President Mob Boss | Melania Coined “Locker Room Talk” | MAGA Pols Line Up To Defend Trump

welcome friends please ladies and gentlemen welcome to The Late Show I'm your host Steven sneak in number one the number one news story that's laying eggs in our national brain is still the Trump trial here in midtown Manhattan the last four weeks have been filled with lurid and shocking sexual revelations that we learned six years ago, it has been a real case of deja ooh, once again today the prosecution presented its star witness, former Trump fixer Michael Cohen, seen here regretting having hit Knockin while the truck was rocking. Cohen's testimony appears to demonstrate that Trump was directly involved in paying Stormy Daniels, for example, yesterday Cohen told the court that after first resisting, Trump finally ordered him to pay Daniels $130,000 by telling him to just do it in response Nike changed his catchphrase to yay sneakers yay today the prosecutors had Cohen uh We take us back to 2018, when the stormy story broke and Trump was desperately trying to stop it from damaging his presidency.

That year, the feds began investigating Cohen's illegal work for Donald Trump, culminating in an FBI raid on his home and office. Cohen testified that he received a phone call from Trump after the raid and Trump told him, "don't worry, I'm the

president

of the United States," there's nothing here, everything's going to be okay, hold your ground, you'll be okay, that's it. really smells like something Talking about mafia, we haven't heard a

president

sound so much like a mafia

boss

since Billy, the bathtub Taft, the offer he couldn't refuse more ham Cohen also testified about a 2018 phone call with another actor key in the entire hush money scheme National Investigation editor and the mummified remains of Colonel Sanders David pecker The Inquirer uh was taking heat at the time from the feds for illegal campaign contributions Cohen testified that Trump told him to assure Pecker that , quoting, the matter was going to be addressed and the person of course, who was going to be able to do it was then Attorney General Jeff Sessions.

Trump wanted to quash an investigation into his own wrongdoing by using Attorney General Jeff Sessions, seen here angry that you opened the closet and disturbed his nap. This testimony means I can bring it. My favorite guest from yesteryear, please welcome former Attorney General Jeff sessions, hello, hey everyone, I'm back, I'm Jefferson Bard's session, my third and I won't stand by while that Yankee lawyer drags my good name for the mess. Did former Attorney General Sessions keep Trump's promise and derail a legitimate FBI investigation? How dare you doubt my honor, sir? I swear on a stack of Gone with the Wind DVDs that I have an alibi.

I was shoulder to shoulder with 23 of my closest friends in a tight Sil F sleeve and frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn where the president dips his black wafer, that's how the self falls apart inside. The coin testimony was incredibly damning, well, Trump responded with the legal defense known as because yesterday Trump listened to Cohen's testimony with his eyes closed, almost without reacting, moving only occasionally to whisper or pass a note to his lawyer and me They say we have one of the notes. I'm trying to sleep this morning. Trump was defiant. going to court making this bold claim signing a confidentiality agreement is not a crime it is totally legal in fact signing a confidentiality agreement proves that I am innocent because it means I didn't do anything I'm right they tell me I'm right I didn't nothing good there we also learned a fun new detail about Trump's response to the Access Hollywood tape because Cohen testified that it was Melania's idea to characterize Trump's comments as simple

locker

room

talk

, that makes sense because every time Trump tries to reach out to Melania, she has Trump's wardrobe.

Trump today has moral support from House Speaker Mike Johnson, seen here after accidentally thinking of the word nipple, just the word, not even the picture, just the word nipple, it's too hot and don't make him

talk

about the word exciting. Johnson is hyperactive. conservative biblical literalist, but today he took a day off from performative Ho

line

ss to attend Trump's hush money trial. Now I'm not a fan of Johnson, but no one should be subjected to 30 years of sex education in one day, that's like taking an Amish kid to Epcot. Oh my goodness English Mexico is next door France is next door space now outside the court

room

Johnson made it clear what he will not tolerate with this farce I am a lawyer I was a litigator too I am disgusted by what is happening here I have heard things today that I dislike a woman sleeps with a man outside of holy matrimony when the stoning begins I brought my lucky rock Trump's trial also received a visit from one of his vice presidential hopefuls, businessman Vic Ramaswami, seen here asking, who stole my puppet right out of the courtroom that

defend

ed Trump branches Swami made a little Freudian slip, let's pray that our country is stronger on the other side of this disgusting impeachment political farce wa who this disgusting political farce I mean prostitution now this this by Justice I mean the perversion of the juices I I mean you should Proclaim your flatulence, I mean your innocence, other magga people in Congress have been showing up for Trump this week.

He was joined yesterday by an Alabama senator, a former college football coach, and a man who realized he had just texted his wife about his wife, Tommy Tuberville. Here is Tuberville. yesterday in court when he hinted that the people on the jury might not be American citizens. It disappoints me to look at the supposedly American citizens in that courtroom where the father walks in and acts like his Super Bowl senator Tuberville seems to be the only person who ever suffered brain damage from being a football coach The Trump trial is not the only big attraction here in New York In the center of New York there is a new art installation that offers a live window between New York and Dublin Ireland, what a beautiful idea, two cosmopolitan cities. linked by history, literature and immigration and now united by art and people showing their private parts, while others openly do drugs and stream porn on their phones, it makes sense that you put New York and Dublin together and what do you get?

Boston and Boston and do you bring? Boston Boston Boston we should have seen this coming. All new technologies are used to transmit pornography. Eventually remember Alexander Graham Bell's first phone call. Mr. Watson. I'm incredibly high on morphine. Now hold the transmitter on your butt and let me hear that applause. I have a great show for you tonight. My guests are Jennifer Hudson and Marisa Abella, but when we get back, join us.