Norm McDonald - Montreal Comedy Festival - 1980's

I'm a little nervous too. I recently quit smoking. That is hard. I swear. He was a boy. Know. I remember when he was a little boy. He was like six or seven years old or something like that. cigarette behind my garage my dad caught me I'll never forget it he dragged me and I thought I was there for the best time of my life you know what he did is he brought his big cigar it was behind the size of my arm this giant cigar stuck in my mouth literally that made me smoke it until the end that's when I started smoking the cigar it was very heavy so that plant didn't work very well there was another moment that I remember now that I'm thinking about it, I was behind the garage again and smoking a joint big fat back here, don't do drugs and my dad caught me and dragged me and I remember the hit of my life, you know, but he injected me with heroin, my doctor. he tried to scare me so my doctor wouldn't smoke, you know, show me a picture.

A smoker's lung was disgusting and disgusting. I mean, surely fish was a healthy man's lunch. Oh, it was gross and disgusting, but inside you have to look at it all the time. You know, man, I thought I'd be in better shape when I quit smoking, but nothing's really changed. You know, someone can try my food. That's one thing: all my food now tastes amazing. Oh man, everything I eat, I go, what kind of food? is that you're giving me oh, there's a spicy and spicy food here in it, what kind of spicy and spicy kind, it's a boiled potato, uh, remind me to give you the recipe for that, I have to uh, a boiled potato, you you say.

I have to get in shape, that's my next big step now, you know, I'm not in good shape, you know, when I was younger, that's why I was in good shape, you know, I was in my best physical condition when I was uh one is for that I look good one oh man you wouldn't recognize me now if you see me when I was one the young and fresh men even look good for my age people are going to go you're zero I'm going not me I'm one from here, well I'm trying to be a better person, I'm working on that, you know, I'm doing the best I can.

Today I gave some money to a homeless man on the street and he had a dog with him. You see he is a homeless man and he has a dog. That guy doesn't have a house, but he has a dog. You know, the dog is very excited about the idea that he was going to say. Hey buddy, I can do this on my own pretty well. I know it's like the longest walk in the world, man, there are kids everywhere. He was reading about this guy in the paper. He got. This guy was ready, but he killed his entire family because the devil said to him, "You think what an idiot, huh?" the headline of the newspaper said what an idiot do you imagine that you kill your whole family just because the devil tells you to and then you go back to the devil yes devil, I did what you told me, I killed my family, I massacred them as soon as I was sleeping and then I cut them up and put them in a canvas bag here they are in the canvas bag I will be very inspired the shallow gray next to the train tracks as you have ordered oh lord host of the gray underworld you are under the devil he stopped and asked : it's me, bob, down here, my face is red or white, I've got my family in a duffel bag over here, oh, there's one for you, bobby, well, I gotta go, folks, remember my motto, laughter is the best medicine, you know, and unless you're diabetic then insulin is usually much worse thank you