Best Chandler One-Liners | Friends

Come on, what is this? Oh, um, that was my high school swimsuit. It was a little bigger then. I thought that was what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained. Hey, does anyone know a good tailor. You need to change some clothes. No, no, I am. I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk, don't go see Frankie, my family has been going to him forever. He made my first suit when I was 15 years old. No, wait 16. Don't excuse me 15. Okay, when was 1990? Okay, you have to stop the swab when there are tough condoms and you don't know how long we'll be here, we may have to repopulate the earth and condoms are the way to do it, we'll do it, ducks. or clowns, oh, let's flip for the baby, you have a better idea, okay, call it here, heads, heads of this, yeah, we have to assign heads to something okay, okay, okay, uh, Dox's heads because The ducks have heads like scary clowns.

I came to your birthday, wait, there's something different. I went to that tanning place your wife suggested. That place was the sun. Hey, how cool would it be if I could see a real life-sized version of this. Hey? I mean, how crazy would that be. as crazy as football a girl ate monica now shut up the camera add 10 pounds huh so how many cameras are really on oh sorry I understood you no you didn't understand me it's an electric drill you understand me you kill me hello , what's happening? Wrong dude, someone at work ate my sandwich, well what did the police say, sup dude, take what you want, please don't hurt me, so it's like playing a little playstation, huh, that's it a hit, playstation is a hit, what's up with the playstation hit?, sup, eh, come on.

Am I 19 years old or am I on a scale of one to ten? Ten is the dum

best

a person can seem. You're definitely 19. Come on, man, how old are you? You are a man-child. Okay, now go get changed because everyone's ready and please. oh please keep my underwear oh thank you why is your family scottish why your family is ross what happened oh man he promised he wouldn't take the chairs what the hell happened how are you locked up or where the hell is all our stuff well this guy He came to look at the unit and said he didn't think it was big enough to fit an adult man.

Look, you got involuntarily. He was trying to make a sale. Oh man, if I ever meet that guy again, do you know what I am? I'm going to bend over. Do you like some gum? Oh, no sugar? Sorry no. Then, no thanks. What the hell was that mental note? If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you a mangled animal carcass, you take it. I mean, alone. Just now just now there was a woman in the coffee shop who smiled at me and then the other day on the subway a woman accidentally sat on my hand, dude, don't rub your crazy bachelor life in my face, well, and then , how about this?

There's an anthropologist at school who approached me during the interdepartmental potluck dinner why I got married and it's a book oh, it's dr. seuss that book got me through some tough times there is a little boy inside this man yes the doctors say if you take him away he will die okay but there are no accountants oh and no one legal I don't like guys with boring jobs oh and ross was like what a lion tamer oh my god what happened oh um joey was born and then 28 years later i got robbed oh you're the day you know this is really good because if ever We lose Ross we have a spare but I don't want to be single okay I just want to get married again and I I just want a million dollars How's the move going?

Not well. I went on the subway again and someone sat on my hand, but that person was neither a woman nor was she wearing pants. Well, maybe you're doing this the wrong way. You know, I mean, think. about it, single, white male, divorced three times, two illegitimate children, personal ad writes itself, yeah, that's funny, yeah, do it. Do you think you'll go back to work? What are you doing? You know, I can only distribute it. I can not believe it. Rachel. I moved on and he didn't say anything to me. Look, maybe she didn't move on.

You know, I mean, maybe that kiss was just an impulsive birthday thing. Oh, about a month ago, she gave her number to a guy at a bar. Didn't she go out with him? No, when she called, I threw away the message. Ah, the main road, okay. You know, enough talking. I have to move. Hey, look at those two blondes over there. Hey, come with me. Are you trying to get it. all divorced, come on, you don't have to do anything, it will be easier if it's just the two of us, like in college, remember, first you break the ice with some kind of joke so they know you're the funny one and then me.

Get into an interesting conversation so they see I'm the bright, brooding, sexy one. I thought I had to make jokes for you.