Find Your True Self When You Feel Lost, Authenticity | Dr. Gabor Gabor Mate

We are already authentic, you cannot not be authentic, you are simply not in touch with that and we have all these defenses and all these mechanisms with which we avoid being authentic, like being kind all the time, it is not a matter of jumping, it is a matter of discovering through a patient and compassionate

self

-observation of how we are not being authentic, that is why a spiritual teacher says that Liberation is not something great that is achieved suddenly. Liberation happens every time you realize it. that you are not

your

personality there is always fear of moving towards

authenticity

because we have been taught since childhood that we are afraid of our authentic cells we defer our authentic cells we are going to lose the world that is the fear that there will always be there is fear there and that fear You have to face it, you have to recognize it, understand it and accept it and Celia said that the biggest stress for human beings is emotional, the biggest stress of all is trying to be someone you are not, but how long ago did you

find

it?

That means you're still a new Adam, you're still learning, so instead of getting frustrated with

your

self

when

you say why am I still like this, now there are two ways to ask that question if you say why am I still like this if I told you, why? that you are that way? It's just that a question or a statement is a statement and what is the statement that says you are not good enough? When you ask it like that, you are accusing yourself, you are not really asking anything. question you will accuse yourself but you are not good enough there is another way to ask the same question that I could ask you hehe I am curious why you do that why are you like that but what do you suppose you know what is behind that is it a question or a statement that is a question which do you think you are most likely to answer if I say why do you like that why do you keep doing this or what would happen if I told you this you say this here it is?

You're 30 and you're a smart woman and you've learned all these things, but I realize that despite what you learn you're still doing some of the same things you used to do before. What do you think that is? One question, which do you think you could be more open to the first way of saying it? The second way, so the first thing is you have to ask yourself the right way. In other words, you have to ask it. Remember what I said. compassion for yourself compassionate curiosity would say why am I like this that is not a question it is a statement I know I am like this because I am not good enough but if you ask it compassionately with curiosity then maybe you can respond with the answer so I suggest That every time that question arises you ask it with that compassionate curiosity and not as a self-accusation, then the answer will come to you because otherwise, because if I attack you, what are you going to do?

You are going to defend yourself, but if I treat you with compassion you will open up? There is a spiritual teacher who says that only

when

compassion is present will people allow themselves to see the truth, so if you want to see the truth, you need to be compassionate with yourself, so if we want to overcome our habitual energies, you should not hold back in the presence of Some people, it's just a habit that you learned very early in life and that before you had any choice about it, it's ingrained in your brain the brain circuits that tell you that if I'm authentic that's not good, those are your hybrid energies, so that is an automatic behavior for you and that automatic behavior is there despite what you know intellectually, despite what you have learned.

Those hybrid energies in certain situations will be activated unless you train yourself very patiently. I mean, you wouldn't expect to go to a gym and lift 150 pounds on the first day, maybe you'll lift 25 pounds, so now you're pushing. maybe 75 pounds you want to press 150 pounds you have to train yourself a little more to overcome those cybernetic energies how many of you would admit that at one point or another in your life you had an addiction? What did they get from it? What was it for? temporarily what you wanted or craved what was the benefit the so-called benefit you got from it pleasure is something we all want in fact it is necessary for life the real question is God's green earth and everything in it why did you lack it pleasure in your life numb yourself when you have to numb people so we go to the dentist when you are going to have pain then it is a response to pain and comfort again is something that is a totally normal human aspiration the problem is that you are in so much discomfort that you don't know what to do with it and for us to see that addiction is not a choice you made nor is it a disease you inherited, it was an attempt to solve a problem, the problem of pain, so he had to numb the problem of lack of pleasure from the alienation of boredom the problem of discomfort if we want to understand why you lacked comfort why you lack pleasure the form of pain we have to look at your life and these factors always go back to childhood trauma in each case, this is what we don't learn, we don't learn that human experience is shaped or human functioning is shaped by human experience in the world, yet another study that talks about pain and shows that people with adverse childhood experiences are much more It is We probably have chronic pain in adulthood and I could address the physiology of that, it's very simple, but no one teaches you that, so all you see is a drug seeker, you don't see a traumatized person whose physiology responds to painful childhood experiences, difficulty.

What we have is that we have problems understanding people with different educational experiences than ours and precisely because if I look at something like addiction, it really is a question of a spectrum and almost all of us are on the spectrum, but precisely because we are all on a spectrum and we think we could deal with this in our own life, we say well why couldn't they deal with that and we're full of judgment why couldn't they deal with that if you've never done it? you have been deeply depressed you have no idea what it is like to be depressed you have no idea what it is like for life to be completely monotonous, meaningless and threatening to the point that you even want to give up life until such time as you enjoy it yourself because it's on a spectrum and we've all felt depressed at times we've all felt alienated at times but we get out of it and we have no idea what it's like to be deeply into it we're a choice no longer exists and that's why we have great difficulty understand people whose brains give them a different life experience if we look at what really triggers stress, the important factors that trigger stress or uncertainty, lack of information and loss of control, now what happens in a culture in which the economy is working. a tube where decisions are made by distant people who don't even know you and you don't know who they are and your life is greatly affected by these great forces over which you increasingly have the

feel

ing that you have no control or even excessive influence, that means that a lot of people are going to be stressed, a lot of uncertainty, a lot of people are going to be stressed and that stress will then lead to addictive behaviors, that stress will then lead to parents transmitting that stress to their children, so Stress has three components and this is perhaps the conclusion: there is the external event called a stressor.

It depends on what the individual perceives and experiences in a particular event, so your first component of the stress reaction is the event, the third and final component of stress. The reaction is the physiological response to stress with adrenaline, cortisol, the nervous system, the intestine, the heart and, in fact, the entire body, but between the external event and the physiological reaction there is what we can call the apparatus of processing, and the processing apparatus is you. and me with particular interpretations or beliefs, usually unconscious interpretations, unconscious beliefs, internal emotional dynamics that we have no control over until we become aware of them, so really the goal of this talk is to become aware of what is happening inside of us, but you see, us.

We all tell ourselves these stories and these stories often rule our lives and to the extent that they are unconscious and to the extent that we continue to suppress ourselves out of attachment for the sake of being accepted, loved, respected and embraced by others. . and we are disconnected from our

true

self to that point we get stressed and to that point we are getting sick and from that point of view the illness comes to teach you something now I am not inviting you to understand sick to learn this lesson, no one wants anyone else to. do, but what I am saying is that when illness appears, when they get sick, instead of simply seeing it as a calamity to fight against, they also see it as an opportunity to learn and when people continue to learn over and over again it is that they had not been themselves the illness appeared to bring them back to themselves that is what they continue to learn no one should be a passive recipient of the care of others we need to recover that sense of agency is that sense of agency of really making decisions and really looking our lives and our patterns and our Dynamics and be really Brave about it and be open about it and be extremely curious and not judge ourselves oh God, I failed, I was too nice, I pressed No, but ask yourself: okay, why? what was that doing?

Do I really need to do it? Am I still really that baby? A little boy who needs to choose attachment over

authenticity

and yes, I may lose some friends who are used to me. being this particular way and that's what they signed up for, but my real friends will celebrate me and the biggest stress of all is trying to be something other than who you are, so this takeaway lesson here is knowing who you are and being who. you are the real you the authentic self is never

lost

in fact there is a very interesting word that we use when it comes to illness or addiction what is the word we use when people get better they recover what does it mean to recover means to

find

Something good, if you find it means you could never have gotten

lost

in the first place.