typically crave and work hard to pay for will make no difference in the long run. in how happy I am and will be. It would in no way contribute to my having a good life if I acquired a new car, a nice wardrobe, a Rolex watch, and a bigger house. I am convinced that I would experience no more joy than I currently do and might even experience less as a Consumer It seems that I have crossed some sort of Great Divide and it seems unlikely that once crossed I will ever be able to return to the mindless consumerism that once seemed to me. so entertaining.

Let me now describe a surprising side effect of practicing Stoicism As a Stoic, you will be constantly preparing yourself for difficulties, for example, by engaging in negative visualizations or voluntarily causing yourself discomfort. If difficulties do not continue, you may be a curious type of disappointment, you may want your stoicism to be tested so that you can see if you really possess the difficulty management skills you have worked to acquire; In other words, he is like an experienced firefighter. his skills as a firefighter for years but has never been called upon to put out a real fire or as a football player who despite practicing diligently throughout the season has never been put in such a game, historian Paul Vane has commented that If we try to practice stoicism, a calm life is actually disturbing because we are not aware of whether we will remain strong in the event of a storm.

Likewise, according to Seneca, when someone tries to harm a wise man, he might be grateful for the attempt since wounds cannot harm him. but it can help him to the point of avoiding the attacks of circumstances or men, to the point of considering even harm beneficial, because through it he finds a means of testing himself and his virtue. Seneca also suggests that a Stoic might welcome death to the extent that it represents the ultimate test of his stoicism. Although I haven't practiced it for a long time, I have discovered in me the desire to test my stoicism.

I already mentioned my desire to be insulted. I want to see if I can respond to insults in a stoically appropriate manner. Likewise, I have strived to put myself in situations that test my courage and willpower, partly to see if I can pass those tests, and while writing this book an incident occurred. that gave me a deeper understanding of the Stoics' desire to test their stoicism. The incident in question began when I noticed flashes of light along the periphery of my visual field whenever I blinked in a dark room. I went to my ophthalmologist and was informed that he had a torn retina and that to prevent it from detaching I would have to undergo laser surgery.

The nurse who prepared me for surgery explained that the doctor was repeatedly hitting my retina with a high-powered laser beam and asked me if I had ever seen a light show and I said that what I was about to witness was a spectacle. much more splendid than that. Then the doctor came into the room and started shooting at me. The first bursts of light were really intense and beautiful, but then something unexpected happened. I stopped seeing the bursts of light I could still hear the blast of the laser but I didn't see anything when the laser finally went off all I could see through the eye that had been operated on was a purple spot that covered my entire field of vision it occurred to me that something could have gone wrong during the surgery perhaps the laser had failed and that as a result I could now be blind in one eye, this thought was disturbing for sure, but after having it I detected another completely unexpected thought in me.

I found myself reflecting on how I would respond to being blind in one eye in particular – could I cope with it in a properly stoic way? In other words, I was responding to the possible loss of vision in one eye by assessing the Stoic testing potential of such a loss. This response probably seems strange to you. It also seemed strange to me and still seems strange to me. However, this was my response and By responding this way he was apparently experiencing a predictable and some would say perverse side effect of the practice of Stoicism. I informed the nurse that I could not see in the eye that had been operated on.

Finally he told me why he didn't tell me earlier that this was normal and that my vision would return in an hour. So it was and as a result, fortunately, I think I was deprived of it. I take this opportunity to test my stoicism, unless premature death prevents it. In about a decade I will face a major test of my stoicism. I will be around 60 years old. In other words, I will be on the threshold of old age for the entire time. In my life I have looked for role models, people who were in the next stage of life and who I thought were handling that stage successfully when they reached 50.

I began to examine the 70 and 80 year old people I knew in a trying to find a role model. It was easy to find people in that age group who could serve as negative role models. I thought my goal should be to avoid ending up like them. Positive role models, however, turned out to be scarce when I went to people in their 70s and 80s. He knew who and asked for advice on how to face the onset of old age. They had an annoying tendency to offer the same nugget of wisdom. Do not grow old except the discovery of a source of youth drug, although the only way I can follow this advice. is to commit suicide, then it occurred to me that this is precisely what they advised me to do, although indirectly, it also occurred to me that their advice not to get carried away by old Echo's Missoni is the observation that blessed is he who does not die . late but well it is possible that when I am 70 or 80 years old I will conclude, like the older people I know seem to have come to the conclusion that non-existence is preferable to old age, it is also possible that many of those who find old age to be so onerous have blame for their situation, they neglected when they were young to prepare for old age if they had taken the time to prepare properly if they had begun to practice stoicism, it is conceivable that they would not have found old age a burden instead, they could have discovered , as Seneca stated that it was one of the most delicious stages of life, a stage that is full of pleasure if one knows how to use it.

Why was I writing this book? My 88-year-old mother suffered a stroke and was banished by To me, as happens in a nursing home, the stroke weakened the left side of her body so much that she could no longer get out of bed on her own and not only that , but her ability to swallow was compromised, making it dangerous for her to eat regularly. regular foods and liquid drinks that could go down her windpipe and trigger a potentially fatal attack of pneumonia, the foods she was served had to be pureed and the liquids she was given had to be thickened.

I discovered a whole line of thick drinks that they have was created for people with swallowing problems, it is quite understandable that my mother was not happy with the turn her life had taken and I did everything I could to cheer her up. If I had been devoutly religious, I might have tried to encourage her by praying with or for her or by telling her that I had arranged for dozens or even hundreds of people to pray for her, for although I found that the best words of encouragement I had to offer had A clearly stoic sound, she, for example, told me how difficult her situation was.

She was and would quote Marcus, yes, they say life is more like wrestling than dancing, that's very true, she would mutter in response and ask what she had to do to be able to walk again. I thought it was unlikely that she would ever walk. again but I didn't say as much, instead I encouraged her without giving her a lecture on stoicism to internalize her goals regarding walking what you should focus on is doing your best when you get physical therapy she would complain about having lost the most part of the function of her left arm and would encourage her to engage in negative visualizations, at least you have the ability to speak.

She would remind him that in the first few days after the stroke, back then she could only mumble and couldn't even move her right. arm and consequently she couldn't feed herself, but now she really can, she has a lot to be grateful for because she listened to my reaction and after a moment of reflection she usually responded affirmatively. I guess I did the negative visualization exercise. overcome her distress, even if only temporarily, again and again during this period. I was struck by how natural and appropriate it is to invoke Stoic principles to help someone deal with the challenges of old age and poor health.

I mentioned earlier that the stroke made it dangerous for my mother to drink thick water regularly and being denied water made her naturally start to crave it. She asked me in a pleading voice for a glass of not thick water but from the sink. I would reject the requests and explain why, but as soon as I finished my explanation she would again ask for just a glass of water please. I found myself in the position of a loving son who continually denied his elderly mother's request for a simple glass of water. water, after enduring my mother's pleas for a while, I asked the nurse what to do: give her ice cubes to suck on.

She said the water from the ice will release slowly, so there's little danger of you sucking it in. As a result of this advice, I became my mother's personal iceman, bringing a cup with me on every visit. The iceman is coming. She called him when he got to her room. She would put a cube in her mouth and, while she sucked on it, she would tell me how wonderful the ice was. My mother, who in her prime had been a connoisseur of good food and drink, had now done so. Becoming a connoisseur of ice cubes, something she had taken for granted her entire life, an ice cube had simply been what she used to cool the drink worth drinking now it was giving her intense pleasure. .

She clearly enjoyed this ice more than a gourmet would enjoy. aged champagne, watching her appreciatively suck on ice cubes, I felt a hint of envy. Wouldn't that be wonderful? I thought she could get so much pleasure from a simple ice cube. I decided that negative visualization alone is unlikely to allow me to appreciate ice cubes as intensely as my mother does, unfortunately it would probably take a bump like hers to do the trick, however watching her suck on ice cubes It has been quite instructive and has made me aware of something else that I take for granted, my ability. drink a large glass of cold water on a hot summer day during a visit to my mother I met the ghost of Christmas future I was walking down the hallway of the nursing home towards my mother's room, in front of me was an old man in An assistant was pushing the wheelchair as I approached, the assistant caught my attention and said, pointing to his position, this man is a teacher for my mother, it turns out he had been telling everyone about me.

I stopped and greeted this fellow academic who he turned out to be. We had retreated for a while before we chatted for a while, but during our conversation I was haunted by the thought that in a few decades I might be having this conversation again, only then I would be in the wheelchair and it would be some younger professor standing up. . in front of me taking a few moments out of his busy day to talk to an academic relic my time is coming I told myself and I must do what I can to prepare for it the goal of stoicism asWe have seen is the achievement of tranquility.

Naturally, readers will want to know if my own practice of Stoicism has helped me achieve this goal. Unfortunately, it has not allowed me to achieve perfect tranquility. However, it has allowed me to be substantially calmer than before. In particular, I have made considerable progress. By controlling my negative emotions, I am less likely to get angry than before, and when I find myself venting my anger on others, I am much more willing to apologize than before. Not only am I more tolerant of humiliation than before. I used to be, but I've developed an almost complete immunity to the most common insults.

I am also less anxious than before about the disasters that might befall me and, in particular, about my own death, although the real test for this, as Seneca says, will be when I am about to take my last breath after saying this. I should add that although I may have mastered my negative emotions, I have not eradicated them nor am I likely ever to. However, I am delighted to have deprived these emotions of some power. They used to have about me one significant psychological change that has taken place since I began practicing Stoicism is that I experience much less dissatisfaction than before apparently as a result of practicing negative visualization.

I have become quite grateful for what I have there. The question remains whether I would continue to be grateful if my circumstances had changed dramatically, perhaps without realizing it. I have come to hold on to the things I hold dear, in which case I would be devastated if I lost those things I won't know. The answer to this question, of course, until my stoicism is tested. Another discovery I have made in my practice of Stoicism has to do with joy. The joy that interested the Stoics can best be described as a type of enjoyment, an enjoyment that is not of anything in particular but of all this is a pleasure simply being able to participate in life is a deep understanding that although all of this had no that being possible, it is wonderfully possible, magnificently possible, for the record that my practice of Stoicism has not allowed me to experience uninterrupted joy, far from it, nor have I experienced the highest type of joy that a Stoic sage could experience. realizing that your joy cannot be interrupted by external events, but my practice of stoicism seems to have made me happy. susceptible to periodic bursts of delight in all this, it's funny, but when I started experiencing these outbursts I wasn't quite sure what to do with them whether to embrace my feelings of joy or keep them at a distance, in fact, as a sober person I attempt a adult to extinguish them.

I have since discovered that I am NOT alone and I am suspicious of feelings of joy, so I realized how silly it would be to do anything other than hug them and that is why I have these comments that I realized make me cringe. Disgustingly self-satisfied and boastful to boot, rest assured that the practice of Stoicism does not require people to go around telling others how delighted they are to be alive or about the bursts of joy they have been experiencing lately; in fact, the Stoics would certainly have discouraged this. That kind of thing, why then do I tell you about my mental state?

Because it answers the question they naturally have: Does Stoicism deliver the psychological goods it promises? In my case, it did so to a more than satisfactory degree. I have made this point, although in the future I will do my best to be admirably modest in any public assessment I offer of my state of mind, although I am a practicing Stoic, let me confess In these final paragraphs I have some doubts about the philosophy according to the Stoics, if I seek peace of mind, I need to give up other goals that someone in my circumstances might have, such as owning an expensive late model car or living in a million dollar house , but what if everyone else is right and the Stoics are right? wrong, there's a chance that one day I'll look back at what I'll later call my stoic phase and feel baffled and dismayed at what I was thinking.

I'll wonder if I could get those years back. I am NOT the only Stoic who harbors such doubts in his essay on tranquility, for example, Seneca has an imaginary conversation with Serena, a Stoic with misgivings about Stoicism, when Serena claims to have been among people with normal values, for example, after having dinner in a house where even precious stones are stepped on and riches are lost scattered in every corner he discovers within himself a secret sting and the doubt of whether the afterlife is not better the previous comments make it clear that I have also felt this secret sting does not help that those who think that fame and fortune are more valuable than tranquility far outweigh those who, like me, think that tranquility is more valuable.

Can all these people be wrong? Surely I am the one who makes the mistake at the same time. I know, from my research on desire, that almost without exception philosophers and religious thinkers who have contemplated life and the way people live it have typically come to the conclusion that it is the vast majority of people who They are making a mistake in their way of living. These thinkers have also tended to gravitate toward tranquility as something very much worth pursuing, although many of them disagreed with the Stoics about the best way to pursue it. When I start to have doubts about Stoicism, my current practice is to remember that we live in a world in which certainty is only possible in mathematics, in other words, we live in a world in which no matter what you do you could be making a mistake.

This means that while it is true that I may be making a mistake When practicing Stoicism I could also be making a mistake if I reject Stoicism in favor of some other philosophy of life and I think the biggest mistake made by a large number of people is not having any philosophy of life. These people feel their way in life following the impulses of their evolutionary programming, assiduously seeking what makes them feel good and avoiding what makes them feel bad. By doing this, they could have a comfortable life or even a life full of pleasure. However, the question remains whether they could have a better life by turning their backs on their evolutionary programming and instead devoting time and energy to acquiring a philosophy of life according to the Stoics.

The answer to this question is that a better life is possible, one that contains perhaps less comfort and pleasure, but considerably more joy. I suspect that in the decades to come, if I should live that long, any doubts I may have had about Stoicism will fall by the wayside as we age. The process takes its toll. Stoic techniques can improve a life when times are good, but it is when times are bad that the effectiveness of these techniques becomes most evident. If I find Stoicism beneficial in my sixth decade of life, chances are I will. be indispensable in my eighth or ninth decade unless I am an unusual person, my greatest tests in life are ahead.

I think I would be glad to have developed an understanding and appreciation of Stoicism before these tests were administered. It would be nice to have proof that Stoicism or some other philosophy of life is the correct philosophy, unfortunately the proof offered by the Stoics is not convincing and an alternative proof is unlikely to appear; In the absence of such evidence, we must act on the basis of probabilities for a certain type of person. For a person in certain circumstances with a certain personality type, there are many reasons to think that Stoicism is worth trying. Practicing Stoicism does not require much effort, in fact, it requires much less effort than one would probably waste in the absence of a philosophy of life.

One can practice Stoicism without anyone noticing and one can practice it for a while and then abandon it. and not be worse off for the attempt; In other words, there is little to lose by giving Stoicism a try as a philosophy of life. life and there is potentially much to gain, in fact, according to Marcus, it is possible through the practice of Stoicism to gain a completely new life.