House Passes Bill to Ban TikTok, Trump & Biden Rematch Set & Aaron Rodgers on RFK Jr’s VP Shortlist

thank you for watching thank you for joining us thank you for being here I'm here you're here we're all here both literally and figuratively and that's exciting and I'm glad we're here having fun because a disaster is coming, a potentially devastating event for the Earth could have a devastating impact on tens of millions of Americans, especially young Americans, and I'm not talking about climate change or AI or diarrhea on airplanes, I'm talking about the House. of Representatives today with an overwhelming majority approved a

bill

to ban Tik Tock in the United States unless the Chinese company that owns Tik talk agrees to sell it only 50 Democrats and 15 Republicans voted no 352 voted yes, which is almost never anymore It happens, who would have guessed? that this would be the thing that would bring both sides together, I mean, the Republicans voted against their own border

bill

because they fear it would make Joe Biden look good, they can't even come together to take on Vladimir Putin, but jeez.

They're going up against Charlie Demilio and then some, and this is funny. You know, they did it just to give you an idea of ​​the survey that this app has. They did a survey and half of the people who use Tik Tok said they think it poses a threat. to Homeland Security but they still use it and keep it on their phones. I guess at this point, what the hell is true? I mean, half the country supports a national security threat to the president. He could dance too. No, I don't think we completely understand how crazy these kids are going to get if they kill Tik Tok.

I mean, for teenagers, losing Tik Tok is more important than losing your virginity. I'm not kidding, even this is like taking away all of their imaginary friends at once and you. I know what kids did before Tik Tok drugs. This is not an attempt to ban Tick Tock, it is an attempt to improve Tick Tock. Tick ​​Tac Toe is a winner. That's how you explain it to young people and tweens, meanwhile, Donald Trump Trump is now. is not in favor of forcing Tik Tock to sell even though when he was president he tried to ban it by executive order, he was very anti-Tik Tock until last month when he received a personal visit from a billionaire donor who owns a large amount of Tik Tock. actions and now, suddenly, she likes him, she likes him a lot.

Total coincidence. I'm sure the House Republicans are not with Trump on this one, but Marjorie Taylor Green of course is because she apparently she's not getting enough attention on Facebook, who is he? I'll buy it, who will be next to control the data of over 170 million Americans? Are we going to trust Mark Zuckerberg to control his data? I certainly don't, by the way, most of the time my Facebook posts are shadowbanned and no one puts hearts on my Instagram stories. I have the feeling that it receives a shadow band from many places. Shadow gang is code for all your high school classmates, you've been silenced, so now the bill goes to the Senate, which spells the fate of every teenage tic. tocker is in the hands of a bunch of old white guys with Hotmail accounts this is a big problem it's like an iPhone with its foot loose and there's no Kevin Bacon to save us and there are plenty of adults who will hate this too I mean without Tik Tok What are people supposed to do at work?

You know, if they ban Tik Tok, how will we know if someone is riding a skateboard down the street drinking cranberry juice and listening to Fleetwood Mac? We won't know if Tik Tok Tik Tok has become a major problem. and a lot of people think that if we get rid of everyone we have to talk about this. I don't know if you've seen this yet, but this Jimmy Kimmel segment is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen in my life. What comes first? How does this guy still have a show? It's a total. He hasn't hosted the Oscars in like three days.

Oh excuse me, what am I trying to make a Tik Tok? How are you doing this? Did you hear that? this Boomer doesn't even know how to make a Tik Tok true, but the last thing our community needs is to hear the opinion of this offline nepo, nepo, I'm not a nepo, oh yeah, tell your dad. I know who my father is and there he is. We just saw the deranged Jimmy Kimmo literally scream. Do you even know who my father is? He's disgusting, he's pathetic and, frankly, he's dangerous. I did not say that. Get that off my screen.

I do not do it. I don't want to be on a Tik Tok, it's too late, you're on one, but the saddest thing about all this is that we all know that the real Jimmy Kimmel died months ago and this double is not fooling anyone, okay? What's that? music is a creepy generic music track every good conspiracy tik tok has one now look at the bags under his eyes the wrinkles on his forehead the droopy chin do you think they would really allow a guy who looks like this on tv no way ABC is so desperate I've had a long week.

I'm tired because of daylight saving time, so I seem to agree with Boner Soup. This is clearly a humiliation ritual to distract us from the fact that space octopuses are making our children bisexual and this is why. That's good, wait, that's all. I'm scrolling up, click the link in my bio to get my supplements. Well, maybe we should get rid of him. It's very powerful last night, as you probably know, Donald Trump and Joe Biden officially made sure. his party nominations, which means we will have the first

rematch

for president since 1956, when it was Lever against Shirley.

One good thing, in all this madness, is that Americans are excited, maybe even too excited, in Johnson County, Kansas, the local Republican party gave uh. uh followers, an opportunity to violently attack a healthy and respectful looking Joe Biden mannequin and look at us here, okay, let's hope that's how the election ends too, but uh, this is Robert F Kennedy Jr, the noted theorist of the anti-vaxx conspiracy with a famous last name. said he will soon announce his running mate who is running as a third-party candidate the New York Times reports that his finalists for vice president include quarterback Aaron Roders and former Minnesota governor Jesse The Body Ventura um, too is considering a couple of truck nuts dipped in ior mechon Kennedy said he's been talking to Rogers pretty continuously about this for the last month oh that would be some good decision making right there Aaron Rogers and Jesse Ventur are not running M, are who the Bookers are in the dough The singer calls when Rob Schneider says no it's fine and Aaron Rogers is still playing football, he's still playing for the Jets, how many losing teams can he be a part of at once?

You know we're less than um, you don't have to answer that. Just something to think about two weeks before the start of Donald Trump's criminal trials on May 1, this one on charges related to the Stormy Daniels hush money case. Trump has gotten into a lot of trouble by complaining about and during these trials, according to Rolling. Stone, his lawyers have been doing gentle internal shoving to try to keep his mouth shut, during which yes, that will work. Gentle internal pushing is also what his doctor recommends when he eats too many cheeseburgers, he doesn't listen to it either, Don is the only one.

The way to shut Donald Trump up is to put him in a room with just Eric, okay, okay, Donald Trump's legal bills are adding up and so is his pillow buddy, Mike Lindell, Mike Lindell, was trying from selling pillows, slippers and bathrobes, now it is there. just beg for cash we have to have safe elections we have to get rid of these electronic voting machines we need your help go to lindel plan.com go there donate donate donate we need 100% of your money 100% 100ry don't even open your wallet, just put it in a box and send everything to them.

Imagine sitting your child down saying, "Sorry, you can't go to college, but my pillow boy needed revenge on the machines and he needed 100." % of our money and March, as you know, is Women's History Month, you knew that, right, the history of the women of GE, yes, women, women have contributed a lot to the world, including me, a woman named Joan, contributed to the world to me, but I often wonder how much. Does the average man know about women's history? So we went out to Hollywood Boulevard, where all the smartest people are lining up, and invited the men who walked by our studio to take a mini quiz about women's history.

Simple stuff, nothing too complicated, and that's how it was. women's history month so we want to know what women you know from history we will show you some photos and you tell us if you know this person's name so who is it? I don't know this one, oh she does, the Rockets. I don't know, I don't know yet, I don't know who it is, I don't know, it's a Biden, this is Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, oh no, this is Mia Khalifa, yes I know, uh, it's in the tip. about my language, what do you know about porn? uh she's like an OG I don't know Riley Reid who is this woman Rosa Park Lily Gladstone Diane warw Worth IIA Maria Melissa Joan Haw har Melissa jonart Kathy William and what does she do is um the vice president of um California said Teresa gai o and that it's n Lakes oh Lisa Vanderpump I love her who this woman is no idea I can't say pass I don't know I don't know n I'm not sure Marge Simpson Lois CH don I don't know Andra from oami Michelle Obama um no I don't know George Washington Daniels roast Laura Croft that's the girl who flew the first plane.

I don't know her name, but she's not nhart, but she's something from the heart, she's Amelia aart, yeah, why can I? t I think about this I've taken history before history classes have you taken Susan Parks just Sarah Palin she's an astronaut s Fields B sadder BL ya Abdullah oh come on that's the vice president you what's her name with surise stormy Daniels Nea Riley Reed shanet jamson happy women's history month everyone. I can't believe Robert Kennedy is considering that guy for vice president, it's unbelievable.