Why Finding Purpose Is SO HARD Today

So it seems to me that more and more people are starting to try to figure out what we are doing here on this planet on this earth, what the

purpose

of life is. In some ways I see this manifested in a kind of anti-work. crowd where people are that's how life is supposed to be. I'm supposed to wake up at seven a.m. every day. I travel for an hour to work until five I travel home I exercise for 30 minutes, I cook during this time and then I have to lie in bed so I don't burn myself the next day and it's just like rinse and repeat until I die, is this really What is life about?

And on the other hand, we have people like the sigma grind set, right? These are the people who are kind of like I'm going to try

hard

and you have to work

hard

to get ahead and you have to be an alpha and you have to go to the Sigma grinding set, you know, that's how you like it, you do it in life, is that you have the side hustle and you grow in your side hustle, so you have your side hustle and you try to push yourself as hard as you can and then if you push yourself a lot, then you can be successful and you can get a lot of money and then you can retire early, there's the fire friends, which is financial independence and early retirement, so these are people who think that it's okay, since life It starts with retirement, the goal of life is to get out of that routine as quickly as possible, earn the millions you can. enjoy life, so instead of retiring at 60, what I'm going to do is try to figure out how I can retire at 45, 46, 46 and a half and then I can start living life in a way that I can I'm going to sacrificing the best years of my life so I can enjoy the last years of my life, so I'm listening to these things and I'm trying to really figure out what the point of all this in life is.

It's really about going to work every day and taking care of yourself and working on your mental health and working on your physical health and learning how to cook and eat nutritious foods and then doing keto and paleo and all that kind of stuff until you die. or it's about trying hard, it's like side hustles, side hustles and side hustles and rushing towards early retirement so you can really start living life to the fullest at the age of 52. Is this what is happening? We know what's going on here and these are two different solutions, whether it's mentally getting out of capitalist society because I reject this or capitalizing on capitalist society and leaning into that and I'm going to try to maximize it and get ahead, but both groups In my opinion, many people share a problem: they do not know what they are doing well, there is no similar

purpose

, there is no sense of purpose in life, people do not know why we are on this Earth and that is why they do not know.

I really don't know how to live this life and there is good real data to support this, so if we look at, for example, porn addiction, porn addiction is increasing and more and more people are consuming porn, more people are becoming porn addicts and you Well, may I say, what does that have to do with the purpose of life? Well, it turns out that the variable that most correlates with being addicted to porn is a feeling of meaninglessness, so as our life loses meaning, we start consuming more porn because, like us, we really don't know. what we're doing so I might as well watch some porn and get a little bit of dopamine and then I'll say like you know time passes.

That's an example, another very scary example is that suicide is actually going on. increase, so we know that suicide correlates with a sense of purposelessness in life. What am I doing with life? There really is no point in being here. I am suffering something right now and there is no end goal that makes the suffering worth it. So why not just take a look at a life that's a little scary, but suicide is the number one cause of death among Asian Americans between the ages of 18 and 24, which is crazy, so if you're like an asian american like me?

I was or I mean, I still am, but I'm not 18-24 anymore. The most dangerous thing in life for you is you and why suicide is the number one cause of death among Asian Americans between the ages of 18 and 24. It's because this is a group of people who are being crushed by expectations that they don't really know what they're doing in life, so if you've grown up in the Asian-American diaspora, you'll be familiar with it. This thing that you're essentially crushed by the expectations of the entire world, usually your parents and your, you know, group of friends and things like that, they tell you, hey, this is what life is about, they're like, look, to be successful, you have to. than to do this. you have to do this you have to do this you have to do this they have the formula discover you have to major in stem you have to work very hard you have to get into a good college you have to be at the top of your class in college, you have to go to work, get these really prestigious companies or become a doctor or whatever and then you'll be happy and despite the fact that they're getting so much pressure from these Asian parents to push this formula for success, what we really see is that American Asian people are killing themselves at an alarming rate and therefore our society has lost sight of the purposes, like we don't really know what we are doing here and since we don't know what we are doing here, we have these types of people like Sigma grind set they say I'm going to do all my grinding from scratch, but is that really the point of life?

Nobody knows what we are doing here and why it is the first thing we have to do. What I understand is that you can't be given a sense of purpose, it has to come from within and if you could be given it then all Asian American children would do very well because their parents are clearly giving them a sense of purpose. they're giving it to you on a silver platter they're shoving it down your throat they're saying this is what you should do this is what you should do this is what you should do but that doesn't work fundamentally it doesn't work It doesn't work well, so the question is Well, if it comes from within, what do we mean by that right?

So if a sense of purpose comes to them, like looking inside yourself, are we talking like something like Oprah's book club? oh you have to look inside yourself and you have to look so far inside yourself and see how you find your purpose, you know that's what we're talking about, but I think it's much more scientific and much more like. simpler than that, it's not some deep, strange spiritual journey, we'll talk a little bit about that, but it's like literally our sense of purpose comes from within, if our sense of purpose comes from within, then why do we more people are losing sight?

Well, what's changed in the last 20 years, let's take a look at it, so what's changed in the last 20 years is essentially an acceleration of technology and what technology actually does, if we think about what's happening in our society. Right now, the most important and fundamental change that has happened in our society is that we have outsourced our care, so I don't know if you're like me, but this is something I used to do when I was in medical school. I needed to optimize things properly, so I had audiobooks, I had audio lectures on my MP3 player, because back then I had an MP3 player 12 years ago, so what I did was I woke up in the morning. and I would put on some kind of audiobook or something like podcasts or something and then I would cook and listen to something, then I would walk to the train and listen to something and then I get on the train and I'm reading something or maybe I'm on my Kindle or something, then I'm in class and I'm paying attention there, so in every moment of my day my attention is externalized, I'm listening to a podcast I'm on social media I'm playing a video game I'm watching something even when I'm in the bathroom as if the Scariest thing in the world would be going to the bathroom without your phone because like, oh my God, what are we going to do then?

If we really look at it fundamentally, what is the change in technology or what changes does technology rot in our brains and in society? Our attention is externalized, so a hundred years ago we used to pay more attention to our internal stimuli and what's really interesting is that there are some places where not even technology has figured out how to get in, so a great example of this is thoughts. about the shower. The shower is the only place because if things get wet then we can't take our technology there where we have these really deep thoughts, we think a lot in the shower and we start making all these amazing realizations in the shower and why is that the shower? ?

Is there something biochemical or physiological about heat and water? maybe you take a cold shower, you know that triggers all these deep thoughts. No, actually it's like this is the only time we can be with ourselves. This is the only time of day we can actually pay. attention to ourselves and as we have lost touch with our inner voice we don't really know what we think we have struggled to find a purpose and how it works so let me give you an example so let's say I am trying to figure out what I want eat and I'm trying to figure out what kind of food I like, what kind of food I want to eat in this world, but imagine for a moment that my tongue was completely numb and I couldn't.

I didn't taste anything where my nose was clogged because 70% of taste actually comes from the olfactory nerves, but whatever it is that's all numb, I have some covid, I have some olfactory problems, I can't taste anything, so what? How do you imagine? I'm going to try to figure out what food I like and what I'll end up doing if my inner senses are numb I'm going to look at someone else I'm going to look at someone else I see oh wow they're eating a burger that looks great, I'm going to eat it, look that litter enjoying their burger, they're taking these big bites, it's so juicy it looks amazing and then I decide okay, I'll have a burger, so I take the first bite. hamburger I don't try anything I finished the hamburger I'm like you know what that doesn't really work for me so I'm going to look at someone else I see oh wow that person has ice cream look that's like licking ice cream, you know, it looks really amazing, it's so colorful, it has sprinkles on it, it looks totally lit up, let me do that and then I try the ice cream, but I'm numb so I can't taste anything and then what ends up happening I go through life looking at what other people make other people happy people and then I try to duplicate it in the hope that I myself will be happy, not happy, I will enjoy the food, this is what happens and if we look literally, there is evidence for this in neuroscience that if you look at the use of Technology, no matter if it's social media video games, whatever it is, numbs our emotional circuits, it literally turns off our ability to stay in touch with ourselves so that we know that Playing a video game for even a short period of time will suppress our amygdala and our limbic system.

Our brain's emotional circuits would like to literally suppress those internal signals, which is exactly why we use the Internet, so when I feel bad about myself. and I have a lot of work to do and I feel overwhelmed, what am I going to do to fix it? I'm going to watch cat videos. The moment I open a cat video, I suppress all my internal signals and this is precisely what is happening We are going through life trying to figure out what we want to do We are looking for possible answers outside of ourselves We see that this person is enjoying a hamburger we see that person is enjoying an ice cream, but the whole At that moment we are actively numbing our tongue in our olfactory senses, so nothing seems to work and when nothing seems to work, that's how we end up with people developing the set of sigma grinding, think about this for a second, okay, people who are doing it. the Sigma grind set signal and they want to retire early, what are they really saying?

They don't even know what they are going to do after they retire. They don't even know they're going to enjoy retirement, but they think about it. right, because you haven't retired, you don't know what it's like to be retired for five years, you think it's going to be great because you imagine all these freedoms and stuff, but you don't really know how it's going to work. I worked with a lot of people who actually retired and then what do they do after two or three years? They get bored and come out of retirement, so we end up going through life looking at what seems to make other people happy and then chasing them. after that, all the time we become numb and this is where we are particularly vulnerable because if we look at things like social media and influencers, they completely play into that sense, so how do you become a successful influencer, how do you become successful in social networks? livesthe good life, you show other people that I'm going to be fit and look at me and I'm doing all these things and like I'm muscular and I'd like to have a lot of fun with my friends and we're going to go to the beach and we're going to do this and we're going to do this and everyone laughs and everyone says yeah, like oh my gosh, they're living a good life and then you sit at home.

I'm seeing that you're like I want that too. Those people are happy. Social media completely amplifies this. This kind of idea is that I can look at other people and they are showing me the recipe for happiness. They are showing me how to find purpose, but it doesn't work because we try to look like a monkey. Do we try to replicate what we see? but it doesn't seem to work for us because we are numb, so the next question is how can we become numb and once we are able to do that, life will change drastically, so if you can start tasting again.

It can be really very easy to discover what you like to eat, all you need to do is be able to taste, so how do we do it? This is where we have to talk for a second about boredom. The first thing we must understand is what the purpose of boredom is. If we think about it when we start to get bored, what is our antidote to boredom. Our antidote to boredom is usually some type of external stimulation. So what does boredom actually mean? Boredom is a stimulation. looking for an emotional state so that our mind realizes, hey, if we don't get the stimulation that we want, what I'm going to do is make this person feel bored and once they start to get bored, we'll look for some type of external stimulation. simulation that will then relieve boredom because as long as we are stimulated from the outside we will not get bored, furthermore, if we are simulated from the outside, what we will do is suppress all our internal signals.

So the question becomes: how can I begin to reconnect with my internal signals? And this is where, if you want to start listening to your inner voice, what you really need to do is stop drowning it out from the outside, so this is where we have to understand a little bit where the thoughts come from, so the thoughts in our mind They come from two places: they can come from our sensory organs or something like internal memory or things like that, so if you think about it, you know what they are. Are you excited for

today

?

Are you excited to watch a particular movie, play a particular game, or eat a particular food? How did you feel that emotion? Where did that thought come from? It is probably coming from a sensory organ and while we are being bombarded. through the sensory organs it is going to be very difficult for our internal thoughts to really arise, this is aggravated by the fact that many times when our internal thoughts arise, they arise in a negative way, so the first thing that comes out of our mind tends to be to be a little bit negative, so if I'm sitting there awake at night and, you know, trying to sleep, I'm not going to have happy thoughts at first, right?

I'm going to start thinking a little. about how much I have to do, I'm going to start to feel overwhelmed, so the other reason we want to numb ourselves is that the first layer of inner voice is usually unpleasant, these are negative emotions that we have repressed and so what do we do? ? what to do about it and this is what's interesting is that we know socially that people will find their right purpose and how they do it well, they go on these journeys of self-discovery and they find themselves, so we know that this is not just a trope, that people actually go and do this.

I kind of got it right, so I went to India and spent three months in an ashram and we know people will follow these trips as a year-long Wanderlust, you know? Gap type things, sometimes people take a gap year and what do they do on their gap year? They like to travel the world, hike, climb mountains and all that kind of stuff, and we know that once people do this kind of thing, what happens is they come back to life six months later, a year later, it has They've grown their hair, they have a beard, presumably their friend, sometimes they're women, you know, and then they have a piercing look in their eyes and they're tough and we've discovered ourselves and so let's understand that scientifically for a second, let's wait a minute. so we know that this happens and even within you there may be a longing to go find yourself and then the question begins, well wait a second, what is it?

The mechanism of this. What is the science behind this? Why do you have to travel to the Himalayas to find yourself? Aren't you with you all the time? Well, the answer is actually not correct, so in the world we exist in you. You are not with you, in fact, you have so much digital stimulation that you are very, very far away from yourself, which also explains why you can go to the Himalayas, so when you go hiking for six months, what happens to your indary as a sense? ? Organs What happens to your sensory information when you walk for eight hours?

As if you are not receiving constant sensory information. You just can't be so sure that you're seeing things like maybe there's a beautiful mountain somewhere or a lake or whatever. but for the most part you are walking and just being with yourself, so the process of

finding

yourself involves reducing external stimulation, and as you begin to reduce external simulation, things begin to emerge that tune you into your voice. inner, this is exactly what happened to me in the ashram, so I sit there and meditate for about eight hours and things start to arise, things start to arise, and this is also the reason why people like to go to meditation retreats, because when If you go to a meditation retreat, you are with yourself and you were away from the rest of the world, you have disconnected and when you disconnect from the rest of the world that is when you hear your inner voice and it is an interesting thing because even this Trope It makes sense in some ways, so what is the mechanism through which embarking on a journey of self-discovery helps you find purpose?

Because there has to be a scientific mechanism. It's not just a literary trope that's glorified in movies like people actually go and do it. this and the mechanism is that we get away from these external stimuli so that we can listen to our inner voice and so if you're sitting at home and thinking, well, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to go understand myself? taking a hiking trip, if you want to do it, do it, you can do it as silent meditation retreats or whatever, but

today

we are going to teach everyone a very simple technique which is to get to the end of the thought. can you tell what does that mean what is the end of the thought so if you close your eyes what is going to happen is that you will have correct thoughts thoughts will arise thoughts will arise thoughts will arise and you will notice a particular pattern in the thoughts most of the thoughts will be related to something external To you, it's not about what you want, it's about things that you are going to need to do or they manifest as desires that you may think is what you want, but that desire will also be born from an external stimulus, it is not something that matters to you. you can say I want to eat this or I want to play this or whatever then what you are going to notice is that there is a period of intense boredom where your mind is fighting for stimulation and so you will feel very, very, very intensely bored and You remember what boredom is.

Boredom is your brain's attempt to get that hit of dopamine. That's why it makes boredom so uncomfortable, so if we think about sensations. within ourselves that drive us to act that force us to act all those sensations are uncomfortable hunger is uncomfortable thirst is uncomfortable and then why does our body make us feel uncomfortable to force us to act? What is the biggest club you have? It's actually boredom, so the second phase that you're going to experience is intense, intense boredom, but then something magical will happen if you can get past that phase, if you can't give in to the boredom and once you know what the boredom is trying to do. do, you can start having it. some power over it, you will find that the thoughts will be very fast at first and then they will start to slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down and if you are lucky you will reach the end of the thought, so how much time?

Is it necessary to reach the end of the thought? It depends, but once you get to the end of the thought, because remember, thoughts can come from outside, then all you will be left with are the internal impulses, what you will have done is stop numbing yourself and I will actually be hypersensitive to the impulses. internal goals, internal values ​​and the good thing is that once you focus on them, you can begin to create a life around them once I know from within myself what I am looking for in life once I leave to listen. influential people or my Asian American parents or looking at other people like my friends or older siblings or whatever and what they've done with their life and instead of trying to duplicate that I'm listening to myself, then I can start to Align a life with my values ​​and something truly magical happens there and that is that once you discover what you want out of life it's not about what the purpose of life is.

This is also a misnomer. There is no purpose or what the purpose of life is. This is kind of wild, but I think the purpose of life is not in life, it's in you, it's individualized and this is like the big con is that we think what is the purpose of life, let's ask someone really wise, because if we ask Someone really wise will be able to give us the answer, but the point is that you are an individual who is living your life and therefore, if you want to make the most of it, you must understand what you want from and so, in order to get to the end of the thought correctly, you can say: well, practically, how do I do that?

I sit there for a while, you can sit there for a while, you can go for a long walk if you want. You don't have to get to the end of the thought all at once, so you can sit there and go on a 10-day silent meditation retreat. If you want you can go on a hiking trip, they are fantastic or you can just sit with yourself. You know, for half an hour, I have to stay in the lotus position, no, you don't have to stay in the lotus position, go for a walk and just let the thoughts go, they will run out of strength, they will get bored. and then you will discover what you want and once you discover your purpose then you can start to align your life around it and once you start to align your life without purpose a couple of things happen the first thing that happens is they are able to tolerate life's difficulties so why is it difficult to do difficult things?

It's because it's not worth it. There is always a challenge if you really listen to people. What is the resistance? I don't know if it's worth it or not. but once you are aligned with your purpose, it will really be worth it because now you know why you are doing it, now you can afford to get up at 6am. m. every day because you really care about what you are studying. because life makes living so much easier and so much more enjoyable, so to really figure out how to make life easier, I don't think you should take the anti-work view of "that's how it is all life." question and I don't think you should take the sigma grinding set view, which is just hey, let me work and work and work and work and work so that I can be successful later and then I can have this gravy train like this pot of gold.

At the end of the rainbow I don't think it will work. I have worked with those people. They reach the end of the rainbow. They have fun for a couple of years and come to my office and say I don't. I know what I'm doing with life and then we go on this journey. The thing is, you don't have to wait until you no longer have to sacrifice the best years of your life to discover that purpose isn't financial security, that purpose is. There is much more that you can start today, in fact, you need to start today and if you can discover what your purpose is through this technique, if you can understand this, then many things will become easy.

I know it's not practical for people. go to an ashram in India or hike in the mountains for 10 days, which is exactly why we created a training program. Our program is actually designed to help people find a sense of purpose and what we tend to see is a 58 increase in a client's ability. sense of purpose in life at about 12 weeks and what we have really found in our central hypothesis is that once you find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, once you find a reason to disconnect from the Internet, a Once you find a reason to be really motivated to do things that are difficult for you, that's what really makes it easier for you to achieve your goals.