How to Build a Strong Foundation for Your Marriage: Lessons from Dr. Myles Munroe#motivation

Write this down: Love does not keep a

marriage

together. Stop letting people fool you with love, whatever they mean by that. Don't marry a person for love. Are you still in shock? Everyone who has been divorced in this room will tell you that they began their relationship with what they call love, but that love didn't last. So, love doesn't hold it together. 95% of all the people who have counseled in my office over the last 30 years with

marriage

problems, with the paper in their hand ready to sign for divorce, all said, "I still love him, but we can't live together." "I still love her, but I can't stand her." We are confused.

The two words do not go together. "I love people, I don't want to live with you." What we're saying is that my feelings toward this person are intact, but my ability to be in the same room is missing. I don't have the skills to live in the same room. So never marry for love. I know it sounds strange, but that's

your

problem. Life is complicated. This is what the kingdom says. You should get married, as found in Proverbs chapter 24, verse 3. It says, "By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. And by knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Now, that is again an idiom in Hebrew.

It means it's a nice place to be all the time. Each room feels like a beautiful and charming place. You just want to stay home. Many married people are eager to leave home, and returning home is a stressful experience. The next verse says, "A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength." When you have wisdom, you have the word. Power means ability to handle things. You can live together effectively if you have wisdom. And then if you gain knowledge, he says you run

your

house

strong

ly. You are not afraid, you are not weak.

You know what to do when problems arise. I want to break down these three words very quickly. Number one, first of all, you start with knowledge. Knowledge is information. If you're going to have a successful relationship with someone, I'm not just talking about married people, anyone, you need to gain knowledge, you need information. Sometimes we encourage you to go buy books and say, "Go buy this CD set." And people think we're trying to make money. But you see, those books are 45 years of my life of research and study and living with my wife for 31 years. And it costs you 20 dollars, twenty dollars for 40 years of my life.

That is cheap. And it could save your life if you read it. But you walk past the bookstore like you know everything and you have stress in your marriage. You don't need prayer, do you? You need information. People come up all the time and say, "You know, I'm having problems with my relationship, my wife, my husband." I have a problem, can you pray for me? I'm sitting there and I'm like, "No, I really want to give you five books to read." But I know you're lazy. Do you know what we want God to do? Make magic.

Prayer does not cancel ignorance. No matter how much I pray for you, it doesn't fix your marriage. You need skills, you need knowledge, you need principles, you need to understand human nature. These things have to be learned. The average man in this room knows nothing about women, I guarantee it. I am still trying to understand my wife in these 31 years. So you have to learn, you have to study. And I tell you, 95% of the women in this room know nothing about a man, nothing. I'm telling you, I was talking to a lady the other day and I thought she doesn't understand her husband.

You have to acquire knowledge. The next time someone tells you they love you, ask them how much you know, how many books you've read, to prepare yourself to talk to me. Because I'm in danger if you're ignorant. Now, here's the problem. He is ignorant, you are ignorant and you both got married. That's a silly relationship. And then we say, "What? Forever. We're committed forever. Forever? You can last until after the honeymoon night. There will be some fights." The second is what? Comprehension. To understand is to understand. That means you understand the information. That's why I teach you so much.

I don't want you to just listen to me. I want you to understand the Word of God. Because you can't do number three if you don't know number two. And number three is wisdom. Wisdom is application. You can't apply what you don't understand and you can't understand what you don't know.