Elon Musk’s Wittiest & Funniest Moments of All Time

You're moderately busy running two billion dollar companies that are pushing the boundaries of space,

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and energy and you came to Dublin. What was the attraction of this event? This

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Einstein is really going to be a big party tonight. Oh, that was great, yeah. This is the queen, have you seen this one? I saw her earlier today. Note that she can move in any direction. The queen is very powerful. I like that she is standing perfectly in that black square. Yeah, and she makes you think she's just going to intervene. he enters squares like almost like hubert, she is with a bishop, oh, she is with a bishop, yes, so this is like a chess game, yes, essentially, and notice that he is also on a black square, yes, a queen and a bishop.

Have you considered overnight Elon Musk getting into the candy business like he suggested he might do on Twitter, I didn't hear that sound like a wise thing to do, I can't fault anyone else for their cleverness, the new Crew Dragon design It's being able to land propulsively accurately, which I think is something like that. the next generation, if you consider that the first generation always parachutes to a water landing, then, you know, possibly some kind of wings and landing legs on top of the landing gear, so, the third generation type, uh, it's a propulsive landing, uh, accurately, I mean.

If you saw a movie about the future with aliens landing, how did they land like that? Okay, obviously, I'd like that, I mean, it would be a little weird if aliens landed in the ocean with parachutes. I'm like, okay, there's nothing to fear. The competitors are now increasing and as you are familiar with Byd, which is also on the west coast, I believe they are increasing production of their electric vehicles. Warren Buffett owns a 10 share in that, why are you laughing trying to compete? Why are you laughing? You saw your car earlier, when people tried to make a reusable system, they discovered that they would get part of the way there, and then concluded that success was not one of the possible outcomes.

Now in government programs, of course, the program would still continue. For quite some time the ultimate goal of SpaceX has been developing the technologies that can take humanity to Mars. Would you like to be on that flight? I would absolutely like to go to Mars. I think it would be great to be born on earth and die. on mars, hopefully, not at the point of impact, you know, in my case, when I was 10, my father was imprisoned, he had threatened someone with a gun in Switzerland, it's a very bad idea to threaten a banker with a gun and had a drug in his system, a sleeping drug, which was later found to create quite a few side effects, including extreme violence, and his case was reopened.

He was the first person to be pardoned by the cantonal parliament in Geneva and at the time I thought, you know, he got away with it, he had a very good lawyer, ironically, 15 years later, I'm doing a PhD on sleep, I challenged to one of my professors and I said, "do you know what happens if I use this particular drug, for example, on mice and he said Philip, you can't use this, it makes people psychotic and aggressive, so once I heard This, 15 years later, I thought, okay, this is, maybe, maybe my father wasn't like you know or he wasn't guilty at all, so it was interesting, my first reaction was to pick up the phone and apologize 15 years later to my father, you know, I doubt it, his industry exactly, any natural resource extraction would be that production would be for Mars, like it definitely doesn't make sense to transport things 200 million miles back to earth, you know, Honestly, if you had crack cocaine on Mars, in pre-packaged pallets, you know, it still wouldn't make sense to transport it back here, maybe it's good times for Martians, but no.

Back here, so I have a Tesla, yeah, okay, I love it, I love it, you have something new that you think is going to happen, people will want their Tesla. Can I, Jim? Can we show the images of this? I believe it's called. this thing is the power arm which is extremely it's a robot snake charger yes it's a snake charger that automatically connects to your car when you get home this looks a little bad you know it really looks like the thing that it connects to the back of Neo's head in the matrix, okay okay that thing is going to attack me in my sleep uh okay I wouldn't do it for the prototype at least I would recommend not dropping anything when you're close, okay, a quote from one of your former employees, which didn't really sum up much of what they've accomplished, he said it's verner braun braun howard hughes henry ford bill gates steve jobs and all the other tough guys rolled into one, yeah , I'm probably a little generous because I had this as an existential crisis when I was a kid and I tried to figure out what it was about and none of the books I read seemed to have a good answer, you know?

So I said I read all the religious texts and I read a lot of philosophy books. and they are all pretty depressing, particularly the Germans, every piece of data, every data point that we look at internally suggests that we are the best in class, but we don't, which is not a class, yes, we are the best, sorry to all. in this room is inspired by you, who inspired you? Well, Kanye West, obviously, it's a crazy car to have as a daily driver, particularly on the 405. So, um, but I understand when you got it, yeah, you're driving on 280 and you wrecked it, no. uh well and let me tell the story you can correct the story I mean yeah let's see if the story you tell is really how that compares to reality because reality is pretty confusing so I hope reality is better so you destroy the car you get out of the car you're doubled over laughing and the person with you said why are you laughing you just wrecked this car and you said no you don't know what a funny part that was' I'm not sure the joke is right.

I'm probably number one on the list of famous last words. I said, look at this, yeah, look at this. That could be awkward with a rocket launch. Is there a parallel to the way companies are built in that story? I hope not. let's see what you can do, yeah look at this, that might be awkward with a rocket launch, how can you plan a business where you know the rocket business? you know some of these things are going to explode on the launch pad, how does the business plan work? I don't really have a business plan, of course, what kind of government do you imagine for the first Martian colony?

That's where after and what is your and what is your title, yes, exactly, emperor or god emperor, I don't know. it might be too much, I don't know if you're the one who should see my jokes here, not everyone understands irony, you know, remember, you have to remember what your mediocre superpower would be. Now it's absurd to ask you because Tony Stark is partially modeled after you, so it's actually a real thing, so we technically have a superpower. I guess he likes inventing technology or something, so we're asking him to downgrade that, so an example of a mediocre media superpower would be One of the best ones we've ever had is this guy who wanted to temporarily detach his arm while He cuddled up with a girl, sometimes he's ready, sometimes he takes steps, that's what he wants to do with a girl, that's amazing, but what do I mean?

On a normal day for you, are you, are you, are you, are you sleeping, you're not sleeping much, are you, oh boy, do I look so bad? um, yeah, um, I actually met a woman that I met briefly in college who now works at Scientific American. as a writer and she told the anecdote that we were on a date, all I talked about was electric cars, that wasn't a winning conversation, so it was a bit like a monologue, right? Yes, she said. She said the first question I asked her was: do you ever think about electric cars?

No, she never does, so you'll learn from that. That wasn't the best. Yeah, I don't like it, it wasn't great, but recently it has been. been more effective, there you have it, I know this man. I remember the first time you told me you were thinking about tunnels. I first told you this years ago, okay, it was a long time ago, like I thought you were joking, yeah, yeah, I was. Just kidding, but we are looking for a company for selling merchandise, so thanks to anyone who bought our flamethrower, you won't regret it or maybe you will, it won't be boring and he is a designer so he is good at something like that. the style of the cars um but he thinks it's all about style um and and and it's not um you know, it's actually this, you know, the reason we don't have electric cars is not because of a lack of style, right? , which we were talking about first. the concept, you know, the tunnels feel like a decidedly old school solution, uh, for a project that I invented, the tunnels, now you say no, I'm not going to start another company, are you still thinking about that?

That's how I feel, that image at the end is a Image of one of the circuit boards inside the roadster, true, yes, but we try to confuse the aliens as much as possible. Here we are on top of our giant ball of liquid oxygen. They say Spacex has big balls and it's true, obviously you're a competitive person you're competing with people like Jeff Bezos uh in Jeffree actually you know what's cool is the Lego Movie I really like the Lego Movie it's really cool um I know what will be tomorrow's headline now everything is incredible ours The US Air Force is funding the Russians to compete against us.

It is a disaster. I mean, you know? The Model X is now more than two years late. What went wrong. I have a problem with punctuality. You have this great photo of green plants. a red background and um I thought okay, maybe that would give the opportunity to make money, you have to be the opportunity to make money, yeah, I'm never quite sure if that's the kind of word you can use or not, um , your friend asked me at a party, hey. What are you going to call them third generation cars? Well, we have the s and the x, we might as well turn it into the e, you know, and then Ford called us and said they were going to sue us for using the model. e and we're like Ford is killing sex, I mean that's terrible, we were on a date, what he was talking about was electric cars, that wasn't a winning conversation, so it was a bit like a monologue, right? ?, said. uh she said the first question I asked her was do you ever think about electric cars?

Since no, she never does, so you learned from that. That wasn't the best thing recently. It has been more effective. Wait, don't go that way. Don't go that way, stay away from me, crazy, stay away from me, okay, okay, oh, oh Jesus, I'm sorry, speaking of setbacks, I just stabbed you, I think it's more dangerous patton than not patenting, since our main competitors are national governments, the enforceability of patents is questionable, much less than we spend on health care, but perhaps more than we spend on lipstick. You know, something like that. And I like lipstick. Not that I have anything against it, so yeah, I can't wait for that comment to come out. there, um, and it's like I find it extremely crazy that GM would ignore this because, um, it's pretty rare for people to push back on digital about a product and particularly a GM product, so I think the reality of being president it's that you're actually like the captain of a very big ship and it has a small rudder stop sending me this that's not that that's not a post at all who is that guy that's me oh my god is that a strange combination between you and this is real this is this a real tweet no, okay, okay, okay, you can create a swarm of killer drones for very little money by simply taking the facial identification chip used in cell phones and having a small charge explosive and a standard drone and have them just do a grid sweep of the building until they find the person they're looking for by ramming them and blowing them up, you can do that right now and so where are you going to be specifically in terms of your requirements? next, stupid boring questions are not cool, next what, how, what The percentage has really taken a step to set up, let's go to YouTube, sorry these questions are so dry, they should really have cool bars, the Mars bar, do you think there is other intelligent life outside of Earth?

It seems likely, but I think this is it. It is one of the great questions of physics and philosophy.