Ellen Degeneres Makes Her First Appearance And Johnny Invites Her Back Anytime | Carson Tonight Show

This is a good night for a young comedian to appear because everyone is in such a good mood. This is her

first

appearance

on network television. She can be seen this month on HBO's Young Comedians special and she's working on improv in San Diego this weekend. she will be at the San Francisco auction Dec. 3-6 and the Dallas improv Dec. 9-6-14. Would you welcome Ellen DeGeneres? Thanks hello, good, you feel good. I feel great too. I've been keeping fit lately you know you have to I'm getting older I'm 27 people say you don't look 27 you look like you're about 23 I'm lucky because that runs in my family my grandmother is 97 she looks 93 I have a little four year old nephew It doesn't even seem to have been born, but it is a tiny embryo.

All that fitness stuff runs in the family, although I think my grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60 years old, today she is 97 and I don't know where the hell she is, thank you. We know where it is. She is in prison. I'm joking again. You know that girl a lot because I'm a comedian. A lot of people ask me if you were funny when you were a kid and you weren't. She was an accountant, but my mother used to fuck me to sleep every night and she would just stand there, she is so annoying that my parents were extremely cruel to me.

I remember one day she was coming home from kindergarten. Well, they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later. I've been working in a factory for two years thank you thank you yes at least my dad when I was about four or five years old came up to me the day before Christmas and said Alan, what would you like for Christmas? Oh my god, I'd like a little Dali on Christmas Day, he rolls around with this tremendous heavy metal, so no, have you ever tried to wear one of those things, you're impossible. We did fire drills in the house so that in case of fire, each of us had a special duty like my father had to grab the pets my mother took the jewelry my brother ran out to get help they told me to try to save the washing machine and the dryer thank goodness I had that dolly that I used to walk through the woods when I was When I was a kid, my parents would put me there and I would find petrified wood and I think what could have scared these trees so much, maybe a dinosaur raising its paw.

I guess that was scary for a tree. I'm always thinking about these. things because to me life is very precious it is very special we are here for such a short time that everything on this earth should have a reason it should have a beneficial purpose and I feel like everything does except fleas fleas don't do anything beneficial. I always thought that in times like this, when we can't figure it out ourselves, it would be great if we could pick up the phone and call God and ask him these things, just pick up the phone and call God, yeah, hello, God, it's.

Ellen Ellen DeGeneres DeGeneres what's so funny no I never thought of that it sounds like that done I get it listen if you weren't a little sure wait someone at the door yeah just sing on your tape cool listen there are certain things on this earth I just don't understand why They are here no no Charo but there are certain things that like insects say no bees are great honey that is intelligent I was thinking more about fleas it seems like they have no benefit no, I didn't do it Realize how many people were employed by the flea collar industry, not to mention the spray as well.

Yeah, I guess you're right, of course you are. Look Paul, God bless you or bless you, wash off, uh-huh, it's still a pneumatic comedy. You have a joke for me. Oh, I'd love to hear it, uh-huh, no, I have time, of course, you'd know better than me. How was work? It was his father, Godzilla and someone else, sure, who's there. God, who received a dime. No, I just remembered an appointment I have to get to, so I have to go, how about that God turned cute and stupid? Okay, it was good talking to you too and I'll see, I'll talk to you later, yeah, that's right, that's very smart and very fresh and well, that's wonderful to hear that from you, no, I'm serious, that's good stuff , thank you for how long you've been doing it for years, yeah, yeah, and you're working in comedy clubs and you like The Improv and Oh, a lot, yeah, yeah.

The road is hard, I know it has to be and it is always more difficult for a woman to do comedy. I would say that and men think I'm being chauvinistic, no it's not at all because they will accept a certain amount of butter. I will accept a little more aggression in men for exactly one reason. I think men can get away with a lot more and that's understandable. I think so, but that's very good. Oh, thank you very much, yes. I wish you to come

back

to us soon. I'd love to. You have an open invitation.

Thank you. Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be

back

.