Northernlion's Funniest Moments of July 2023

tourist and will prepare them himself on his tray while watching the worst action movie. has ever been done, then they finally come to you and you say, Can I have a Diet Coke, please? and sometimes they say: Do you want just the whole can? and you say, oh yes please, I'm finally rewarded for my good behavior. not to tap the guy on the shoulder and say hello buddy, can you stop seeing the red notice because it offends me? You know what I hate and it's like you I can never tell you like you say it but you say oh I have this as a medical thing and people say go to the doctor and I say listen I wish we lived in a perfect world too but you're basically saying like they give you 18 hours to go wait in the emergency room because your butt will go to the back of the line like I have you supporting your neighbor because people will come in with their arms cut off and you'll be Oh, cool , I'll be here for about 45 more minutes while they re-stitch that guy's arms.

I know that guy has heart problems, but I've been here a long time. Here for like 10 hours with my knee swollen, it's only getting bigger, yeah, yeah, it's oh my head was crushed by a steamroller. Don't write this way, sir, this way, so I'm not really saying it's not a doctor situation. I'm just saying you have to really want it. I just don't know what else you're doing here, man. I'm sure I'll shake the finger at you today. Usher, when did he do it? When did we have so much sex? mixed with the music here it used to be just I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand and now it's all of us saying, flip me on my butt oh, stretch me like a blown up balloon I feel like a rocket in the sky, I sick man, swipe your nose like a credit card, can't even finish the damn line, makes you want to puke, forced to listen to this stuff on the strip. club all the time I wouldn't do that that's a summer house in the rubbish pit that's another summer house in the rubbish pit there you go, you've come out of the rubbish pit great job 47. he's done it again, he has come out of the garbage pit, he has come out of the garbage pit once again, okay, now that from the first garbage that was sent to us at the beginning of the game, now we have recovered, we can start playing, do it, make it holy. guys, I'm going to hell, you can stay here and die if you want, but that thing in the back is not real, yeah, the thing in the back is not real and you can sit on this plane and you can die with it or not.

I'm not going to say the same. I say it jokingly sometimes, but I really lost a little faith in humanity reading the responses where people were like, "um, like you couldn't get my butt to stay on that plane." She looked so terrified. I'm not. I'm sure I believe 100 in what she was saying, but she has so much conviction that I have to go down like people said. I can't believe no one got off the plane with her, even though everyone looked back, well, honestly, if she was on a plane. and someone said that on the back it's not real.

I see at least my first reaction, if someone had an episode like that on a plane, I would be like a holy cow, she's high just because she seems convinced. I'm sure she believes what she's saying right now, but I think she brought the hike to Poland. I think probably like she was nervous about flying she took like a prescription antidepressant like she did before she left for the airport. She arrived at the airport. She forgot that she took the antidepressant, had three glasses of wine and then sat in seat 39j and said: What is that?

What are you seeing this? It's an unreal temperature back here, room temperature or refrigerated, we don't have room in our refrigerator for the orange I guess we'd like to triage. I could take one out and put another in, but these are room temperature oranges. I think they would taste even better if I took them out of the refrigerator, but I tell you even at room temperature it tastes cold in a good way, you know, like a cookie, like a chocolate chip cookie, it tastes cold, you know what I'm saying, come on, You know what I'm saying, guys, right, you know you've got sweetness? and cold are kind of related on your tongue, like sugar is cold and you know what, yeah, yeah, look, there are people, some people are with me, these oranges are at room temperature, but they taste cold, that's how sweet they are, If they were hot, they would probably taste room temperature because that's how cold they taste.

Do you have carbon monoxide detectors in your new place? Listen, hang up on Google, why do sweet things taste cold? None. I have to move a little. That's not a good sign. Okay, looks like those are people. I'm not ready for that yet, okay, let me think about the sap for a second. I have to call my doctor hahaha. Okay, he's probably here, buddy, I guarantee we're in a group. What did I tell you? By the way, did I have to do it? use some power ups, yeah it's this BC, well honestly I don't know, uh yeah yeah it's BC.

I know if you live in Ketchikan you probably say oh, but it's closer to you, Ketchikan, Alaska, but damn candy corn in each one. The town that the Disney team pulled up on your ass had the worst popcorn just for the record, yeah, yeah, that's right, Skagway beat you to your candy corn, give me a second, here's a second. Alaska is a little complicated somewhere, it doesn't matter, okay? The point is that Skagway beat your ass so you should be a little embarrassed, that's all I'm trying to say, the world can't stand eight billion people showering daily and washing their clothes after wearing them once, okay, okay, um, um.

I'm going to keep doing it I'm going to keep doing it it's been working for me I'm going to keep washing my underwear after wearing it once I'm just I'm actually trying to help because I'm on your side you used to eat food, watch movies etc. now yes you say, oh, Kevin Spacey is a good actor, suddenly you find yourself in the gulag, okay, this is the question if we have reached the point where we take a shower. It's unethical, so my name is Dr. Doom because I'm going to keep cleaning myself in the shower. If anything, you should probably shower less because my showers are really quick because I'm busy and I'm bald, so I shower for about four minutes. your butt showers once every three days, you're probably there for 40 minutes, you know, sitting hugging your knees, suddenly it's like, oh, and now it showers every day.

Wow, you can't shower every day, that's what you're wasting. water Meanwhile your ass is like looking in the mirror with the faucet running wondering if people know I'm high, do people know I'm high? Yes, I know you're high. You've been there for 12 minutes. Did you know? The other day I had a thought from my dad that did me very good here it was my dad's thought and I am. I drive safely like I'm not driving recklessly, but it occurred to me that when I eat takeout in the car I really, really drive. really sure just when I drive normally with my son in the car, I just sent it off and started reevaluating my thinking patterns, you know, if you have soup in the car, like ramen or udon or something like that.

I put it like in front of the front passenger seat and I try to do very gentle turns and stuff like that if there's no soup in the car but my kids are in the car seat, I'm like, what are you doing, get out of here? Wow you're blocking the bike lane, that being said my kids are strapped into the car seat so it's not exactly the same but you still don't want to spill that soup man. I don't want to spill the soup, but I. I will say that I think I would weigh five pounds less if my wife ate faster because this is what happens: We will eat at the restaurant and I will eat 65 of my food and then my stomach will send a signal to my brain that is like "I'm full, but "She's only finished 25 percent of the meal, so I'm sitting there and I can't get my phone out because it's disrespectful that we're having a conversation, but at the same time she's eating so I can." I'm not going to ask him questions non-stop like a Dane Geesling Stream or something, so I'm waiting there for about 12 minutes with a plate of delicious food in front of me and I'm never supposed to like it.

I'm supposed to fight temptation 20 times a minute. I'm supposed to do it because my brain is like you could have another bite, you could have another bite, you could have another bite, you could have another bite and I have to say no 100 of the time because What happens is if you say no Yeah, once you take a bite and then it's like that family-sized potato chip thing where you're like, "Oh, I ate half the bag, I'll put it back in the pantry and next time you go to the store." store". in the pantry you say, "I'll just take a handful," then you do it like four times and then you say, "oh, there's only a third of the bag left." I might as well eat the whole thing.

I'm not going to put a third. from the bag that was left in the pantry, so I feel like it's not a big deal, but I feel like I eat more than I would in a restaurant due to the fact that I eat faster than my wife, which is fine now again. At the end of the day I have control over it, that is my cross to bear. I could eat less at the restaurant. I could ask them for a takeout container right away. There are many similar solutions for this problem. I'm just saying life is about There are decisions you make in life and some of those decisions are influenced, like you think you just wouldn't eat the food, but you don't know until you're in my position, you won't know what the food is. .

I don't know what you had for lunch that day and now you go out to dinner, you don't know, oh, you just got an anxiety-inducing text right before dinner and all of a sudden you're like, "I deserve that." You don't know what, you don't know how the Peloton went this morning, you know your choices are a combination, it's not like a binary, yeah, nothing in your head, it's a combination of what's going on in your life, okay . It's very easy to say that you just don't eat the food because you don't have the food in front of you.

Once you have the food in front of you, it's much harder to fight the temptation to say, "I could have one more bite." Then you bite back once again like it's not even worth taking the leftovers home. NL has solved the psychology, what would you say to an unemployed person? You're looking at it.