Every Single Dana DeLorenzo Appearance with Craig Ferguson! (Beth the CBS Executive)

do their job properly, but because they drive shit. Self, I actually wish that would be better than making me the butt of

every

joke, you know the bottom line. Every joke you're here you do the work and you listen. I respect that you have a tough job, come on man, no, that would be nice, but that's how we feel, so we'll be right back. I think we ran into this it's cold what's best was a girl me me me you your best now your best this is this is a coconut lady I was very adorable the tap dancing cat I learned that we spent too much time tonight and we're, the program lasts approximately three minutes.

I would like to apologize to the network. I'm so sorry, but it's just one of those things. One of those would be to say again, Jeff, one of those crazy ingredients, yeah, good night, good night. night, dear Creek, and Jeff speaks any other language better, precise Chinese, Beth, I know, what are you talking about, that's my kungfu, what the hell is going on, I don't know, I think she's a little worried that Chuck Norris I'm going to kick his ass. re we are we are very out of time here oh dear oh boy dear a lot of tension there oh no tension Oh a lot Ted yes this is yes this is the same language for tension okay yes yes I have ever seen there Also another one see the same thing, you see that yeah, that place, that's American Sign Language that says pixelation, did you know I know I'm not supposed to say this, but I missed the days when the mafia ran Las Vegas, they did.

Right, it's a city full of gambling and prostitution, it should be run by people who know how to do that, not a corporate lackey. I don't think you're not a great lady, so speaking of the new CBS show, you're a CBS.

executive

you should be excited about that I'm excited about that oh you really just show your face it's because you're talking that's why my face is this guy it's my job my job now you want me to commit and do it like this actually I think I did it, didn't I? I did? It was pretty good, yeah, that was some of your best work.

I'll just be an

executive

at Hackl, you talked to me about doing your show selling, man she sounds like me. I'm getting it from both. ends I'm about to lose control and I think I like it anyway it's a little broken right now so I can't do it. I say it in a sexual way to annoy the CBS executive who is looking at me with a cold, hard gaze. eyes try to keep the sexual innuendos out of your shoe, bet anyway what doesn't even make sense quaaack Sandy who does these things you choose them you choose them it's you and what you can't lift this but no You didn't choose that you chose it, no, he chose them.

Oh, his boss, yeah, she threw him under the bus. I mean, he doesn't even know you're snapping. Do you know I can hear a clicking sound? Coming from you, I think it's your ass and I won't talk to you anymore. I will remain silent and look at you with fury and this nightmare of a spectacle that she bites like in my first marriage. I'm not welcome back to the show where we are Beth, CBS executives' favorite musical artist, it's true tonight, do you want to introduce him? I'd love to. Okay, you want to hold it. Are you ready, ladies and gentlemen, to take her home again?

Michael q a new. Boy, so we got your present, really, yeah, Michael, dinners, dinners with Michael, no, no, dinner was my partner, yeah, we got a t-shirt, okay, you're ready, we'll sing a song, right?, you're saying it's okay, obviously. um, Bernie, it was a joke, he's my friend, it's his birthday, he turns 30 today, something weird just happened, right, Jeff, yeah, Jeff and I were joking around like we do before the show, right, Jeff, yeah, just joking, yeah, smoking, you know, joking about nothing weird. He continued to be just a guy in his pile of gay robots and I threw him a question if he said I don't know maybe we should ask the Rhino and see what happened, hey hey how are you?

Chris said hello how are you, your name is Sandra, yes Sandra. Petersen Peters yes, no relation, where are you from? I'm from the east coast. I traveled there a little bit and then, you know, I went across the country and answered Jeff's ad and now here I am, your fun complement for now. I just said I was horny are you are you a rhino lady then or does it matter no it doesn't matter yes ma'am I'm a lady Sandra Do you know a lot of Sandra's men? Yes, I think maybe because I have five, yes. Well, I don't know, that's it, you know, it depends on your welcome here, thank you, you just know that you and Jeff have a good thing going and I didn't want to interrupt, you know, that's the comedy team of Abbott and Costello and Peterson and Ferguson and wait wait wait wait wait Ferguson and Peterson I think I was with you, man, yeah, that's what I said.

You think you did it right the first time. ¿I can get you something? It looks like you might be trapped. No, you know I can. Come out anytime if I want. Just uh, okay, come out, go ahead, get up, come out okay. I don't feel like you know. You don't feel like it right now. Just proves that you can do it. No. I can try anything. I would try it, come out. I'll show you after the show. Oh, show me, no, I don't feel like it, so let me get this straight. I'm not going to be manipulated by a gaming robot and a tapestry hanging on the wall.

What happened? The studio audience came up to me and the hot girls were here winking at me and waving at me, so to be crazy, exactly, yeah, where are you from San Pedro? I'm from Maui. From Maui they came to visit my two sisters from San Pedro. San Pedro, one of those places where they do things right, makes you suddenly say, Paige, you want to meet our network executive. It's best for me to do some more checking, hey, hey, hey Beth, what's the CBS affiliate in San Pedro? Apparently CBS cares, they just don't care about San.

Pedro then we don't have why okay why are you here then if your Ecuador my 60th class reunion in fifth place you stay with your sisters you are going to have the class reunion I just had it on Saturday it was nice yes 85 people Mortimer dead what's the common hey I didn't know you were Italian, yeah, so that's Italian, right? Well, yeah, oh, yeah, tutti-frutti ice cream, the first day, really,

every

night, okay, listen, I'm so glad you're here, but leave it alone because I. I'm working and you know all that kind of pie, you know what I'm talking about, it's going to be a hot show, hey Benson, did you find out the name of the affiliate in San Pedro?

Yes, CBS case, I'm on it. KCBS, you just created. that, Peter, really, that's one of those CBS San Pedro keys, okay, yeah, we got a big break with the jailbreak, yeah, take a break, okay, we're taking it, we're back with Mindy Kaling, we learned that Beth, the CBS executive, didn't do it. Let's get to know the branch in San Pedro, right? How could they compensate these lovely citizens of San Pedro who, by the way, are connected? Ladies, you're going to dinner at the Ivy, but the Ivy, hey, do you want it? go to a commercial break, yes, but I don't want to then what are you going to do.

Oh, naughty boy in the tight suit, maybe naughty boy, okay, commercial break, that one walks away from Jim, says dear Craig and Jeff, I'm 19 and I was at church. with my parents when I dropped a condom out of my wallet, what should I have said, should you have said, oh, what's the command does, that's only if you're a Unitarian, well, I said, Joe, Unitarians can take a joke, yeah, anyway, Dave, do you know David, oh? yes good friend ok says dear Craig in GP could you give me the number of CBS execs where you think Beth want to meet a guy named David? nya sounds great, okay, he says wink if you can, I think I'd better go. us, go and get married, live in Iowa, I think they think it's a little easy, yeah, try Kirsten in front of us, you'll find out real easy, cheers, easy, you know what I'm easy, bad, don't care what they say the taxi drivers, no, listen, it's a joke it's a joke it's a joke it's a joke Beth yes yes that censors me too much these days I like it when I'm naughty she pixel it's me oh it's so bad it makes me want to talk like If a perfect Craigie suit is too tight maybe take it off, it's too tight.

I want to go to central Iowa, but where central Iowa is my code name for having sex, yeah, and mine is meeting at the Nyack mall. Wow, thank you all for those fake applause. I almost never showed up. I thought it was going to be a round of applause but there would be a clip oh it's in a minute oh I have to introduce it. I've been doing this for a while. I've been doing this nine years. Nine years I still have no idea. The study says that. looking at key animals actually improves productivity and that makes sense because I'm a very productive person and I like to look at puppies in the store window and squirrels in the park, beavers on my computer.

I look at all of God's creatures. I set it up. Can? Don't touch me, hey, have you been on the show before 12 or 13, yeah, it was like my first week or so, yeah, it was the beginning, you took a picture of it, so you know you don't. I guess you didn't think, did you, bastard? No, but we should, we should look, we couldn't look for that, we should look at that, yeah, well, then, what was the rest of your childhood like? Beth would like you to know that CBS has no way of condoning chicken murder right CBS cares exactly now look this is what happened I wanted to show you this because you were giving me a hard time about what I was saying Kegel exercises thanks but look , remember this, this was this and we left it on the mantelpiece and he was doing his Kegel exercises and he looked okay inappropriate no no no inappropriate his vegetable matter the vegetable matter is okay does the vegetable match and make you uncomfortable? you make me uncomfortable look I make her uncomfortable easy for the sim Boris yeah so here it is this is what I learned on the show tonight Jeff and his nephew Ross Beth the network executives speak Mandarin Chinese what the hell Yes, or let's put it to the test.

Beth is shaking me every one. Angela, wow! I took a chi into the Shu Qi. and changed his life kanji with cha woman so shaky translated some things into Chinese things from the season balls Church - oh, that's Mandarin yes I thought maybe Jeff could translate for when you focus in Australia since we have to learn ancient wonders. I don't censor you in Australia, you say "okay" in Mandarin, it's okay, so you say something and then you'll see it change. Are you watching Chinese and then it says you say in Chinese first, okay, okay, each one initially in your pants, boy, can I?

Don't wait to take off this top oh it's so hot in here until I get off without your sexy dance. They have a rash on their neck. Say goodnight. Could you say it in Mandarin? Could you still bet on a third party like that? This is the third time this has happened. and you know what that means, naked executive bet, that's what I did, what do you mean, that's what oh yeah, yeah, you got this, yeah, oh, don't be mad at me, girl, you bring some electricity, please example, time, no, I know that power is. It's not like that when we tell it to a real Joe night resident so what you're saying is you like it a little bit further back a little bit further back yeah they're just talking to each other now not even paying attention to us look just talking to each other I seriously think you don't even have to do it.

I just did what you were going to do anyway. What happens if I save it? When does it become offensive? It's fine that way, but what is that when? You are excellent, so even if I give you so much and get angry, even if you know that there is a certain person, every now and then I see a girl with horn-rimmed glasses on Beth, who is she? That's the network executive, what does she do? What I want is for her to be here. I don't know if she could tell you what she wants or what she thinks she needs.

Well, what I'm saying is a bit of a tense bathroom. You must have met, I think Kathy Lee years ago, thank you. a classy compliment look how classy Regis you are so classy well, thank you very much yes, Kristen Stewart, I am yes, she is not going to have a big Thanksgiving dinner, she is on a diet and she doesn't want to cheat. Do I use money every time They hear the horse laugh to themselves, but even it's funny here it turns out that the horse's ass laughs. Happy Thanksgiving everyone, Happy Thanksgiving, good night.