Begib dich mit Sarah Desai auf eine Reise zu dir selbst | einfach ganz leben

Welcome to the new episode of Simply Whole Life, the podcast for conscious living. I'm Jutta Rebrock and an author, editor, radio news and audiobook host, among other things, and on this podcast I talk to amazing guests every two weeks. about how we do good for ourselves and our lives To be able to live more consciously, more joyfully and more intensely today Sarah de sai is a mindfulness and meditation speaker on topics such as spirituality, resilience and holistic personality development . podcast called fall sessions for more mindfulness and soul power, that's what you call it and she has written a wonderful book with the title, live the life you want to live, that's what we're talking about today, have fun listening. dear Sarah, it is a pleasure that you are here, thank you very much for allowing me to be here, I am very happy, I was also looking forward to you and I thought: wow, live the life you want to live!

It's been something you've been craving ever since, so that's exactly what I want and at the same time it's what I think seems to be the hardest thing in the world. Really living how we want to live is why it's hard. for us That is very difficult, if I can say something very briefly, the book is called live life, you want to live, okay, but it is almost the same, maybe I also decided to live instead of living so as not to achieve it. so big, yes, life lives for us. Doing a little more to touch exactly living the life you want to live is a great longing for all of us and a great desire and I think this phrase also resonates with all of us, yes. when we hear it, something happens in us and I can Yes, my words don't trigger anything that isn't already there, so I think we all have this potential and this longing within us and ultimately we are very lucky to be able to do it. live in a piece of this earth where we are completely free Yes, we can love when we want to love, we can work what we want, we can travel wherever we want, we can eat what we want to eat, so that we can enjoy a lot of freedom in the outside world without the state oppresses us, yes, um japressionen, that is exactly where we have peace and yet we do not feel free and I do not say it here to somehow criticize the main teacher, but I feel the same, so I can only tell and write what I experience myself and I experienced it very strongly, that I don't feel free even though I enjoy a lot of freedom outside and then at some point I realized, okay, there is probably a lack of inner freedom and I have to find it and cultivate it first to be able to consciously live my external freedom to be able to enjoy and that is what makes this inner freedom that we lack so difficult for us.

Yes, and in the book we go through different stages. Yes, we take a journey into our past, our present and our future, and observe what prevents us from enjoying our freedom and living. Why is it so difficult for us? Do we have the feeling of living in an internal prison? What is this prison made of? What are the walls of this prison and how can we tear down these walls little by little, you have such a little thing that you keep coming back? Stop, that is a very short phrase and I think its effect is too devastating, I am not enough, you keep coming back to it and many of us have internalized it, why am I not enough? a very, very strong belief that of course still has many descendants.

I will say, I am not enough, it is the mother of all negative beliefs. Enough. I am not one of them. I'm not allowed to do that. I can not do this. For us, the list is endless and we formed this belief when we were too young to even understand what was happening to us in our childhood, that's why we travel the book also, first of all, to our childhood and take a good look at what. are the roots, what is the origin of this belief, when could it be formed and now, to take a very specific snapshot, as small children we quickly realized that if we are as we are, as we feel, it is not guaranteed that let's be We will get praise, we will get recognition, but we will get recognition when we act, when we are friendly, when we smile, when we write good grades, but when we are who we are.

We were not sure about this confirmation, we cannot be sure and as children we need this confirmation because it shows us that we belong, that we are sure of the love of our parents' care, without them we are lost and this pattern that we have then. The established will be these strategies that we have developed to be enough, to please, that we continue to live as adults in the same way, but this fear of what will happen if I am not enough, if I cannot and I am not sure of my belonging is always honest, even As adults, when we imagine that our colleagues or our family or our friends would tell us hey, you don't belong, I'm sorry, you're not enough, just thinking about it makes us go weak in the knees, that's the worst thing that can happen to us because we are social creatures, we need Belonging as children, as I said, was essential for survival in the true sense of the word and even today as adults we need belonging to be able to do our part. in society, to fulfill ourselves and experience this love and care that we all need and that is really crazy because it is actually transmitted from generation to generation, so in reality our parents already suffered it and they transmitted it to us and we both mothers too, so make sure we don't pass it on to our children.

We probably do to some extent because it's so strong, it's so much stronger than what you write in your book that actually, um, the perception of the negative is so much stronger than the positive, there's a word in English that just helps me. to be negative, yes, as you just said, that is passed down from generation to generation and I think you can look at different aspects, yes, one aspect is our parents, my mother. , who belongs to the post-war generation and was raised by my grandmother who experienced the war firsthand, so when I tell my grandmother that she is still alive in this 99 and that she is still in excellent shape, when I tell her about my podcast, she tells me yes. , who has something like that, who needs something like that, yeah, there was, um, there just so totally strange, so it's okay, she doesn't understand it at all, let anyone listen to it, well, girl, then let's go, um, because It was just a completely different generation and this generation dreamed of what we take for granted, that is, peace and prosperity, and now we are very fortunate to be able to live in a generation or in an era in which we can seek, in which We can really dedicate ourselves to these issues, they are always there, I notice it with my grandmother too, that of course they are there and I also notice it with my mother who has opened up much more about the whole matter and we spend a lot of time.

In our parents' energy field, I also write in the book and we learned a lot. Yes, we have to be careful, careful when learning to walk, then careful when choosing a career so as not to be left behind. Yes, we have learned a lot, but we rarely have to rely on ourselves and that has nothing to do with the fact that our parents didn't do the best they could. Probably, as you just said, my son will also sit in the front at some point. of me and you say yes, mom, what are we going to do now?

It's a shame, yes, um, we are doing the best we can, but yes, everyone has their own problems that he works with and conveys the fears of him, no. Question, my son also has fears in my energy field, I feel like I'm transmitting them to him and the important thing is that we just work with it and stay open and that's why it's very, very important to look at the past, but I'm sorry if not. To go on and on about what is equally important is to look at our now and therefore mine, our mind, because to get to this negativity, our mind plays tricks on us, very often we have our conditioning and our beliefs of the past because things happened to us.

We in the past, but they are no longer there, but we continue to drag them in the here and now, we always focus on potential dangers in the here and now, we basically know our environment and our so-called red flex here and now and look there. There could be potential danger lurking again or I might not be good enough or it could become apparent that I'm not up to the task and we're back in the middle of "I'm not enough." I have a sister, so to speak, of this phrase, I am not enough. My phrase is that at some point I will fly away.

That's one of my favorite phrases. I say I didn't write it in the book, but yes. I say it very often in my coaching sessions that we all have this fear of showing ourselves, so to really show ourselves, yes, we spend so much energy on not showing ourselves because we think that if one of us does it, if someone really sees what we are like, then we are exposed with our weaknesses and so on and all that. I want to say this a bit like forklift mode, then everyone would suddenly realize that everything they think I know and can do That can't happen in reality and it seems so great or I act like it or whatever , but sometimes I have it as a joke with a friend like that.

I also say that, sometimes I fly too, that's how now we are so far away that we can also laugh at ourselves a little. way that describes when people really have the feeling that the performance they achieve is just a matter of luck, the success you have is something you didn't really work for, it's just a matter of luck and that exists too. A lot of studios with doctors and lawyers, people who really come from all walks of life and achieve a wide variety of successes and they are really convinced that I will fly here at some point and they are very afraid.

Actually, I don't deserve it at all. Actually, it's just a coincidence or luck that I do Sitting here, that's also perfectionist syndrome because, again, that's exactly what it means: I'm not enough, that was my husband, he's actually 150% capable of everything, except you. You don't have to be 100% capable of everything, so you don't even have to be 100%, you can do everything to do it pretty well, yes, you've already mentioned two things, that your book is structured as a journey. past present future and you already mentioned your family, would you like to tell me a little about your personal life?

I have to smile a little when I read that you played ruhepolkind, by the way, and I used to. love Gummitwist, my girlfriend, I don't know if it was a game from the Ruhr area, but in any case I never heard anyone say that nowhere in my area I found my childhood playing in my mother's room, but you have roots. On different continents you also wandered between worlds in your childhood, between your dad's world and your mom's family's world, which was greatly influenced by the grandmother you just mentioned. Can you tell us a little about that?

I would very much like to get to know you a little? Yes, as you said, I grew up in the Ruhr region and actually had a completely normal childhood, so I first lived for a few years in Mülheim an der Ruhr. then we are my brother, my mother and I moved to my grandmother's house in a very typical suburb of the Ruhr area and my grandfather also lived there and I grew up there since I was three years old and that was, of course, the situation most normal in the world for me and for me, I think that everyone's childhood is the most normal in the world, but I quickly realized that I am not at home anywhere because my grandmother was also difficult for her and suddenly there was two kids. again - my own children have already been there for a long time away from home, you actually want to drink wine in the evening and watch the news and no, that was again somehow two children and the living room table running, but my grandmother always made sure that I had everything financially, I had everything materially, if I had crooked teeth she was with me to the orthodontist when I had bad grades, she learned with me, yes, and yet there was not that affiliation that I only was talking about, it was pretty obvious to me that she couldn't give me that affiliation, my father is He came to Germany from South Africa and has Indian ancestors, so obviously he doesn't look like my grandmother or my grandfather and that was really a topic for my grandmother's generation and I think it was very difficult to be accepted as I am it must be said that they were still coming from the Hitler Youth I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I could never get 100% belonging to it and You also couldn't get 100% of this security and acceptance and probably no matter how hard you tried, you could never get 100% of your own patterns.

The conditioning was simply too strong and of course it was an underlying painful experience for me. When I was a child I was not aware of it, but what I clearly noticed is that I am a guest, that I am a guest. Not really at home and it's the weekend I was with my father who also had an apartment in the city and I always felt completely comfortable there, but not with my toys, I also had my own bed when I only had the folding couch. but there I could spread out freely. Yes, my father always evoked the most delicious things.

There are many Indian specialties, Roady Carey beans and kitury, all kinds of things and all the smells, and when we had visitors there, the dialects thatthere was in the voice of the kitchen, everything was very good, very familiar and then it was difficult to return to my grandmother's house after the weekend and I also describe a significant point in the book at night. I always came back to my grandmother's house on Sunday nights and every night we were sitting at the dining room table. Assigned, there was always the same type of whole wheat bread, tea, radishes, tomatoes, spreads, classics, yes, cold dish exactly and I remember that it seemed It was completely unnecessary for me to eat this tomato that was opened with a knife and fork because I always ate with my hands with my father with the flatbread, I folded the flatbread between my fingers and then I picked up the yellow rice with it and the beans and if that seemed totally unnecessary now eat the tomato with the fork with knife and fork and my grandmother She told me who with them The hands are under the table and of course I don't have to eat under the table but this feeling of isolation and she didn't mean it in a bad way, but yes, it was just impossible for me to ignore the fact that I was walking between two worlds and in that moment I said something that I was not yet cognitively aware of. , but I already felt it within me and there were several examples of it and today when I look back I realize that really everyone was trapped in their own construction, even my grandmother had it.

Today I can develop a lot of compassion for you. because like I said she also did a lot of good things for me, she was always my constant, she sat with me at the breakfast table every morning, she always made sure I had everything I needed, my father could disappear overnight tomorrow yes. , in some ways I was aware that it was not the constant, there was a lot of heart but not that constant and it is very easy to always point the finger at people and say that you are wrong and when you experience this in your own family, you are forced to dig a little deeper and I have really learned to develop compassion for people's respective situations.

Yes, my father came from the apartheid regime and had to leave his country in the night and the fog operation landed in Germany and he always had the opportunity. great dream of putting the world at my feet and doing the big deal, oh, it didn't turn out well either, yes and yes, it took me a long time to understand everything like that, but it was great. It is also a liberation for me to understand that I am not a victim of anything, but that each person and each person in my family has their own story, their own prison walls, their own constructs and we can develop compassion for that, but also say hey, that's what matters to me it's not right, here I have to distance myself a little, at some point I had to leave and move out of my grandparents' house and find myself.

When you went? I actually left for the first time when I was 15, so I came back for a while, but that was the first big step, then there were such important points in your life at some point. You felt labeled. You also wrote that you were a single parent and a Hartz IV recipient. From a migrant background and at one point you were at the top with a great job in the music business, so there were a lot of ups and downs, both of you. situations and then you decided to leave your great job, then one was actually a situation that at first seemed very hopeless and the other where you took the step that you consciously decided to take, both required courage which gave you courage in the future. situations in hopeless situations gave me anger that I simply felt, although in both situations I was given courage by my own feeling that I felt that there is much more that is not me, I am not even a Hartz IV recipient and I move alone from a migrant background , that's a situation I'm in now but not me and maybe that's on a piece of paper and I even tell myself that Man, I'm not enough, but I'm not enough and I'm not the best. um, head of a record company and dealing and negotiating with big budgets and getting artists to the top of the charts, that's one aspect, but that's me, I'm so much more and this feeling is actually such a fundamental feeling.

Let me guide you, there's no way I can always hear it right away. Always carry it with us. I call it a resource backpack. We have gathered so many resources in our lives that we really don't have to fear anything. We have already survived many situations and it is not only big words that I use here, but also, for example, short-term solution therapy. Many researchers in short-term solution therapy assume that each of us, each adult, has enough resources within us. to be able to solve any problem they face on their own and forget about it. We often say that we really have so many tools, so you can imagine it as a backpack that we have trained and that we can actually throw away from time to time. and then, okay, what tool can I use right now in the respective situation?

It certainly helps to remember what you've already listed with these tools, so make a little success statistic. Absolutely a great exercise for this is to simply record your life line. , so just write a line on the piece of paper and then one end is birth, the other end is occasionally. In this timeline from birth to now we draw five events in your life that were significant, they can be positive and negative. It doesn't matter, we can draw the positive ones at the top of the timeline and the negative ones at the bottom and then we connect them and notice wow wow, that's cool.

My life has many curves and many ups and downs. downs, that's a good thing because in each of these ups and downs or in each of these ups and downs we were able to collect resources and they are with us to this day and we often forget: we are never helpless, never that. It was a very nice phrase. There is much more. You have gained value through it today. You are a great encourager. In my full sessions. You are also doing an online seminar. Tell us what really started. Yes, everything happened to me 15 years ago. I recently realized hopelessness along the exact same path you just described.

Well, there is much more, but I need something to get to it, I am whole, so I am constantly somehow balancing between the two Others. people's expectations between my expectations between bills that have to be paid, refrigerators that have to be filled, um, holes in my pants that have to be covered, yes, but I feel it much more and there is something else and how do I do it. to get there and how to get there to relax and I started looking and really learned a lot about Buddhism, shamanism, Western mindfulness work and yeah, I took everything I could with me.

He was still a single father at the time. So, like I said, I couldn't do it every day. I went to a retreat but I didn't do what was within my capabilities. I looked for teachers and continued practicing music as a profession for a long time and I felt more and more. What really attracted me to music and the more success I had, the more I have realized that what attracts me is not the title and the million-dollar budget, but what excites me is accompanying people to bring out their most intimate outwards. , living your vision, living your authentic self, whatever you want to call it from time to time.

Then I thought, well, you can, that's what we're all looking for and the artist has only found one form of expression, a possible one. one, but we all want to express ourselves and find ourselves in that way and I can find this and have much more about us. Then I started this podcast. I worked a lot with individuals and gave group coaching sessions, but it was also very difficult. For me to take this step outwards, if you accompany people in their work who are looking for you, then they are already open to the topic, but you have to come out with the podcast when everyone can listen to it and then everyone can be there. well Sarah, but that's not enough, but yes, your mom, of course, criticizes oh, very, very, very strongly, yes, but it happened and the best thing for me could have happened and I am totally grateful, I have so many listeners that I They write so wonderfully. messages and those who find courage in the podcast and you can also find much more and feel understood, that is also a great profile for you.

I feel understood, that's completely, it's actually because of the feedback that I get, there are three comments, once that just exercise and meditation, these impulses are like a brief awakening but okay, great, I can implement that in home, thank you very much, then through the voice a lot is transmitted and then the third comment is hey, I feel like that. understood when I listen to the podcast I realize that I am not wrong as I am and every time I feel and notice that we all do not have this "I am enough" and we think that we have it alone and as you just said, we simply cannot show it, otherwise Otherwise we will fly too and it is good to remember, hey, no other person feels the same.

There is a person who talks about it openly. I think I move like you. I have to take a long breath because this longing that's there in what you just said, the feedback that you're getting, I find it totally moving, yeah, that's it, that's really wonderful and what I also notice, like a lot of people from We who are also alone, are really in difficult situations and are looking for someone to turn to and in some way I am not the panacea, I can only pass on things that have helped me. In the end, of course, you are touching a nerve. exactly and that this understanding, this belonging together with, um, with exercises with also impulses for solutions, that this is really, incredibly, accepted with gratitude and that of course makes me totally grateful, that's nice, so the feeling of your listeners is that they understand me and I also have an idea that what I can do myself is exactly what I always find very important.

I also think it's very important, especially in this work with many countries, spirituality and personality development, that we don't do false things. promises and I am very careful with that, I do not want to make false promises because no promises are made because each person has it within themselves, yes and each one can cultivate it for themselves, but each one for their own account. pace in its own way and I'm not, yeah, I'm not just anyone who can prescribe a recipe now and I think that's very, very, very important because sometimes I feel like superlatives like that are used. friend it is not a self-optimization tool either.

Many people also think that meditation is a self-optimization tool. It also does many wonderful things with changes in brain structure. It is positive and has been proven by neuroscience. There are a lot of great aspects, but it doesn't do us any good if we do it just to run away from our I'm not enough, you know, if that's a tool again to not chase and make everything better and function. better at work exactly even better higher faster further away and always keep believing that happiness is waiting around the corner if I can run fast enough I think I'm not enough to depend on that's not what it's about look deeper, how did this come about?

When did this come about? So what are the walls of my I am not enough? What are the strategies I have developed that are no longer good for me, that may have helped me at one time but no longer? I need you today yes, what conditioning and what pattern can I leave and that is exactly why it is also possible that in my last online course we will finally work together. It is a very, very intensive course that lasts six weeks. There is a fixed group of participants and we meet online several times a week and have different modules that we work on. and I work of course also with meditation with coaching tools and also a lot of sharing, yes, so there are always question and answer sessions where we really exchange ideas for hours and talk about it and what is happening in the individual , and if.

It is a very, very great gift to be able to do this work and I am very, very grateful for it because I am 100,000 percent convinced of it, not because I can do it and someone else can do it. , it's not about me, but because I am convinced of certain benefits that we get from it and because who helped me so much on my path to freedom, on which I continue, anyway I never leave and to believe that I am not staying at home and having fears that I have to overcome, that of course would also be foolish.

That's what I mean by there is no such thing as WoW and then the panacea is for us to become enlightened, that's reserved for the very, very few. I'm not. one of them and exactly if that's why it's a great privilege to just these tools and this work that have helped me so much and still be able to help move forward, this is how I see myself, that also resonates with you that you've felt it. about the inadequacies that you yourself feel and that you still believe you have, and that's how I think you also feel that where people are to listen to you you answer even more, so aha, it's not that, but let's talk about the normal life you have now .

He lives with her son, her husband, that is Michael Kurt aka Rappers and he is also a coach and also works a lot with meditation. Can. I'm already thinking that you don't hold hands on the pillow all day, it's a pillow at home, ours. Everyday life is completely normal, yes, we get up in the morning to have breakfast and we are totally tired, evenIf we go to bed happy and then start the day normally and our topics are completely normal, we argue about completely normal things, yes, the mess, the dishwasher, which I cleaned, exactly the same with you, of course, of course, it's not me who knows. gets dirty and gets.

We've always been arguing about the same thing for 9 years so we're crying and trying to figure it out, everything is completely normal and yes, everyday life completely normal, which I think is what we notice, but more on a deeper level, that of course we are all on our own path and it deals with issues and because deep down there is a lot of room for the other to develop and that we already have the same deepest desires for life, idea of ​​life in contact with it, but there is much more . Not only in the sense that there is a lot more, we still have to experience great things, of course there is, for example, traveling is a wonderful, wonderful thing, but there is also a lot more to say, for example, hey. , maybe we shouldn't work ten hours a day have more time for the family, for the little things and yes, that was this room, that's exactly what I wanted to ask, how much space do you give yourself there, so maybe we also have rituals or something in what you say, so let's take a look.

Stop, think about it, and take our time as you practice mindfulness in your daily life. I must say that, of course, we don't always have the same schedule. , which means that it is usually the case when someone has a lot of things to do, for example, it is happening to me right now. The book campaign is minor for him, which means we don't always live in the same time zones if he makes an album. or write a book, then for me it may be less, but each leaves room for it in the other. Mindfulness is really the little things, make sure we go to bed together at a certain time because there's room for conversations too, yo. can fall short quickly and then everyone just gets each other's energy.

We know the rest very, very, very well. Other people's expectations are met and yes, you just fall dead on the bed and that's it in the end. Really look at it, hey, we have to act differently to develop that awareness, often only when everyone is already in their gums. So believing that we can always do this completely right is also foolish because we are also balancing with them on a tightrope between our own expectations, other people's expectations, work expectations, our son is currently going through puberty, too. there is that. There's a lot to regulate, yeah, um, exactly, and really just look Every once in a while, what's really important and the most important thing when you break it down may sound cheesy, but that's the way it is, the most important thing is family when I think In my last ten years, I look back.

I'll be 40 in a few weeks and when I look back at the last ten years, I've done a lot, so I've been on an incredible journey, but what I can really remember, I can remember with feeling, are moments and people and that for keep it in mind over and over again and not think, you have to run all the time, that's what it really is, that's living mindfulness and reminding each other of it, even if the other person My husband, for example, doesn't want to hear it , reminds me, just get off, think it through and if one person doesn't think about it then the other one, but the other person may not want to become one. then of course I don't want to listen so carefully and instructively or I can't do it now.

You don't understand now. Yes, I am in the situation now, but do you know what the most beautiful form of mindfulness is? Look at yourself in moments like this and know, oh man, I'm totally caught up and just laugh about it together, just laugh about it and don't be so caught up in your own ego, your thing or what I am, it's mine else. time. I'm not enough, now he tells me I'm not enough because I'm not careful enough now, of course he doesn't tell me that's how it works for me, of course, then you tell people to be careful and then you do two hours full of power and total in the end or vice versa or with other people, whatever and I just think that in every relationship it doesn't matter what we do, it doesn't matter what our profession is, not taking it personally the other person doesn't have to make us happy , it is very nice to have this partner and that is very important that we also know what is important to us in the relationship, what needs we have because some needs may not fit. at all then you can't have a happy relationship, with some you might be able to get closer, others might be the same Um, but the other person can't complete us, can't give us what we're looking for, we find that within ourselves and that's what I meant at the beginning when I asked about the relationship, giving the other person room to develop and I think that's the most important thing if I'm not a relationship expert, but that's the biggest secret to giving the other person this. space and not taking it so personally when what the other person does is because we reflect ourselves, of course we don't have a bigger mirror than our partner when we are together every day, everything that we wouldn't otherwise want look at ourselves.

Mirrors, at the latest from our partners, we notice that the absolute projection surface and, um, hey, these are my own constructions that I interpret in them, not always simply because you just mentioned it, you can be aware Discussing, yes, you can do that, but I can't always achieve it, but if you could achieve it, how would it work to argue consciously, for example, if your partner notices that there is somehow an argument and the mood changes and you take your partner's hand Tomas your hand and say I feel like you're not feeling well right now, what's going on, tell me and then just listen, even if your partner says hey, what you just said triggered this or that thing in me or I don't feel that valued in right now, I feel like I'm being ignored right now, just to accept, to say I'm sorry you feel that way, because often we don't do that because so often what happens when our partner tells us something like that, yeah, I didn't mean that not at all, yes, how can you say that I don't value you, that's again I have a mistake, exactly I made a mistake and that's what I meant by not always referring everything to yourself, but letting others present themselves as themselves and not always think that we have to be responsible for the happiness of others and that it is our fault if the other person is not happy. um, but just accept it and say, hey, I'm sorry you feel that way, yeah, and then we can still do it, say, I didn't mean that and yeah, but first of all, give the other person a chance. opportunity to feel what they feel without making it small, without fighting against it without blocking it and that is not always easy because, as I said, we are so close to each other that your own ego is very, very big and of course we also have a great need to make our partner happy, we want, we love this person, I want nothing more than to see my son and my husband happy and we also have to be able to accept that sometimes I can't do that.

Sometimes I also want my son to always be happy. For example, it became very difficult for me when he hit puberty. You can make small children happy very easily, but now your own mood swings are your own social environments, your own. confrontation with himself, I can do whatever I want, he has to work it out with himself, there are other aspects that come into play, one thing you just described is that they are so torn and you think maybe I could be so supportive. that he can find the corner that suits him, but then puberty also means that they have to think that his parents are completely stupid and then they can't give him that at all or maybe he wants it, but at the same time he wants that .

I don't have what you could give, I think that is the most difficult, totally difficult thing that you just described, maybe this year you will help to give support and then look in that direction, but also to give this freedom and accept those who do not have it . He doesn't need his mother now, he doesn't want to, I'm there and I have the space, I'm always there for my son, but I don't help him if I impose myself at that moment, he has to find. himself, but I help him circumcise and endure the fact that I can't make him happy now and that's exactly how it is in the relationship to really perceive people as independent people, not always just in interaction and we don't have to. saving everyone, so by the way, that's exactly what my job is about.

I can retain energy for people. I can be there. I can share everything I have, but that's what I mean by the promise that we are all independent people and have the right to. to find that in ourselves and to find ourselves because we are not helpless and everyone finds that within themselves and you can give an idea of ​​that. Everyone has to implement it for themselves if they want to do it again. arguing attentively and then I will stop it because that was natural. Now it's so beautifully poetic, almost yes, you hold your hand and say you said something that offended me and so on.

Now back to the everyday nonsense of clutter and such. And that bothers you, I just heard it, you say it differently. And then I think that's really cool, you have so much experience because that's exactly what makes you often so excited and you talk about it in a way that I don't feel like someone else is being bullied. How does it work to consciously discuss such a slug? Actually, that's a lot of snails and it's not just on my part that my husband is totally warmer to me, yeah, it's not that easy on this day, snails. but taking it by hand now sounded poetic, but it's not that difficult, you can do it several times a day, even with small things, and of course I can do something different if I'm upset about the dishwasher and not. maybe in the morning when I walk into the kitchen and it looks like chaos and I'm completely exploding, but you better approach it differently and maybe don't talk to me then because I'll explode, but next time I will.

I actually say hey, why is this so important to me? Yes, why is it important to me that it looks good at home? She has it now, we have such a banal example. Now what I say is totally exaggerated, well because. These are the things that people argue about and what is important to me when I am in an environment, for example my apartment, and it is messy, I can't do anything else, my head is not working, I need an external structure. establish an internal structure, that's all for me, I need a clear field of vision, I can't do anything else otherwise I'm confused and that's how I feel I told him I really need it, not because I'm criticizing the other person and then you get dirty, but because for me it's important to function, it makes my life easier and then he told me, hey, it's exactly different.

For him, this probably also has to be there because his musicians work in a completely different way because he thinks much more about these creative structures and has learned the outside world throughout these 20 years of musical career and always with the impulse of a. button Now I call it creative when I press a button. He has learned to tune out his environment or what is happening around him because otherwise he cannot be creative at all and I can understand that very well now that I have written the book. because you really have to lose yourself in it because creativity prepares you.

Don't sit there and say you're going to set an alarm for four hours and then I'll have written ten pages or I'll have written the songs, which means you have to learn to tune out what's going on around you and I learned that in their work for more than 20 years and when we described it like that, we understood each other and then each one's desire. of us making it a little more beautiful for the other was much, much bigger than him organizing someone who would at least once come to us every week and clean because it was simply important to him, that doesn't mean we don't do it.

I still don't argue about it and I still don't explode every now and then in the morning, but there's a different understanding there, why the other person does that, why the other person feels that way right now. He feels that we don't bother to solve it at all because it is everyday trivialities. We say what the point is, why they forget it, but what is really the reason why this need is so great in both of us. sides that we hold on to such small things and we cannot agree on them and it is also something that we have to learn to admit to ourselves as people, to admit to ourselves, we always want to be above things and everything is Simple , we are not simple, we are incredibly complex and the fact that the dishwasher is not loaded can decide how I feel in the morning or not.

I can definitely work with him, I'm also working on these little things. but we also have to allow ourselves to first admit that yes, hey, that makes me go, he is quite nice to the person and then I can work with that, but I can't understand how wonderful he is, dear Sarah, a completely normal person and he is exactly so you accept the great things you say and maybe we can do that very briefly, some pointshighlights from your book, we can't tell you the whole book, we've already said that the structure is like this: past, present, future, so I looked at a lot of the exercises again, I thought, wow, I think it's great and I think it's great , you have two favorite things that we can briefly comment on at the end. where you say that you like him a lot or that he helped you especially, you already have, for example, what I think is great, very small, very simple, every morning he thanks you for having me great right in the morning when you arrive. up um write on your alarm clock mainly of people on your cell phone alarm clock or leave a note on your bedside table saying a moment of gratitude a grateful thought and that's just one when you wake up Thing you're grateful for, I'm expressing my gratitude here.

It's probably not a new topic for listeners anymore. It has been researched that we also reprogram our brain through gratitude. We generally direct our attention to the negative things in our lives and with the gratitude we do we can really do that. We train like a muscle, we direct our attention to the positive things in our lives and we discover more and more the fullness of our lives because, of course, if you write a thought of gratitude four days in a row, then that is clearly family, health. everything Of course, the big beautiful essential things, it's worth writing down one thing every day for two months that you are grateful for and then you realize how much there is that you are grateful for and you really immerse yourself in the fullness of your life. because you're aware of focusing on the positive things in your life that have long been wonderful, we also start with gratitude at the beginning, that's a nice arc, maybe let's do one last example of something that goes very, very deep. , those are two things that really resonated with me, one that the Ancestors ask of each other, the ancestors that you had, to stand to your right and left so that they frame you like this and this I go to my older self and ask him.

To ask for advice, both of them are for me on a certain level that I am especially attracted to. For example, I had a seriously ill father who died prematurely and I had to take care of everything myself very early on and have someone take care of him. I missed it a little because my parents were very busy with my father's illness and so on. That's why both things attracted me so much: one, an older person, someone to whom you feel like you belong and you can ask for advice. I'm glad I talked to you so much because I actually did exactly that yesterday.

I have been thinking about these positions, I have done ancestral work, so part of the work is in my training and many times we forget that we have done it. This resource is a great treasure that we carry within us and that is not a big deal either. Words that I'm throwing around here, but that's also biological, yes, it's part of the area of ​​epigenetics, that traumas can be passed on. or that events that have triggered great emotions, but also events in our environment and yes in our genetic material can be transmitted and now when we think about family we usually think about our parents and then maybe our grandparents and then somehow it ends, um , but our ancestral line goes back much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, again longer than that, a whole line that goes back so far and whose knowledge and its resources also its trauma and also its demise, if you want.

Said like that, Of course they are also part of our history, but of course they are also their resources that we can rely on. What you know today, for example, is not just because your parents taught you that or because your skills are gone. much further back and if I can go back a little further here, there are also many people who report doing that, for example, re-experiencing the trauma of our grandparents in the war and yes, we can also take advantage of these resources that working with others gives us and we forget that we are really supported by a line of people that goes back so far and that we would not be alone.

None of us came here to this earth alone and we can meet him in a meditation exercise like this. I can know you exactly, we can meet you in a meditation exercise. I also describe it in the book. So I do the meditation on the book. I also describe it. Here comes the Ruhrpott Girl again, this is the first time I had skepticism, so I worked with the others for the first time and I immersed myself in a meditation with a teacher and yes, it was always spinning in my head because she gave me , then he took out some pictures of what I was supposed to see and I see that we go, but now That's very clear, that tells every man now, I really wanted to expose her and then at some point my mind became very calm and just the feeling was very, very, very strong and you could really feel this power of the ancestors very, very, very, very clear and material.

Then I also did a little research into epigenetics and yes, it's not just nice words, it's always very, very important to me. That's important in my work. I'm also a Ruhrpott girl. I'm not just a person who practices meditation or. I am a spiritual person, but I am also an absolutely rational Ruhrpottkopf and I often have to be able to understand things, which is also important for me sometimes. This cognitive becomes less over time, but it is there and yes, it is very, very exciting. epigenetic field look now that we're back with the family, we just talked about that no, that's the most important thing and that's a wonderful transition to My question that I always ask at the end, what is happiness for you personally?

It is the moment when I am not looking for happiness, that is happiness when I do not have the feeling that I have to do something to be happy and, of course, I do not have it more and more often and that is a very, very happy feeling and beautiful. wonderful dear Sarah, thank you very much, thank you very much for the invitation. I had a lot of Fun. If you liked this podcast, we will be very happy if you give us one. Write a short review and click the five stars. Thank you so much. Much for that and many more tips and suggestions for a conscious lifestyle and everything related to the topics of mindfulness, healthy nutrition, fitness and balance between personal and work life.

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