Codependency Addiction and the Narcissist Drug Dealer

welcome to my YouTube video. I'm Ross Rosenberg and today I'm going to present a new idea that came from writing my book on human magnet syndrome. I came up with so many ideas to better explain

codependency

or what is called self-love deficit disorder. Not only are there 250 pages in the Human Magnet Center book, but in the third edition it will be around 350 pages. Sometimes I wonder how I discovered it, something I'm especially grateful for because some of these ideas just came to me out of the blue, it's

codependency

or self-love deficit disorder, it's a foreign

addiction

.

I am a certified

addiction

counselor, a cadc. I've been in the mental health field for 35 years and actually specialized in addictions the whole time. Long before I had the first idea of ​​what this human magnet syndrome was or is, I was working in addictions. In fact, there was a time when I think it was five years where I was a certified sexual addiction treatment professional, so I've lived and breathed these addictions work ideas interventions etc. One of the things that I discovered in my own recovery before I had names for all of this is that I didn't have an explanation for why I would continue dating someone who I knew was a

narcissist

who I knew wasn't good for me, who had already experienced consequences, whether I was just feeling ashamed of myself, that I kept doing this or that I thought it would be good and that we would make a wonderful couple or I would be a victim of it. to his narcissism and his charm and enthusiasm the audacity of him and in that I kept falling prey to this idea that I was going to do something that I knew was bad and I couldn't stop myself.

I can tell you many times and I am sure. you have the similar experience that you, as a sld or sld codependent with self-love deficiency, have dated, met people who you know are

narcissist

ic, are beautiful, handsome, charming and really desirable. You've been there, but you still say hello. They approach you, they buy you a drink, they offer you a charming look, you smile, handsome, sexy and you are just dazzled and say, oh my God, she or he is so magnificent and they will start talking about you, They will change the conversation. Back to themselves, they will tell other people, whoever is in the circle they are speaking or listening in, they will tell everyone how great they are, but none of your previous experiences with narcissists who have hurt you are going to be strong enough to say buy yourself a career to avoid, there is something magnetic, it is as if there is what I call an addiction, codependency, self-love deficit disorder, it is an addiction, but let's talk about what an addiction is, whether it's food, alcohol, nicotine, gambling, it's a compulsion a need to drive take experience something that makes you feel alive makes you feel good gives you excitement gives you energy gives you this feeling of euphoria and once you you do it and then because you are addicted you need to do more and more and the next thing you know you can't stop the addiction, then it controls you because it is no longer a situation where you are just doing something that is fun and you decide to have fun knowing that always Can you quit, it's an addiction that Can't you be stuck?

Addiction draws you in and keeps you in that center stage where you can't let go of what you think is exciting and now it's turning into something bad, something hurtful, something harmful, and when you can't stop it, then you start to think, oh My God, what have I done? I screwed up again. I am a loser, another narcissist because of the shame of which runs parallel to the slds or codependents, it is a constitutive element of the psychic of the slds, so if you already have central shame because you are codependent and you are addicted, then when you fall prey of your addiction you break your promises, you disappoint once again the people you are trying to convince that you can control it, then that shame you already have lights up like someone throwing a match into a puddle of kerosene and that shame just makes you want to say Screw that, bring up more and the next thing you know you're with another narcissist and you're having what you think is a time of your life, but there's a part of you, the person that knows you're an addict, It's looking at you and saying: I told you so and you will do anything to silence that voice, that voice that says you know what's going on, you can't just meet someone and sleep with them the same night. and tell them the whole story of your life and have them tell your story and think that your loneliness can be released, that is not possible, but that addiction to codependency gives you to this that seems to be a solution or an answer to all your pain , your pathological loneliness, which is the main withdrawal symptom of codependency or addiction to self-love deficit disorder, this pain in your bones, the soul-burning pain of loneliness, but you can't be alone without squirming and feeling like You can't relax, that something is wrong with you and you just want the pain. leave because you are codependent sld addict you are afraid of that nightmare because pathological loneliness only disappears when you are in a relationship but listen carefully codependency or self-love deficit disorder addiction is not for the narcissist that would be equivalent to being addicted to something that makes you sick and never gives you pleasure is the relationship that frees you from the burning pain of pathological loneliness leads you to this euphoria, this feeling of intoxication where the pain disappears and the person and you can finally feel good in your life because before of the sld falling in love with their

drug

and by the way narcissists have the same addiction but I'm not here to talk about that but before the sld takes that

drug

and remember, the drug is the relationship they have.

When you have pain, what if you have horrible pain? You're addicted to narcotics, you take a pain pill, suddenly you relax. Everything feels better. You shouldn't take that pain pill, but it feels good and then you start taking it more and more. more and the reason you don't stop now is because it's not because you feel good, it's another misunderstood element of addictions, especially codependency or sldd addiction, once you're addicted you don't take it to feel good, you you're taking like this. You don't have the pain of withdrawal that is loneliness so you're on this date back to date you know you're addicted you promise yourself no more no more I'm not going to believe this broken selector of mine that keeps pointing me in the direction of the despicable narcissist and you say no more and then someone comes up to you and you just melt, you don't think, oh my god, jackpot, yeah, a narcissist, they're going to hurt me, they're going to ignore me.

They are not going to want to have anything to do with me in any way. There is no that type of reaction. On the contrary, it is this feeling of relief that you are no longer alone, this feeling that you don't have to be. You no longer feel pain and what you don't know is that the other person, the narcissist, is also receiving the same type of relief. That is why in these relationships there is a complete entanglement, there is a loss of identity that both codependent and narcissistic people do not have. They don't feel alive in their world until they can lose themselves in this relationship, doesn't that sound like the narcotics addict who is finally taking his pills or whatever drug he chooses and suddenly falls back into that reverie of his pleasure? the pain doesn't go away it's a blanket covering it so the codependent is addicted to the relationship and because of human magnet syndrome which of course product placement because of human magnet syndrome the codependent will always choose a narcissist, take it to the bank and if you don't understand you should read my book so if you are addicted to the relationship you will fall in love or feel compatibly in love with a narcissist and if the narcissist is equally addicted like you then you have a euphoric attraction that both people feel.

They free themselves from loneliness, pain, this existential emptiness once they submit to it, they gorge themselves in a relationship and that gorging, whether it is again an addiction to food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, that gorging does not It is more than a standard symptom of an addiction. but the difference between the codependent addict and the narcissist is that the narcissist at the end of the day wants love Cloud to disappear or what I call the soulmate experience becomes the cellmate reality, they have a lot of fun, they get all the good things and The codependents, the slds, naturally become trapped once again in a relationship where they are treated poorly, badly, abandoned, abused, neglected, deprived, but why can't they think of it as an addiction?

Because if they leave they will feel alone and they will never want to experience that. loneliness again then something happens in your brain literally in the brain addiction is a disease and this is no different than the other diseases that we understand biochemically neurologically behaviorally this addiction and its connection to dopamine, endorphins and all these other love chemicals that They make the brain think. knows what it's doing if you have the driver of a machine and if you can imagine that driver is underneath the part of the brain that thinks, which is the cerebral cortex, specifically the prefrontal cortex, the outer edge of the brain, which is where our human being nature comes from the middle parts of the brain in which addiction develops sends impulses to the thinking part of the brain and says you need to get this drug now it deceives us it deceives us it ruins our logic it destroys our common sense it makes us forget everything that happened and that created perhaps some of the most painful misery we have ever experienced.

The only thing that matters to you is simply getting the drug for you to get it, you become addicted because you no longer feel pathological loneliness and if you are a sld, you are now involved in another harmful relationship and because of the shame that that cycle of Shame makes you You feel bad, you feel guilty, you feel ashamed, it becomes increasingly difficult to get the strength and emotional resources to stop it and then you know what that is. Pathological Holiness is what if you don't trust me and by the way I know this is a fact because I have been asking this question for over 10 years if I walk into a room of codependents who have attended one of my lectures. and I ask you how many of you can identify with the experience of pathological loneliness and if I explain to you that pathological loneliness is a withdrawal symptom that occurs when the drug, which is the relationship, is so powerful, so dominant that it leads you to another relationship. with a pathological narcissist or brings you back with someone who you know does not care about you or have the capacity to love you, but because of that mechanic in your brain you are temporarily crazy, so now, if you consider self-love deficits or codependency and addiction. you know addiction is to a relationship and the relationship always happens if you are a sld with a narcissist and a narcissist with a codependent and you consider all the dynamics that bind them together and keep them trapped and their fear of the withdrawal symptom and the shame that you have , that explains why people spend their entire lives in this horrible addiction.

Now let me be clear, this is not the same as love addiction. Love addiction, to be clear, is an addiction, a dependence on the feeling of limerence. Limerence is the natural human experience of excitement Joy anticipation walking on air when you meet your love healthy people experience it and slds experience it and the sld that experiences it I call limerence in the crack it is so powerful that it takes you to this point of euphoria and ecstasy that is aggravated, exponential, amplified due to loneliness, so the relationship addict needs limerence and once he gets tired of that limerence, he stops going out with that person or seeing that person. person and go for someone else and then once that gets exciting and fun then the limerence fades and then they move on to someone else so obviously I hope I'm being clear that sldd addiction is nothing like relationship addiction because sld isn't looking for limerence, it's looking for the relationship to take.

The pain goes away, but what I haven't talked about yet is how the narcissist is the 1970s drug

dealer

we used to be. call when I was a kid and they told me not to do drugs and all those scary things you say. kids who when they become teenagers forget that he said to stay away from The Pusher, the drug

dealer

. The Pusher because the only thing that matters to the drug dealer is to entice you to take this drug, sometimes they give it to you for free, sometimes they act. like they are your best friend but in reality they want you to get addicted so that you become their client and when you are their client they satisfy their own personal and financial needs and they don't really care about you and in the case of drug dealers, people die well, let's look at the drug dealer as a narcissist, many narcissists, not all narcissists, but narcissists who have elements of sociopathy, whether you are a covert narcissist, a sociopath, a malignant narcissist, you know what they do. what they are doing they know their partner can't escape or leave they know exactly how to attract them once they are in the relationship and then the codependent is trapped by the addiction compounded shame just pathological loneliness all the things we haveAs we have already talked about, they make sure that their victim, the person they almost give their prisoner, stays put by making sure that the drug they need to remain addicted is always there, so that the narcissistic dealer when faced with a codependent who is starting to talk about leaving starting to have too much self-esteemThey say they started watching my videos, they have been reading my book on human magnet syndrome or in a good therapy that is a big threat to them, it will take away the business that they Their survival requires everything that codependents can sacrifice for them and what they cannot.

I don't have to give much in return, so as a ruthless and despicable narcissistic drug dealer, they will find a way to make you do it again and make you relapse to find a way to hit you with a metaphorical hypodermic that has the drug to get . that you forget your promises so that you break down and come back to them, what is the drug so that the shame remembers the shame spiral, the compound shame overcomes you and the brain tries the drug again and says Oh, I want more now If people They don't know what it is and they have never been addicted to a drug but they have smoked cigarettes, it is no different.

Look, I've smoked cigarettes most of my life and I haven't smoked in about 18-something years, it's not hard because I know that if I take a drag and I get just a little bit of that chemical inside me, nicotine, my brain goes away. He's going to go crazy, he's going to go crazy, not in a way that I can see. because remember it's underneath the thinking part of my brain, it's going to register the nicotine, it's going to open up those pathways again and all of a sudden it's going to send signals to the thinking part of my brain and say get more and what's the best way to get the thinking that part of the brain to do your dirty business is to make sure there is pain and pain can take many forms, so in conclusion, self-love deficit disorder, also known as codependency, is one of the most serious addictions that They exist, the drug is the relationship that allows you to escape the withdrawal symptom of pathological loneliness and if you try to stop your addiction, there will be a narcissistic drug dealer, analogously, a drug dealer who will make sure you fall, hesitate, it will induce what I call an induced conversation.

To sabotage you he or she will do anything to give you a taste of that drug so that you lose your strength. I hope this discussion on the painfully addictive element of self-love deficit disorder and codependency helps you better understand if you are codependent why it is almost impossible to stop why you sabotage yourself or are prone to being sabotaged by another person, as well If you want to learn more about this, I have a very detailed seminar titled codependency addiction at selflove recovery.com. I have a lot of educational information. material that is on video or audio and we are always making sales, so thank you and I hope to have more discussions of this type in the very near future, but until then, take care of yourself, be loving and don't let any of these despicable narcissists put their hands on you. claws into your self-love deficit disorder, only you can turn it into what I call the self-love abundance codependency cure and once you understand it, they won't be able to get under your skin, thank you, foreigner.