Gabriel Iglesias - I Just Turned On A Man

That's a long walk. One thing I have to grant you is the air that you can breathe here. I live in Los Angeles and I didn't realize I was being deprived of oxygen. I got off the plane here. I took a deep breath, I thought, oh my God, I can do math, you know, and then we flew, it was so nice to fly it. I won't say which airline because it wasn't this one, but anyway they said you can't say the names you don't. I don't want to offend those sponsors and stuff and, you know, big hand to West, but start bringing bigger seats to that fluffy people can enjoy the ride regardless of the seat, man, even if it's first class, it feels like a coach, but no, man, it was uh.

It was a rough ride coming here and I kind of ate a little,

turned

on a light, we hit a little air pocket and the plane fell like 50 feet like that. I'm sorry, I don't care how tough you are when you're in the sky and you fall from the sky. I am not going to lie. I was gay for five seconds. He was a Mexican from Brokeback. Yes. LS. One of these guys recognized me and approached me. He

just

comes up and says, looking, yes, and I know the look that's looking at me like I look at Paco's, only yes, you know, because you're so funny, can I hug you in a row?

It's okay and I gave the guy a hug and he's like in my ear. You're beautiful at first in my head I thought, but then I thought, oh my God, I

just

turned

on a man's shoe, oh my girlfriend, I said you better not be wrong. I have options. Favorite moment in my life for me was when I played football in high school and I've always been a big guy, so of course when you're a big guy on a football team, they put you on the front line. , while a group of other big guys are right in front of you.

They're looking at each other and they're saying things to each other to try to intimidate the other guy, he's looking at me. I'm going to kick your ass. I would look at it and leave. This city is not friendly. I've been to some of the diners, which is simple, that there are no tables, only tables in certain restaurants, that sucks and you know exactly what I'm talking about because we can walk into the table, but then we eat, oh that sucks. and then you go out and go home and take off your shirt and you have that red line that crosses right here, that's what I love amusement parks, I love them, but I can't enjoy them because they're not friendly and fluffy, you try to get on the attraction and they have all the safety systems, you know, bring your furry one like us, that's not going to happen, right, that's why I miss the old roller coasters, 1 bar, 3 clicks, that was it, we never feel like we never fall on Seriously, we never bother, you know who falls, the skinny one. who sat next to us that's Sioux Falls that's a damn long never and my friend mondo is made like me just like me since we need to take a walk what are we going to pick up?

He says they have a ride here it's like a log ride and you get on the log ride and it goes up the hill, down the hill, it makes a splash. I go, what about the pool bar? There is no pool bar. There is no seat belt. in line and we get to the front of the line right now we have to deal with the lady with the headphones, the one who takes her job too seriously how many people, okay, three, two, there we get to the, you guys can have that one. and she gave us our own log so we jump she pulls a lever that we remove we are splashing and splashing just three minutes into the trip at the moment of truth we reach the hill my friend turns around and looks and says Gabriel, come on flash the camera I said you're stupid in three forget we got off the ride we're soaked we go to the bottom of the hill we want to go get that photo we get there and there's a lady behind a counter with a bunch of monitors behind her and she's covering one of the monitors I tell my friend what ship we're on 22 she's covering the screen 22 because oh, we better sneak out of here oh yeah, let's sneak out of here, damn, we're getting stopped by security and you haven't lived until you stopped a security guard with a mouse-shaped badge, this guy swore he would hold on, ma'am, can you move your hand?

Thanks guys, see that photo there. You see, that's a shame. We can't believe someone could take a photo like that in this park. Do you recognize the two large women in this image? It wasn't until we got so close to the photo that we realized something. ourselves and that's when two grown, hairy men go downhill at a 45 degree angle with no shirts on, we both look like sexy Toronto, you guys were amazing, thank you so much, thank you thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking thank you you you