Funniest Chandler Bing Moments - Friends (Season 1)

Well, I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria and I realize I'm totally naked, then I look down and I realize there's a phone there instead, that's right, of course. suddenly I never had that. the phone starts ringing and it turns out it's my mother, which is very, very strange because she never calls me. I feel like someone has reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck. I want to get married again and I only want a million dollars. Okay, kids, I have to get to work.

If I don't enter those numbers, it doesn't make much difference unless you watch the smaller ones, the Pinocchio production. Look, Gerpetto. I'm a real boy, I won't take this abuse, you're right, I'm sorry, I was once a wooden boy whose little ball of paper is this, oh, that would be mine, look, I wrote a note to myself and then I said I realized I didn't need the notes, so I curled them up and now I wish I were dead Taylor, you're an only child, right, you didn't have any of this, well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend who my parents actually preferred. .

I opened it and there it was floating like this little hitchhiker. Well, maybe it's a contest, you know, like collecting all five. Where's Joey? Joey ate my last piece of gum, so I killed him. Do you think he was wrong? That's all. I'm buying cigarettes no, no, no, I don't care, I don't care, it's game over, I'm weak, I have to smoke, I have to smoke, if you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars, yeah, everything . right, what about the 20th? 11 days before Halloween, all the good costumes gone uh-oh, that night there was ice there with plastic carol seats 4000 angry Pittsburgh fans We've been here for over an hour and a lot of people less sick than my friend have come in, I mean that guy with the toe, who's sleeping?

Oh, come on, Dora, don't be mad. I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. Each other you know, I feel like I've lost her, you guys can pee standing up, we can, it's okay, I'm trying, so Saturday night, big night, date night, Saturday night, Saturday night, no plans, uh, none, call me young lady, oh me. I hate when my dad calls me, this is what happens, Janice, you know, I mean, it's like we're different, you know, I'm like the

bing

bing

bing, you're like the boom boom boom, oh my god, I'm so sorry, are you OK? um, that's just my lens, that's my lens um, I hit her in the eye, I hit her in the God, this is the worst breakup in the history of the world, oh my God, how many of those have you had?, oh, no I know, a million, yes.

Hi, okay, the next word would be uh,

chandler

,

chandler

is my name and uh, hi, yeah, he said yes, yeah, I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted. say was: would you like to go out? with me sometime thanks, good night, tell me one of your stories, one time, one time I got on the subway, it was night, I wrote it all the way to Brooklyn just for Halloween, this is a real movie and Al Pacino is in it and that It's great oh no, it's great it's just that you know you deserve this after all your years of fighting you've finally been able to break through I don't think you want to go in there oh come on we're roommates it's Andrew I know there will be a lot of

moments

where years to come I will regret asking the next question, but Andrew is: would you like to call someone?

Yes, about 300 kids. I went to high school. I'm stuck in an ATM. now with jill whitaker what's true and then ooh lobby with jill universe i have no idea what you just said put joey on the phone what's up man our troops oh my god he's stuck in the lobby of an atm with good cold eggs jalen listen listen yeah like that thought never crossed my mind do you like some gum oh it's sugar free sorry it's not oh no thanks what the hell was that mental note if jill goodacre offers you gum you take it if she offers you a dead body destroyed animal you take it you know what second thought the gum would be perfection the gum would be perfection the gum would be perfection I could have said that the gum would be good I could have said that I will take a stick but no, no, no, for me the gum is perfection, I hate myself, okay, okay, what's next, blah blah? a bubble is good it has a boyish charm it's naughty here we go well let's go imp it's okay, it's okay, all I have to do is walk over and put it back in my mouth, sure enough, we're back on the road and I'm chewing someone else's gum .

This is not my gum oh my god oh my god and now you're choking are you okay? oh my god you're out of the choking league I could get a Brian if I wanted to get a Brian I could get a Brian Hi Brian and this from the health crimes department, are you wearing makeup? Yes I am as of today I'm officially Joey Tribiani actor slash model thank you that's really funny because I was thinking you look more like Joey Triviani man slash woman the underdog has escaped the balloon No no the cartoon character real animated, hey, that monkey has a ross up his butt.

Too many jokes must make fun of Joey. Nice shoes, huh, you're killing me, you just barge in here, you don't call, you don't know anyone's privacy. Wait, wait, wait, no. Wait, this is ridiculous, just say one thing, what a relatively open weave and I can still see your nipular areas. No, I don't know why you're so embarrassed. They were very cute. mittens are nice okay hard as a rock put me on come on I'll show you my room that sounds so weird when it's not followed by no thanks it's late hey kiki what are you doing just trying to get comfortable ?

I can't sleep in underwear. If I become my parents I will be an alcoholic blonde chasing 20 year old boys or I will end up like my mom thinks it will work no way it's suicide the man has a ball how can I? look oh um I don't care there's lorraine okay now remember not to trade you stay with the pretty one I have the mess here's my credit card dinner is on me sorry chandler I hope she throws up on you oh man in my next one life I come back like a toilet brush. She showed me where the restaurant will be.

It's a nice little place on 10th Street. It's not too big and not too small. Alright. It was previously owned by a blonde woman and some eight-and-a-half-hour bears of aptitude tests intelligence tests personality tests and what do I learn that you were ideal for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation maybe this will cheer you up oh You know, I ate a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you Helen, could you come here for a moment, thank you, Helen, that'll be it, the last time I do it, I promise I have to go, I have Lamaze class, oh, and I have science. of the earth but I'll see you at the gym Say you never feel like a parent Say your child never feels connected to you like one Says all their relationships are affected by this Are you right?

You know you think I would get the doctor out of him. I also found an m and an o, we think he was trying to spell monkey, we have to figure it out, so what is the jamestown colony of virginia, you see, king george is giving us the land, yeah, let's go give us a bathroom, yes, we won't. We, yeah, we're still

friends

, right, I thought after work I'd go get a bottle of wine, I'd go there and try to woo her, hey, you know what you should do, you should take her back to the 1890s, when Esa phrase was last used You're a monkey You're loose in the city Where are you going?

Okay, it's your first time, so you'll probably want to do some of the touristy things. I'll go to the cats. You go to the Russian tea room. Okay, from now on you won't be able to talk to other people, we have our machines, your answering machine, no, funnily enough, your leaf blower answered. Hi, hi, hi, can I use the phone? You have to do something about the fucking. What is it? a phase well that's what we said about joey i can't believe you two had sex in your dream i'm sorry it was a one time thing i was really drunk and it was someone else's subconscious how young you are young ethan young from our age when we were, can you hear that?

Yeah, look, that'll stop when you answer the phone. Look, the man who wears my shoes is worth knowing. I don't talk like that. That is not true. It's not like, oh shut up, you know, sometimes things don't work out and this has nothing to do with the fact that you need a note to get out of the gym. What's that for the trip? Oh yeah, like in a taxi, save it. Okay, hating. this seriously there is something fundamentally unmarriageable about me uh uh well dear God this this parachute is a backpack someone wants to help me trying to rip out my heart uh oh that's cool someone saw a nipple the men are here we make a fire we cook meat and then we put out the fire pee they don't invite me back well, the hard part is that she really wants to have sex with me crazy there is a little child inside this man yes, the doctors say that if they take it away he will die I can't believe he remembers it well I'm sure but can you play it in a plane?

This flight doesn't leave for another 45 minutes. What about the time difference from here to the airport? Yes, 700 dollars. Okay, you did it. Do we have fruit?