Duck Dynasty: Willie Has a SERIOUS Midlife Crisis

MAN: That's sweet. Who in the world would park in Willie's parking space? As much as I love playing with Willie, there are two areas I stay away from: his food and his parking. He's ready to warm up. Hello, Willie. I. What are you doing? Just strumming a little bit. What's happening? When did you start playing guitar? I've been playing a little bit, but mostly since yesterday. Yes. What do you think? That's terrible. He can hate all he wants, but when you kill him, he will be jealous. Let me play another one. This will be better. No, no, no, not really.

Or the city of jealousy, I'm not sure. How do you spell jealousy town? Do you want to be a rock star now? I've always been good at music. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Heh. What do you want? Someone parked in your spot. WHO? I don't know. It's a motorcycle. Is it a bad looking motorcycle with flames on the sides? That is yours? Yeah, and guess who doesn't ride it? You. You don't even know how to ride a bike. It's never too late to start something new, son. Why don't you start working? That will be new for you.

Oh, that's a good one. Do not touch it. Of all the personas Willie has tried to adopt overnight (a health enthusiast, a police officer, a wine connoisseur), how long have you been riding a Harley? From now on. This has to be the most ridiculous thing. Is that a Warrant t-shirt you're wearing? Yes. Rock Never Stops Tour... 1994. Well, it looks new. That's what the description on eBay said. Have you been using drugs? Linda, get this guy out of my office. Leave. Good. I'll serenade you. JASE: Good luck with the tour, Slash. (SINGING) Jase is leaving my office.

JASE: Have you noticed Willie? Oh, we've been talking about that all morning. JASE: He bought a motorcycle. He doesn't know how to drive one. Hey, did you notice that his beard is a little darker? Now it looks like mine. I realized that. Hey, speaking of which, okay, I came to work the other day. There was a cockroach... A what? That sucker was probably at least a foot, maybe 18 inches long. That's a big cockroach. Jep showed up at that time. And well, we both tried to stop it. Hey, you're talking about fast. Really fast. Hey, that fool was quick, Jack.

Hey? What does this have to do with Willie's beard? Hey, I'm getting to that. Let the story unfold. Hey, look here. I will tell a story like a M. Night Comalong movie. I'm just preparing you for a big twist. After a minute, Jep tried to stomp on him. Jep told me that Willie is dyeing his beard. Bam, turn. Well, why didn't you tell me that? Or better yet, let Jep tell the story. Well, Jep, tell the story. Basically, Cory told Jessica that Willie dyed his beard. The end. SI: That's a story. People love a good twist in a movie.

What do you think? Have you ever seen "Lady in the Water"? It had a good turn. Hey, it stunk. You caught me again, Mr. Night Comalong. I like Si's story better. You're missing the point here. Look, man... What's the point? The point is that the man bought a motorcycle... Yes. --That he doesn't know how to drive. He is dying his beard. That's embarrassing. And he has a guitar. And he's trying to play it. Yes. This could only mean one thing. Hey, he's starting a band. Are you kidding me? What do you mean? I want to be in a band.

What's wrong with you? He's having a

midlife

crisis

. MAN: Do you believe? We need a redneck intervention. Alright. We support you. Okay let's go. Peasant intervention. Good. And I still think the band isn't a bad idea. Before you ask, no, you can't accept it. So no trips here. Nobody wants to set this up. You sure do. Jase, why do you want to hate me, dog? I'm just trying to keep it alive. That means real. I think it means real. I'm going to text Sadie. Why are you here? You are not working. So what is the problem?

You're showing some warning signs of... What, success? No, hey, you're... Great. This is not cool. This is scary. It's called a

midlife

crisis

and you're in the middle of it. You just don't know what it's like when you're on the road with the wind in your face. MARTIN: Neither do you. This thing hasn't even left the parking lot. Ha, I'd get in this thing and ride all the way to California if I had to. JASE: Get on the bike. Test it. Let's see it. Good. I will do that. Someone, get ready to call 911. I can 100% ride that motorcycle.

Like I'm going to buy something I don't even know how to use just because it looks cool. Does this look cool or what? Jep, take a photo right here. Nice. It looks amazing though. I'm on it. MAN: He's on it. YES: He is hanging by one leg. Oh. You have your kickstand raised. OK. That's a big step. He has to stand up. I'm on it. Get that sucker going. Watch his ears, guys. It's kind of noisy. MAN: Huh. SI: Huh. Oh. How about that, huh? Alright? He still hasn't moved. Okay, I don't know how to set it up.

Willie, I'm proud of you. The first step to solving any problem is to admit that you have one. I told you! Hey, stop laughing. Although if you think about it, it's the easiest. I told you I couldn't ride that thing. Good. I do not know what I'm doing. I've never ridden it. They left it to me. But he's there and he looks great. Yeah, hey, let me sit down. And you take a photo of me. Yeah. Take a photo of me, Jep. If you put a scratch on that, I'll kill you. Say cheese, Yes. Cheese. Close enough.

Riding a motorcycle is like riding a bicycle, except you have no pedal and you go about 40 times faster. Hey, first thing you need to do... look here. You are astride this beast. Then you come up here and grab it by the horns. The most important thing is that you have to take the cover off this thing. I want to be able to identify this baby... This is it. And hey, if you run into a little mud, hey, then get down here and put it in four-wheel drive. It has two wheels. Hey, what's your point? JASE: Let's not digress here.

Willie is going through a mid-life crisis. No I'm not. Older people are doing it again. What are you laughing at? WILLIE: I can take Jase's nonsense. But I'm not going to take away Baby Jep's beard conditioning lip. Hey, can you shut your mouth, you little fart. You are the skinniest and weakest of the group. I'm tougher and much prettier. What are you going to beat us at, shopping? Shopping, lifting weights, running. No. No, I know where you're running. You run to where Jessica tells you to go. Thank you. You talk too. SI: Hey, this sounds like the battle of the brothers to me.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. Alright. Okay, see you in 30 minutes. Let's do it now. Well, first we have to have lunch. That's a good point. We need lunch. Let's eat lunch. Alright, for the first event, here's what you're going to do. We know what we are going to do. Whoever pulls the truck the furthest wins. There is a belt and a truck. Let's get ready to pull a truck? YES: Put it in four-wheel drive. MAN: You can do it. YES: Put it in four-wheel drive. Come on. Come on. It hasn't moved. MAN: No, he hasn't moved an inch.

JASE: He hasn't moved an inch. Is the handbrake on? Let me check it twice. MAN: You didn't check it the first time. Jon. Yes, he is on. Come on. Uh oh. Hey hey. Pull, pull, pull, pull, pull, pull. MAN: Yes! WILLIE: Now we're getting somewhere. I'm about to cross Louisiana with this truck. What is that, about five feet, six feet? Oh, it's a solid foot and a half. Sure? I'm positive. There can only be one winner. Let me work on it. You may be the big brother, but I have something you don't. Re scared? Strength. Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.

You are in second place. When I was a kid, Jase and Willie used to torture me. I told myself, someday you will pay. Jep, give up now. Today is that day. Stop now while you're ahead. Yo have to go ahead. Yo have to go ahead. You keep going. Keep going. - I can not do it. - Hey. - Yes. - UH oh. Yes. We have a winner. In his face. No, this is not in my face. You cheated. He wears tennis shoes. This is rigged. The man wears performance-enhancing shoes. He wears good tennis shoes. We put on our boots.

JASE: He's wearing tennis shoes. You have tennis shoes on. WILLIE: That's under protest because of the sneakers. YES: Protest denied. Go to the next event. Hey! Resistance test. Resistance test? MAN: Resistance? Yes. Okay, look here. Up to this point, hey, this competition has been a real snoozefest. MAN: What does this have to do with resistance? Look here. You have to eat as many hot peppers as you can. I usually like a good nap party. But hey, this one, this one is the bad kind. Okay, if you can stand the heat, you're young. If you can't, you're an old idiot, so he gets out of the kitchen.

I am prepared to take this competition to a level like Emerald Legacy. Okay, bam! Bam! Yes, why do you eat them? They taste very good. Bam! Are they hot? Yes, they are hot. Bam! Bam! Bam! I'm not a coward like you three. How difficult can it be then? Bam! Alright, here's the big resistance. I have this totally in the bag. Jep gets nauseated from eating cereal. And Jase's idea of ​​spice is black pepper. This is stupid. I mean, get out of Louisiana if you can't handle a little pressure. But those peppers should be banned. I feel like I lost part of my language.

That ruined his day. I think I'm going to vomit. I mean, I'll throw up. I just vomited in my mouth. In an hour. This is a tie. No, I will not surrender. WILLIE: Come on. I can win this. Jep, take the draw, or Jase and I will tape you to a post like when you were a kid. Alright, I'm done. Draw! Alright, don't forget your capri pants. Phase three. What's that? MARTIN: I couldn't find Trivial Pursuit, so this is the best option: shape recognition. Finally, I'm a sure candidate for this one. Jep can't even spell geometry.

And Jase... JASE: Why don't we just point them out? Star, X. Do I really even need to explain? Martin, this is ridiculous. Well, I can tell you our historical trivia or something. Hey, no, that's boring. Play the shapes game. Who made him the boss of this thing? That's where we went wrong. Hey, play the shape game, idiot. Who will go first? Jep, are you awake? Yes. Alright, here we go. MARTIN: Oh oh. This is it...final countdown. You don't know your ways. WILLIE: You don't even know your ways. JASE: How are you still alive? These guys better watch out because they own a highway to the danger zone.

Man, I've been having gas pains all morning. Jep, you're terrible. JASE: Oh! Oh. Do they give these things to children? MARTIN: 3, 4-- I need a heart transplant. MARTIN: 16-- YES: 17. --and 17. 17 is the number to beat. Who's next? I guess I. I'm going to win this round handily. Are you ready? Yes. And then I'm going to put it in his face. MAN: Jase, you're terrible. That does not count. - Yes, that doesn't count. What are you talking about? That's not the correct one. It's not the right one. Oh, he won't forget it. Thats not all. Hey! That doesn't count.

That does not count. Oh! Okay, he did it... he got that one. MAN: What does that prove? MARTIN: 3, 4... He's not good with shapes. Oh yeah, okay, I don't know my ways. That's not the correct one. MARTIN: That's not all. Well, do you know what this proves? And you wonder what happens to the children. This is a terrible education. At least they'll know what a stop sign looks like. Apparently not so. Proves I'm not good at little kids' games. Hey, Jep is starting to sound like a genius, guys. Because, you know, I gave up childish games when he was little.

Alright, last man up, boss. Are you ready? Alright. And we have Lightning coming out of conduit four. That's all. It's time to show these ding dongs who's better at a game intended for children. Go. JEP: Shit, it's pretty good. He is much better than you. What are you talking about? MAN: Uh-oh, ran into a problem there. He has run into a problem. JASE: And you were laughing at me, huh? SI: Time is running out. GODWIN: You better hurry, you better hurry, you better hurry. It's going to explode. He's going to explode. Oh! I'll give you that one.

Here's everything he didn't understand. 2, 3... I know how to count. --12 13, 14, 15. Boup! Winner! MARTIN: And the winner... Everything. MARTIN: --little brother. Little brother. It doesn't prove anything. That's what he would have said if he had lost. Do you want me to show you who is the weakest? Yes, what do you have? Oh. Do you know how you know who the loser is? I have to go to the bathroom. My advice is that you do it. He's the guy taped to the post. Willie, this is your day. You will get the honors. Do not do it. No, I won't.

Oh. WILLIE: We'll get back to you in about a week. MAN: Oh, that's unfortunate. Thanks for that. cold. You guys are cold. We're just proving our point, yeah. Okay, it's not funny anymore.