How to Heal Love Addiction - Healing Attachment Wounds

Hello, in this video I am going to talk about the number one question that I am asked repeatedly: how do you cure

love

addiction

? So stay tuned, welcome to the new

love

addiction

. I'm Alan Robarge, a relationship coach, psychotherapist and me. I think you joined me. We are going to talk about many things today. This is one of the first videos I have created. I created a couple of videos about six months ago and the reason for the big gap between the videos is that I have discovered despite some online training and purchasing equipment and figuring out everything I need to align to make it happen, in fact, the videos are quite challenging and one of the reasons they are challenging is because I just have to keep talking and talking to a camera. and I'm not interacting with a person, my strengths and what I do best is as a psychotherapist.

I get paid to have a relationship and it is that fundamental relationship between clients and therapists that is my effectiveness or shows that brings the effectiveness of what I do. so creating a video is quite challenging because I'm basically talking on my phone which is recorded so the reason I'm sharing this with you is because in the past I've tried to create videos that are polished and organized and I have all you can't see. my table right now, but it's little pieces of paper and notes scattered everywhere and I try and try to map out what I'm going to say and it's very difficult to organize all the information, so I live in Center City Philadelphia is a very vibrant area of ​​the city centre.

The reason I let you know this is because the ambulance sirens could be purchased once. From time to time, there is a small group of people who play drums and sound like a marching band, etc. This video could have a music band. I'm mainly trying to dispel from myself the belief that video needs to be polished and totally organized. I hope that makes sense. I hope the content is useful and this is not just a video that I plan. video making videos on a regular basis and sharing a lot of ideas so in many ways as a beginner video it's a long foundation for what we're doing so I've created an online group mainly through Facebook called The new love addiction and love addiction are closely linked to codependency, they have a similar crossover.

A fax. I've created, like I said, two other videos and they're a little more educational and try to explain the origins of love addiction, which I won't go into as much here, but it's important. For anyone who hasn't seen those videos, it's that over the years, because of research related to how the brain works, the weather, what the interpersonal neurobiology of relationships is, specifically around

attachment

theory, the

attachment

styles and how people create relationships, and it's because of that information. that there was an awareness of how we can become traumatized and live with trauma in the brain, it could be similar to the level of PTSD, there is a little bit of variety when it comes to talking about trauma, but essentially for me, there is in the last twenty-five years.

Over the years we have accumulated a lot of information about emotional developmental trauma and how that affects the way we bond, work, and create a relationship with another person, so this emotional developmental trauma can influence a person's sense of identity, their belief systems, their perspectives, and influence how their brain functions around intimacy, so Intimacy itself, the emotional connection can serve as a trigger and for people who have an insecure attachment style and some history of insecure attachment, the simplest way to say it is having been ignored or neglected or it could be much more extreme in the case of abuse and in abuse. the form of abandonment, but it could also be very sad, all interaction quite subtle and not emotional, even though you are part of a family and the family members around you are very loving, so these experiences shape our brain chemistry in such a way. that there is research that has identified some key characteristics that we can group into what I call attachment styles and for some people who have this trauma of emotional development that is triggered in insecure attachment relationships there are a large number of behaviors and symptoms and consequence of how a person perceives reality, perceives themselves, perceives a partner, and relates in a relationship, these symptoms and behaviors are what is more commonly known as love addiction, so although I am using the word love addiction love, I'm not a big fan of the word love addiction because we're not talking about diction, we're talking about emotional developmental trauma and we really look at fundamental attachment styles, which when I say technology they explain what an attachment style is, Your brain is mapped coded based on what you inherited.

Your template is primarily your mother, we could say the word clumsy psychobabble is the primary caregiver, so you inherit this template and through research they have identified that there are actually four very distinct attachment styles that come with certain introductions and ways of behaving in and in relation to being in a relationship, so I'm not going to go over the attachments, the different styles and this moment for the sake of this video, so I have this group online, it's on Facebook and it is a discussion group that currently exists. a good number of members, I think around 1,800 people, so it's a pretty large group and in this group we are discussing attachment styles, attachment injuries,

heal

ing from emotional developmental trauma and also how this is created or comes from dysfunctional family systems, so love addiction is not about addiction as we once thought it was, there are certainly addictive processes going on in a person's brain, however, the underlying factor, the origin of this, has to to do with how the brain is stimulated and old patterns of addiction are acted out. relationship that cause certain levels of anxiety and fear responses so in this group and with the one titled the new addiction to love I am beginning to gather a whole series of information to begin to distill how exactly we

heal

from the

wounds

of attachment .

The simple answer is that it is not a simple answer, however, what I will say is that we need to focus on the emotional. A two-minute minute that I know sounds a little clunky and may not make sense. Another way of saying it that makes it even more so. clumsy, the praised official is called limbic residents and we are talking about how the brain creates a sense of emotional harmony and shared connection back and forth with another person and when this happens by responding and being responded to this back and forth of giving and . .. take exchange change when there is an opening of emotional availability on the part of two people they could be partners in a relationship they could be with family members they could be with friends our body our brain or nervous system is designed to light up and respond in a way that releases other hormones and chemicals in our brain that allow us to feel a sense of belonging and live with a sense of tranquility when we do not have emotional attunement, limbic resonance, emotional harmony, emotional responsiveness through connection with another person , when we don't have this, then it is the opposite of acres. from feeling a sense of belonging and security in fact we feel that we can patriate a sense of panic we can feel fear a deep empty longing to be connected and a need to seek out others in such a way that we are driven by a compulsion to do for that to happen and in its non-compulsion, which is where before the interpersonal neurobiology research and before the research to really understand trauma and the brain, there was a lot of focus on this aspect of compulsion and that's where the name comes from. the twelve-step communities originally through you know, pick any addiction that will start with your you know alcohol addiction, so the twelve step community is one and another type of you know communities about addictions, we're really analyzing these behaviors and saying, well, it seems like it must be an addiction.

Being addiction and what is happening, we noticed that these symptoms and behaviors arise in relation to people who are addicted and naturally the community wanted to name what is happening and the phrase love addiction was originally born there, it was talked about you, you know more. It's known as a coaddict than as a facilitator, then it's also known as codependency and then at some point the phrase love addiction came along and because the twelve step community is based on addiction and they look at addiction, they're going to use their own language, they are going to see the world through the lens of addiction and try to use their language of addiction to make sense and explain everything that is happening, which is why I love that addiction is so steeped in the same language from Talking about sobriety, abstinence and basic behaviors, and the approach that there is a 12-step group for love addiction is that there is this whole ideology built around addiction treatment, which has historically been useful in terms of content , so there is a lot. of respect to the original, we give a lot of respect to the original grassroots pioneers who were really able to put their finger on the magnifying glass, something is happening here and in relationships, however, as I already said, we would not address the trauma. using one approach to treating addiction, those are just two separate things, so that's the nature of that's the premise of this group, the new love addiction is the new word, the whole idea that the new is creating this change and Be honest with you, it's not very revolutionary, you don't know, I'm not a pioneer in the sense that I didn't come up with a created sore, the truth is that the addiction community has been doing it for many years.

You adopted someone so integrated that you agree that you know you are integrated into the awareness of truly understanding the trauma of emotional development and attachment injuries; However, that information has not reached the communities themselves, the local communities, the grassroots communities with whom they are still operating from a place where they relate. an addiction when we actually mean an attachment injury so I'm going to take a break for a drink or a coffee when I am so that's not what I mean by the word new love addiction as opposed. To the old addiction to love I am trying to focus on what this new information is in terms of the word how we heal this, that will be what the series of videos that are to come will be.

I want to share an idea. to jump right in with the idea of ​​how and to start imagining a triangle, imagine, you know, obviously there's a three-part triangle and I want you to think about thoughts, feelings and actions, and if we could, at each end of the triangle we have. thoughts, feelings, actions, you can put them in any order, anywhere, it doesn't matter, but the categories of thoughts, feelings and actions can really begin to establish a framework and inform how we begin to think on the path of

healing

, the skills of

healing

, the skills, the healing approaches, because it is different.

For each person it depends on the relationship between thoughts, feelings and actions, so there are a series of psychotherapeutic models that value and approach healing from the point of view of focusing on thoughts and then there is a set of psychotherapeutic techniques that undoubtedly value and focusing on feelings and working with feelings and lastly, it is exactly the same for actions and behaviors, there are certain modalities, techniques and ways to center, steal attention, observe behaviors and address our actions, although not They necessarily have to disagree. Sometimes depending on what we are, the information that we are using will create a different approach and depending on you as an individual person, as it relates to what happens to you, it will determine sort of fundamental prerequisite sets that will determine the direction for reply.

The question: how do I heal from attachment injuries? Because sometimes it's going to be similar but it could also be wildly different for a lot of different people, so we're trying to focus on whether you're taking an approach to looking at your cognitions and you're thinking. and how you are working with your mind through awareness and thought, are we working with your felt sense in your body, your feelings, your emotions, or are we observing your behavior in your actions, whether consciously and deliberately directing some actions or a bigger picture by simply observing? how you show up in this world and what are the behaviors that reinforce these old patterns, your old relationship patterns, so the first thing we need to start with is looking at how we heal from injury attacks.

I want you to start thinking in terms of thoughts, feelings. and actions those three are connected they are not separate and we want to start thinking about congruence and congruence means how they fit together how they complement each other how they relate to each other also myMy thoughts and actions are my thoughts and actions consistent with my feelings. Am I saying what I am doing? the phrase you know how to walk and talk what is a congruence statement we need to be able to find the relationship between these three areas in a way that is a kind of evaluation tool because when I look at a situation I look at my thinking I look at how I feel in that situation situation I look at my behavior and my response what you're going to notice with attachment injuries is the incongruence and I'll give you a more practical example or hopefully this will open it up a little bit when there's an attachment injury.

The person present in the relationship will experience certain levels of worried thinking or anxiety or an intense year that is not deserved or congruent with the current situation for a person in relationship reality is somewhat distorted the reality of how I present myself in a relationship will become distorted because my brain is perceiving some sort of threat to the attachment system, so I have this intrusive, worried thought and I have anxiety and I can begin to identify what is really happening right now and whether it warrants this level of worry, questioning. and anxiety that is showing up in my relationship and you usually know this for anyone who experiences any type of love addiction and lives with you. different types of insecure attachment you, the people who know this experience, will know what I'm talking about, so we are starting to identify when the second group is, when there is this input growing, we see when the thoughts, feelings and actions do not.

They line up and don't match. That's a good diagnosis. get rid of it right away, but we can start doing certain things that will close that gap and focus things more so that there is a consistent relationship between those three areas, thoughts, feelings and actions. a lot of information, right? I think for today that would have been a wrap and I'm going to come full circle to talk about making videos again. My challenge is that this information has some dents and may sound boring or educational and, honestly, I am not an educator, I am not a teacher, I am not a professor, that is not my strong point, which as I said before, my strong point is being in relationship with the people and having a certain shot and play back and forth and in this situation making the videos trying to start creating a base, it feels very heavy and what I hope is that over time the video improves the skills that my level of skill in making the video will improve. get better in terms of showing a little more of my personality and being able to laugh and joke and talk more casually when talking on the phone, you know, which is very strange.

I'm in my apartment talking to people, so what do I expect? it's that I'll actually be able to get to a place with a little bit more of a conversational tone where this doesn't have to sound so obtuse or hard to reach, so I'm just sending my deepest condolences, please bear with me as I imagine it. I'm looking for a way to talk about this that is a little more accessible lastly what I want to name and if you are in the new level group on Facebook and feel free if you are seeing it for the first time, this interests you if you want to join the group , please do it on facebook.com.

Slash for groups for it / the new love addiction and I guess how could there be something there so I create content that is sometimes shared, article sometimes photo quotes or memes that are posted and people can. We talked and there's one in particular that I've created and I call it, you know the eight areas to focus on on how to cure yourself from love addiction and if maybe you're watching this year the group, you've seen this before but we haven't. I really address that I address them individually but not collectively, so for this group that I have on my list and I read it to them, but the way that I think about identifying how to heal the

wounds

of attachment and essentially how to heal from love addiction is to heal . attachment trauma and what that means is a fundamental educational understanding of what the heck trauma is what emotional trauma is what covert trauma is what overcome trauma is what incident-specific trauma is there is an educational piece here as far as knowing and understanding what exactly trauma is and how it affects the brain and when you understand when you start to be aware of working with trauma triggers and trauma in the brain, there is so much wonderful information about how to work with your body, how to work with the experience Celt Sense in your body. of the symptoms that come from trauma the three main categories of symptoms that come with trauma I think of them as the worst technology The HIC era is for hyperarousal eyes for intrusion your mind cannot create some boundary that you simply understand as intrusive thoughts and so the sea means construction and in a way it is the opposite of intrusion, it is a kind of dissociation and closure, in the end we retreat and I think in my previous video, the video I made six months ago, there is a lot of information about You know, looking at trauma, but incident-specific trauma and covert trauma and developmental emotional trauma, so these eight areas of healing that I'm identifying are attachment trauma.

You will be able to focus on the trauma of attachment. Know what it is, educate yourself and learn something. Skills to Heal Attachment Trauma The next area of ​​how we are affected when we have a history of insecure attachment that manifests in the symptoms and behaviors we call love addiction, the next one is called boundaries and sense of self, for anyone who have an insecure attachment. style and some history of being ignored, neglected, abandoned or abused when you were not seen, heard or understood in such a way that it has impacted the way you create relationships as an adult, this will carry over to some confusion around boundaries and this is going to continue with some confusion around your sense of self and your sense of worth, so to answer the original question, how do I cure attacks of love addiction?

We need to look at our relationship with our sense of self, another way of putting it called the development of the South. We're really taking a bird's-eye view, an overview of what it means to go through childhood and develop a sense of self. and how that affects who we are as adults and how we incorporate that into our adult relationships, so I'm going to repeat those two, there are a total of eight, attachment trauma boundaries and a sense of self, the next one is called family patterns in order. how to cure love addiction is to look at family patterns take a family systems approach to realize that the family is a system meaning it has its own set of rules and beliefs and is a mechanism the family system is a mechanism If the system itself affects each member and there is a kind of collective group in the family and there are shared family beliefs, norms and rules that influence how a person develops and influences their attachment model, how they relate, how creates relationships and your adult life.

So how do you cure yourself from love addiction? It's being able to educate yourself about family systems and observe family patterns, and most likely for someone who has an insecure attachment style, meaning you come from or have had some aspect of a dysfunctional family system and So we're going to try to discerning what that really means, what a dysfunctional family system is, and what a healthy system looks like. That is the third area that I am identifying where we should focus if we want to Answer the question How do I cure myself of love addiction? Codependency, specifically attachment injuries, the next one is called emotional, which means I mentioned above.

The official title of what is happening in the brain is called limbic resonance to rewire the brain to change it and let us how corrective more I can't think of a word I'll have a drink of coffee here hold on to this emotional in my opinion this is the most important in some aspects I don't know why I present the list if I am ordering them according to their emotional importance tonight as the most important thing for the limbic residents it is about harmony it is a two-way experience given the age of exchange of emotional warmth openness and availability this is a skill this is a very nuanced skill and our nervous systems are designed to engage and participate sometimes this is verbal sometimes it is non-verbal sometimes it is a real gesture and behavior other times it may be simply visually it may be that you know from the look of the eyes that you see an important person friend, you see your partner and just by being able to look at someone in a loving and supportive way that can activate the limbic system where you feel heard, you understand them, you would feel a feeling of warmth in the connection, so the number one fundamental way to get closer and We begin to change our style of paying taxes to begin to heal attachment injuries is to increase and improve the quantity of experiences we have around quality, i.e. a warm and complete emotional attunement, and for some of us we don't have people in our lives to do this, which is the purpose of a therapist, that is the purpose of someone who is trained, who is trained and focused on the trauma, you may be able to heal someone who understands attachment styles and attachment injuries, you don't have to be a therapist, you might, you don't have to be. a person, could be a community.

I know people who join a choir of very involved and loving people in their choir and they say they see these people three times a week because they are practicing and rehearsing and they carpool to two different ones. In the places where they are, they are having a lot of immersion in each other's lives and when there is genuine interest and a genuine basis of friendship, that atmosphere of the kind and warm investment of friendship that is taking place and that serves as a corrective experience. You don't have to be a therapist, but you know it's often a very good placeholder.

Very good example to use. heal from the codependency of love addiction and attack your wounds, next is the addictive mind, although I say that love addiction is not based on addiction, however, there are processes in your mind that are the same as the processes addictive in general, the mind is accustomed, we do things. a lot in the usual way and that's true when it comes to building relationships and also repeating trauma, so that's what's addictive. My next album, long and lonely, I miss an area to heal and an area to focus on is to look at what your relationship is with longing. and loneliness For many people who have a history of some type of emotional neglect, being ignored, abandonment and abuse, there is an intense, quite chronic relationship with longing, until we are just longing for a connection we never had.

We experience quite deep loneliness in our history. Relationships should probably be with family members, however, they could also be with adults. You know the people we've been in a dog relationship with and this feeling of loneliness and longing to find connection can be experienced as a shameful absence of pain. painful emptiness, so one way to heal and how we can undo this quickly recurring quality of being in a relationship is to have to really look at our loneliness, work with longing and be able to make sense of what is happening in us. my mind when I'm in those mental states, so I think that's a very significant category of what we're working on here and there's a whole set of a whole set, but there's a lot of ways that we can begin to address how can I heal from the intensity as much as how long it's impacted my life, so at this point I'm almost realizing by the time we're about to hit the 40 minute mark, this is a crazy long video.

I apologized a lot in a way. in case you don't realize he's a big talker and sometimes it feels like he's talking a lot at the same time. I value this content. I hope you appreciate it and please bear with me in the future. Hopefully, I'll be much better. More simplified, I'll be able to share this information with a little more precision, but at least for now this has the flavor of a long formal lecture, so I apologize if it feels a little longer, I'm almost done, just two more than that. Eight, the next one was called reality distortion, so how do you heal attachment injuries and the symptoms and behaviors that we identify as love addiction?

It's really looking at what reality is and how when you lived in a dysfunctional family system and if you experienced an insecure attachment with a primary caregiver. A very important person. Usually, you know. It is evident that we had to learn. We were trained in such a way that we couldn't let in the reality that the people who love us don't connect with us in the way we need. that there is a disconnect, so this could be tremendously confusing for the child and usually the child cannot consciously understand this and what most children do and what this means, what most children do. our minds, we don't know, we make this decision consciously.

It just happens that the child discovers how to distort reality to normalize the fact ofthat it is so painful, so isolating and so disconnecting to be in the family system with people, the words that I use with people who are there but are not there, so the families there. but there is some kind of absence that is taking place. As a child, I can't let in the pain and how scary it is to realize that certain family members are missing, so my brain has to normalize what is happening and to be able to do this. creates a distortion of reality, we will take it still, if you want, it's called an ability, don't you know, it's not a very useful ability, but we take this ability to be able to distort reality believing that people are connecting with us in a much deeper level. than they really are, can create a kind of misplaced loyalty, a disproportionate amount of loyalty that could also manifest as that loyalty control, as a kind of caring, so an unbalanced and misplaced level of caring of someone else and we're doing it, we're doing it. that we adopt that behavior because it reinforces a distorted viewThe reality is that the person we are so ruined because we carry two is not returning to the same level and we cannot be honest that he does not return to the same level, so the brain It just has to make sense or the brain is a form. of denial, so reality distortion is practicing active denial because, when you're a child, you can, you know, show up, generally you know you can, but mostly you'd be ostracized, you'd be asked to leave the family, most of children can't walk into the family and say, "I'm sorry." I, everyone, just realized that you are ignoring me and you all have to get your act together and starting tonight we are going to practice deeper levels of emotional connection, openness and disclosure, and I am really looking forward to this. on board and the family most likely won't know what you're talking about.

Children do not have that awareness that children cannot confront and the reason why the child cannot confront the parents is because it is the fear of the parents' good. Parents will know I can't do that. I won't do it. They know that I am clearly not going to provide them with the emotional connection, support, and feeling of availability that they are looking for. The child cannot face that understanding. So the brain comes up with ways to distort reality to make it all make sense, so that we can continue our development as children and ultimately survive, you know, hopefully, if you're watching to see a video, you will survive.

I survived, so you know it has a purpose. The distortion of reality has a purpose. Here is the problem. That's why it's on the list to cure. The distortion of reality no longer serves you in your relationships with your daughters, because if you are entering into an adult relationship and you have an unconscious, if you are not, if you are not, you also know that you are not conscious, saying that today I am going to distort reality. is something that you are not actually doing this is going to be a great sign of how you can read the truth of the interaction that is taking place between you and your partner and most likely what you are going to do if you are going to overcompensate. another due to the other person's lack of investment.

I'm here, so that means you were trained yet? Are you trained in your family system to have a very high tolerance for not interacting? Were you trained to have a very high tolerance for experiencing the absence of a relationship? And your reality distortion will have you thinking that that's normal and everything is fine and it's your job to continue at this level of overcompensation and have a disproportionate level of loyalty to a person who isn't really there or who isn't really connected to you at all. an emotionally open leg that is a distortion of reality, full circle, we are almost done. the question: how do I heal from the injuries of attachment?

How do I cure myself from love addiction and codependency? You have to really understand the distortion of reality. Look back at thoughts, feelings, actions. Reality distortions are very much related to your thoughts, cognitions, and faulty thoughts, and really looking at faulty thoughts. and how many beliefs we get into double binds, so I do it because you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, because you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, so the distortion of reality often culminates in a more like action paralysis because we're in a double bind and we don't know how to turn left, how to turn right, that's it, that's a little bit, there's other information that I can share about that and for the sake of this video.

It's approaching 45 minutes, which is ridiculous. I hope you can pause this. You know many different segments, so if you are seeing everything right, then God loves you. You know, thanks for doing that. I almost finished the last one. It is a shame. self-esteem, which is also related to the second. I said boundaries and sense of self, so the phrase self-esteem will seep into that of self-development, but it is a result of being ignored, abandoned, abandoned, abused, not being seen. o heard or understood and living in a family system with people who are there but not there and so you were trained to experience a sense of absence in the relationship the parent who does not recognize this the parent who is unable to become aware that this It is actually very painful for the child and what I most likely say with sensitivity and love to all parents is that these parents have most likely been passed down the same system in their lives, so I am not going to Going down the path of one type of blame is not just about pointing fingers, but I recognize it as a kind of transmission of shame because when a parent fails to recognize that you are aware that the child's emotional needs are being ignored or careless, honestly we call this a shoveling when this happens, this is a form of abuse, it is emotional abuse for some people, other levels of extreme overt abuse around physical abuse have also occurred, very I just thought that the word mast is a very unpleasant abuse, but even if it does not fall into that tone of what we would consider domestic violence or something unpleasant when there is no emotional exchange and the father, the word that I came across, heard, some might remember where is the word tone, death, when the father is tone. deaf to the child's needs, this will allow him to feel that his needs do not matter and over time the child will internalize that you will believe that then it does not matter if my needs do not matter that inactive and for the parent who does not realize this abuse, this emotional abuse that is happening, that the fact that it is happening is a shame to the parents, cannot take responsibility for the unfortunate byproduct of the shame of what is happening and that Sheamus floating in the family system, the child internalized .

If the child-minded brain absorbs it like a sponge and the child's sense of self in the development of self is given, the child begins to become aware that there must be something wrong with me because not even my own parents want to know me. completely on a significant level in terms of internally my dreams and aspirations and my preferences my likes and dislikes and if I believe and experience that knowing myself emotionally does not matter over time I will internalize that it does not matter and if I do not care, I will have to cover up and hide this fact and the way I am going to keep it hidden and hide it is through the shame of not exposing it and this is an evil system that just feeds and feeds itself. the top of itself shame reinforces shame and over time I'm going to go on a tangent here I'm so sorry, I apologize, it's quick, what happens when this shame is reinforced so much is that we develop a false self, I I realized who I am.

I am not engaging with my parents' sense of direct curiosity and curiosity, but with the other members of my family and if over time I realize that these people are not really engaged, I will need to create a different type of self and the boy. The brain alone will tell who I am. I'm not functioning. I don't get an emotional connection from just being me, so I guess I'd better create a different kind of me, a different presentation, and I'll figure out how to become Moore. who you want me to be and as long as I can keep practicing I know who you want me to be so maybe because you like those qualities that I'm giving back to you even though those qualities are not mine, you know what I would choose This is going to reinforce the creation of a false self.

The challenge of living in a false self, since we can do it for so long or we grew up having it so ingrained in our psyche, is that we don't know anything different, so in fact, my fall, so I am my false self, there is no nothing different, I mean, what does that mean? How could I be anything other than this manufactured self? So to ask the question, how do I heal the wounds of attachment and love addiction? Shall we say? Well, you know we have to do it. undo the creation of this false presentation of who you created yourself to be in order to discover the fundamental core of the course and a national I don't know, I don't like the phrase you know your true self, your authentic self because, ultimately, it is about who you are becoming and there is a transformative quality, it is creative, it is very creative, it is always flowing, so there is no authentic, true, stagnant, fixed self, so I am very sensitive to not using those words, shame and self-esteem. , that's the last thing. 18 years late again here's a summary here's the end attachment trauma boundaries and sent to sell family patterns emotional two men addictive mind longing and loneliness reality distortion shame and self-esteem I didn't know this video will be 53 minutes and 32 seconds thanks for listening I hope you can feel and feel I am very passionate about this content this information I am involved in this because this is my healing journey this is my life and it happens to be my life's work everyone has aligned and the phrase I use frequently both with clients as simply talking to people about healing processes.

I used the phrase your healing as my healing because when I have the opportunity to share this in this video, I have the opportunity in this new love addiction group. on Facebook to hear other people's experience, this is very powerful and healing for me, your healing is my healing and in closing, visit the Facebook group again if you want to join, visit my website alanrobarge.com, you are viewing this on youtube, subscribe. to this YouTube channel because I have more videos coming up and lastly, this is a shameless plug. One of the reasons I'm doing this as well is I want to spread the news and grow my business beyond Philly and how I am.

Doing that is working through phone clients and doing video conferencing and I feel obligated. I'll just say that you know I'll share my full intention of what's happening here is that I want to be one hundred percent mobile. I want to take this material. I want to take this job if I have enough phone and video conferencing client. I want to travel around the United States and maybe create great workshops, create an annual conference and really start sharing the news that you don't need to suffer, you don't need to receive. Stuck on believing you're in love with love, you don't need to beat your head against the wall trying to treat an addiction for something that isn't an addiction.

My approach is a little different from the old approach and that's why I'm calling it the new love addiction thanks for watching the next videos my goal is to make it not so long