Jon Stewart Tackles The Biden-Trump Rematch That Nobody Wants | The Daily Show

from Comedy Central's most trusted journalists is the only news source in America this is The Daily Show with host John Stewart thank you welcome welcome to the Daily Show my name is John Stewart now where was I was I'm excited to be back I'm so excited to See you, it's good to see you, why am I back? You may be wondering, it's a very reasonable question. I have committed many crimes, as I understand it, talk

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hosts are granted immunity, so No, it doesn't make much sense, but let's talk to the founders. I don't know, we're going to have so many things we're going to talk about this year.

Obviously, the elections, maybe we'll talk about China. maybe let's talk about AI maybe something a little lighter Israel Palestine who knows but first the Super Bowl was yesterday there, a gentleman in the crowd who is delighted that Kansas City won, it was really unfortunate a loss for the real USA er, Kansas City Chiefs or world champions, which means the decades-long plot in which Travis and Taylor brainwashed America into starting routine vaccinations is complete, but it was actually kind of a bust For conservatives, I mean, if the Chiefs lost, who would win? The People's Communist Republic by pelian gay It's almost as if the right's ridiculous obsession with politicizing every aspect of American life ruined everything, but now that the election is more than 9 months away and the exciting thing is that we already know our candidates, it's a drum roll please, these guys, that's why we're debuting tonight. our election coverage independent decision 2024 american democracy look, it's a smoking phone, we didn't change the sound of the word, but we added a k that makes it more clever, how about indecision 2024 election?

We changed a letter, are you still disappointed? so Joe Biden and Donald Trump and, by the way, this weekend the big news was the Council's special report on Joe Biden's handling of classified information. The Special Council Report offers scathing details of what it calls his diminished faculties and his defective memory in writing, if he is charged. He will probably present himself to the jury as he did during his interview with our office as a sympathetic, well-intentioned old man with a bad memory. Where did I leave those documents? This guy couldn't remember things during his testimony. Do you understand what that means? did not have the ability to remember very basic things during the interrogation the images of the president unable to remember simple facts must have been brutal to see James web I do not remember the names I do not remember the name I do not remember buying anything for Myself, do you remember the years that you were married to M Maples?

I mean, I don't remember, okay, as good as my memory is, I don't remember, but I have, I have a good one, so you don't remember saying you have one. of the best M I don't remember sorry, it was a mistake, it was incorrect footage, that's the high functioning candidate from 9 years ago, unable to remember if he has a good memory. Sorry, here's the actual footage that created Trump. International I really don't remember I don't remember I don't remember the email I'm just saying I don't remember this I just don't seem to remember anything about it he actually seemed upset about it I don't I don't know yeah it turns out that the main cause of early onset dementia is impeachment, but back to President Biden, Biden was not willing to accept the special counsel's characterizations, although he was probably sitting on his hands when it came to this at the press conference.

Batman, my memory is fine, my memory, take a look at what I've done since I became president. None of you thought you could approve of any of the things I went through, how did that happen? I know what the hell I'm doing. I've been president I put this country back on its feet I didn't say that's okay Mr. President let me answer your question many Americans have been watching and have expressed concerns about your age that's your judgment that's your judgment boom took them to the house I was about to everywhere Joe Biden taking names kicking ass press conference about you didn't ruin it you did it no no no no stop wait wait wait sir no you killed this take the W what is it? doing don't go let me present to you a one-man

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about what Joe Biden's advisors were doing when he turned around and returned to the podium the show is called please don't don't come back but he came back I am of the opinion, as you know, that The conduct of the Gaza response in the Gaza Strip has been exaggerated.

Gaza, by the way, the response in Gaza has been exaggerated. You know, I like how Biden describes the relentless bombing of Israel. civilians the same way my mom talks about the Super Bowl halftime show, it was a little much, they needed to be on skates, no matter what happens with the music, you sing the song and people will love it, but with the ABS in the turns and the successes. he kept coming initially the president of Mexico CCE did not want to open the door to allow humanitarian material to enter now geography buffs might have noticed that Gaza and Mexico do not share a border which Biden was referring to CCE the president of Egypt not Mexico a less was even worse than that and you think the president of Mexico is named c c so Joe Biden had a big press conference to dispel the idea that he may have lost a step and politically speaking he lost three or four steps, but don't worry because I don't need the Super Bowl press conference that took place on Sunday and the president was offered the opportunity, as is tradition, to do an interview where millions and millions of people could watch him with confidence and clearly lay out his agenda for 2024 or just I could change it. below and do what this is Biden's campaign Harris joined Tik Tock over the weekend The first video was released during the Super Bowl and shows President Biden answering questions related to the big game or the mid-show game time Jason Kelce or Travis Kelce Mama Kelce I understand she makes great Cher sprinkle cookies.

She fires everyone. How do you go on Tik Tock and end up looking older? So yeah, everyone spent all weekend talking about whether the Democratic pick for president is mentally up to the challenge of the most demanding job in the world. What did your opponent say this weekend? We have to win in November or we won't have Pennsylvania. They will change the name. They are going to change the name of Pennsylvania. I can't believe I lived in New Jersey. For so long and I've been mispronouncing Pennsylvania apparently the emphasis is on the end of the yes, it should be noted that concerns about the president's physical condition and acuity are legitimate, especially those at an older age.

Biden's opponent also appears to live in The Villages, so the question is then. it becomes what are we doing here people, oh wait, no, that's good indecisiveness. 2024 title, yeah, let me tell you something. Biden lost his step, but Trump regularly says things at rallies that would justify a wellness check. All I know about magnets is this, give me a glass of water let me drop it on the magnets that's the end of magnets I'm uh I'm not a scientist uh I'm pretty sure water is not the end of magnets I think you may be thinking cotton candy pretty easy to mix those up is probably why the front of your refrigerator is so messy it's just a sticky look look these two candidates are very kind about your enthusiasm these two candidates both have similar challenges and it's not crazy to think that the oldest people in the history of the country to run for president could have some of these challenges now the Democrats will say that any criticism like this, especially of Biden, is unfair because you just don't know Biden like they do you know Biden, President Biden, who I've been with. uh, many times just in this last year he's sharp, he's focused, he's brilliant, he's sharp, intensely probing, detail oriented and focused, this is a man who is sharp, who is at the top of his game, who knows what's happening, he's smart, he's on his game. was in almost every meeting with the president and the president was front and center, coordinating and directing the leaders who are in charge of America's national security, not to mention our allies around the world, anyone?

Did you film that why? If you're telling us behind the scenes that he's smart and full of energy and also really in control and leading, you should film that would be good to show people instead of a tick tock where CH chip cookie is going. We see that he is in charge, you see, I like cookies, of course, when it comes to Republicans, they have a different strategy for their 77 year old candidate. Well, first of all, Donald Trump is not an old man, he is an old man, objectively he is an old man. On a human scale, Trump is objectively old.

If he were a turtle, he would tell you that he is a turtle at 77 years old. Oh, young man, go and enjoy college, but he is not a tourist, he is not a turtle. What we know for sure is that we have two candidates who are chronologically outside the norm of anyone who has run for president in this country in the history of this country. They are the oldest people to run for president, with a difference of only four years. the record they set the last time they ran, man, they're old enough, they're objectively old, they're old enough, there are no more age-related milestones to hit, they got the RP card, they got Social Security, they got their movie discounts There's no, oh wait until you're 88, you can drink and drive, no, all they have left is a today show.

The Smuckers shout, you know what I think, we have a new name for our election coverage, indecision, 2024. Antiques. Road show, this is what I'm going to tell you, we're not suggesting that either of them are vibrant, productive or even capable, but they're both pushing the limits of being able to do the hardest job in the world. What is crazy is to think that we are the voters who should silence the concerns and criticisms, it is the candidates' job to calm the concerns, not the voter's job not to mention them and look, I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to be. be cruel, I didn't want to I didn't want to have to do this on my first day come, come here, look at me, look how time has passed, give the kids a tree for the lunar surface, look at this, I'm like 20 years younger than these. this look at this they want w by the way you don't you don't here's the truth and if you think oh 20 years isn't that long this is me 20 years ago yes yes I agree and maybe it was my mistake for sleeping in a meat dehydrator look Joe Biden is not Donald Trump he has not been impeached so many times he has not had so many fraudulent businesses nor has he been convicted in a civil trial of sexual assault nor has he been ordered to pay defamation and dissolved his charities or defrauded a tons of blue-collar tradesmen I had hired, in case we ever take over things, probably not, but the stakes of this election don't make Donald Trump's opponent any less subject to scrutiny, it actually makes it more subject to scrutiny, if the barbarians are at the door, you want Conan standing on the ramp, the pieces are not the chocolate chip cookie type, so what's the good news that it wasn't rhetorical framing?

I'm literally asking you to look at the next nine months or so and maybe more that depending on the schedule of hits that are going to suck, you will get emails with crazy subject lines like Hi John, I'm Chuck Schumer. Donald Trump is right behind you with a knife. Mrs. They will pump you up with rooc calls. and push real polls and polls and people will tell you to move the vote and be the vote and vote the vote and the vote and everything will make you feel like Tuesday, November 5th is the only day that matters and that day does.

It matters, but man, November 6th is nothing to sneeze at or November 7th, if your boy loses, bad things can happen, but the country is not over and if your boy wins, the country is not saved in any way. I have learned one thing in these last Nine years and I was glib at best and probably dismissive at worst. The job of making this world look like one you'd rather live in is a lunch job, day in and day out, where thousands of Anonymous's committed, smart, and dedicated people hammer away. behind closed doors and pick up the ones that have fallen and work on the problems until they get a positive result and even then they have to stay to make sure the result sticks, so the good news is I'm not saying it's not necessary Worry about who wins the election.

What I'm saying is that you have to worry about all the days before and all the days after forever, although on the plus side I'm told that at some point the sun will run out of hydrogen.