The Dark Side of Groundhog Day | Beyoncé Tour | What Does Your State Smell Like?

welcome Welcome everyone to the Late Show I'm

your

host Stephen Colbert I tell everyone it's Groundhog Day, it's a beautiful tradition where a big chubby rat tells you if you should stop by the Burlington Coat Factory in the morning, the eye of the world is once again I turned to Gobbler's Knob can I say Gobbler's Knob on CBS? We'll find out, we'll find out later. uh Gobbler's Knob Pennsylvania and we learned Our destiny Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of winter that he was going to wear capri pants. Tomorrow I'm not going to accept that. I want a second opinion.

Do we really have six more weeks of winter ahead of us? Tell us Punxsutawney Phil Collins is in, but I don't blame Our Endless Winter just on Punxsutawney Phil. I also blame her former en

tour

age of At first, the top-hatted Handler dandies, I'm sure you're wondering why the top hats, well that's just a quick and easy fashion trick to give it a casual look, but I did a little research on those guys and it turns out they're Phil's. Inner Circle, the local group that cares for Phil, plans each big ceremony and administers Phil's medications. Did I read his medications correctly?

Phil has medication. I didn't realize Phil was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. It

does

n't surprise me much. pressure this time of year on Phil Phil try half a jelly bean at bedtime hey and remember it's okay to not be okay, be

side

s all the Dickensian costumes, all the members have individual nicknames, you have the main pre

side

nt Tom Dunkel too known as shingleshaker, the treasurer, Jeff Grubb, known as the sky painter, the lickable David gelati, the director of Thunder and my favorite bad boy, Butch Filiber, known as Iceman Iceman. I must say that Iceman has let himself go since Top Gun, a kind of sausage fest, very badly, because there is also a woman, Marcy. giving away nickname CEO it's not fair that the woman has a cool outfitter a nickname Marcy that changes today you'll hear four be known as the denim demon top hat the top hat is in the mail the inner circle and its psychotic psychotic pig I've been making predictions for over a century, but you can't always trust them because since he made his first prediction in 1887, Punxsutawney Phil has been right only 39 of the time, 39 is pretty bad, in fact, I bet I can beat it. always with my own prediction friend, Punxsutawney, fourth, okay, Cordy, incumbent de Blasio, okay, Corey de Blasio dropped the damn pig and killed it, yeah, okay, fourth, don't fail me now, the forecaster of the forecaster's close personal friend, George Washington, tells six more weeks of tall tales, of course. uh, Punxsutawney Phil isn't the only scientific

groundhog

out there, we have one here in New York City too, Staten Island, Chuck, yeah that's right, that's the only blogger yet, Staten Island, Chuck at the Staten Zoo Island, yes, the Staten Island Zoo. where Chuck is the second most popular resident after the meatball with a cigarette, Dad, can we see the meatball today?

Chuck had his own shadow viewing event and clapped back at Phil by predicting an early spring. Well, there you have it, maybe so New York says goodbye. Winter and say hello to

smell

ing urine again, so

what

happens in the spring? That's how you know it's spring. I'm taking Chuck's word over any other rodent in the tri-

state

area because they announced Chuck's forecast with cutting-edge technical accuracy. Okay, that seems a little uncertain. but that's how they do all the weather on

state

n island today's weather you may want to pack an umbrella or not who makes the call?

I look like a cloud. Are you really coming? I tell you, maybe I should go check the weather with

your

Mom Steve, that's got to be the end of you talking about

groundhog

s for next year, aren't there any other great stories to cover? To which I say yes, there is international news about the groundhog. It's a

dark

story. I will warn you as if it were even

dark

er. stories comes from Canada it turns out that Quebec has its own groundhog Fred's famous flame mark it's true that of course in French it means soup of the day early this morning tragedy struck when Fred passed away on Groundhog Day, so it turns out he saw a shadow, but it was just the icy Hand of Death five seconds ago, obviously this is a tragic event, but Fred's handlers assure us that there was no foul play, saying that he was at least 14 years old, which is quite old for a groundhog, so he died of old age or was it murder here we go he's back baby probably old age The Canadian groundhog authorities were forced to scramble and found the perfect substitute a boy dressed as a groundhog unfortunately the boy didn't read the room winter and predicted that winter would continue boo boo I say leave it I know I'm sorry, I have seasonal affective disorder, right, let's send the kid a hat too.

The groundhogs of the world may not agree on the future, but we do know one thing for sure. Beyoncé has announced her Renaissance World Tour, yes, yes, World Tour. Everyone in this theater is out in the world, so she has to be part of the

tour

, so I don't think she's skiing here. I doubt I'll get in trouble if I announce that Beyoncé is coming. The Late Show one assumes is a safe assumption, take it to the bank that the tour is huge, a 41 Global Trek show launching in Stockholm on May 10. Sweden is so excited to be the first date of the tour, in fact, we have a statement from their ambassador, he has pipes, one place where Beyoncé may or may not appear is Washington D.C., if there will be big changes in the House of Representatives led by new Republican President Kevin McCarthy, seen here seen here playing with a kitten, take just a recent floor speech. from the house provided by Colorado Congresswoman Laura bobert this week someone suggested a little late a little late this week someone suggested some kind of limit for some kind of weapon and bobert responded in kind Alcohol Tobacco and firearms in the west from Colorado we call it a fun weekend Don't get cocky Western Colorado in Florida, they call it the food pyramid Western Colorado, you mean eastern Utah, speaking of food

smell

s, there's a story from New Mexico where they're considering turning the Roasted chili in its official state aroma, it's funny.

We assumed the official scent of New Mexico was an abandoned mobile home that a bobcat is living in. The idea for an official state scent came about after a state senator visited fifth graders and sparked a conversation about these tasty hot peppers. and New Mexico's potential to become the first state in the nation to have an official state Aroma Fact Little Known All New Mexico State Symbols Are Chosen by Fifth Graders Explains Why They Also Have a Fun Dinner Dip state Kevin and of course her tits with the word state on them, but other states can't allow it New Mexico will be the only one with an official scent, so here on the Late Show we've come up with suggestions for official state scents in the order of nothing .

Wisconsin Aaron Rodgers beard Pennsylvania stock full of coins Arizona Iced Tea Maine sewer clown Kansas corn Iowa corn Indiana corn North Dakota dust South Dakota Southern dust Oregon hippie wet and New York most beautiful crowd in the world Ricardo but when we get back the first draft of the Valentine's cards with my Valentine you know who it is, thank you