Stefanie Stahl #2 | Was sind Glaubenssätze und wo habe ich die her? | So bin ich eben Podcast

audio hello and welcome to I'm the psychology

podcast

for all normally disturbed people with Stefanie Stahl and Lukas ski lessons today we would like to address the topic of beliefs that you often talk about beliefs yes, if only it were, now It's in Psychology It's also a fixed term, it's been around for a long time and these very important beliefs are why deep internal programs are absolute in our programming and actually the epicenter of software. I would say that I really like programming. Yes, we know. After a few years you would say you have broken all your beliefs, I think most of them already, yes I am still on the path so I still have a lot of work to do.

Yes, there is still a lot of work to do. Where do beliefs come from and where do most of them come from? It was created because most people believe that it now arises in our childhood because when we are born our brain is only 25 percent. program now I say my configured like this and the right that everything will remain buried and above all the All the higher functions that are already in our brain when we come into the world are very primitive survival stories that are attracted to the chest, for example, the precise regulation of heat and cold, hunger, thirst and stuff, but all the higher regions of the brain are still forming and that's why what we experience from our parents is very, very formative and from our parents we learn if we are loved or whether we are loved unconditionally or what we do to be loved and of course our sense of self-worth is formed from this.

So, if, for example, I have parents who often get stressed for whatever reason because they are a little overwhelmed, maybe they both work, there is a brother there and it is a restless family environment where there is a lot of stress then think about how little one thinks and feels that little boy, mom and dad are really stressed and maybe they should have thought about it a little differently or waited a little longer before having a child. The little child thinks and feels, now I am too much, I am a burden and that is what happens.

It is also a belief exactly this way, so We come into the world and we have to somehow make sense of the outside world. We have to somehow find internal models of explanation and when in doubt, from the point of view of the young child, it is always the case that mom and dad are totally independent. It's okay and the most wonderful beings and that you yourself don't make mistakes and that's how this programming arises. Yes, I think you notice that very strongly during puberty. When you reach puberty at some point, then the image you had of your parents falls apart. is a saint and you realize for the first time that they too are deceiving themselves, that they definitely lie at some point and that they are just as full of mistakes and perfection as you are, and puberty can be a very formative time.

So many things can happen again in the matter of beliefs and when they arise, what is the crucial moment, from what age to what age? So it is assumed that the first six years of life are particularly important because during this time more things happen than ten optical connections, okay, puberty is when the brain restructures, it is another moment, which of course can leave deep traces, but they pass many things, especially in the first years of childhood, and that is where the so-called basic trust arises. Even basic trust is formed in the first two years of life, we really put ourselves in the situation of the little child, then we come into the world and we are liberated and we are totally naked and helpless, yes, and if I can't find someone to bond She accepts our then we die that we feel that we feel that we know that it is about the genetic program in it the bond in some way is about everything and if then we find good conditions yes I have loving parents or in At least one person of ours accepts it with love, then there is already a very deep feeling that is also trust, oh, I am worth taking care of and generally I can trust the outside world and that is really stored in the body, this feeling. and that is the so-called basic confidence and the people who have basic confidence are the ones who have a better sense of self-esteem, they have a very good sense of self-esteem, they are not so easy to stress, so they do not react much to stress, they do not react with so much anxiety and can trust themselves better, so I have more confidence in themselves.

But also, in general, a greater willingness to trust other people and that, of course, makes them able to form relationships and that is of course an important factor for mental health and it has been found that people who have not acquired are a little different in their brains: the stress centers are very reactive and stress regulation works less well, the fear center is activated more quickly. and at the same time it can be regulated worse, so you can really see that in the brain, that the brain has a different shape, it fights, even unconsciously, always for survival, in the end He executes the program because they did not find good and I am also a parent and I also realize how important it is to build this relationship with your child, especially now in the early formative period.

Sometimes I'm a little afraid, especially because of the basic trust that I keep preaching, I give him that now I give him basic trust or not, so how do you give a child basic trust? I mean, just love, and we met once on the weekend, which does a lot of good, yeah, and I also just reacted, I mean. now not especially with small children, very small, so we are struggling with the age of today's small children, there is no pampering, so that's nonsense, and don't let them scream, for the love of God, when it shines, This basic trust arises because screaming is the only autonomous action that the little one can do.

The child has to attract attention, that is why you write it in the case of small children, the only one you have with you, to influence your relationships, to have an effect, to say here I am and I need something and if no one reacts and This happens repeatedly. The first profound experiences of total helplessness and being at mercy may arise and that is why it is very important to stand up when children scream, these beliefs exist. There are useful beliefs. There are negative beliefs that are useful that are actually negative and make self-esteem seem like I am not important, that I am worth living, that I am fine, that I am now a burden, that I have to be. nice and well behaved, can't defend myself, etc. and of course the opposites are positive: I am fine, I am valuable, I am welcome, lovable, etc., and if I am a young person, perhaps I have acquired certain beliefs as a young child that are negative, for example, it is important to have enough light, exactly what kind of behavior that would trigger as an adult, for example in a relationship, okay, you're coming to terms with something now.

Actually, it is important to talk about this topic: the belief alone may not have much effect on me, but it actually leads to certain behaviors and such behaviors can be, for example, I am talking about the so-called self-protection strategies in this context short protection strategy when I give the example again now there is a person whose parents were always stressed who has little time yes and that is why the little child somehow has this belief that I and I am important so I think I was against the direction and now this child, or later the child who grows up, does not always want to feel like this: I am not important, I am not enough, but then I start to compensate by looking for that in some way and trying to get along with my parents somehow, because that's the crucial point.

With this type of influence, if the parents cannot sufficiently satisfy the child's desires for attachment, security, but also independence and autonomy, then the child takes responsibility for this, which means that this child, what he thinks while rolling is not enough, now he will worry about him, try to somehow get along with his parents and try, for example, to be a very nice child and try to do everything. well and when this child, who now grows up and at some point is an adult, carries this unconscious program with him into his adult life and then thinks. Even as an adult, deep down, that is not enough and you have to make sure it is fulfilled. he meets all expectations and does many things well and perhaps strives for perfection and perfection, for example a very typical protection strategy would be my first.

As far as my girlfriend goes, I have to think she was a bit like that. that, but it was nice to have a relationship because I could clearly see that she was very adjusted, but you could also have said that this girl also seems a little out of temperament because we also have our genes, not only do we have traces, we also come to the world with certain things and then we are not just the parents, perhaps also the constellation of siblings, then it may also be exactly the same child because it may be a He has a somewhat stormy temperament and perhaps he already has a brother so Liebmann adapted that in the family this child received him as a rebel and now he is adapted to the opposite of giving but he has developed an opposite strategy that is strong forward he gives himself a lot of courage and then, as an adult, I also saw that he was not just someone who took the butter from the bread and when it came to beliefs, if they were shaped by what percentage would you say it was genetics, that is, what the child brought with him? terms of disposition and how much percentage was socialization and education and that.

To be honest, I can't really determine that because right now, the beliefs being the same, the genetics are not the same. Am I genetically more inclined to adapt or am I perhaps genetically more of a more rational child who does not have as much need for pampering and burdens? For example, he develops protective strategies to trust only himself if possible and becomes aloof. Yes, being Honestly, withdrawal does not need a lot of closeness, but rather relies on evasion and withdrawal is also a typical self-protection strategy, that you do not let yourself get too involved, that you are left alone a lot and that you are there to be able to do it well.

When you are alone. For example, escape introversion, introverts might be better alone than extroverts and you can actually have a relationship with family in one of my books This combination of genes and environment in Lextra's Introversion is highly genetically determined. If you are more extroverted. How can I do that now when I notice that I have negative beliefs? Maybe, for example, I am not enough and therefore tend to be a perfectionist. Maybe that's one of those things. "How can I do that? For me, first of all, reprogram it so that you can recognize it in the depths of your being.

I also like to talk about it in my books about the so-called shadow child. So, the inner child as a Whole refers to exactly what we are talking about all the time now, the inner child is a term used in psychology for our childhood imprint, for better or worse, and since we are now talking about the imprint that is a little more problematic and That maybe it always leads us to certain dead ends. As an adult, I have found the shadow child for this quite negative imprint. And that means that the most important thing is that I face it first and deal with my inner shadow child. and I find this belief now and that can hold up too.

It was a great experience, aha. I actually have nothing to do with myself. Actually, that's what they say, all the lousy little naysayers just post something about how we demand my parents. Then an example would be given, so a shadow like that, a negative belief with me, I will find out with you personally, yes, with pleasure, okay, I don't know how Lukas was drawn, so I mean her parents got divorced when she I was six years old. I would say, "My father strove for perfection. My mother was perhaps a little overwhelmed in her role. They were both very loving.

I think the topic of money was always a problem for us. What was an early feeling or what that arises when you think about the gang children maybe a little helpless that means I'm helpless a clear yes maybe exactly I'm helpless and I've always had a bit I had the feeling that I had to do it alone That would now be very important beliefs of Diana, which may actually have little influence on the relationships that arise probably because of the separation, possibly because you couldn't help it as a child, then you experienced something really stupid happening, i.e. your family fell apart and that's probably where your deep feeling comes from. of helplessness and then it's okay if I don't trust those who are out there, then I better concentrate on myself.

If you reflect on it now as an adult, that was a question of how can I extend it now, then you can see the first great realization, human beings are right. that is simply an unfavorable influence and that does not apply to my life today, well, I am tall, you can have a lot of influence, that is no longer true. Today I am an adult. I am no longerpowerless. . That's also over now with my parents and I can do a lot to take care of myself and that's what I'm doing well, so the opposite of helplessness and how I let myself affect other people one of these exactly and and you can here, oh, I can trust because that's just a role print.

I have to do it on my own, that's how I felt when I was a kid, but that's not entirely true for my life today because today, of course, why not? I can't commit and why shouldn't I have a happy loving relationship and now maybe we'll have one again? If you then find a deeper level of your self-esteem in this work, if you really have the feeling. Deep down you have the feeling that I am enough, I was enough, then you can also trust that a woman can stay with you for a lifetime if you are enough like you, otherwise I would always have the feeling that the woman really Run away when she Find out what it was really like and then you would be you again.

I have to do it myself and I can do it pretty well, you can do it pretty well and that would be a sun in itself. Protective strategies that protect me from injuries, but also precisely from real closeness and therefore we have wonderfully reached the point that these strategies in themselves protect in the short term, but in the medium and long term they put strain on a relationship Because this strategy actually prevents you from being happy in the long term, okay, how would you convert this belief now? First of all, of course, I recognize it in the first step and how could I perhaps turn it into something positive by making it clear and formulating it in the form of such a positive belief to be formulations for you, for example, I can defend myself, I can give an opinion, I can help shape my life and my relationship, so we can even do the opposite of helpless, so we can do what now we can make a formulation that would suit you well, let's make one in This is the direction it's going if you're so far away. of me for a relationship on equal terms.

Yes, I am powerless, okay, I am as powerful as you, or I can help shape the relationship and I have a say, yes, so if you can make sure that you can feel yourself even when you close your eyes, the duo tries feel the chest and abdominal area like this. I can help shape how you feel, yes, good and now not only are you thought of, but I also feel like I have already taken another step and the more you become aware of these new beliefs, most of the time they also feel when go. Now there are new connections in the brain again and the programming is carried out through feeling instead of thinking and feeling through thinking and feeling, I feel so tight and feel and that is why it is so important that the new beliefs are Realistically, they also have to be encouraging for you.

I am the fastest runner in the world. Couldn't you feel bad in the rain? So they have to be really acceptable. Are there really acceptable beliefs now? The 9 because it is also true that it comes for your adult you are no longer powerless you are great today of course you can your relationship with the way of course you can you would of course you can yes so that is also the reality of today much more appropriate And the madness What happens with these beliefs is that they would create lenses through which we see reality and then we have a distortion of perception, yes, and the important thing is to recognize it and I always cancel and change, that is my motto, so say it man marco. steffi

stahl

mann rapping on old shadow child you're on this old show I'm unconscious and then you realize you're just remembering the place where I'm back I see the outside world or my girlfriend through my shadow child eyes then it changes to the adult self.

That's the great Lukas, who can think clearly, he takes another deep breath, he makes a sign, I can give my opinion, yes, I'm just as tall, we're on equal terms and then you can behave differently, then you start to encourage things, for example, or you decide, yeah, you argue instead of, for example, just closing it and not sealing it, I have to do it myself, that was my second belief, well, how can I do it? I change it, so first of all a new formulation, what would be the opposite of I have to do it alone, we can do it together or I can do it myself, live here and trust there, yes, I can look for support anywhere. time, yes, I think others don't do it so well, so many times not always some people, of course, you do it very well, yes, okay, that's another article of faith, there is another government, I have to do it alone, Esa It is often a belief that can be boycotted in previous relationships and others are not doing so well.

Because I have to do it alone, exactly, and if you don't open up and you might back out and his girlfriend always runs into a wall somewhere and because he has to do it alone, that's why I say now forget his girlfriend Don't do something offended, something like this is easy in a relationship and many times it is difficult to avoid it, yes, for example, describe a very affectionate text message and she somehow does not react because finally you react, she does not respond to you with as much affection and you are a little offended and now you have the belief that I have to do it alone, then there is a high probability that they will close down and I will retreat a little inward, maybe just for tonight, but maybe forever, so that the relationship has already cooled to a level to which people are very sensitive.

It can easily happen that she somehow internally thinks that she wants to get it. the stone outside the wall, just like that, if you were sitting now but I can open and I can trust, then the door would be open to talk to her about it, let's say that today she somehow offended me, you answered me. so and so, now it means something, somehow it also triggers in me a bit of fear of losing because of her response and then she has the chance to say in the positive case, just take into account that you didn't mean it.

I'm so sorry, I just thought it was cool grass under stress, blah blah blah and everything is fine again. It takes a lot of courage to even verbalize something like that, to say that she offended me, so I know very few people say something and say. I actually would have wished for a slightly more different answer, but that's the beginning and end of communication, also in relation to expressing exactly that, yes, I recently had a client who described exactly that, that wasn't so great. , that is why now I come to the example that they only had one friend and they are totally in love or that was exactly the situation.

She texts him back a not-so-loving message and she says she's already noticed the change within her. happens again and that, as always happens in all relationships, the Swiss falls into isolation and that also works and basically becomes really elegant again in your balance, this fear of loss, which, however, also affects the relationship to a certain extent, so not only does he take it for three days, but he also does it in Gronau. It was such a small thing but because she had already been with me for a few hours she was able to remember it, she was able to remember the stages and she was able to reflect on the fact that otherwise we would have been a process that would have just happened automatically and then she consciously decided don't do it.

I consciously decided to talk to her boyfriend about it and he reacted very lovingly and explained it to her. her and then I see them getting closer, even closer and not further away and that wasn't a great example. That is what I will do now Also in my model a sound insulation strategy the strategy is she withdraws and the strategy would be she does exactly the opposite she opens and speaks I think the example shows once again how important communication and from the other that the other is yours You can't always read your needs from your lips, but sometimes you have I don't think people are particularly averse to conflict, so they want to be able to see everything that's inside their own heads because they have very afraid to have to admit it.

Of course, they are also afraid of taking responsibility. for their own needs and this withdrawal - these are also people who fight for the protective strategy of harmony - they do not dare to say what hurts them - they withdraw, but the other person is left with a lost cause If I had published, This would have been a problem. If her friend had done that, we were in a losing position. He wouldn't have had the chance to fix things. He wouldn't have had the chance to apologize. I would not have had the opportunity to explain it.

That is why I recommend that we think about it to all those who strive for harmony and are averse to conflict. If the behavior is really fair or not, wouldn't it be much fairer for a long time to overcome the fear of being behind to give the other person a chance? So distance is now a higher value with which you can strengthen your spine How do I want to be treated in the relationship? Yes, the other person isolates himself and does not leaves you. Not at all and of course that is a protective strategy. I close myself off emotionally and then I no longer have to feel what that does to me and I walk away and then I surprise myself: Why don't I love that person like? that or why?

I don't find the other person so attractive anymore? Well, it was about what you described so well, Lukas, thank you very much for your openness to Mega, it's also about the other person really understanding what you're getting You're not because your girlfriend is It will hurt exactly the same as you, you won't feel it, it is better to play in July because they will deny you if you don't like it and she comes to your side, that is terribly painful for the other person, that is very interesting, that would actually be something different if someone threw away what exactly belongs to us and you have that with all the protection strategies, that's how it is on the Internet, for example, people live. a lot of devaluation because they want to protect their shadow the child devalues ​​others and with it devalues ​​all your inner pain that I don't feel small, but the other person is allowed to feel that way because then they feel devalued, then the other person It has exactly the feeling that you don't want to have, thank you very much if you do.

If you want to know what beliefs you have within you and if perhaps you want to change them, then you have the opportunity to go. on sinnsuche punkt.de there is the course your inner child Stefanie Steiner I have developed the online course and that is why I am following it Exercises with the child's shadow and so that everyone finds that their shadow is comforting, numbers cannot strengthen adults and can develop your solar child and if you prefer to read books, then it is your book, the child in her has to find a home published by the Keller publishing house.

We would be delighted if you subscribe to this

podcast

, it is available in audio. and wherever there is a podcast, please leave a comment and if you have any questions, write to us, so I'm at home random punkt.de until the next audio no