How To Stop Taking Things Personally | Don't Take It Personally

We all do it, we all

take

things

personally

and it's often hard not to, especially if it seems like it's really personal, so today we're going to talk about why nothing is really personal and how to deal with ourselves with our minds and emotions when we're in it and we feel all kinds of bad

things

because we think someone has done something against us if you're new here welcome to our awesome little corner of the internet if you haven't subscribed to the channel yet so you can get notified when new videos come out and so you can also be sure to participate in the conversations we have in the comments section each week.

My name is Julia Kristina and I am a Registered Clinical Therapist, Investigator Trainer, and the creator of the Innovative Coaching Program. I have a master's degree in counseling psychology and have worked to help enterprising heart center men and women overcome the junk that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more each day and

take

too many things too

personally

. a lot of that crap holds us back and I'm going to tell you that if you take anything personally, that's

taking

too many things too personally because as I mentioned, nothing is personal whether you believe it or not. people are not intentionally doing things against us, they are doing things that are for them, for what they want, what they need, what is important to them, for their situation, they are more focused on themselves most of the time What in trying to make us feel miserable, even if they are trying to make us feel miserable, it's still not personal, it's about their own misery that they are

taking

out on us because most of the time the reason is because misery loves company, it makes someone feel powerful if they can make someone else. they feel small and again it's for them, it's because of their own kind of issues around feeling insecure, not feeling powerful or not feeling valuable and they're doing it in a really twisted, unhealthy, backwards way, but again, that's not the case yet. . for us even if it is someone who is very angry with you and in his anger decides to put the key in your car I hope this has never happened to you that example came to mind again this is much more for them than against you feel angry or maybe you feel hurt and you don't know what to do with those emotions, so you deal with them in really unhealthy ways, but in a way that you think you need to do at that moment more. often people do things for themselves and that doesn't automatically mean it's against you, those are two separate things, someone doing something for themselves and against you are two different things and we often confuse those two things now, the truth.

In close relationships, in healthy close relationships, there needs to be some aspect of respect, thoughtfulness and thoughtfulness, but we're not going to take it to the extreme and think that in order to have our home we have a healthy relationship that no one has ever allowed us. accidentally bothering us or hurting our feelings or doing something that bothers us because they can't, can't always know and it's not other people's job to always know and it's also another job to tiptoe around us walking on eggshells trying not to. accidentally fires us, that's not healthy, that's codependency and we don't want to be in that space because it's not a good, solid relationship, but yeah, there can't be any considerations or considerations, and we might consider saying well if that person doesn't .

I don't like it, so that's their problem, which is their problem, whenever we have a problem with something, it's our problem, but we will find it difficult to have healthy or close relationships if there is no mutual respect, consideration or regard for each other. So finding the balance between those two places where not only do we do what we want and we don't think about anyone else or we don't consider the other person, but we also don't try to tiptoe around them and we're all very worried. about accidentally upsetting them, so finding that place and also knowing that even kind, caring, loving people sometimes do things that unintentionally hurt our feelings, sometimes they do things that are best for them, but we may not are considering, that doesn't mean that they are selfish, indifferent and thoughtless people, like us, sometimes we do things that we should do and that are for us, but it is not automatically against another person, even in close and healthy loving relationships, to Each person in the relationship is still allowed to do things that are fair. for them without it meaning that they are being selfish or indifferent, but if you find that you take things personally most of the time and you don't want to be, and maybe even in those moments when you do take things personally, you try to do it. tell yourself just don't take it personally, don't get mad about it, don't worry about it, just get over it and you try to tell yourself and it doesn't work, let me know in the comments section below, if you ever You've tried it and we'll just join you and support you and let you know that it's not because there's something wrong with you, it's because we just tell ourselves not to think or feel a certain way by trying to force ourselves into those moments.

It works, it's not the way our brain works, but that's a completely different topic for another day, but I want to walk you through a process of learning how not to take something personally or when you've taken it personally. how to get out of this and I want you to ask yourself three questions and I actually also put these questions on Instagram in a post on Instagram and also on my Facebook page, on whichever social media platform you like best and I will put the link. to this for quick reference so you can come back next time you find yourself in a situation if you want to walk away and I will put the disk or the links to it in the description below so the first thing I want to ask is why do I find This is so disturbing, what is bothering me, but I'm really curious to know what awaits me at this moment and just spend a few minutes in that space, what am I?

One of my thoughts tells me that this is what is happening. in this situation, which brings us to the next question: what am I saying with this? so often it is not the situation so often almost always it is not the situation that is creating our distress, it is our interpretation that is creating our distress so what am I doing? making this situation mean yes yes it feels like it's rejection or that someone doesn't care about me what am I making this situation mean am I making it mean that I'm not worthy enough that I'm not worthy enough to No I deserve love I'm not good enough What is it?

What am I doing with this? That's what bothers us, it's what we make the situation mean. The next thing we should really be curious about, especially if we take a lot of things personally, is recognizing that often it's not just that situation that's bothering us, but it's because that situation hits a past pain, especially if we're getting really upset about a situation. relatively benign situation, so something that's not that big a deal, but we find that we ourselves overreact and get very angry because that situation hits a past pain or trauma, so I want you to be very curious and ask yourself when I felt this way in the past, what hurt or pain from the past can I connect to this present situation, so I want to tell you about a situation that happened recently where I took something very personally and it wasn't a big deal in hindsight, but in the moment when I felt it.

It seemed like a big deal to me, so it was someone close to me who was visiting from out of town and they asked me when I could meet up because they wanted to spend a lot of time with me and they were given my schedule. When I was free and when they got here, I found out that they ended up planning things with other people most of the time I was free and I took it very personally and my thoughts kicked in and I started thinking things like they weren't like that. They don't love me, they don't care about me, they don't value me, you know, all those nice things that come to our mind when I know that this person loves me and values ​​me, so I had to be very curious to know why.

This bothers me so much and is it because I was hitting a past pain? I haven't really talked about this much, but when I was in high school I was severely bullied and rejected from my friend group out of nowhere, just one. day and then the harassment continued for several months, so it was shocking, it was shocking that feeling of being rejected for not being worth the effort, not worth someone's time, when in reality it ended up being because it was really just a confusion. but at that moment I had to ask myself why this bothers me so much, what pain is hitting me.

I am very curious to know what past pain might have hit me and once we create space for our process, create space for emotions, we open up. and be curious about what is really going on instead of trying to force ourselves to think or feel a certain way, allow ourselves to be where we are and be curious about it and try to understand it instead of trying to push it aside, then we can ask ourselves if there could be or not an alternative explanation, whether or not there could be another reason why this person did this that doesn't end with me being a loser or a reject or unlovable or unworthy.

Could there be another reason and again, bringing that into what they might be doing for them that isn't really against me, because the truth is that we rarely, if ever, learn to create space for our thoughts and feelings without Letting them escape with the car is something we need. train our brain to do this and I want to help you with that by giving you my free guided mindfulness exercise. It's an audio exercise that you can do right now, after you finish watching this video. I'm going to put the link in the description below it's ten minutes of guided mindfulness what about this connected to you?

Do you find it difficult to take things personally? What are you going to be curious about what happened recently? from a hurt past a past pain a past trauma giving you compassion and understanding for being a human being thank you very much for being here if you haven't subscribed to the channel make sure you do like the video share it talk to me and then in the comments section tell me I love being able to connect with all of you until next time, take care of yourselves.