Transform Self-Sabotage Into Your Super Power | Elizabeth De Moraes | TEDxFrisco

Hi, I'm Elizabeth and I'm a recovering covert serial

self

-

sabotage

r. Now, as intriguing as it may seem, it's not a very fun way to live. I say

self

-

sabotage

because, like probably many of you, I have self-sabotaged my way out of so many potential so many dreams I say serially because I do it over and over again my parents even enrolled me in a class when I was a teenager on how to overcome self-sabotage and really I wish I had paid more attention to those lessons because it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak over the years and I also say covert because unless you live with me or are in my inner circle you would have no idea that I do this to myself and I say recovering because I can see it very quickly now and nip it in the bud or I can, if I do, then I can actually recover much faster, but I still fall, I mean, I can't tell you how many times I almost self-sabotaged.

Taking advantage of this opportunity, I rewrote this speech so many times and I kept layering, layering, layering, layering on top simply because I was afraid of my deepest passion and my deepest fear would be to have nothing to say, so I kept writing until someone a Soul very beautiful and exquisite she said simply stop, stop, what is the one gift you want to give to

your

audience, it is enough and you are enough, so it took me about 24 hours, I took a step back and started to get rid of all the layers, all the layers, until I got to that central message that was there all along.

I was just afraid that it wouldn't be enough, but it's enough, it's much more than enough and I'm going to teach you how to become SA Saage in

your

super

power

. What is self-sabotage? Self-sabotage is when you engage in behaviors that undermine your process, your progress and your success, and it arises from feeling undervalued, disappointed, fears of inadequacy, fears of the future and the unknown, and manifests itself in many different ways, one when It manifests itself in procrastination, it's when you have things you need to do but you put them off, you get stressed while you're not putting them off and then when you finally get around to it, you still get stressed and you either get an amazing result or a satisfying result, no matter what your lowering Confidence, another is perfectionism, this is where you set the bar so high that you work to achieve it, maybe you get just below it or even reach it and explode instantly you raise it. that bar is higher and all it does is lower your self-confidence and reinforces your belief that you are not enough and the third one that I want to share with you today is self-medication with drugs, alcohol, taking out that credit card for that little one quick hit this comes from wanting to avoid just escaping to numb the feelings of inadequacy so here we do it here we are we stay in this little bubble of self-sabotage we are suffering we have both feet On the gas and on the pause we stay in this place of pain because Our soul is suffering so much because it knows it is not fulfilling its Destiny, so we stay in this pain simply to avoid potential pain here from actually going for it and isn't it so ironic and quite tragic?

So I want to go back to 1975. I feel like I need to do that little bit of Wayne's World. It's 1975. I'm four years old. I'm in the basement of my parents' house in Lincoln, Nebraska and. Those of you who grew up in the '70s and '80s will probably relate to my exuberance and excitement. They were Saturday morning cartoons. I sat on the basement floor. I put the nightgown over my knees because it was very comfortable, my parents always told me. Not doing that is going to stretch your shirt, but I still did it because I loved it and I can't say for sure if this is what I ate, but it was one of my favorite breakfasts and it was nuts covered in a thick layer of sugar and enough milk to make the sugar crunchy and sticky, so here I was sitting and watching TV on this auspicious Saturday morning eating probably my grape nuts and all of a sudden Disney's Fantasia came on, so I was sitting watching and Suddenly this amazing image of a dancer appeared on the screen, she was exquisite and I was hypnotized and it was in that moment that I knew that everything in my life made sense.

I knew at that moment that I was going to be a dancer and I suddenly confessed to everyone who was there that my mom and dad were going to be a dancer and whoever was on that screen was none other than the hippopotamus, right? beautiful? his dancing was exquisite, he danced with such exuberance, joy, authenticity and freedom, you see it at this time in my life, when I was four years old, I was deathly shy and everything, and when I was shy during this time, my parents would take me out and Every Whenever someone approached, I hid behind them.

Teachers sent notes home saying that she is doing very well in school, she gets along well and is having a lot of fun with her friends. We just wanted her to talk and it was in this moment of watching her dance that I found a way to connect, I could communicate and express myself fully without having to say a word. It was brilliant, so I got to work, I trained my body, I pushed my limits and my dreams started to come true. When I was 12 years old in Germany I did my first fast forward pad and for many years I had an incredible career in which I was able to choreograph and teach.

I was able to perform at the Kennedy Center and DC and all over the United States. The United States, as well as Europe and Scandinavia, was a priceless experience and I know what a privilege it is and how lucky I am to have known what my purpose and passion was from a very young age. I knew it at that moment. As I grew up at BEC I became a dancer and over the years I knew that this was a way I could fully express myself and I still can't put into words what it feels like to dance.

It's when I feel most connected to God. It is truly a spiritual experience, it is where I can dare to release my full potential, where I can let it all out and be completely me, unfortunately that shyness evolved into insecurity, feelings of unworthiness, asking myself questions. I think I'm broken, right? broken I am broken and that is why at various times in my career I betrayed myself I self-sabotaged and I self-medicated and my drug of choice was food and with that I would gain weight my G my weight would fluctuate and I would purge not purge, I'm sorry, I didn't purge, I never purged, but yes, I overate, so I could go out to dinner with friends, come home, find myself in an empty apartment, and physically eat an entire box of cereal alone.

I felt mentally disgusting. I am disgusted and disappointed in myself because I once again created more evidence that I did not have what it took to thrive in an industry where thinness was the norm. I blamed my weight for sometimes not reaching my goals instead of really focusing on my fear. Maybe my talent wasn't enough and then I became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I went on tour with a company in Finland, we were in Helsinki performing at the theater where the Helsinki Ballet performs and the director there took my director aside and said H, how do you let her perform?

She's fat, she doesn't deserve to be there. I still feel those words. Now what he said is indefensible, but I was doing this to myself. Now you might think that that night was maybe when I probably stopped dancing. I almost did it, it was a night of constant sobbing, but that's the good thing, if you want to say the good thing about self-sabotage is that it's not the end of everything. Beall. I moved on and had a very successful career as a solo artist. I made my life. Masters in Anthropology and Dance Analysis and another Masters and almost PhD in Dance Pedagogy and Dance Performance Theory and then I continued and was a professor at TCU, so sabotaging doesn't have to end everything, so I want talk to you again where Are you sabotaging yourself in your life?

Where do you possibly want to be completely healthy? You're doing everything you need to do, but at night you're stealing the candy and betraying yourself. Where are you? Maybe you have a promotion that I really really want to know that you are cut out for that position, but instead of doing the work on your own and everything you need to do to really shine, you sit down, pick up the remote and watch Netflix watching your show. favorite all weekend, so where are you? you're doing that I want you to be really real with yourself right now you probably don't have to think about it too much it probably comes up very quickly so I want to teach you something about how to turn your self sabotage into your

super

power

so like this I ask you to raise your left hand.

This hand represents that no one is watching you, so don't worry. See, this hand represents your potential and the energy behind your potential. Now this hand is you putting your foot on the accelerator towards your potential. now press against each other now there is communication there is a dance that is created there is communication like a saying and also trust a little fear a little vulnerability it is in this moment where there is beauty that can happen now with this right hand visualize that self-sabotage Behavior that comes from putting a brake on it if you push it up, there is no movement, right, the thing is that at this moment you can relax your hands at this moment, this is a beautiful moment where you can see and be aware of O, this behaviour. is appearing.

I'm about to take a step towards my potential. Now I can choose to continue or I can let go and give in a little bit and take the right action and allow that potential to lead me on my path, like would you sit down please? sit on the edge of your seats, feet flat, sit nice and tall, close your eyes, I'll tell you when to open them, not for long, lower your hands to your sides and close your eyes, breathe for a moment, become very present with yourself, think. From that self-sabotaging behavior that you now visualize replacing it with just one small step that is more empowering, that self-sabotaging behavior appeared, you realize it, you make a mental note and say: I am going to change Go to a better choice and now visualize the result of that, maybe you just took that step, maybe you got the promotion, whatever it is, visualize that and feel what it will feel like to achieve it, you are achieving it right now, now open your eyes.

It's in that moment that I want you to now commit that every time that is sabotaging, that little jolt comes, make a mental note and commit to making the decision to say "I am G" to let it go, I'm going to make a little choice. to do something different it's going to be scary you're going to make mistakes you're going to fall you're going to fail okay that's where you learn embrace it because if you do this a lot of things can change because if this little shy four year old who chose CH who chose to dance to be able to communicate now is in front of you fulfilling a dream by telling my truth you too can take those small brave steps so that you prepare to dare to completely release your potential thank you.