Mid Life Marriage Meltdown: Torn Between Two Men

He came home and says J I want to tell you something I want a divorce I don't want to be the perfect husband I just want to live a single

life

but everything is going to be fine and he laughed at me I told him what's wrong with you and that's when he started to break down. I told him I wanted a divorce, but I can't remember anything from that day. It's blurry, there were no real signs. I just thought my husband was being challenged to mourn the death of his father. After asking Judy for a divorce, I stayed five more months before moving out.

Danny had become very reserved. I hired a private investigator because I thought my husband was mentally ill. The private investigator told me that a woman had stayed overnight at Danny's house. When Judy asked me about the other woman, I lied to him, he was furious, he was so upset that he pulled out of the driveway cursing at me. Danny never swore at me and that's when he really started to turn good, says Judy. When she found out that Dany was having an affair she became angry in a way she never thought she was capable of. Judy arrived at the house and knocked on the door.

I didn't let her in because there was someone else there. I thought it was strange that he didn't open the door. but his truck was there. I got into Danny's truck and grabbed his cell phone. I started reading all these technical messages from the girl he was dating. I love you tiger. Tonight you're going to be blonde. I'm afraid you'll hurt me. I was standing there reading. these messages and Danny walked up to me and grabbed my arm and something inside me just let go. I just took my fist and hit my husband in the head.

She hit me several times on the head and face. I went back in. The car and I got out and went to a parking spot and I just cried and screamed. I called three people to let them know that if I go to jail, please come and bail me out because my husband will probably press charges against me. He's fine, I know why he is. Here you want to put this back together, no matter what it takes, no matter what it takes, you want to put this back together, no matter what it takes, uh, even though you messed it up, yeah, okay, why are you here?

I need help. I look at him and my heart loves. him, but I'm so mad at him, so why did you do this, what happened, did you wake up stupid one morning, sort of, yeah, that, because that's how he describes it well, you said: I , I don't know, just this, this, that. The feelings and mindset consumed me pretty quickly um and I had no idea what the definition of a mid

life

crisis was at the time, well what is that? You said you didn't know what a midlife crisis was, um, I still don't know what that is.

It means I hear, you hear it a lot, you see it a lot, but what is that? After the fact, after reading a lot of things that she had put on the computer, it's definitely a life-changing event, like getting out of a routine or a schedule uh doing things that you normally wouldn't do at that time you just said you wanted to live every day as if it were the last that is the feeling that the days were not long enough you said well well, but they were long enough to have a lover and yours were long enough to have a pi, yes, that finally came , yes, just now you left him a note, tell me about this note, at that time I had begged my husband to throw himself. him trying to save the

marriage

and one day I came home and there was this note, well I have the note, um, you said at one point, you said date, I'm moving on with my life, I don't need your permission, I'll do it. divorce with or without your permission he says I suggest you move on find a friend or whatever protect yourself and be careful if you had a girlfriend at the time uh yes yes this year I did it yes I know because I left her a Valentine's card on the counter telling him he still loved it, he threw it in the trash.

I have all the cards he has given me. For 33 years, when he asked me for a divorce, I told him that he needed to have his testosterone levels checked. I just thought. You know, maybe he's dipping, you know, women dipping, going up and down and dipping, and I thought maybe Danny was dipping. I didn't know a man could do it, but he did it, he was diving in and I thought, well, let's find out. so I took him to his family part, you know the family doctor, they did blood tests and that day I told the doctor, I told him something is wrong with my husband, something is wrong with him, he is dipping, is he? can't you help him?

She said, well, his blood tests came back fine, everything is fine and that's when I told her there was something terribly wrong with this man why don't you stay married 31 years and live the beautiful life we ​​had and all of a sudden he's just ready to throw it away. to the trash and get away from everything his daughter his grandchildren me his partner in life this man worshiped the ground he walked on we bathed together every night you don't do that we did it do you know how many people can say they do it? take a bath with your husband every night probably uh probably we had a connection certainly not my wife well I met a gentleman on match.com we had a phone conversation and he wanted to meet me I walked up to him and hugged him and gave him I didn't feel so for a long time it was an instant total attraction my knees buckled when he grabbed me this man changed everything that first date it was a wonderful week of my life he took me on vacation and we just enjoyed each other's company I came When I went to the house, Judy He had left me a note on the counter saying that he had met someone and they were gone for the weekend, something woke up inside him and he realized that his wife was no longer there.

I called her crying on the phone. phone asking her to come home to forgive me and telling her I wanted her back in my life when Danny found out I was out with a man, he was going to take me to the DET and make me come home, he was calling my family. he was calling me and it got to the point where Lawrence told me to turn off the phone. I'm on vacation with another man because my husband threw me away like a piece of trash, he didn't love me anymore, well, the plot thickens. It was a big step for you to enter a dating website.

It was CU, like you said. 33 years together. 30 years of

marriage

. Then suddenly you're with a stranger. I had been waiting for 10 months and it was to the point where I couldn't do it anymore I thought I had waited long enough this man showed no emotion he showed me he wasn't coming home so when I decided to go there website and go on a date, something I had almost never done in my life because I had been with Dany, it was something new and exciting and this man, when I met this man, he was genuine and I met and, in fact, the day we We met, that day he threw his driver away. license up on the table he said take a picture of this send it to your mother your brother your sister I'll take you and I said no you won't we went to dinner we had a very long dinner that night he says so you were going to go with me I said yes what time did you pick me up he took me we had a great time and immediately immediately this man just grabbed my heart I never wanted enough man to touch me I never wanted another man I I never wanted anyone but Danny you know he That's all I want, 10 months, well it was almost, I didn't move in until February, I know, but you filed for divorce in September emotionally, I'm not listening, I'm going to do it.

Trying to help you here, but this is not about math, okay, this is not about Calendar Math um. It's like 10 years for me, it could have been two months, but it was 10 months. Well, was this the first man you met? you went to the dating site no I met another gentleman for lunch we had a lunch date and um I didn't click on no CU wasn't anything I was looking for it wasn't like I wasn't looking for a husband or a lover or I was looking to date from home to find a friend, what was the difference between the first boy you met for lunch and the second boy you left with?

Well, the second guy I went with when I met him. legs bent, he just grabbed me, he grabbed me when I got out of the car at the race track and he just grabbed me and said, come on girl, let's come in here and talk and we spent the whole afternoon and evening together and I felt so safe and it was a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. I mean, your legs just don't bend when you meet people, no, no, and me. I work with a lot of men, professional people, so this is nothing, it's the first Buckle, it absolutely was, yeah, in two ways, yeah, I mean, did you spend the weekend with him?

I spent the week with him the week I did, yeah and Danny, um, when he found that CU letter, I asked him to keep an eye on the house, no one knew I was going anywhere except my sister and I left Lawrence's information on a counter in the counter in case it disappeared because you don't know when to go away with a man you don't know if he will bring you back a couple of months ago I moved back into our house we decided to try to fix our marriage everything was normal during those 4 days it was like a moon honey again We were intimate every day and then four days later she said she wasn't ready to do it yet, as long as I have those Visions in my head of that other woman, I can't fix this, she's still angry about what have done. and she also had feelings for someone else so I kept living there sleeping in another room, she kept seeing him bring Danny back to the house.

This really affected my relationship with Lawrence. I don't let Lawrence pick me up from my house if I go. I left with Lawrence, I'll meet him somewhere, you have to be respectful, well, comment on that, it's very painful to stay home and see that happen, but he's been very tortured since I let him come back to see that I'm still there. living my life one day at a time, but I have a, you're being, you say it's respectful to go meet your boyfriend on the street, well the way I look at this is that Danny dissolved my marriage vows, I have a certificate of marriage.

I don't have a marriage, he dissolved the vows we made before God and dissolved them with his actions, so I don't have a marriage, I have a marriage certificate that keeps me legally bound to him and all of our assets together, but as for Lawrence he came and He picked me up. He didn't want to disrespect Danny or hurt Danny. Danny is being tortured since he returned home to see that Judy is working, he is living her life and moving forward one day at a time. Judy can. It won't take me a week at a time, but Judy can do it one day at a time and as for Lawrence, Lawrence is willing to take it one day at a time.

You know he knows there may not be a tomorrow for him. He wants me to be happy. I have unfinished emotional issues with him. Yes, you are still very angry. I'm very angry and you know, Dr. Phil. This is how I have loved this man with all my heart, sexually attracted to him after 33 years. I can't get it. You know, I'm S, no, I'm sorry, I get it, look, this is what Lawrence, charming, funny, high risk guy, although, of course, you recognize high risk, I'm telling you high risk, okay, here you go pending emotional issues if you want to be happy. and in peace this time next year, then you will make the investment to do what I'm going to ask you to do, give me 90 days to organize very specialized help for you two to work out where you are now.

If you go to Lawrence right now, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what made you walk away from a family of 30 years, your daughter, your grandchildren, all the things you and I created together. It has to involve forgiving him, that doesn't mean you'll forget him, you have to be willing to let it go and there may be some things, you may need a pound of flesh before you do it, there may be some things you need to work out. and I will arrange something very fair as a gift for all of you. I will arrange very specialized help to do this.

Give me 90 days or if it's 60 days, whatever the intensity, but I need a period of time for you to finish this. business and then look at it where you don't see that other woman you see the man you spent 33 years with who made you dinner so you could keep an eye on me okay if I fix this for you and I mean I'll start it Right now I mean that by the time everyone gets back, well, they'll be in the air. We will be working on this so that they get this help and move forward. Will they give us that time?

There is a kicker now, not Lawrence during that time. Okay, no, Lawrence, during that time you have to say now, start right now, you can't, you can talk to him, you can talk to him and tell him what you're going to do and ask him to respect that period, but you can. You never solve problems in a marriage by walking away from your partner and you never solve them by bringing in a third party. Alright. So will you do that? I will do that. I will do that. I will be thankful. Alright. Thank you. Oh, absolutely.

Do you have a story or question for me? Click the link in the description and tell me what's going on in the world.