Conquering the World as a Burger in Spore.

taking over the entire

world

is quite difficult. I've tried many times to use the 2008 life simulation game Spore to create the most powerful creature ever created, but so far the stars just haven't aligned, sometimes my creature is strong but not subtle enough other times. my creature is incredibly elegant but also brain dead. It feels like it has all the ingredients. I just need some way to sandwich them all together on one wonderful plate. Wait, wait, that was it. I'd make a sandwich, no, no, just a plain old one. sandwich wouldn't work. I can't conquer the

world

with a simple ham and cheese or an egg and Crest.

I needed something bigger, something that would make people's taste buds drool and their knees shake at the same time. Of course, I'm talking about the god of sandwiches, the ham

burger

, so I started creating my new world flavored city and jumped straight to the cell stage, which possibly wasn't the best place to start because I'm already in the sea ​​and my

burger

is soggy. I started with here there is a lot of work to do and oh God I'm almost dead, run, flee, please join me, join me immediately, don't you understand I'm about to be crushed, few, right, let's all calm down and take.

Let's take a look at some of our options here, firstly the burgers don't have eyes so we can get rid of them right away and then I guess we need some sort of burger, so the beaks, the weird tentacles, the fins flappy dorsals, poison, none of these are particularly screaming Gourmet I guess I just have to make the muffin for now, so I fattened my creature up to the shape of a general muffin. I marveled at the wonderful sesame seed texture that the sports cell stage provides. M, yes, it looks delicious. Then it's the perfect time to continue with the game. oh god no, we're blind, it turns out that one of the side effects of not having eyes is that you can't see and I spent the rest of the cellular stage wandering around occasionally tripping over various pieces of meat.

Surprisingly, this tactic worked quite well. Well, I guess there's a reason they call it the primordial soup. My hamburger bun got bigger and bigger until before I knew it, it was time to enter the creature stage. The only problem was having been playing Spore Braille Edition up to this point which I hadn't been able to cover. any new body part, that's probably the shortest evolution graph I've ever seen. Bun evolves and then never evolves again. It looked like we would ship ashore as nothing more than a giant ball of bread. Still, at least I had my other giant balls of bread. bread for company oh no wait one of them goes the wrong way the ocean calls him he's going to be a pirate of course this wasn't the case it's just that my species was currently rocking Stevie Wonder's construction without eyes when the The world around you became 10 times more complicated, maybe it's not the best idea, so I quickly went and rectified the situation, oh, now I could see everything, the beautiful turquoise sky, the orange ground under my feet, now that that was resolved, it was time to search. to find ways to turn my bun into a Bonafide burger, as I mentioned before, my theory was that with every ingredient we added to my species, it would become twice as strong, so, look, what was this?

Uh-huh, a creature that claimed to be lettuce, it was a little different than any lettuce I'd ever seen before, but well, like every last one of them, absorbing their souls and presumably trapping them inside an endless bread filling in the afterlife, but On the bright side, I had my first ingredients and with great anticipation I rushed. Back at my Nest I found a companion that I can say is beautiful, damn it, and I started modifying my bun to make it much more Burgery. I did this by dividing the bun in two and then adding pieces of grass, which was the closest I could get.

I found a lettuce around its forehead, of course its insides are still bread at this point, so what I've made here is essentially a bread sandwich, but ignoring that by now I was already feeling stronger, my creature had won the ability to charm or daunt. I fear everyone, my work was obviously not done yet and I set out once again into the world in search of more ingredients and finally came across what appeared to be a nest of excellent cheese slices, another component to add to my perfect self. Oh my god, this whole evolving thing. It's easier than I anticipated, there seems to be just one buffet of sensible food to absorb everywhere I look, apples, not very useful in a burger, but I guess it could be applesauce or something like toucans, maybe It may be useful as a kind of chicken replacement for a chicken burger.

But oh God, oh, why are you pecking me? uh-oh, I forgot that birds like to eat bread, stop it, sh, go away, keep in mind, stay away from birds like these penguins here, uh, run, run away, well, I guess we look at the other one. direction, let's see what these puffins are, oh, for God's sake, run, run away, R, run away, that's all. I've had enough of birds. I swear when I become powerful enough. I am cleansing every bird of lust from the face of this earth. We are going now. surely there's something I can use here strawberries no tiny elephants no ducks no that's a bird I'm not even interacting with them they can go and dip themselves in sauce or something for all I care Tans again and this time it's a giant one Leave me alone , I'm nothing but a lowly bread, I don't deserve this, oh god, right, soup dragons, finally a fellow chef, if anyone knew about food, they'd have to be a soup dragon and since they were red soup dragons, I They informed all about the benefits of tomatoes oh of course, finally a good suggestion tomatoes are a staple of a good burger, so I went home, added my tomato photo and now I felt like there was only one thing missing: the burger, the burger part, but when it turned out I wouldn't have to wait much longer as just around the corner, past the remains of a crashed alien spaceship, it looks like someone was desperate to go to the drive-thru.

Sorry, this looks like a serious accident. You shouldn't take this lightly. Anyway, the situation beyond the alien spaceship was a herd of cows, please tell me they weren't here all this time. I mean, what a stroke of luck. The only problem is that these cows were quite strong. I mean, just look at those udders, they're terrible. I almost feel like they are against the terms of service, luckily I was able to use my tomato charm to convince the cows to shave off just a little bit of meat to donate to our cause and now that my burgers were big and beefy, our Conquest could begin the rest of the creature stage would be very easy.

I would just shoot hitting toucans wherever I went soon to become the real Apex Pres ready to oh oh no. I had run into a group of poachers. This was a problem I hadn't considered. because I didn't realize there would be people in this game and worst of all, based on the fact that they all carried shotguns, they were probably Americans, bad news for an American and I hope this isn't a stereotype. Hamburgers are as important as the air they breathe. I had to do something quickly or else my entire species would be devoured in the blink of an eye.

I realized that maybe if I wanted to get to the top of the food chain I shouldn't have made my species so amazing. delicious, so when my burgers completed the creature stage they discovered fire and cooked somewhere about half-cooked, I came up with a plan for my burgers to start a restaurant a restaurant I thought you didn't want to be eaten, it's probably what you're thinking, right? Now, if you are stupid, dumb and protected, but you see, I think in The Fifth Dimension because what better way to avoid being eaten than to serve other foods for people to eat, think of it as hiding in plain sight, we divert the attention of our delicacies while I also established a restaurant chain that rakes in billions and billions of money.

The only question left to answer was what my restaurant would sell and for me, at least, the solution to this problem was eggs scrambled, fried, poached, uh, blessed by the wort, which produces all kinds of shapes. of egg recipes, I would not only be able to jump-start my successful chain, but I would also eliminate all bird life from the planet before they even hatched. I could literally kill two birds with one stone, so my burgers went to work. I sent a brave missionary. We went out into the wild to tame one of the local ducks while carefully avoiding being pecked to death.

This duck would be our personal egg machine. Whatever she expelled, others would put into our egg-based Empire. It started here. She went to sleep. Incredible, we will never make it. I progressed at this rate, but then I realized that birds lay eggs whether they are Ted or not, while our own duck was out of action, why not just steal eggs? Instead, we would turn into hamburgers and our first mission was already underway, though. I was told that with their big buns my burgers were not the sneakiest of creatures. I mean, he literally just walked up in broad daylight and started harvesting his babies and big ones, now that they're attacking him.

I just don't know what I expected it to be at this point. point that the Pink Village was born, oh great, we already have customers moving in next door and we don't even have products yet, plus the ducks weren't too happy with the whole egg collection fiasco, so that we would probably have to look elsewhere for creatures to tame. I don't know if bears lay eggs. I didn't think they would, but there's an egg in their nest, so I guess we'll try, but don't tell the pink village where their food is. It's coming and I'm sure everything will be fine, wait, the pink village already had some eggs, this presented a wonderful opportunity for another bit of theft, what if we could steal the eggs they already have and then serve them? his own food for profit was too good an opportunity to turn down this time my Hamburglar did the extra work to hide properly and made way with a huge sack full of goods haha ​​a big success but what is this?

There is a message in pink. The Village doesn't like your tribe, damn, they must have seen us because we were shooting a sneak cut of Kevin McLoud throughout the heist, well that was fine, we would eventually beat them with our Egg Empire anyway and with that it was time Going back to Job now that I discovered that basically any animal in this game has the ability to lay eggs. I could recruit almost anything. How about pear eggs? They sound tasty. With three pets on the farm, the supply of eggs was almost endless. We were preparing food faster than my Little Burgers were able to collect it and the stock continued to go up and up until we had over 100 meals prepared.

We were almost ready to launch ourselves to the masses. Pink Village, get ready, oh what is this? Other messages that arrive. The Raiders have been detected. they plan to steal your food they weren't the pink town they were doing a reverse robbery well this just wouldn't hold up you can't just take things without people's permission that's a crime and deserved to be punished yes we would get back what was rightfully ours, the hamburgers They went to war to fight, load men, load, oh, right, yeah, they all have shotguns, right? I forgot about that, well on the plus side at least they blew up their own base too.

I see this. It's a complete and total victory, let's go home and celebrate and oh, it seems that in the time we were away some customers have arrived now they're a bunch of ducks, but that's okay, maybe they've come to call a truce, we'll do. anyone here at the Egg restaurant, even a disgusting bird deserves a good portion of scrambled eggs or two or three birds or there seem to be a lot of birds coming this way and they actually seem pretty hungry and something tells me it's possible that the eggs I don't know your first choice on the menu, okay, let's do this again, shall we run?, there are too many, quickly, oh God, no, my buns, my succulent hamburger buns.