Listen To This And Change Your Future | Les Brown | Jordan Peterson | Motivational Compilation

birds of a feather flock together you run with losers you will end up being a loser unconsciously unconsciously you will learn their ways you will learn their habits you will learn most importantly their attitude towards life if you are around negative cynics People all the time you will become cynical and negative so you have to observe

your

self. Many of us live other people's lives, we live their conclusions, we live from their consciousness, the other thing is that you start to look, look at

your

life. and looking at what it is that you want to achieve, another crucial thing that you need to do is align yourself with powerful people, align yourself with people who can encourage you, people who can empower you, people who you can learn from people who you can grow from.

It is very important, so if you have people around you who can contribute to your growth, when I want to become a speaker, I join the national speakers association. I wanted to be around Dr. Norman Vincent Peales, the Zig Ziglars and the Dwayne Dyers. I want to be surrounded by people. who were doing what I wanted to do I want to learn from them and you want to do that too you want to align yourself with people who think like you people who dream like you people who want more from life people who strive and seek and seek higher ground in life unlike most people, someone said that he always strives to reach the top in life because it is the bottom that is overcrowded and you see that you don't want to be at the bottom.

Look, it's easy to be down. It takes no effort to be a loser, it takes no motivation, no drive to stay down there at a low level, but it takes everything in you, ladies and gentlemen, you have to harness your will to say "I am." . I'm going to challenge myself sometimes I have to get out of bed so come on things I know I should do I don't do things I shouldn't do I do I found out the biggest enemy you have to deal with is yourself . an old African proverb that says if there is no enemy within, the enemy without cannot harm us, you start looking towards making

this

your decade, you start looking towards making your life different, when you start looking at yourself, you have to redefine yourself.

Who are you now and who must you become to create what you want? What has to

change

in you? What are you doing right now that would be a risk for you as you begin to look toward the

future

and make decisions? Take an inventory of yourself, what is it in you right now that you have to leave

this

behind because this doesn't fit anymore? Look at where you want to go and the kind of person you should become and the kind of standards you have for yourself. Should you do something different? It makes sense unless you

change

your pattern unless you change your way of thinking unless you change your behavior you are going to continue to produce results in your life you see we are all winners but some of us are all producing results that we don't want so whatever What you have to do is look at your game plan, look at your strategy, how have you been, what have you been doing to produce this? the director you are the producer you are writing the script you are the star of your life and when you start looking at your life you can decide if it is a success or not or if it is a failure or not what is in your hands Look at your life Look where you want to go Don't worry about your circumstances Don't worry about your age You have a friend who is over 70 years old and wanted to build a multi-million dollar complex.

Her name is Dr. Johnny. Coleman's lenders and bankers say they can't do that, that they're too old, she ignored them, that now, ladies and gentlemen, a multi-million dollar structure is being built, but there are plenty of people who would have heard that. that wouldn't even have gotten to that point, they would have convinced themselves not to go to the bank to ask for it because they have already said no, look, now is the time, if you want to make this your decade, you have to start saying yes to your life you have to start saying yes to your dreams yes to your developing

future

yes to your potential instead of saying no look 87 percent of our internal dialogue is negative so you have to make decisions a conscious, deliberate and determined effort to say yes to your dreams, why not, why not, me, don't spend your time, like most people who go through life complaining, you have to learn to let go of the past in order to grow.

Many people never act on their dreams because they allow their past experiences to determine what their possibilities are anything you have done in the past that is not a reflection of your possibilities that is only a reflection of your consciousness that is only a reflection of your development and your growth the future is unfolding for you right now the future is limitless for you right now no one knows where you can go no one knows what you are what you are capable of what is possible for you you don't even know I had no idea ladies and gentlemen no one could Having done it convinced me that I could do this.

I never forget. I was speaking in Detroit and a friend of mine from high school saw me afterwards and was backstage. He said I can't believe he's the same person and I thought for a moment. He said it's not the person you know, he goes, we have the power to change our personal story, change the direction of our lives, change our thoughts, change where we want to go, explore new horizons, so you start looking at this decade and You claim that this is your decade as you set goals that will make you strive and bring out the best in you as you begin to eliminate negative toxic people from your life as you decide to take some risks in life and that is one of the things that are very important to this god.

He said that if you are not willing to take risks you cannot grow and if you cannot grow you cannot become the best and if you cannot become the best you cannot be happy and if you cannot be happy then what more is there than most people never achieve? their goals because most people suffer from possibility blindness they look around they look around them trying to think of things they don't have robert roots young man who wrote a book on the success principles of the three little pigs said it's not What you don't have I don't have is what you think you need that prevents you from being successful or happy in life.

It's not what you don't have. Look, I was focused on what I didn't have. I don't have a college degree. I have none. Credentials never worked for a major corporation. I was focused on the negative things. I said that negative things are the things you see when you are not focused on your goal. What do you come with? What did a friend of mine say? Dexter Yeager when the dream is big enough the odds don't matter I remember a great man when I was reading time magazine talking about some of the great minds of the last century they didn't mention his name dr howard thurman one of the mentors of Dr Martin Luther King Jr. and also advisor to Mahatma Gandhi and Albert Schweitzer said that the ideal situation for a man or woman to die is to have family members standing around their bed praying with them as they cross, but imagine if you were in your death bed and standing around your bed the dreams that life gave you the ideas that you never put into practice the talents the gifts the skills that you never used and there they are standing around your bed looking at you with big angry eyes saying we came to you and only you could have given us life and now we must die with you forever and the question is if you died at this very moment what will die with you what dreams what ideas what talent what leadership potential what greatness that you appeared to bring that you allowed fear or procrastination would hold you back maybe that's why henry david thoreau wrote the words oh god to reach the point of death only to realize you've never lived only to realize you've never scratched the surface of your potential when you don't have a true appreciation and acceptance for who you are and you allow yourself to be immobilized by fear what happens in the process is that you begin to abuse yourself you begin to sabotage your life you begin to sabotage your dreams you begin to unconsciously If you work against yourself, you become your worst enemy, so what do you do about it?

You begin to realize that your dream and your gifts have so much meaning and value to you. Your hunger for them will begin to push you over the edge. Fear that your hunger to have them will give you a special boost as you work on yourself and begin to recognize your true identity, the true power you have, the true ability you have to achieve, change the miraculous power you have within yourself. to Do the things you want to do when you confront them. I remember a man who, this gentleman, was doing a special study of a special tribe in Africa, head hunters, and he had difficulty developing a relationship with these tribesmen because of the fact. that he was afraid of having his head taken away, so he worked there for a long time without effort, without any progress in developing relationship and rapport and being able to reach a level of trust, so finally one night, while he was in bed, I was thinking about it, I said what did you come here to do, how does your life as a missionary work, he said he wanted to study these tribe members, I said what's the worst thing they can do to you, kill you and he just decided,

listen

to this.

It's what I came here to do. I know there's some risk involved and I'm going to do it no matter what. He said I'm not going to be afraid anymore. He came back the next day and started doing the work and trying to talk and interview many of the members. of this tribe and began to respond to him, they gave him the welcome they gave him and years later when people came to see what his progress was they asked him how you could do this like Did you convert the relationship from hostile to positive and he said something that I think has value for all of us?

He said when life can no longer threaten you with death. He said what else is there and most of the fears we have. We don't have life or death fears or those types of fears, but through our imagination we exaggerate them and give them more power than they really have or deserve and we allow them to rule our lives. We allow them to determine to what extent. we can reach out in our dreams and figure out our stuff and when we start looking at ourselves and start wait a minute, we just get to the point as you evaluate yourself and start proving yourself and just say wait, wait a minute, wait one minute.

I've been sweating this, what could be the worst that can happen to me in this? It will kill me? I'll die? Why am I going through all these changes about this? How much power does this really have? It's me? that is feeding it with power. Look, many times we allow ourselves to be fed and programmed to be a freedom. You watch the news and read the newspaper. You'll be afraid to leave the house, right? You will be afraid, so what kind of things, what kind of thoughts are you feeding your consciousness, what kind of things are you putting in your mind that will allow you to move forward or justify why you stay where you are?

I remember when I ran for state representative in Columbus, Ohio and a lot of people told me and you had to see not only the internal conversation but the conversation without telling me, unless you can't win, you can't do that and I went to the legislature and I I saw myself I knew what I wanted I saw myself in the chair I pointed to the chair I wanted I used to go and sit in the galleries and watch the legislative process I used to go to committee meetings and

listen

to legislation being introduced I learned how to write legislation how to amend the legislation I begin to think like a legislator gets up every day getting dressed thinking like this selling me when he sees me in the legislature Mr.

President I am the gentleman of the 29th house district I would like to present a bill. I went to the legislature. Pass over there. I had the experience of it and when I ran and won against overwhelming odds, they were shocked. I won the election even before it was hell because I was living it in my mind. you want to see yourself beyond your circumstances you have a challenge see yourself beyond your challenge see yourself with the challenge already resolved and know that everything is fine see yourself in control and in charge of your destiny be healthy and happy the next thing is that it is important in the area of to motivate yourself it is important to know why you are doing it because that mind will tell you why bother why go through all this this is very difficult not to throw in the towel it is not worth it has he told you that before? how you can handle that this is how you override it write down five reasons why you deserve it why you deserve what you want why why you deserve it what meaning and value it will bring to your life what is so different about you that you deserve your goal or this goal and when you write down those five reasons when you have some bad moments and you will have them when that conversation starts to speak to you and it will speak to you, what you will do is you will be able to achieve it read it and it will build you up it will be your rod and your staff to comfort you in some challenging moments because you are going to have some life it will hit you between the eyes it will catch you on the blind side come out of nowhere, things that you cannot anticipate and that will leave you breathless, you want to give up, that is why it is important that you work on yourself by listening to tapes, getting stronger, talkingwith yourself with power, feeling and conviction, getting stronger day after day. and the day because it comes I guarantee that life is just waiting oh, he is fine now eh, very good, I remember that I had an experience, I was chasing my dream and it is That's why you have to work on yourself, you don't know what's going to happen. and I was telling people that I had this big rally that I had to attend 5,000 people there and I said you have to work on yourself if you want a bigger picture, you have to continually empower yourself because life will catch you on the blind side.

What are some of the counterproductive behaviors we engage in that prevent most people from having fun? Some people develop the attitude of what is it for? Why bother? Some people have the "I really don't care" thing and convince themselves that they don't care. They don't care and they don't feel anything and after a while they don't really feel anything their lives are empty some people say well it's really not worth bothering too much I'm not bothered anymore by the fact that I'm not living my dream the fact that I'm capable to do more and I'm not doing it the fact that I'm happy but not fulfilled the fact that I'm not living my dream tom ruskin randy reed in a book called I want to change but I don't know how it says people go through life many times playing it safe says that's the secret hope they tell themselves if I never let myself feel too good maybe I'll never get hurt too Unfortunately, many people never do the things they are capable of doing because they allow themselves to follow the crowd , follow the crowd, many people have things they want to do and find themselves in relationships with people who are addicted to mediocrity and allow their behavior to influence their behavior by following the crowd.

Many people don't do this because they allow their lack of self-confidence to immobilize them. I remember when I wanted to do business for years. an agonizing thought in my mind i wouldn't try it because i didn't think i could achieve it of the five things you would like to do if you have the courage to do it i want you to pick one thing, pick one and here is how to set it up yourself that will help you free yourself and get unstuck what's the worst that can happen if you do what's the worst that can happen let's say start a business on your own or change careers or get divorced some kind of possibility of something you've always thought about doing but just haven't done it for some reason what is the worst that can happen do the worst case scenario now when you do the worst case scenario write those things down the worst things you fear will happen when you name your fears that gives you control what are you afraid of? name it write it down so you can see it confront that fear what is it?

I'm afraid that things might turn out well. latest, well, I've never been in the business, okay, what a tough one, um, well, I don't have all the help I need, well, well, what else, well, I don't have enough money, well, well, what else Lastly, what I don't have. I don't have a college degree, huh, what else am I not as good as those other guys I've seen over there talking? Well more? Well, that's all I can think of right now. Well, that takes you to the next step. What are the benefits? One of the benefits of acting bravely when taking life.

Part of what happened was that I felt better about myself and had a strong sense of self-respect as I pursued my own business. Sometimes I made a lot of mistakes. I was down on myself I felt stupid I felt stupid because people who were in the business say why would you do something like that? Well, I didn't know, boy, were you really stupid, but the other thing is I had to tell myself, but I did it. I did it even if I failed I did it I took the risk I took the leap What are the benefits of acting bravely Whatever you have identified Write down the benefits and then focus on them Focus on the benefits not on the responsibilities Not on your fears Focus on the benefits what you have in consciousness tends to manifest think about how good you feel think about the level increases self-respect the sense of self-esteem you will feel how good it feels to get up in the morning looking at yourself in the mirror because you are taking the life with the other thing is to recognize your fears and then take action this book is called feel the fear and do it anyway that's it I think anyone who has ever done it has done anything they have ever risked not It means not being afraid to be brave does not mean to be the absence of fear I think being brave is being willing to do it because that is what you feel and you are going to do it anyway regardless you are not going to be immobilized by your fears or your doubts , you admit it, okay, now I'm scared to death, okay, what should I choose?

Go ahead and experience that fear, but don't let that fear immobilize you. what you have done with your life so far is giving you what you want is giving you what you want when you look to the future when you look at all this happening out here there is somewhere inside you you say hey, I know I need to be in that field . I know I can do more than what I have been doing. I know that there is good music that I have inside me that I haven't released here. It's something you start looking at. within yourself, look, I say, if you look at your life and if you're not getting what you want, you owe it to yourself to do something different, if you have a job 85 they say Americans go to jobs that they're unhappy if you're doing something eight hours a day that you don't like is not giving you what you want it is not giving you a strong feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment you are miserable you hate going there you are depressed just thinking about it you are saying thank god it is the song of the Friday every week, it gives you headaches just thinking about it on Sunday afternoon after the football game comes on, if that's what it is, you owe it to yourself to start working strategically to change directions, you see? but you know what most people will do most people will resist change most people will fight change as if the change is worse than what they are experiencing when you are working on a dream at some point it occurs a transition and the transition This is what you are becoming in the pursuit of the dream because even if you don't achieve the dream you become such a strong and powerful person that it will change your life.

You can look at something else and say well, I think I'll do it. So do this because now you have developed so much confidence and so much competence and how to deal in the area of ​​life that you can move on to another area and not miss anything. Once you begin to discover who you are, then you truly realize how you have been given authority and dominion over everything on the face of the earth, including all dimensions of your life, but you can only do so through the struggle of life and most people avoid the struggle, most people go through life avoiding pain and when you go through life, something in you dies, something in you that you never activate remains dormant there and that you never have the opportunity to invoke because you have not challenged yourself.

Someone said that the land of familiarity belongs to the dead which most people like. They feel like the king in the area of ​​their comfort zone, they only want to do those things that they know how to do well, said Osborne, unless you try to do something beyond what you already master, you will never grow, so if you want to start to grow, you have to put something here that you can't reach easily, that makes you stretch, that makes you jump, that makes you back up a little bit and dig so you can You can take a jump and maybe you jump there and miss it and get skinned your knees and come back and bust your lip the next time, but you keep going and through that process you learn how to jump higher and you start to challenge. yourself to go deeper and then you discover some things about yourself that you don't know right now some talents that you have in you that you didn't know you can do I started talking to kids and now I'm speaking in corporations now I'm traveling I didn't know I could do this , but if I hadn't given it a chance and I'm telling you to give yourself a chance, here's something else if you want to start making things happen for you.

I think it's very important that you start trusting yourself, listen to yourself, listen to that still small voice inside you, don't try to make everything logical, some things in life that defy logic, you just can't explain what the result will be like. It's just that once you start trusting yourself and your ideas and your instincts, life takes on a whole new meaning because now I want you to feel like you're guided, just feel like I'm guided. I remember the worst speech I have ever given in my life. In life I let someone exploit a fear I had for years.

I had a tremendous inferiority complex because I don't have a college education and this person knew it and said, let me write this speech for you. You're going to speak at Ohio State University. Those people are very educated there and they will know when you do grammatical areas and they will know from the substance of your speech that you do not know how to read and write. I care about you. I want you to be ashamed, so this person. He proceeded to write a speech for me. I had a speech in mind, but this person was stronger than me in the negative than the positive about my own thoughts and I gave my power away with my permission.

I allowed this person to guide me to do something. I really didn't want to do that, but I didn't feel enough inner strength and conviction about my abilities as a speaker and the message I had to convey to stand my ground and I joined the Ohio union and I read this direct speech and I didn't move and I didn't take my eyes off of the page because I am not used to reading and after finishing some people gave me a big ovation because I read it very well and I was very tense and I was very nervous ladies and gentlemen do not give away your power you do not need anyone to approve your dream it was given to you If you can't see it, it's because it wasn't given to you.

It was given to you. Hold it. Nurture it. Work on it. It's yours. It's your baby. Work corner until it comes true. I gave up my power and said I'm not going to do that anymore. Here's something. more for those who make it today do what you know is right, treat people how you want to be treated, don't try to take shortcuts, don't try to cheat, pay your debts in advance, I believe, ladies and gentlemen, you What happens, what happens, you can pay now or you will pay double later, so do it. the right thing there can be a tendency sometimes because of the negative part of our consciousness and our own programming to want to say well, I'm just doing it this once, it won't matter, no one will know, ladies and gentlemen, everything matters and you know that you are somebody, You know I'd rather lose my dream doing the right thing than cheat trying to take a shortcut to my goal I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and that's what you want to do You can't be said to judge a man not by what he does but so you don't have to do and judging the true quality of a man is what you do when no one is looking at you, you see that there is something good for you in the universe. that has your name and no one can get your good, it has your name, they can't take your stuff, it's your stuff, so when you know that, when you know that whatever you're looking for, it's also looking for you, you don't do it. .

Worry, don't run scared, don't think that someone is going to take it away from you, listen to your inner voice and always take the high road, there will be a tendency, the natural inclination to take the low road, you must resist, there is something here. more I encourage you to do if you want to achieve it today keep your agreements keep the agreements you make and establish a network of people who will also establish a network of people in your life who you can count on to be there for you when you need them and you'll be there for them here's the other thing is working on your dream a lot of people have been calling me saying hey man i read about you on ebony boy you're lucky ladies and gentlemen let me. tell you something here are some more three p's that you must have in your life and work on your dream and do your life's work you must be patient, persistent and positive no matter what i called john h johnson for two and a half years to appear on that magazine The first time I called him he didn't talk to me, then I was persistent trying to find out who knew him and could invite me to meet him or the opportunity to talk so he could hear me and I met a guy who worked for him and I said, hey , I would like to speak for you for free, I just want to know if he will be in the audience, they said yes, well, I spoke and I tried to break the microphone and he said after I finished, hey, young man, you.

They are quite impressive. I'm going to ask my staff to write an article about you. I said thank you Mr. Johnson and I sent you information about my Federal Express and it didn't happen, I waited for a month and it didn't happen, I waited two. months it didn't happen, I started calling every month hello, how are you? Talk to Mr. Johnson, I'm sorry he's not available, tell him Les Brown is calling, I just want to say thank you very much for the article when he puts it on i. kept doing it kept calling kept calling sending new articles sending new information about me kept updating my information sending himthank you letters thank you mrjohnson I was always positive I could have gone negative saying where did you lie to me why don't you tell me you are going to put me in the magazine and you didn't I could have had an attitude be positive regardless What happens because when they are negative, Ladies and gentlemen, you are sending negative energy and you are blocking your good, so don't send any negative energy?

Don't take it personally. I didn't care what he thought of me all the time. staff that I was a nuisance to them they get paid to deal with people like me they see that a lot of people have an idea or a dream and they give up no, no, don't do that work on your dream until it gets hot see most of the Things don't happen as soon as we think they should. The messenger of misery could come up to you and say hello. Murphy's law could come and hit you on the head. A lot of things can happen to interrupt your flow.

It's okay, don't do it. take it personally just recognize what is happening its called life and keep working on your dream keep calling keep calling because this is your life this is what you love this is your passion take a step back don't judge if you judge just not yet , unless they judge you why because when you judge it you invest emotion in it and that emotion could be anger and guess what it is that hurts you and doesn't hurt anyone else. A doctor said the man who makes me angry kills me and then allowed someone to provoke him into an argument on the floor of the national medical convention and suffered a massive heart attack when you are in a state of anger you have so much acid in your blood if They extract some blood from you and insert it into a pig, it would die from the acid, so why do you want to get out early internalizing things?

Shakespeare said that nothing is neither good nor bad, but thinking makes it so, so judge not according to appearances, but write. judgment and feel that everything is going to work for you because you are patient, you are persistent and you are going to be positive no matter what happens, do not allow other things, people or circumstances to determine what your reaction will be. I went out to dinner with some people and we had a waitress who was quite rude and rude and the people around me took an attitude about it. I learned to observe life. I think to get through life you have to learn to observe it, just be still.

Go back and look at what is happening and choose not to believe it. I said: Excuse me, ma'am. I said, do you know what tip means? She said no, I said tipping means ensuring promptness. We've been sitting here for a long time. I want to give you five dollars in advance to ensure a quick meal. Could you help me? She gave me the biggest smile and said, of course I will and I said, by the way, I'm not with these people I'm going to be sitting next to. another table please put my mule there serve them alone look I don't want to upset anyone who goes behind closed doors to prepare my food oh no so don't let people determine how you are going to respond to them or circumstances learn to watch it a friend mine tom perkins handsome and articulate man in his fifties had a tremendous business and at the peak of his success someone died in his business he was sued and lost seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars lost his business lost his family lost his home everything was devastated ladies and gentlemen he started living in his car he washed at a McDonald's in front of Howard University on Georgia Avenue in Washington DC he said he was so depressed he said he had everything and then one day I lost everything he said he didn't want to live anymore he took some sleeping pills and he took more than 35 sleeping pills and went to bed he crossed his hands on his chest and said he went to sleep to die two days later, to his amazement he woke up, he couldn't even understand that, I said what It happened, then Tom said something incredible happened, he said he was lying there for a moment, he said with a voice, he told him inside his mind.

It wasn't your life to take that was one thing he said from that day on when I have any major challenge I don't take it on personally I feel like I have someone with me he said I will never leave you or abandon you he said hey I said God you have to handle this for yourself Me, this is too much for me, he said, I don't worry about life's challenges, repeat it to me, please don't worry about the small things because they are all small things. Whatever you're worried about, if someone calls you, he'll call you right now and say, listen, you have two days to live.

I tell you, you won't worry about your bills, ladies and gentlemen, you won't worry about whether anyone loves you or not. or cheat on you because you're about to leave, okay so put things in perspective, here's something else that Tommy said that I think is important, he said the voice also told him that if you change your ways I'll give you a lot more than Have you ever lost look at your life right now if you want to keep getting what you're getting keep doing what you're doing you have to be willing to change the way your life works if you don't like what you've produced you're a director you're the star you wrote this script produce this whatever it is if it is a success you produced it if it is a failure you produced it take ownership of it and decide to go back to the drawing board and rewrite the script you are the star you have the power to do it on this day you can declare that I am going to change as you look back on your life you may decide that I don't like what I produced here and I want higher ground I want to start experiencing more love I want to have more adventures in my life I want something that will give my life meaning of meaning ladies and gentlemen I have been selected to head a program called life project in Chicago training thousands of children and I had the experience that we had our second session last Monday and to see these young people when they came in and to see the young people, to the parents and the community volunteers when they came out, a young man from the Cabrini green housing projects who did not want to be there, who came up and said: I want you to know that I am very happy to be here and said I will never be again the same, he said, thank you, Mr.

Brown, he said. I have to go now but thank you sir I will never be the same seeing a letter I received from a young man who was in the Cook County Jail where I work on Monday morning and this young man is not getting out of jail anytime soon. at least 50 years at least 50 years gave him a hundred years this guy has shot at least 60 people that we know and killed at least 10 and this letter he wrote said since he listened to his tapes he said I haven't changed but I feel a different person in me, more than 70 percent of these young people are there for murder.

We wanted to have a double attack where we would train the people on the outside and those who are in the prisons because I think if you cage them like animals and treat them like animals and they are on the streets every 22 months they are going to come out and act like animals and They will come back as animals so we said, let's take an approach, this gives me my life. This may be crazy now, but it felt so good. I think, ladies and gentlemen, if we can accept the possibility that this is the decade of awareness, that's what I believe, that this is the decade of awareness, please, a time when we can begin. create in people's minds the idea the possibility that we can create a more humane society the possibility that we can create more love, communication and understanding in relationships the possibility that we can create the kind of respect for diversity and difference in our multicultural society the possibility that we can begin to develop the mindset to bring out the best in people to encourage them to achieve their greatness and support them in their dreams that if we can in this decade of consciousness begin to see and imagine that that will happen and that we all we can play a role that we were born for a time like this that we show up for this that we survive one in nine million sperm that we have been chosen for this great job here is something else to recognize anywhere on the ladder of life And it was reading Dr.

Norman Vincent Peale's latest book called The Power of Positive Living, which I think is his best work and he has something in there, a section called Power Back, wherever you are in life, ladies and gentlemen, you have power back. I don't care how long you are I don't care what you've done I don't care what you've experienced I don't care how devastated your life may seem The chaos you could be in There is a power in you that can allow you to be stronger and better that whatever is here a man that came to training was not a child and I knew he had a drinking problem and he was looking at me and I can smell the alcohol on him, I said excuse me come here come here come here he said what did I say let me tell you something I want you to know that you have something in you that is stronger than that poison that you are putting in your body do you understand me and he was? looking he's backing away he said he said no I don't know he said I don't know man I said it's I said that's why you're here something attracted you here and that thing that made you come you said you wanted something help and you need to be around some people who can help you get in touch with your power because you know that your life deserves this.

I think the reason we abuse ourselves with drugs and alcohol is that we are trying to numb something. In us that is what hurts us that is what urges us to do something bigger and better it cannot be because it knows so well that when we deceive ourselves or contaminate our minds it numbs us and we do not have to face it reality because we do not know what we have going for us, you will see once you discover who you are, the truth of knowing who you are will free you from wanting alcohol and any type of drug that destroys who you are. once you begin to know who you are, it will free you from believing that I can't see myself doing better once you discover this power, this perfect essence of who you are, that is in all of us, that permeates our being and that enables us.

To be the directors of our lives, a friend of mine did a job for me, he was subpar to say the least. I knew this guy was capable of doing better work. He knew that he also had a fragile ego, so he was trying to think. What is the most sensitive way I can share this information with him because I wanted him to do my job. He was going to pay him for what he did, but he needed my job done right, but he was afraid of hurting me. his feelings I was very, very meticulous and I approached him and said let me share this with you you know that I care about you and that you are a very talented and gifted person and you and I know that what you have given me is not a true reflection of your talents and abilities and I'm saying let's go back to the studio and do this again and he told me I'm going to forget that you ever said I was wiped out and he never spoke to me again now that he decides to act, you'll have some people like that we're not friends anymore, I lost sleep over it, ladies and gentlemen, I said, I can't believe I remember setting it up one night looking at the phone, I said I have to call he said no, so I said, don't forget I caught the guy looking at us, we've known each other since It's been too long to let this come between us, he said, don't call me anymore, hung up and then I wanted to think about like what.

What can I do to compensate for it and then I get something less? What do you have to prove? Look at many things that we don't do because the fact that we want people to like us there are some necessary losses in life when he decides to act. In your best interest you are going to lose some friends everyone will not approve of you there are some people who will not like you who you think you are you are arrogant what do you think you can do do you think you will achieve Leave that, you are selfish, thank you, I understood that it is my life, so what I'm telling you is that when you start looking at your life, this is a challenge, it's not easy to act, so what are the things we can do? start doing to harness our number one will you have to bring it to light and look at it you have to take away the power you have to expose it to the truth and the truth is that it has no power over So write something that you want to act on, but for some reason You've been holding it and you look at it.

The next thing you need to do is ask yourself: will it help you to continue putting it off? If it is an advantage for you. keep procrastinating, then keep doing it, but if it's a liability for you, if it's causing you some mental and emotional challenges or maybe a financial problem, look at that, examine it to know what the next step is, ask yourself what's blocking you. , what prevents you from doing so. Acting Why don't you have the courage to handle that? Why don't you face it? What are you running from? What type of avoidance behavior are you engaging in?

So what's the worst that can happen? I want you to visualize that experience. that feels the nervousness and the discomfort and the more you run it in your mind the less power it will have when we look at our lives you wonder what you are going to do look as you think about this you know you need to manage what you are going to do and then write down three solid reasons why what do you know you must take action and be explicit and descriptive in your reasons because your reasons have power your reasons will guide you when you have doubts when your faith weakens your reasons will strengthen your faith when you have an inner heart. conversation say no, don't do that , your reasons will become your rod andyour staff to comfort you and guide you through those challenging moments, so write down your reasons and what you will find when you decide to act, when you decide to take life. and let me warn you it can be painful it will be uncomfortable and that's where the growth is when you're uncomfortable when you're stretching when you're taking life by the throat you're going to get knocked to the ground again and again and again but when you have determination and you know that what you are doing is right, that gives your life, it gives you special meaning and power, you have some power from the heart, you will discover some things about yourself that will help you you begin to electrify your personality you begin to discover some things about yourself that you don't know you have some people wish they could do better but others hope to do better where are you at?

Let's see what are the things we can do to increase our self-approval our self-worth our self-acceptance here is number one love yourself make taking care of yourself the top priority in your life take care of yourself look for what really satisfies you we are not taught to love ourselves we weren't taught to take care of ourselves we weren't taught to take care of ourselves to be sensitive to our desires our needs our desires so make a conscious effort make your number one priority your peace of mind your health is more important than your family and everyone because if you do not have peace of mind if you do not have health you cannot serve anyone do not neglect yourself many of us, particularly the ladies, have been prepared to be sacrificial lambs putting their dreams in the background in deference to the dreams of their children or their husbands' dreams or their families' dreams and they forget about themselves and then they become resentful, angry and bitter, so start taking care of yourself, take care of yourself, develop a health plan, your health is all you have. start taking care of yourself by eating nutritious meals willing to exercise your body taking care of this body loving yourself so do some good things for yourself on purpose take some time for yourself I have some good things I do for myself one of the things I enjoy that I do, I take spiritual baths, my assistant introduced me to someone called sister Sarah, who gave me my first spiritual bath.

I had never heard of this before she told me about it and I said come on come on spiritual bath regina and um sue my secretary's husband named Larry he said spiritual bath for fifty dollars I will give you a spiritual shower but I play soft music I record some of my favorite music I play I burn a candle and I have different oils that I put in the hot tub and I have flowers that I picked and I put them like, you know, I saw them coming to America, you know, Eddie Murphy, you know, they were spreading little flowers on the ground so it gives me a feeling of royalty so I sprinkle these flowers in the water and soak I like to do that and I soak and sometimes I read or I just relax and enjoy the music and I just relax that's my time for me I put the answering service on I just block out some time for myself I'm into meditation I've been working and exercising now just doing a few things for myself taking care of myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically you can't develop and manifest your greatness You can't be a great achiever if you don't feel good, you don't care about yourself, so I'm taking care of myself and you know what it takes to get ahead in your life.

It helps you manage things instead of letting them manage you. It gives you more personal power to deal with things. Take care of yourself. Now here's something. Otherwise I suggest you become aware of what your needs are and develop compassion for yourself despite your human flaws develop compassion for yourself despite your human flaws you will never be perfect hello you will never be perfect you are human you have made a lot of mistakes you've done a lot of dumb and stupid things guess what you haven't gotten over yet you're going to do more hurry up and get this over with it's okay you have to learn to be kind to yourself do everything right what you don't know the mistakes you make it's okay to handle it learn from the experience decide that you are going to do whatever you are involved in be honest be honest with yourself are you getting what you need from it and be honest? with people and tell them what you need from them don't assume they know don't say I thought you knew don't tell people from the beginning this is what I need from this for this to work for me be honest with yourself tell them from the beginning so they won't be surprised later so your feelings won't be hurt later see if they tell you from the beginning that they can't do it now you know you can keep taking a step, but tell people from the beginning this is what I want To to be able to play this game with you, if we are going to dance, this is what I have to get out of this.

Look, if you don't take care of your needs, guess what, you'll always have that annoying song behind you. from your mind say well, when will I have mine? You know, if you take people and I've told you this and you voluntarily expose them to things that they're avoiding and they're afraid of, you take young people who say they're 16 to 22 years old and they don't really feel that good about who they are because their Life is chaotic and in disarray and they don't know where they are going and you know if you take people and I have told you and you expose them voluntarily. to the things that they are avoiding and that they fear, you know that they know that they need to overcome to achieve their goals, their self-defined goals, if you can teach people to face the things that they fear. you get stronger and you don't know what the upper limits of that are because you might wonder if for 10 years you didn't avoid doing what you knew you had to do for the deaf according to your own definitions right within the value structure that you have created to the extent that that you have done it, what would you be like?

Well, you know there are remarkable people who come into the world from time to time and there are people who discover over long periods of time what they could be like who they were if they said if they spoke their being forward and they become stronger and stronger and stronger and more and stronger and we don't know the limits of that we don't know the limits of that and then you could say well in In part, perhaps the reason why you are suffering unbearably can be laid at your feet because you are not all that you could be and you You know, and of course it's a terrible thing to admit and it's a terrible thing to consider, but there's real promise in it. is right because it means that maybe there is another way you could see the world and the number, another way you could act in the world, so that what it would reflect back to you would be much better than what it reflects back to you now.

I often ask college students how many hours a day they waste or how many hours a week they waste and the classic answer is something like four to six hours a day, you know, it's inefficient to study, watch things on YouTube that don't just doesn't want to see you don't even care that makes you feel horrible for looking after you're done that's probably four hours there you know you think it through that's 20 25 hours a week that's 100 hours a month that's two and a half weeks of full work that's half a year of work weeks a year and if your time is worth 20 hours an hour, which is a radical underestimate, it's probably more like 50 if you think about it in terms of deferred wages, if you're wasting 20 hours a week you're wasting 50,000 a year and you're doing it right now and it's because you're young, wasting 50,000 a year is a much bigger catastrophe than it would be for me to waste it because I'm not going to last that long and so if your life isn't all it could be you might as well ask yourself. what would happen if you stopped wasting the opportunities in front of you you would be who knows how much more efficient 10 times more efficient 20 times more efficient that's the Pareto distribution, you have no idea how efficient efficient people become, it's completely out of the question. the common and if we all act together and stop making things worse, because that's another thing that people do all the time, not only do they not do what they want.

If to make things better they actively tried to make them worse because they were spiteful or resentful or arrogant or deceitful or murderous or genocidal or all of those things put together in one absolutely pathological package if people stopped actually trying to just make things worse, we have no idea how much better they would get. just because of that, one of the things that psychologists have done over the last 20 years, especially social psychologists, has pushed this idea of ​​self-esteem, you should feel good about yourself and I think why would you tell someone 20 that it's like you should feel good about who you are it's like no you shouldn't why you should feel good about who you are it's like you should feel good about who you could be I'm not saying people shouldn't be confident, but as is often the case, young people They say they are between 16 and 22 years old and they don't really feel very good about who they are because their life is chaotic and in disarray and they don't know where they are. they go and they don't know where they are going, but the thing is that it has to be said precisely, it is like you should treat yourself as if you are valuable, especially in potential, but you should focus on who you should become, especially if you are young and then Let's say you're miserable and nihilistic and chaotic and depressed and all that now and you have your reasons, you know, the terrible parental abuse, all that stuff it's like, well, you should feel good about yourself, it's like no, no, it's not. . is not the right message, it is more that you must understand how much potential there is within you to clarify that and then you must do everything you can to manifest it in the world and that will clarify it and that is better than self-esteem, it is as if If you were in a horrible, twisted position, okay, there is a lot of suffering and pain associated with that, yes, you can't just feel good about it because it's not good, but you can do something about it.

You really can. do something about it and I think all the evidence suggests that's the case, so I tell young people, look, no matter how bad your situation is, I'm not going to pretend that it's okay, it's not okay, it's tragic and It's tainted with malevolence and something people really get hurt by malevolent people like you know, terribly hurt sometimes they never recover it's really horrible but there's more to you than you think and if you get up and face it with a positive attitude, with a noble vision, with discipline and intention, you can go much further than you imagine to overcome it and that is the principle on which you must predict your behavior and I think one of the really good things about being a clinical psychologist is that it is not about only from conjectures like one of the things we know two things in clinical psychology one is that truthful conversations redeem people because if you go to a clinical psychologist whose value is resolved you have a truthful conversation the conversation is good this is what is wrong in my life and this is what caused it, maybe you know.

It takes a year to have that conversation and both participants are doing their best to put it out properly. Here's how it could be fixed. This is how a beneficial future could be. So it's a completely honest conversation if it works well and all that. What happens in the conversation is that the two people involved are trying to make things better, that's the goal, let's see if we can have a conversation that makes things better, then we know it works, it makes things better and then another thing we know is Well, let's say there are a lot of things that scare you that are getting in your way, so you have a vision of who you want to be, maybe you have to know that you want to be successful in your career, so you have to learn. speaking in front of a group is fine, well you're afraid of that, no wonder you don't want to be humiliated, so that's fine, so what do we do about it?

Well, maybe first we'll have you speak in front of a group. person and then three people you know for five minutes and then for 10 minutes, like a gradual exposure to what you fear. Voluntary gradual exposure to what you fear is healing and that's true, it works, documentation is how people learn. So to tell people that if you face the world honestly, if you tell the truth and bravely expose yourself to those things that you fear, your life will improve and so will the lives of the people around you. As far as I'm concerned, that's the closest thing to an undeniable fact that we have and it also fits very well with the underlying archetypal stories, the heroic stories, it's like going out, finding the dragon, facing it, it's a dragon, it could eat you, it is dangerous. but it's worse to cower at home and wait for it to come and eat you, go out there, confront it, get the gold, share it with the community, it's like, it's the oldest story of humanity, what could you do to improve?

Well, let's take a step. Conversely, the first question might be why should you bother improving? And I think the answer is something like so that you don't suffer more stupidly than necessary and maybe so that others don't have to either. Something like that, you know there's a real mandate at the bottom, it's not some casual self-help doctrine. , is that if you don't organize yourself properly, you will pay for it to a large extent, as will the people around you. you now and you could say well, that doesn't bother meIt matters, but actually that's not true, you actually do care about that because if you feel pain, you will care and that's why you care, even if it's that negative.

As you know, it's very rare that you can find someone who is suffering from excruciating pain who ever says "well, wouldn't it be better if I didn't have this kind of pain", it's one of those things that brings up the idea that it would be better if did not exist together with that, it is incontrovertible, so you act together so that there is no more stupid pain around you than necessary, then the question could be: how would you act together and the answer? that and this is also a phenomenological idea, it's kind of like looking for something that's bothering you and seeing if you can fix it, so now you think well, let's say they are, let's say you walk in, you can do this in a room, it's quite fun to do. just when you're sitting in a room like a room, maybe in your room you can sit there and just meditate and think, okay, if I wanted to spend 10 minutes improving this room, what would I have to do?

You have to ask yourself that, right, it's not an order, it's like a genuine question and things will appear in the room that you know you like. There's a pile of papers there bothering you and you know maybe there's a little bit of order there. It would be a good thing and you know it wouldn't. There's junk behind your computer monitor that you haven't attended to for six months and the room would be a little better if it was a little less dusty and the cables weren't all tangled up in the same way and if you allow yourself to just consider the extent of the that you exist at that moment, all kinds of things will come up that you could fix and you know.

I might say well, if you came to see me for psychotherapy, the easiest thing for us to do would be to get you to organize your room, you think it's psychotherapy and the answer is well, it depends on how you conceive of boundaries. of your being and I would say you start where you can start, you know, if something is announced to you, which is a strange way of thinking that it needs a repair that you could fix, then hey, fix it, you fix a hundred things like that. your life will be very different now I often tell people to fix the things that you repeat every day because people tend to think that they are trivial just when you wake up you brush your teeth you have breakfast you know you have your routines that happen every day, Well, those are probably 50 percent of your life and people think they're mundane, I don't need to pay attention to them, it's like no, that's exactly wrong, the things you do every day, those are the most important things. you do without a doubt, all you have to do is do the arithmetic, you figure it out immediately, so 100 adjustments to your broader domain of being and there's a lot less junk and there's a lot less junk around it, a lot less traps so you can step. and that is in line with jung's idea of ​​clearing this once you have your mind and your emotions together and once you are acting, then you can extend what you are willing to consider yourself and begin to fix the things that are part of your broader reach now, sometimes you don't know how to do it, so you could say imagine you're walking down Bloor Street and there's a guy who's an alcoholic and a schizophrenic and he's been on the streets for 10 years.

He stumbles towards you and you know he's incoherently mumbling something that's a problem and it would be nice if you could fix it, but you have no idea how to fix it, you just walk around it and go look for something you can fix because if you don't you're just unlikely to help. to that person, but you are also very likely to get hurt, so you know that just because, while you are experiencing, things are announced as needing repair, it does not mean that it is you at that very moment who must repair them. You have to have some humility.

You know you don't walk up to a broken helicopter and just start fixing it. You have to stay within your domain of competence, but the majority. Most of the time, if people look at their lives, you know it's a very interesting thing to do. I like the room idea because you can do that in the blink of an eye. You know you go back to where you live and sit down. and you think, okay, I'm going to improve this place for half an hour, what should I do? You have to ask and things will appear crazy and it's partly because your mind is a very strange thing.

As soon as you give it a genuine name, it will reconfigure the world according to that goal, which is actually how you see it. to begin with, so if you give a task, especially you have to be genuine about it, that's why you have to express your thoughts and emotions together and then you have to have them in your body to act consistently, you have to be genuine about the target, but once you aim, the world will reconfigure around that target, which is very strange and is technically true. Know the best example of that, everyone has seen this video where you see how basketballs are thrown back and forth between the members of the white team against the black team and while they are doing it, a gorilla approaches the middle of the video and You don't see it, it's like you know that if you thought about that experiment for about five years, that would be the right amount of time to spend thinking about it, because what it shows you is that you see what you're pointing at and that man.

If you can get one thing into your head, and as a consequence of being in college, that would be good, you'll see what you're pointing at, and therefore one inference you can draw from that is: Be careful what you're pointing at, correctly. What you aim for determines the way the world manifests before you and therefore if the world manifests itself in a very negative way, one thing you need to ask is: are you aiming at the right thing? I read the story, if I remember correctly, it was not a biography. Captain, I may be wrong about that, but I have the basic story right, they had a shipwreck in Antarctica and then they were there for a whole year in Antarctica, you know, and none of them died, not a single one.

He didn't lose a single man, not a single one, he kept his morale high and then they took this boat that was on the ship and crossed about 400 miles of the roughest ocean, the coldest ocean in the world, right, you don't get into that. ocean and then they went to an island and they walked across the island through these mountains that no one else has climbed since and they went to the city on the other side of the island and they got a boat and they went and rescued their countrymen and everyone they survived is like resistance is the name of the book you read that book man you think wow people are really tough you know that and if it's ridiculous then who knows how tough you are and maybe you'll find out by going out and finding out as.

You're right, so you take on a challenge that you think you can master, only it's a little beyond your reach and you master it and then you're a little tougher and you think, hey, that worked out pretty well and then you're more of a monster and then you go out and find another challenge that's even bigger and you think, well, maybe I can do that too and suddenly you can and you get a little bit bigger and only God knows what the limit is. It's yours and you find out by pushing yourself against the world, well let's talk about friendships for a minute, that's how you know if someone is your friend.

You can tell them bad news and they will listen to you, they won't tell you why you know it. you're stupid and why did that bad thing happen to you and how did something worse happen to them one time and you know it derailed the whole conversation, you can actually tell them bad news and they'll listen to you so that's a good thing and then this is weirder. The only thing you can tell them is good news and they will help you celebrate and that is a very good way to decide who you should have around you because if you have someone around you you know that something good is happening to you and you are afraid to even admit it because you know that something good happened to you it's like if you let it be known, it will certainly be taken away from you, so you know that you go out and half-heartedly tell someone that something good happened to you, they give it to you. a blow and then talk about the great thing that happened to them three years ago or, even worse, the great thing that happened to someone they met three years ago, you know, it's like walking away from that person, it doesn't help you and neither do they. they help themselves and that's why you want to surround yours you have to think about this you have to surround yourself with people who want the best for the best part of you you can hang around with weasels and losers who are trying to pull you down to justify the fact that they too are spiraling downhill and you know the advantage of that is that you don't have to have any responsibility and you can all complain about how miserable life is, you know, that's pretty attractive, but I would say that too It's a bad medium- and long-term plan, so it's acceptable and desirable to try to surround yourself with people who facilitate your development, you know, and you could say, "Well, I have people around me, I know them well, you know? " they're not doing so well and they don't fit into that category it's like what's your point what exactly are you going to do with them will they listen to you and cooperate with you and move towards a better future.

Great, if you guys aren't paying attention and you keep doing the same damn things over and over again and it's not going anywhere and it's painful, then maybe the right thing to do is to say just have your misery, I'll go away and have my life and maybe you'll wake up. at some point in the future and you think it's a better way to be because just putting up with it is okay, they call that allowing, the right to put up with it. With that kind of behavior you are providing tacit consent and even tacit approval, it's like it's a bad idea for you to have.

I would say that you have both the right and the responsibility to surround yourself with people who are good for the best part of you when I speak. people about doing the future authorship program often put it off and it's not surprising because it's difficult and but it's more than that they think well, I don't know how to write, I'm going to do a bad job, I don't know. I don't really like homework. I'm going to have to do them perfectly. I need to wait until I have enough time and one of those is enough to stop you and all five you've already finished, so I tell people to do it.

I do it randomly, little by little and badly because you can do that. I tell my students when they're doing their master's thesis to write a really bad first draft and then we have a little conversation about it because they don't think I. I mean because it sounds like a cliché in a sense, it's not a cliché, no. It's not a cliche at all, it means you're a terrible writer, but if someone puts a gun to your head and tells you that you have to finish your 100-page thesis. by next Monday or I'll shoot you, but I don't care how terrible it is, you would sit down and write it and the thing is, then you have it right, then you have something and then you can fix it, you can iterate and fix that bad first draft, that It is the most valuable thing and that is what you need, you need a bad first draft of yourself and there is an idea that Jung developed about the trickster and the jester, the comedian, right, that the trickster is the precursor of the savior that is one of the things i learned from jung that is so unlikely that you would never think it's so surprising that that could be the case, but the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the , the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the , the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, ironic, and the, the fool is the precursor to the savior because you are a fool when you start something new and if you are not willing to be a fool then you will never start anything new and if you never start anything new then you won It does not develop, so the willingness to be a fool is the precursor to transformation and that is the same as humility, so if you are going to write your destiny , you can do a bad first job and you will get smarter as you go.

Go ahead that's the thing is that then something calls you that's what happens here maybe the star that Geppetto wanted was the wrong damn star but at least it was a star right at least it was in the sky at least it made it move forward and so you say in your life well something catches you and fills you with interest and you think well I should do that and the answer is if not that then something what happens if it is a mistake it is a mistake rest assured that you know who you are you are going to stumble and what is going to happen is that you're going to move into this you're not going to stay in stasis you're not going to wander in circles and I see people like that they said well I never knew what to do and now I'm 40. it's like that's not so good and you could say well and there is also literature that suggests that people are much unhappier when they look back in their lives on the things they didn't do than on the mistakes they made while doing things and so it's worth thinking about that too because there are redemptive mistakes and a redeeming mistake would be a mistake that you make when you go out and try to do something that I know you actually think is right, I'm going to try to do this and you're not good at it, you make a lot of mistakes, it's like what's the consequence if you lend attention, you're not so stupid anymore, that's the The thing is, you've been informed by the results of your mistakes and then what happens is you follow the beacon, you follow the light and you're blind, so you don't know where the light is. light, is vaguely perceived. alone and you are afraid to follow him, but you decide to take a few stumbling steps towards him and as you take stumbling steps towards him, you become enlightened,enlightened and informed because of the nature of your experience, because you are pushing yourself beyond where you are. are and you go to a country you haven't been to yet and you learn something and then what happens is the star moves, you move 10 feet towards it and you think no, that's not right, I didn't get it right, I It's not there, it's actually there and then you see it somewhere else and you move slightly and you move forward and that's what happens is you continue as you change, what guides you forward moves to the right, it's like God in the in the.

In the desert in Egypt the pillar of light that you are following is moving it is not something permanent you move towards it it moves away it guides you forward and then you say well this is what I am pointing to paradise itself and the answer to That is not because, You know? You couldn't see paradise if it were right in front of you, but you could glimpse it and move toward it and grow, and then the next time you open your eyes, you see a little more clearly and that's what happens, that happens over and over again.

Maybe, it keeps moving and then you move like that, but what's so cool is that all those zigzags and zigzags that you say and every one of those zags and zigzags that there is a catastrophe I hit a wall my god and then I had to die a little bit and I barely got up it's a phoenix transformation at every turn and it's painful but the thing is that even though you've traveled say 20 miles on that road and you've only moved three miles forward, you've moved three miles forward instead of falling backwards. back because that's the thing also is that if you stay still you fall backwards you can't stay still because the world moves away from you, if you stay still and there is no stasis there is only recoil and therefore if you don't move quickly forward, then you are moving backwards and that is more of the underlying truth of Matthew's principle for those who have everything, the more will be given of those who have nothing everything will be taken is a warning do not stop at one place as you weave and tag maybe then maybe the cataclysm of each transformation starts to subside there's not so much of you that has to die with each mistake and maybe you'll end up oriented at least reasonably well and if you had been sensible that would have been your trip but It wasn't good, that's it and maybe it's much worse than that.

Maybe there's no shortage of turning back, but it doesn't matter because as you stumble forward, you become enlightened and informed, and maybe that's partly because the world is made of information. and if you meet her and you tangle with her, then she informs you and then you inform yourself and then you are in training and then you are ready, well, you should be afraid of taking risks and pursuing something meaningful, but you should be more afraid of staying where you are if that makes you miserable. It's as if the first thing you want to do is give up the idea of ​​having something. permanent security outside of your ability to compete and adapt it's the same problem with kids it's like you're paying a price to sit there feeling miserable you could say well the devil I know is better than the one I don't know it's like no you did it Don't be so sure that the clock is ticking and if you are miserable at your job now and you don't change anything in five years, you will be much more miserable and you will be much older now.

I'm not talking about what. makes you happy it is a luxury to pursue what makes you happy it is a moral obligation to pursue what you find meaningful and that does not mean it is easy it may require sacrifice if you need to change your job also let's say you have a family and and and and children and a mortgage you have responsibilities you have already Assuming those responsibilities you can't get away with saying well I don't like my job I quit that's not a strategy but what you might have to do is you think, well this job is killing my soul so what do I have to do about it?

Well, I have to look for another job, no one wants to hire me, okay, maybe you need to educate yourself more, maybe you need to upgrade. your resume your resume maybe you need to overcome your fear of being interviewed maybe you need to hone your social skills like you have to think about these things strategically if you're going to change careers you have to do it as an intelligent responsible person, that might take a couple of years of effort to do it correctly. I think it's more important to have a spirit and an ethic, so I have a program, for example, called Future Authoring Program, which is a writing program that allows people to develop a vision for their life and then develop a strategy and, Therefore, it is based on the idea.

Imagine that and it's an extension of the book's ideas or at least something similar. The first thing you want to do is find out. imagine that you are taking care of yourself as if you were someone to take care of, which is rule number two, by the way, essentially, then you should figure out well if you could have what you needed and wanted, what it would be, what kind of friends you would have What would your family relationships be like? How would you behave with your children? How would you educate yourself? You need to think carefully about how your life could be properly organized if you had that ability and then you can aim for that and the curious.

The thing is, if you set a goal like that and work toward it, you'll move toward it, the goal will change because you'll learn things along the way, but I mean, I've dealt with hundreds of people in my clinical and consulting practice. and we set a goal, we develop a vision and we work towards it and things inevitably get better for people, so it's not a luxury, it's difficult, it's a moral responsibility and it's not happiness, it's not the pursuit. To be happy, I've dealt with a lot of people who have anxiety disorders, you know, and one thing about people who have anxiety disorders is that they're not a mystery to me.

I understand that it is no problem for me to understand why people have anxiety disorders or why. are depressed or why they have substance use problems, the mystery to me is always why people don't have all of those things at once because everyone has a reason to be anxious, in fact, we have the fundamental reason to be anxious because We know that we are vulnerable and we know that we are going to die and that we cannot be anxious in those circumstances it is a great mystery, it is a huge mystery and the same applies with respect to depression and the same applies to some extent with Regarding the drug and alcohol abuse, as I said last week, there are many reasons to drown consciousness in alcohol, that's for sure, we could refer to the aforementioned anxiety and depression, and the types of drugs people are prone to taking .

They are chemicals that take the emotional edge off the tragedy of life, back to back to the theme of fear. Abraham is self-aware, that's what this comment says, but the point is that he keeps going even though he is self-aware. and he knows the danger but he goes ahead despite it and that is actually the appropriate response to real and non-naive understanding of what constitutes life. If you're naive and you move forward it's like, well, what the hell do you know? You know that there is no courage in naivety because you don't know what is stopping you, you don't know what dangers you can fear, but being aware of what your problem is, then being existentially alert, let's say, or being completely self-aware means that you are perfectly aware of your limitations and how you might get hurt and then make the decision to move forward into the unknown and the land of strangers anyway, that's the I would say is one of the secrets to a good life, the clinical literature about this is very, very, very clear: what you do with people who are afraid and, to some extent, depressed but certainly anxious.

Is it first explained to them in detail what is worrying them? What are you afraid of? what could happen and then you break it down into small problems, hypothetically manageable problems and then you have the person expose themselves to what they fear and what happens is not that they are less afraid, that is not what the clinical literature says. indicates exactly what happens instead, they become braver and that's not the same thing, right, because if you are less afraid it's like the world isn't as dangerous as I thought, you know, fool, if you become braver, that's not what happens.

The thing is, yes, the damn world is as dangerous as I thought or maybe it's even more dangerous than I thought, but it turns out that there's something in me that responds to taking it on as a voluntary challenge and grows and prospers as a result and doesn't. There is doubt about this, even the psychophysiological findings are quite clear if you can, if a stressor is imposed on two groups of people and in one group the stressor is imposed involuntarily and in the other group the stressor is voluntarily picked up by the people who pick up the stressor voluntarily use a completely different psychophysiological system to deal with it, they use the system that is associated with approach and challenge and not the system that is associated with defensive aggression and withdrawal and the system that is associated with challenges much more associated with positive emotion and much less associated with negative emotions, it's also much less difficult for you because the defensive posture system, the prey animal system, man, when that thing activates, all the systems are ready for you, you know you press the accelerator all the way down or you press the pedals. all the way down and the brakes are on, you're using future resources that you could be storing up for the future right now in the present to prepare for an emergency, so there's nothing simple or complicated at all about the idea of ​​being called forward. with openness towards the strange and the unknown and there is a real adventure associated with that right, so it's an exciting thing that's part of the reason people travel and then also seeing yourself as the kind of creature that can do it and is willing to do it.

Doing that on a regular basis is also the right kind of tonic because I hate this word for your self-esteem. You know, because self-esteem has nothing to do with feeling good about yourself, as I already mentioned, there is not necessarily a Reason why, a priori, you should feel good about yourself, but if you can see yourself acting bravely and directly, encountering the world, trying to improve your lot and taking risks that you know in a non-naive way, then having something you can comfort yourself with at night when you wonder what the damn point of your useless and miserable life is and that is necessary because it often happens that you wake up at four in the morning or at least Sometimes it happens that you wake up at four in the morning when things have not gone very well and you wonder what the meaning of your useless and miserable life is.

You have to have something real that you can't fight against. be just rationalizations about how you know you are a valuable person among others, although that is true, that is not good enough, you need something that is more realistic to contrast it and observing courage in yourself is definitely one of the things that can help you. sleep soundly at night when things are a little unstable around you you have problems in your life that you are not addressing that you could solve and the answer is yes and it is easy to understand you sit in your bed one morning and say: okay , there are some things that need to be done that I don't want to do that I could do that would make things better at the end of the day.

What are there? There are things that are inside your graph that could Fix them, fix them and you'll learn, you'll learn because it's harder than it looks, fix them and you'll learn how to fix things and then something else will catch your eye as another problem you could fix, you know. , everyone has their problems. Does that mean there are an infinite number of problems in the world? Some of them are yours. Why don't I know exactly? But you have your problems. Great, solve them. You know, another thing I learned as a therapist, every therapist has. learning this is because one of the things you ask yourself when you start to be a doctor is how not to take your clients' catastrophes home and the answer is because it is immoral that they are not your problems, they are their problems, like their life, You know that your problems are your life, you don't want to solve someone else's problems for them because you take away the deep meaning that can be found. by making them solve the problems on their own and then you steal their credit, well I can help you with that, well yeah maybe, but I don't help you with the next problem, so in any case you solve the problems. that they are right in front of you and you will do it, it will make you grow very, very quickly and then you will be able to solve more complex problems without making them worse.

Let's say you're going to a party and you're trying to impress. the people that are there and you're trying to get them to like you and then maybe they annoy you a little bit and you laugh and you know you agree with everyone to get them to like you and then you go home. and you're bitterly resentful of the way you were belittled at this party and it's going to cause all kinds of aggressive thoughts I wish I could have said it's going to cause all kinds of aggressive and vengeful thoughts to run through your imagination, well, Part One The problem is that you were too personal, right?

You sacrificed yourself in some way at the party to make people like you and at thepart two you refuse to admit the existence of those elements of yourself that would have actually protected you from doing that, so let's say you go home and you're bitter and resentful and you have revenge fantasies, I mean, that reveals the part to you. You would have integrated that more successfully into your personality when you went to the party that you wouldn't have left, you wouldn't have had to let people put you down to get them to like you, you know? ? instead of having a face like this, which says: I will accept whatever comes my way.

You know that you have a more determined and assertive face and posture and if you express it properly people won't mess with you to begin with, but you know that you may have already adopted it. a morality that says, well, I have to be nice and I shouldn't do anything that causes conflict and I should never hurt anyone's feelings and then you present yourself as a punching bag and you think that makes you a good person but it doesn't. like that and there's no shadow integration in that situation we're having a conversation I'm deciding I'm going to listen to you well that's different than the way people generally communicate because usually when they communicate you're doing something like well, let's have have a conversation and I'll tell you why I'm right and we'll all win if you agree or maybe you're having a conversation where I don't know what you're trying to do. do maybe you're trying to impress the person you're talking to, so you're not listening to them at all, you're just thinking about what you're going to say next, okay, so that's not this, this is what you could have. something to tell me and so I'm going to listen in case you tell me something that would really be useful for me to know and so you could think of it as an extension of the Piagetian, you know, Piaget.

I talked about the fundamental, the fundamentally important element of knowledge is describing how knowledge is sought, the process by which knowledge is generated. Well, if you agree with me and I find out that I don't know anything more than I knew before, I only know what I knew before. and maybe I'm happy about that because you know it wasn't questioned but I'm not smarter than before but maybe you're different from me and while I'm listening to you you'll tell me something I wouldn't like it, I don't like it, maybe it's something that seems despicable to me or difficult, whatever, maybe you'll find that you tell me something I don't know and then I won't be so stupid and then maybe I'll do it.

I don't come across so many things painfully and it's really helpful to know, especially if you live with someone and are trying to make long-term peace with them since he's not the same as you and the way he looks. the world and the facts they extract from the world are not the same as your facts and although you will be overwhelmed by the tendency to prove yourself right, it is true that two brains are better than one and so, perhaps nine of the ten things that you They say they're expendable or maybe even 49 out of 50, but one thing all you need to get out of the damn conversation is one thing you don't know and one of the things that's great. about a good psychotherapeutic session is that the whole conversation is like this the only thing you are doing is trying to express the truth of the situation as clearly as possible that is all and now Roger's proposal and I will tell you why he deduced that it was like that Yes You have a conversation like that with someone, it will make you both better, it will make you both psychologically healthier, so there is an implicit presupposition that the exchange of truth is healing.

Well, that's a great idea, I mean, it's a very profound idea. I think it's the most profound idea, it's the idea about Western civilization upon which Western civilization, though not just Western civilization, is based, the idea that truth produces health, but for Rogers, that was the sole purpose of the psychotherapeutic alliance. You come to see me. because you want to be better you don't even know what that necessarily means, I don't know either, let's figure it out together, but you come and say, look, things aren't acceptable to me and maybe there's something I can do about it. so that is the minimum precondition for participating in therapy something is wrong, you are willing to talk about it honestly and you want it to be better without the therapeutic relationship not taking off and then you could ask yourself which relationships are therapeutic and the answer to that would be yes. you have a real relationship it's therapeutic if it's not what you have it's not a relationship only god knows what you have you're a slave they're a tyrant you know they're both clashing with each other it's a primate dominance hierarchy dispute oh i don't know, You are like two cats in a barrel or two people with their hands around each other's necks, but what you have is not a relationship, so okay, we can say that the greatest is the communicated congruence of experience, consciousness and behavior on the part of an individual, that is a reference to the same idea that I was describing regarding Jung, so let's say you come and talk to me and you want things to go well.

I'll have to be more or less one thing because if I'm all over the place you can't rely on any continuity in what I say, there's no reason for you to believe I'm capable of telling you. I am capable of expressing anything that is true, so truth is something that comes as a result of aligning yourself and removing all the impurities from your soul, for lack of a better word, you have to do it. You have to integrate for that to happen and you do it at least in part by wanting to tell the truth, the more the resulting relationship involves a tendency towards reciprocal communication with the same qualities, then one of the things that Rogers has influenced me quite a bit.

One of the things I try to do in my therapeutic sessions is, first of all, listen, really listen, and then as I listen, I observe, and as I listen, things will happen in my head, you know, maybe I'll understand myself a little bit. Image of something or a thought occurs to me or a question arises and then I just tell the person what it is, but it has no direction, you know, it's not like it has a goal except we're trying to do things. better, I'm on the side of the person, I'm on the side of the person who wants things to be better, not worse, so those parts of us have a dialogue and the consequence of that dialogue is that certain things happen and then we just I tell the person what happened and it's not that they're right, that's not the point, the point is that they have an hour where someone actually tells them what they think, here's the impact. you're bothering me you know this makes me angry this makes me happy this is really interesting this reminds me of something you said an hour ago that I don't fully understand and the whole point is not for either of us that one person make the proposal or convince to the other that their position is correct, but simply to have an exchange of experiences about how things are organized and it is extraordinarily useful for people because it is often difficult for anyone to find someone to talk to who will really listen to you.