5 Areas That Can Make or Break Your Financial Success (With Dr. John Delony)

Hey guys, welcome to this episode of the Rachel Cruz Show and today I'm so excited because one of my great friends and fellow Ramsey personality, Dr. John Deloney, is here with me. It's good to see them. Do you like it. Do you like it. Do you like it. Do you like it. I love it. I love sitting on the couch, that's it, I'm glad you're back, thank you. John is a mental health relationship and wellness expert, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, and best-selling author, so today I want to dive in and talk. through five big

areas

of money, okay, and five

areas

that we talk about a lot on this show, but I want to talk about not only how it affects you with

your

money and

your

finances specifically, but also your mental health and also your relationships because money plays and is woven into every part of our lives and we feel that and so yeah, I just want to dig in, let's jump in, ready, debt, debt, let's go into debt first, so, for whatever you have . experienced and talked to people over the years is that there is a truth: when you owe someone money, you don't have as many options in life, you don't have as much freedom, so we talk about becoming debt free. a freedom to that, yes, your paycheck is freed up to be able to give and invest and spend, and it's your money that you really get to keep, but there's also this freedom that you know emotionally and spiritually that just gets freed up when you don't. .

I don't owe anyone money, so that's like the top layer we talk about here, but I would love for you to go a layer or two beneath that and really look at it because debt can't really affect you. So many levels, yes, I think everything you just said is absolutely true. I think there's a machine running underneath that's important for us to understand what's happening, and I'm actually working with a couple of researchers who are running these experiments. Now I'm going to have some real, solid scientific data to back up what I know to be true, so this is what's going on in our heads, our minds are divided into a couple of different pieces, one that is always scanning the environment in looking for threats things that your brain knows means that you are not safe certain that you are under threat your home can disappear your relationships can disappear certain big important things and there is another part of our brain which is our frontal lobe which is and this is so Nerd, I know, but you're looking for what rational thinking is, right?

Is this a good deal? Is this a good idea for my future? Yes, when you go to sign for a car note and it has a zero percent down payment for 60 60 months or whatever. The frontal lobe knows, hey, it's a good deal, right, I can keep my money at home and I'll pay this off later. It is a problem for the future. John, that feels good. The threat detection part of our brain starts spinning because it knows better. You can't decide what you will do tomorrow Toyota Motor Company Honda decides what you will do tomorrow the bank decides the bank now has control of your life and your body knows that you are not safe and as Van Der kolk says, the body keeps score, so I can convince myself to go ahead and act because this is a quote-unquote good deal or it

make

s sense right now or we have to get a bigger car because it doesn't matter, we're going to have another baby or what, yeah, whatever. be, yes, this uh, this lump. of human needs a whole different row in the back of the SUV, right, we can convince ourselves of all these things, but our bodies know, oh, we're not safe anymore because if you miss a payment, you lose your job, yeah, you don't have More transportation, right?

That eliminates the interesting thing about debt specifically because mathematically you know that you can, that

make

s sense, yes, you can talk, you can convince yourself, so how often does that switch between the emotional part of your brain and the rational part? Well, this is the wild thing, when the threat detection system activates the alarm, it actually disengages the thinking part, yeah right, so it spins all the time 24/7. So we talk a lot to people that you and I are in six figures of debt. They got student loans. they have notes from the car, they have credit cards and they will talk about how they feel, they go to bed at night and they wake up and they are still exhausted, yeah, your body won't let you fully sleep because it's waiting. to not die like you say, we talk to couples who are married and together but not connected, your body doesn't have time for sex or intimacy because it's trying not to die well and then we talk to people who have paid all their debts and they talk about this it just feels something different, it's a body that's going well because now we can relax right now we can lean on the intimacy we can lean on oh, you want to sleep, let's sleep well, it's a totally different, it's a totally different physiology because your body is no longer under pressure, which is huge because, again, the people who advocate for debt and do all the calculations and show you all the formulas and all that, they don't put this.

There are things to consider, like you can't put a number, a formula and a great interest rate in that part of your brain. I think there's something there and I think it's a really important part. What you really need to focus on is getting out of debt, that journey for yourself while you sacrifice and we talk about that a lot on the show. The end result is almost even greater than what you could probably expect because there's something where you might not even realize it's happening, that's exactly what's going on in your body, so it's amazing, um, it's okay, so that was it dad, let's talk about budgeting.

That's okay, because budgeting is one of the reasons I love it is because I feel like it's either healthy or unhealthy. I can control a level of my life there it's like you're okay, my money is coming in and I can set a plan, you know, once we can decide what we want to do this month with that money, like there are so many things in life that we can not. control these days and I feel like even in the last two or three years we've all experienced that on a great level, so for me, yeah, I love knowing that you know that I'm being wise with my money, that all feels good.

I'm spending the money that I have, so I felt permission to spend, that's all I'm talking about, but there's this level of control for me that I think deep down it feels good to be able to say that I have power over something. Can I tell you what I think it really is? They are not natural problems, no, they are not, I don't know, there is control, which I think control feels good, and we are going to control, we can control, we are going to, we are going to control. create a plan, but if you look at every religious tradition throughout history, part of it is Con, there's always confession, there's always giving and there's always this other word and we hate it, but it's submission, it kneels, it's this idea.

From here it is something that I am going to give myself and then, when you create a budget, the control part is at the forefront. I'm going to wrap my arms and I'm going to have the money and what we're going to spend and then there's a submission to the process this is what we agreed to this is who we're going to be this is who this is the roadmap to the family we want to be and your body again submits well and we hate that word I I Rachel sure I hate that word, of course, but there's something that's around a lot, it's that I'm very abused, yes, but there's something about saying, hey, let's save up to buy This and that means that for the next seven months we are going to sacrifice things. what we want in the moment for this thing we want is you in I'm in I'm going to submit to this plan and there's some peace that comes along with that because we know where we're headed and then how much of that practice well with our money translates into, You know, maybe your marriage and your parenting this level of like I'm going to surrender, I'm going to submit to this specific plan, but that also feeds into other relational parts of your life. yeah, it's an indicator of the way we live our lives, so we're just done with Christmas, we're already into the new year, let's say go back to before Christmas, we decide we're going to visit my family. my family has some ups and downs it's just right everyone has those things when I decide I'm going to visit my family I put myself through all that so I fight through it and get nervous and anxious and angry but what a waste of time.

I said I'm doing this and I learned that by budgeting every month I could, through the budgeting process, get so angry and upset every month, so I decided yes and I'm doing it for a future goal same with visiting families same with taking a new job same with moving to a new city same with couples coming to some difficult disagreements in their marriage I'm going to undergo the process I said I'm in, you said Now we are, let's just figure out this thing that's so good and I love it , yeah, so it starts again where I see that control feels good because there are so many things out of control, so I can control them, but ultimately, what I'm saying.

It's just that, in a sense, I'm dying to myself because of this plan and I'm going to trust it and follow it because, in turn, that's actually what's going to help me. That's right, there is control until you put the pin. down, yeah, and then it's about submission, I love it, okay, so that was budgeting, let's dive into saving, okay, so saving uh gives a level of security, I think for a lot of people, no. you only have the real tangible means to go and do things or you have an emergency fund or you're saving for your retirement for the future you're delaying pleasure in the moment look into the future right that's all so good um but man, there's a piece of security for that and for women the above Financial fear is the lack of security when it comes to money.

If something happens, will I be okay? That fear starts to set in, so I see on the

financial

side that security blanket, we talk about the safety net, that's really what it is. but let's talk again about your body, your mental health, what do you do when you have savings? It's very similar to owing money when your body knows the wrong thing, a flat tire, a loss of a bonus, and now we live in a world where people live, they budget their bonuses correctly and when you don't get that bonus, you have a domino. dominant inverse in your entire life, right, your body knows that we are not well, right?

If you have an emergency fund and you don't get the bonus, it's annoying, it's something you complain about to your friends, right?, or you say, "Oh my God, it's not catastrophic, right," and again there's something physiological. in the room. I know I have done what I could and I am coming with her. I understand it well and I always understand that, what happens if the monetary system collapses? Do you know what I'll deal with that? I don't have a plan for that because yeah, the moon could take off into orbit, right or whatever. There really is a moon, right, you don't know, we supposedly landed on it, but I don't know, I don't know, but I'm going to control it, I can control it and then I'll have peace, yeah, that's cool, one of the things I always hate is thinking about what if something happens to me, what if something happens to my husband Winston, what will happen to the family, guys, there is a great solution that really requires that part of worrying. and the stress and the bad feeling calms you down and that is term life insurance and Winston and I personally use Xander insurance and they are the best, they make the whole process so easy, you give them your information and they go away. and search the top-rated companies for the best policy for you and your family's needs, so no one should be left without term life insurance, so check out Xander Insurance, simply visit xander.com to make sure the future of his family is in charge of the foreigner. so I feel like yes, we are similar in this sense, which is exciting, right, and there are reasons why we spend, there are very fun reasons why you do it, you know an extensive system for not getting into debt, it's in the budget and you have permission to do so. do it and you can do it and great, but there's also the unhealthy side of spending that we all experience well, so whether you're doing it to impress someone else, whether you're doing it to gain power. which, oh, this is going to make me feel, hey, let's talk about this because I think you and I have very similar problems, but they come from different places, um, why do you spend?

Why does the expense benefit you? uh, I still have this thought, oh If only I had those earrings like that, everything will be okay, like I feel a certain way, I feel like yeah, I'll be okay, I'll be okay if I just have them, it's okay and yet, I still have them I buy, yes. Although as I do it I think that's not true, I was just thinking God, why should I wear those earrings? Terrible ideas and that's why I spend um, the ones I grew up with, we didn't have much, yeah, right, and especially no names. brand name stuff and we always had secondhand clothes, so for me spending is a weird way of trying to regain momentum, like looking at the brands I'm wearing.

Our friend Joshua Phil Milburns was talking about how he literally takes the brands off his t-shirts because I don't want to be advertising for someone else and I thought I would never do that and then I wondered why I did and I thought oh, because I get status from that brand and then I thought which is shameful, right,that's what I spend and spend and spend and spend and spend because I keep trying to get an affirmation that I am enough, yes, totally, so okay, we could probably list 10 different reasons why people start spending again. not in a healthy sense, so what does it do to us when we believe these lies that will give me this level of status that I feel like I want and that status will fulfill something in me or if I could have those earrings?

I'll be great, I don't need more, just like one of the parents likes that kind of floating spending and living in those ways that again it's very difficult for you because I say, even if you have the money. and even if it's on the budget, there's still some interesting questions to ask yourself about your motivation and so when we spend and it's not a great motivation, what does that do to us, what does that do to us? I'm serious, I believe it, I mean, we could go. down a whole nerdy dopamine rabbit hole that we don't need to go down, but I think ultimately it can, keep pushing the finish line far enough for them or I get brave and it gets further away from you and once you go down a certain way it's very difficult to change direction it's difficult um it becomes an addiction right and whether it's addiction and shopping addiction and alcohol addiction and any number of things that you're chasing this continuous feeling this continuous oh so it will be and then it will be and so I think there's something about disengaging from The Matrix and just saying I'm not going to play that game anymore yeah, that's right, I'm not going to look for um, I'm not trying to get happiness, that's not the goal, right, the goal. is I want to be a present father the goal is I want to be a great husband the goal is to be incredible at my job and show off well and that's why I'm going to pursue those things that I'm not going to present pursue things yes, yes and that's the complicated part of it all This is that I am like or what is frustrating is not complicated for you to know the truth is that I am like yes and we can know what is good and what is bad, but having the maturity at the time before the purchase to be able to say now You know what I'm going to expect, that's why we talk here about the 24-hour rule because you allow whether it's adrenaline or dopamine again or that feeling that I know it's not going to happen but at the moment I am, my feelings, my Emotions feel different, uh, disconnecting from the Matrix for a day is amazing what it does, it's about the gap right between stimulus and response, right between that feeling of need and just waiting and just waiting. true and I think this is an important marker that I've heard repeatedly since I started browsing the Ramsay show and I've experienced it in my own life, well, I think back to the days when I had nothing and I was walking around my house, My wife and I earned six figures a day.

I was walking around my house. I didn't know what bill we were going to pay or not. I remember buying on impulse to try to make that pain go away. I'm in a different

financial

position now and I think you and I were just talking off the air. I was on a hunting trip. I have the best. I have Team Cadillac and the guy I introduced myself to as an old friend of mine had Team Bentley and I came home, I don't need any more camouflage clothes, people don't, and I had it all in the little shopping cart like everything I needed to buy the Bentley and it wasn't a matter of he couldn't afford it. it was a question of why would you do this because I could afford it.

I might have a budget line for stupid purchases that my wife put in, she literally put one in for whatever stupid thing John is going to buy, but I had to ask myself why I'm buying. This is true because I don't need it, I really don't even want it, oh it's a validation thing, so I took a

break

, took 24 hours and ended up not buying it, yeah, that's it and again, it's those things. that layer of this financially you can have the box and it's perfect but when you connect a human and when you connect us it can change yeah it changes that formula so I'll tell you a quick trick yeah I hate tricks but um the 24 hour rule doesn't work well for me so I had to put another layer here is my inline layer no it's not time for me to click outside of my computer window yeah instead of just minimize it because what?

What I would do is I would buy something online, drag it to the shopping cart in the digital shopping cart, yeah, and then wait 24 hours. I wouldn't do it well. I would wake up the next morning and I've been thinking about it, so when I have to log back in, retrieve everything and everything that causes enough of a barrier for me to slow down, it's so good, I love it. Okay, last but not least, I give you mm-hmm. I know there have been studies, we've also talked about it on the show about what it means to give and we talk about a lot of the altruism that comes into play right when you start giving your money, it's a statement of sacrifice that you're making and you're saying that okay, I'm going to worry less and think less about myself while I'm giving, so that's that selfish, selfless perspective, um, it starts to move and you start to move towards being more selfless and how that influences every area of ​​your life.

So what have you seen in life when people start giving? What does that do to your body again? What does that do relationally? How does giving be the antidote to anxiety? Planet, plain and simple, requires your eyes and it really is not the cure for depression but it is the right path depression anxiety all those alarm systems They force us to look inside ourselves and start living internally and that is healthy see what this is what's the threat what's going on sure but you can't live like that right and it's It's really easy to live like that and then you scroll and he tells you how horrible everything is and everything is falling apart and oh my god look what he's wearing , look what he got, it just makes the spiral spin tighter and you just watch. more and more in your own navel, yes, giving is a physical act that makes you lift your eyes, yes, absolutely, it's something that simple, right?

And I remember when I didn't have much 10 dollars for the waiter at The Waffle House, a waitress. It's a shape-shifting moment, right? Being able to give a couple hundred dollars, that becomes a powerful, empowering moment, so for me in my life, now that I'm getting back into shopping, I like to balance it out if I'm going to spend that much. money on a guitar I'm going to give so much money recklessly and it's a way to keep me away from me what about this it's just a much more free and open way to live yes and produce I mean that's the thing?

Honestly, it's the joy we're talking about that you can't get from things, right, we're not mad at those things and all that, but there is something that is released within you, in your spirit and in your soul, that It's very different when you give, that's great. Well, we've been talking a lot again about mental wellness relationships. What's happening is deeper than just money, but our money affects all of that, so John, I'd love to know. What are a couple of things people can do today to become mentally healthier? I mean, we have said: control, you can control what your budget is, genetic control, which is how much you are spending or how much you earn. the door and I don't say that to be trite, you can't control what your boss pays you, your boss pays you what your boss pays you, fine, but if you have to go to the second, third or fourth job for a while in particular, that's the right season, so there's something empowering about saying that today is the day that I act right, um, the second thing is that there is no friend, no one has money, there is something so deeply physiologically powerful about not owe anyone money, um, and then the third thing.

This is just reckless giving, yeah, and I know we don't like you and I thought it's all like that, being intentional, being intentional, just giving unintentionally, giving like a madhouse, right? and um, whatever your line item is for giving, put more into it especially. in the new year one of the things about tithing I think we've messed it up a little bit because we've made it like what's the percentage I know rather than a way of saying yes, right, yes, so start thinking less about percentages. . and more on identity this is who I am that is who I am I don't give it yes I love that that's great well guys I hope you enjoyed this because again our money does affect the numbers in our life, it affects our investments and our bank account, all of that, absolutely, but there are deeper things going on and you can have control over that or see the bigger picture.

I think it allows for more motivation for those of you who are getting out of debt or funding your emergency fund. and there has been a season of sacrifice for you, I hope this is just an encouragement for what you are doing to go down a path and only financially it will help you and for you, but also in many other areas of your life. I like your mental health and your relationship, so John, thank you so much for coming, where can they find you? Only on ramseysolutions.com or on John Deloney on the Internet, on the Internet everywhere and on the Dr.

John Deloney show, yes or on the podcast star. so be sure to check it out because it's great. Alright guys, again. I hope this has given you some encouragement and motivation for whatever season you find yourself in, so remember to take control of your money and create a life you love.